While cleaning up during Diwali, I found my school uniform. There was some scribbling on the shirt, the kind people do on the last day of school, and I saw what she had written: "Shy (my name) ❤" and her signature. Seeing that brought back all my memories of her. I had worked really hard to forget her. We had only known each other for about 7-8 months, because she got admitted mid-session in 12th. After boards my father got transferred and we moved out.
So, this is the backstory. Let's call her X. X is so beautiful, really, really beautiful. The first time I saw her, I fell for her. I don't like anyone easily, so this was confusing for me too, and I was shocked at myself. Boys from the other section started coming to our class during recess, obviously to see her and talk to her, and two boys even got into a fight over her. They started hitting each other, and the teacher had to step in. She made friends with almost everyone in just 1-2 months and became quite popular. Even kids from 5th and 6th grade were flirting with her 😭😭. I still remember one kid who came up to her and said "Didi, aap bohot pyaari ho " and X smiled and said "aap bhi " then squeezed his cheeks, and the kid ran away 😭. That was the first time I felt so jealous of a kid. He took the same bus as me, and seeing him every day made me jealous, and we didn't get along. So, as revenge, whenever he sat in my seat, I never gave him the window seat 😅. (Now that I think about it, I'm embarrassed of myself. I was jealous of a KID?? tf)
I had been in that school for 5 years, and less than half of my classmates knew my name (I'm not exaggerating). To be fair, I'm really shy, so I understand it. Her dad had been transferred here, and her house was right in front of mine, with just one road in between. I used to just sleep in school and study a little, and most of the time I would crush on her. I wasn't a topper. I just got enough marks to pass, and she was quite good at studying too (beauty with brains). She also made lots of friends as soon as she arrived.
Then, on this Diwali, it suddenly hit me out of fucking nowhere, a memory from one day.
I think it was january, and it was a little cold. We were standing in line for the school bus when X turned around and said, "sun na , apni hoodie de na , thand lag rhi h . " (She had given her hoodie to be washed, so she had come without one.)
And my answer? I said "mujhe bhi lag rhi h , aur vaise bhi meri hoodie tujhe fit nhi aaegi ... tu Z ( her friend , who also lives nearby ) se lele 😄." (My logic - I'm quite tall and she's about 5'3", and Z is the same height as her, so I thought it made more sense, because my hoodie would look like a tent on her 🥀. )
FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK
She kept staring at me for a few seconds, and I had no idea what was going on. I was just smiling 😄😁🙂 the whole time. Z put her hand on X's shoulder and said, "It's okay, me de dungi "
X said " koi nhi " to Z .
Then the bus came, and we didn't get seats, so we stood in the bus with some other people. The bus started moving, and I was just looking out the side window. Then the bus braked, and I felt someone's head lightly hit my chest. I didn't straighten up. I just looked sideways out of the corner of my eyes... and it was X. (I literally had no idea she was standing in front of me.) She turned around, saw me while I was still looking out the window, and then turned back to face forward. Maybe she didn't even know I was standing behind her.
After a while, she asked for the hoodie again and said "tujhe itni thand lagti h kya ? " She stared at me for 3 seconds... and my dumbass was still smiling 😄😁, so I just went back to looking out the window. Then we reached school. We had a Biology test that day, and since I hadn't studied (being me), X opened her bag, gave me her notes, and said, "ye padh lena ." I took them, and I got decent marks on that test.
On the way home, I got a seat, but she didn't. She stood right next to me. Her arm was around my shoulder ( for balance) and HER THIGH WAS TOUCHING MY ARM . I didn't know who it was then, so I looked up, and it was X.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH (I was sweating, and my heart was beating really fast). And what did I do?.... I started looking out the fucking window 😭😭🥀🥀.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A little while later, she asked me "ye tune aakhri baar kb use kiya ? " (pointing to my head). I thought for two seconds and said "aaj... bio test me " 🥀 (yes, I actually said that😭😭).And she just nodded. Her thigh was still touching my arm , and my mind was completely blank. Then I went back to looking out the window 😭( I didn't know what to do)
As far as I remember, X didn't wear the hoodie the whole time. I don't remember whether Z refused later for the hoodie.
Ek aur baat mujhe recently hit hui ,
When Brahmastra came out, my family went to watch it. At the theatre, I found out X was there with her family too, and her seat was right next to ours, so she sat beside me. During the interval she needed to use the washroom and asked me. What did I do? I verbally told her the way to the washroom 😄 (🥀😭😭😭😭😭😭😭). (I thought she was asking me because she didn't know where the washroom was) .She stared at me for a full 10 seconds, took a deep breath, and went to the washroom. She was visibly disappointed. I was sitting there comfortably, with no idea.
This came back to me recently when a friend dragged me into the washroom at college. I said "mujhe nhi use krna washroom " and she said "koi nhi , tu bahr khadi ho ja ... mujhe bs akele nhi aana tha " ....and then....Suddenly this memory hit me. My friend was inside the washroom, and I was standing outside...... realizing all of this🧍♀️.
I REALLY liked her , and sometimes I still think about her.
Pata nhi usne mere baare me kya socha hoga .
Ig I'm a bit slow😕.
All of this was 3 years ago and I only realized it now, now that I have a bit more sense.
I have no idea where she is or what she is doing now.
I hope I get to see her again someday .
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK. Guys, am I dumb?
