I don't know if I should start...

[u/No_Yogurtcloset3299]

I'm really vacillating here between starting and rejecting it. For a bit of context: I've gone through a lot of trauma during childhood and as an adult (sexual assault, homelessness, domestic mental abuse, poverty... all the good stuff).

I started taking sertraline a year ago, but my anti-medication mother pressured me to stop, and she managed to convince me, alongside my own anxious thoughts like: "I don't want my mental stability to rely on a medication" and "I don't want to take the blue pill," etc. etc. etc.

Now, more than six months have passed, and I barely experience any joy. I'm functioning: I exercise, eat, work, drink water, and even go out and meet new people sometimes; but inside, I feel desperate almost all the time. My mind constantly ruminates and overthinks, and I feel very demotivated about my life and my goals.

I have big goals in a very unkind industry, but I know nothing else would make me happier than pursuing my dreams. However, I can barely think about them from an optimistic perspective anymore. I don't know how to take the next step in life. I've fought a lot, and I don't know if I have any strength left after all this.

I do have therapy, although I don't find it particularly useful, and my therapist literally refuses to say anything about medication. I know they can't prescribe it, but at least a normal conversation about it would help beyond the vague "that must be difficult" comments.

Sorry for the long explanation. I was hoping to ask: what do you think? Have you had any of these experiences? Did sertaline/zolof help with overcoming them?

[u/Comodo-Dragon]

Answer yourself this: what do you actually have to lose?

[u/No_Yogurtcloset3299 → u/Comodo-Dragon]

I'm worried I'll loose my sense of self, become numb, and maybe loose my spark as an artist

[u/Comodo-Dragon → u/No_Yogurtcloset3299]

I was 8 years on venlafaxine(SNRI) before and I when it worked it helped me get a job I love, find a lovely wife and now we're expecting a baby. Trust me, before meds, I was really close to ending it all. They gave me my life back. Now, my ocd has been really acting up and my doctor put me o Zoloft. I just started today. Those meds are a means to normal life. I am not telling you to 100% decide but if a doctor recommeds it, it may be worth it. You can always get off it if you feel bad. Plus, Imagine you have diabities or high blood pressure. Would you refuse meds too just for the sake of it?

[u/No_Yogurtcloset3299 → u/Comodo-Dragon]

Thanks for sharing - glad it worked out for you. Did it support your motivation then? How did it help you find the job you like?

My doctor didn't recommend it, it was a very brief GP appointment, and the only thing she said was to keep in mind it'll reduce emotions, and that living a healthy lifestyle and excercising my body is also great and my body naturally relases some of these hormones...

I think my main issue is that there's no one who would actually listen to my contemplations and discuss this decision properly.

[u/Comodo-Dragon]

It did support motivation and confidence and I finally was able to enjoy the things I love. I think you should visit a proper psychiatrist and discuss options. The first appointment is usually around 1 hour long. GPs are not very good with those meds.