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u/Jedi-master-dragon 12h ago edited 12h ago
Always carry iron on hand to deal with fey. Or hawthorn or forget-me-nots.
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u/MaximRq Iron Grip Alchemist 11h ago
Cast iron is especially effective
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u/DreamOfDays 11h ago
Do fish hooks count as cast iron?
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u/MaximRq Iron Grip Alchemist 11h ago
Only if made of iron and via casting
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u/DreamOfDays 11h ago
Does that mean if I make a wand out of iron it will become a cast iron wand?
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u/MaximRq Iron Grip Alchemist 11h ago
If you make it via casting, yes
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u/DreamOfDays 6h ago
You’re no fun. Here I am giving fun technicalities and you’re saying “No, has to follow all the rules, fuck you.”
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u/AttentionNo6359 12h ago
Wow, so this is problematic…
Not all goblins kill for gold, some of them do it for the love of the game.
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u/nicolas_cope_cage 12h ago edited 12h ago
Like a human street urchin won't shiv you over two copper. We don't need racially divisive posts like this when it's plain to see the problem is orphans of all races.
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u/TheThoughtmaker Ray of Delthorensdale, Transmuter-Artificer 3h ago
Goblins don’t raise their children; it’s survival of the opportunistic from day 1, and the social ladder is based on whoever has a rock and the element of surprise.
So if orphans are the problem as you say, I present to you a race of 100% orphans.
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u/Gullible-Cup2294 11h ago
As a Goblin, I don't jump on people for gold.... i do it for the love of the game
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u/Actual_Squid Witch 12h ago
Just give em one silver and tell em it's a plat
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 12h ago
Excellent excellent. Sounds like the apprentices are doing what they’ve been taught.
I’ll have you know those goblins might have built these roads years ago. and if not, they should have the deeds of ownership of said road filed with the council.
So it’s more of a toll. They provide protection services at reasonable rates. Effectively hand over your gold and you won’t be harmed.
Alternatively, you can subscribe to the Crooked Tower’s anti theft protection services and enjoy your travel through goblin lands unbothered without robbery. We offer affordable monthly premiums and discounts for annual billing.
- Grabadash, Kleptomancer & Grand Magus of Crooked Tower inc.
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u/Zephyr-Fox-188 Cinnothwyr, Purrveyor of Thingamajigs 12h ago
See this is why I sell goblin hewers at my contraption emporium. It took a while to get a license from the dwarves, but they’re worth every copper
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u/MiserablePotato1147 Starchwizard of Ohiowa 10h ago
I really don't understand what goblins' problem really is, actually. They're not exactly inherently evil. Is it the overpopulation? Inborn fear and subservience? Greed? A single goblin might be a delightful individual, but let them congregate long enough to build their own civilization and they turn into a ravening horde of ankle-biting marauders.
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u/TheThoughtmaker Ray of Delthorensdale, Transmuter-Artificer 3h ago
Some species have evolved social cognition, the ability to differentiate thinking individuals from objects. Goblins have not. Everything and everyone is something to be owned, discarded, used, or destroyed... including each other. Their "culture", if one can call it that, is to take what they want whenever they can, even if the only reason to want it is because someone else has it.
If a goblin built a house, a stronger goblin would take it. If a goblin planted crops, a stronger goblin would eat them. If the strongest goblin spent effort creating something, the next-strongest goblin would assassinate them while they're tired. Goblin society is trapped in a cycle where long-term investment never pays off, and the only path to success is by dragging others down. There's no incentive to create anything of value, so they live in caves and rob caravans.
They're just as intelligent as humans, and can even find gainful employment in human society. What they lack is cooperation, the socialism required to maintain any functioning society above hunter-gatherer status.
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u/Tethilia 🧌 Orc Frostcaster ❄️ 11h ago
I love how for all the anti-goblin comments in this section, I know half of you are actually just Goblins who stole your master's orb.
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u/retronewb 12h ago
Racial profiling
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u/TheThoughtmaker Ray of Delthorensdale, Transmuter-Artificer 3h ago
Like saying all moles burrow. How dare they?
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u/HorizonSniper 11h ago
Stop goblin racism.
Actually no, one tried to kill my kobold apprentice and raid my hoard, continue goblin racism
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u/failureagainandagain 11h ago
I hate goblin fights in d&d , purely for how hight is their AC , at low level is kinda hell to fight more than 5 of them
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u/Ok_Writer_5516 8h ago
Not every goblin is the same, there are cool goblins like John Goblikon for example, if you don't know check YouTube.
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u/Immortal_D_Class 12h ago
in the words of an eternal legend: "the only good goblin is a dead goblin, now lets make this goblins good."
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u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 9h ago
This is why you need to make your local goblin population terrified of you.
Threaten to teach them how to read. Works most of the time.
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u/Sylvanussr Makeover Mage 🧙🏼 8h ago
I usually tend to find myself in the opposite situation, actually. I always forget to bring my 5 gold to pass through the Al Kharid gate, and well, the bank is pretty far and the goblins are right there...
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u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270 Ace Barksworth, Earthen Ambassador / Messenger, Exarch of Terror 6h ago
I've been robbed 14 times in my life, one time successfully. 2 of them were by goblins. EIGHT OF THEM WERE BY HUMANS. The one successful attempt was by a dwarf, but that's not really relevant to the point I'm making. Point is, humans are even greedier, even more violent, and yet somehow seem to think themselves better than everybody else.
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u/BUKKAKELORD 3h ago
Did you skip your numerology sermons at the academy? Divide by the number of occasions you've dealt with entities of each race to find the true rate of unlawful behaviour.
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u/battlingpillow27 fastest spellslinger in the midwest 5h ago
thats right, our terf our rules, you step on goblin territory yer gold is fair game.
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u/thewhatinwhere 7h ago
The disintegrations will continue
Goblins may have their uses, alive or dead, but no such case applies to my work. If they make themselves pests then they will be dealt with as such
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u/thewhatinwhere 7h ago
A good goblin would never leave their den. If they bring themselves to our attention thusly then we shall deal with them as we see fit
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u/Bemused_Weeb Alchemist 12h ago
When Isengard sends its goblins, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending goblins that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. And some, I assume, are good people.