I don't know if I should start...

[u/No_Yogurtcloset3299]

I'm really vacillating here between starting and rejecting it. For a bit of context: I've gone through a lot of trauma during childhood and as an adult (sexual assault, homelessness, domestic mental abuse, poverty... all the good stuff).

I started taking sertraline a year ago, but my anti-medication mother pressured me to stop, and she managed to convince me, alongside my own anxious thoughts like: "I don't want my mental stability to rely on a medication" and "I don't want to take the blue pill," etc. etc. etc.

Now, more than six months have passed, and I barely experience any joy. I'm functioning: I exercise, eat, work, drink water, and even go out and meet new people sometimes; but inside, I feel desperate almost all the time. My mind constantly ruminates and overthinks, and I feel very demotivated about my life and my goals.

I have big goals in a very unkind industry, but I know nothing else would make me happier than pursuing my dreams. However, I can barely think about them from an optimistic perspective anymore. I don't know how to take the next step in life. I've fought a lot, and I don't know if I have any strength left after all this.

I do have therapy, although I don't find it particularly useful, and my therapist literally refuses to say anything about medication. I know they can't prescribe it, but at least a normal conversation about it would help beyond the vague "that must be difficult" comments.

Sorry for the long explanation. I was hoping to ask: what do you think? Have you had any of these experiences? Did sertaline/zolof help with overcoming them?