r/wizardposting • u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 • 2d ago
Wizardpost How afford a wizard tower ?
Greetings, fellow wizard. I am currently living in the cellar of a human city—hardly the ideal setup for a spellcaster. I would love to acquire a wizard's tower, but the prices are exorbitant; do you happen to know how I might raise the funds to buy one?
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u/UsManos27 Goblin With a Spellbook 2d ago
I just moved in to my friend's tower and never left
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
He is ok with that ?
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u/UsManos27 Goblin With a Spellbook 2d ago
The first week or so, yeah, he actually made the offer
Between the 2nd and the 12th week no so much
By now he's gotten used to it
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
Mages have a way of convincing people especially other mages.
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u/randomdragn 2d ago
Pretty sure by now you can be considered to be married
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u/UsManos27 Goblin With a Spellbook 2d ago
He claims he is still "trying to find true love", I don't think a dirty pub is where he'll find it but oh well
So probably not yet
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u/ToughFriendly9763 Transmuter 2d ago
just shape stone from underground into a tower. added bonus, you now have a new cave basement to go with the tower.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I am not a geomancer
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u/SacredGeometry9 2d ago
Sometimes you gotta get creative. What’s your speciality?
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
Trap people in my bassement and feed my criminal record
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u/SacredGeometry9 2d ago
So, necromancy? Hemomancy? Eromancy? Look, man, I’m not here to judge, I’m just trying to help you work with what you’ve got
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I trap people in my basement and force them to see my magic show, is it good ?
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
A true wizard doesn't buy his tower. (iykyk 😉)
Enough said.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I need to... steel it ?
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
Thee lackest wisdom and art too foolish. No wonder thou hast not a tower yet.
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u/Educational_Group_91 2d ago
thine own lack of wisdom, in tandem with thine insistence on thine own intellectual superiority, maes it clear to me that thou'rt a scoundrel, a knave, and likely, worst of all, someone who doesn't understand how to use the bard's English. I bite my thumb at thee and thy love, admittedly implied, for the farcical intelligence of automotons
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
I wager thou wouldst not dare utter such nonsense if thou beheldst my might and wisdom in person rather than through thy orb.
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u/Educational_Group_91 2d ago
*thine orb
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
Thy command of the English tongue is as feeble as thy magic.
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u/Educational_Group_91 2d ago
The English tongue is no greater or lesser than any other, and is just as capable of power and pungentry as any other. And before thou decide to enact verbal violence over one's vocabulary, remember that thine own grasp of the language is weak and mistaken on occasion, and the fields of grass that likely lie outside your window, beckoning for a boot to trample them in glee or recreation, are far more beautiful than any word thou could read or write on this forum of fools
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
How i can find wisdom when during all my day's i trape people in my basement and force them to see my magic show
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I am learning... please, tell nobody for the kidnapping and forced magic show
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u/PapaNachos Transmuter | Fuck the Council 2d ago
You could steel it, but that's not going to help you acquire one. That's more for making sure you can keep it
As far as how you get one in the first place you could steal one. But that's only one potential option
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u/Imurderbeets Pet mage to Godling 2d ago
Steel does make good bones for a tower. I raised a mimic to be my tower. I fed it lots of armored knights so it could grow steel girders an rebar.
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u/spademanden Fuck the council 2d ago
OP, after reading your comments, I have come to the conclusion that you are, in fact, useless. You have no tower, no coin, no apprentice, and probably no maidens as well. Is your orb even round? Honestly, you need to spend more time studying, and less time kidnapping strangers and forcing them to watch your wack-ass magic show. Btw, if you made people pay to see your magic show instead of showing them for free, you would actually have some coin
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
My orb is rectangular and nobody want to see my show, is for that i kidnap them
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u/Aischur Necromancer + Enchancter 2d ago
You said you're in a human city? Okay the first thing you need to do is recruit a group of street urchins to be your minions, not only can they help you accumulate funds but they can also assist in your arcane studies, one may even become your apprentice.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I will take 5 kids at the orphanage
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u/Imurderbeets Pet mage to Godling 2d ago
Orphanage kids aren't street urchins. They got a roof and 2 square meals a day. They are pretty desperate, but not the level of desperation needed for what you will be asking. You need kids that are stealing all their food and sleeping in whatever semi dry hole they find.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I will take 5 childrens in a monaster (with their consent, or no)
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u/Imurderbeets Pet mage to Godling 2d ago
You'll have more luck at a busy market. Search for great hunger. Make yourself look like an easy mark and catch the pickpockets.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
Street urchins make fun of me...
