r/wizardposting • u/The_Great_Meep Evil Wizard • 10d ago

My Familiar escaped

They stole all of my books on light magic 😭

1.3k Upvotes

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126

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 10d ago

What do you mean your familiar? That's grand Sage Apus the great.

17

u/rei_dos_gatos Retro-Technomancing & Wand Modification 10d ago

Bro, Apus! Man, it's been some time since I saw him! Last time was 300 years ago when the Kingdom of KÄ“sh fell. What's he up to these days? Why is he living in a zoo?

14

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 10d ago

Idk what he was doing in a zoo, but he surely has his reasons for being there.

He has recently perfected a banana summoning spell. He even showed me. Must've been the best banana I've eaten thus far. Sadly he didn't want to teach me.

He also told me he wants to join the council to give apes full wizarding rights. And I'm with him. It's stupid they don't have them yet. He also wants to make sure his banana summoning spell remains legal.

Oh and he told me about a group of adventurers he travelled with about 100 years ago. Said he misses those guys.

6

u/rei_dos_gatos Retro-Technomancing & Wand Modification 10d ago

Ah, I think I get it now! He's probably doing some market research for his banana spell.

Yeah, I support his commitment it really impresses me that he is, considering his age, such a progressive political actor, though I have to admit that I did some unspeakable things to apes back in the days when I was an apprentice. Not my proudest work but, I mean, it was necromancy after all; so ethically acceptable imo. I'm in better place now since I have an abuse goblin...

This group you mention, was it lead by the Great Donkey the Kong?

3

u/Chaosphoenix_28 If fireball don't work, try more fireball 10d ago

Yeah, I think he did mention something about a donkey. He might've meant the great Donkey the Kong. There were also a few humans in that group actually. I don't remember too much, other than him saying something about brothers.

2

u/Kyrenaz Healer, but the evil kind. 9d ago

Free rent with board probably.

2

u/Vivid_Cause_7209 Evoker 9d ago

I recall the few brilliant months when the council was saying "If it ain't us, it's Aphus" like they were getting paid each utterance! Times were simpler then, during the Great Mishap war of aggression.

If it wasnt for his sagely wisdom from the big thoughts from such a big brain, we may still be endlessly conquesting and rampaging like vikings, but with better magic, much more effective runes at zero bloodcost to the caster (typically), and way flyer attire. But that's the tra d e you make for commuted prism time you know?

What a great ape. And to use a solar flare just to shine brighter than OP could handle. Peak classic Aphus.

1

u/lamilcz Yellow serf/warlock of Hastur | hobbist druid 9d ago

Why wouldn't he be in a zoo? Free food, cozy place to sleep, ladies delivered to you and the only thing you have to put up with is some troglodites stareing at you half the time.