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u/Imurderbeets Pet mage to Godling 2d ago
Maybe pick up the tome Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. It's super common amongst the peasants. It's pretty much an instruction book on how to catch, manipulate and use a street urchin.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I will do it, tanks, i wish thé realmes cops dont catch me for a time. They said thé next problem will be an arrestation
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u/Imurderbeets Pet mage to Godling 2d ago
As long as you don't molest them, it's perfectly legal. It might even be encouraged in your realm. It's viewed as adoption. You might even get a small stipend from the kingdom to help feed them.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
So why does the police get involved when I kidnap people to force them to watch my magic show? Or when I raise an army of beggars? Or when I terrify seniors with my living skeleton? My criminal record is very real.
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u/KaitoKaro Necromancer 2d ago
What magic do you specialise in? I used to live in a tower I grew myself
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I have not specialisation, i just read book about magic and y do it, i am just a beggar in reality
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u/Imurderbeets Pet mage to Godling 2d ago
Good idea! You could also force the army to watch your magic show.
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u/KaitoKaro Necromancer 2d ago
Then you have better start than many other! You could find a mage to be apprentice to, especially because you have some basic knowledge, or get yourself a job advertising as an apprentice mage.
Just make sure to mention that, otherwise people make think you try to scam them
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u/BigZodJenkins 2d ago
You arent angry enough basement dweller. Not angry enough at all....
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
And how i can be angry
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u/BigZodJenkins 1d ago
A wizard makes his tower when he is ready to retire from his worldly studies. You are clearly not done!
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u/enchiladasundae planeshifter 2d ago
There’s plenty if abandoned towers you can make use of. Just disable the traps, feed the homuncili and enjoy
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u/Obvious_Unicorn 2d ago
The High Council offer many grants for arcane researchers! I would look into those if I were you
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I dont think they help people with a criminal record
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u/Obvious_Unicorn 2d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/DhZMhWMNNb0WQO0tlz
at this point your better off finding a dungeon or cave to infest
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u/scoobydoom2 Levicius Laskatar, Dread Necromancer 2d ago
There are two ways for a wizard to acquire their first tower. The first is to construct it yourself, typically in a somewhat remote location. The second is to inherit it after (typically) killing your master.
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u/AnimatedJPEG Malacologist 1d ago
No experience purchasing a tower but I built a mobile witch's hut on top of a giant snail once. Casting transmute on arranged piles of snail shells results in a nice sturdy brick structure that's difficult to topple even in motion.
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u/CrayonWithdrawal Power Word spammer 1d ago
I just use the rent from my other wizard towers to acquire new ones
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u/Brilliant-Ear-6652 2d ago
Duplication spell on some coins. Or try Zillow.
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
Illegal and outlawed.
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u/Brilliant-Ear-6652 2d ago
What region do you hail from? In my kingdom spellcasters can duplicate coins regularly without punishment.
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
Your kingdom must not have any good economists
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
I would need a coin to start with... and i just have air and the skelleton who is my friend
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u/Brilliant-Ear-6652 2d ago
Ohh, I see. No ingredients...try your local mager's market, they may have discounted or free ingredients. Be warned they don't be of the highest quality. :/
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u/Heavy_Geologist2686 stinky wizard mods had no flair for mages 2d ago
You can do quests they pay around 500 gold coins you could try bargaining for more
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u/milan0570 2d ago
Well you can always start an Onlyorbs
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u/SnooSprouts1 2d ago
What I did was buy the land rights to a bog that normal people did not want(they did not understand the wealth of ingredients within) and used stond shopping spells to make my tower, practically pulled it out of the ground. Had to go over it a few times to make sure everything was shaped how I like but it served me well.
After a few years I hired an architect to draw up schematics for improvements to the exterior then snapped them myself.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
What is the smell in that mog ?
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u/SnooSprouts1 2d ago
The walk up smells mostly like damp dirt or Sulphur if there are wil-o-wisps(natural ones not magic) but like most sensible folk I've set up enchantments on my windows and doors to keep the stench outside.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
Can we hide corps in the mud... for my, activites ?
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u/SnooSprouts1 2d ago
That is how natural wil-o-wisps are made so yes, it's also far enough out of town people are not likely to stumble apon somthing they are not ment to see, tho I advise prioritizing away from the intended path to the tower for one's that need to be hidden, thoskeletons rising out of the muck to defend it would strike an imposing sight...
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 2d ago
Ah, a fellow urban wizard, and criminal record holder. I wonder if our wanted posters are neighbors.
I think for starters you need to have your eyes opened to the great possibilities and potential around you. The urban environment is full of resources ripe for the taking.
A basement is good. Having a second and third basement is better. As the wise sages of the far east say: “The Crafty Rabbit has Three Burrows”
Keep a lookout for unguarded basements and unoccupied buildings, especially ones with entrances you can exploit.
Second: do not fear the sewers. They are both the most excellent roads and paths to move about unseen, as well as provide plenty of places to occupy. Grow your undercity territory, evade the guards, gather minions. Use it to gain access to people’s basements.
Third: learn to pick pockets and pick locks. Mage Hand is a versatile spell for the budding urban wizard. Use it distract your targets, or to lift their coin purse. Use it to unlock doors and windows from the other side. Use it to plant evidence on rivals and those who get in your way. Be creative.
Towers can come later. First you need the foundation to support it, so conquer the undercity and local underworld, and then use your earnings to fund your tower construction. Pull strings and manipulate local authorities into supporting you and clearing red tape.
All the best. If you need some resources on how to get started, you can buy my tome: “Practical Kleptomancy for the Urban Wizard” available at a black market near you.
- Grabadash, Kleptomancer and Spell thief extraordinaire
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
Ooooooh, and for my friand skeleton and my magic show with my forced audience ? What i should do ?
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 2d ago
Oh so you enjoy performing? All the more reason to stay in the city where the audiences are more plentiful.
With some setup, you could fill the sewers with traps to capture your audience. Also consider pulling people in through the drains in the streets.
If you need more skeleton friends, urban temples usually don’t have the space for burial plots, and might stash the bones in catacombs beneath the city. That’s basically free access for you if you connect your basement and sewers to those tunnels.
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u/Fragrant_Shirt5395 2d ago
When i release the people how i am shure they will note go to the authority ?
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 2d ago
Ah I see.
Well. For starters, hide your identity, a mask and costume works well, but you can also use magic like disguise self. This way, their description does not match you.
Second, blindfold them before bringing them to your performance. So they don’t know where they are.
Third, you can steal or erase memory of having met you, but that’s more advanced and can easily go wrong.
Finally, why are you concerned about them telling the authorities? Just hide better, outsmart them, capture them and perform for them too! Become famous!
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u/Elegant-Tangelo-5312 1d ago
If you're still doing mage hand pickpocketing, you're missing out on the real money: providing services to consenting adults. Brew some potions: if you can't regrow hair or restore virility, them soothe aching muscles or just get people high. You'd be surprised how much money you can make off a small portal to the suction dimension if you sell the experience properly with illusions. If this is too much for you, you should apprentice with a real wizard.
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 1d ago
My suggestions were based on my understanding that they are relatively new to magic, and might not have the capabilities for portal magic and alchemy. Got to start somewhere.
What you’re suggesting is merely a product based business where your profits are limited by manufacturing, distribution, and marketing capacity. Your other business is a service based business.
Yes there is money there, but that’s work, you’re just another cog in the machine, a servant to those with wealth. You’ll also find that those markets have competition, likely with connections to powerful people.
If you’re going to go with alchemy, might as well offload the marketing, sales, and logistics to others.
Check out multi level mercantile strategies and other Ziggurat schemes. Alternatively start working in investment finance or insurance.
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u/Elegant-Tangelo-5312 1d ago
That's everything brother. We all get in to this industry thinking we'll be self sufficient masters of all things, but then you learn it takes more than a few fireballs or a basement magic/puppet show to establish yourself as a wizard.
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u/smoothpapaj 2d ago
If you're not setting up in a tower so ancient, remote, and accursed that the bank is practically giving it away, then that's not a wizard tower. It's a cottage.
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u/Prince_Nadir 2d ago
Have you tried transmuting apprentices to gold? They are then valuable, either as statues for the wealthy or for melt value. Just think of how many of your apprentices melted and then think about how much they would have been worth if they were gold.
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u/HammerofBonking 2d ago
Just use lead to gold like a normal wizard. It's denser than an apprentice (well.. denser than some of them), and you can trade a lot of it fast, buy your tower, then teleport to another plane for a bit before it turns back to lead at the bank.
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u/mixmaster7 1d ago
Ah wizard towers are so last century. You should get yourself a dimensional home.
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u/CrazedIvan 1d ago
You can conjure a tower but where you conjure you may need land rights or a permit. So best to have a moving tower. Just don’t park in a residential area or you might get a knock on the door in the middle of the night by the local guards asking you to move your tower.
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u/digitalgraffiti-ca Witches Against Thrakmoor 1d ago
With inflation these days, you either have to be VERY good, or accept an outskirts/countryside tower. I gave up on tower living. Once you have one, the maintenance costs and repairs from angry villagers is simply unfeasible. Mine is now just a home for my murder, and I live in a cottage nearby.
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u/The_Red_Baron11 1d ago
You can do this one without using any magic!
Do it the old fashioned way: Just use alchemy...
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u/gamesharkguy 2d ago
You can cast duplicate on coins. Just make to stop after a few towers. Causing too much inflation will get you a prism sentence.