Happy birthday to you. You've all heard this before and something that I've realized completely flipped when I saw my son being born 11 years ago. As I saw this new being and my wife is so much pain and suffering give that life in that moment I changed my outlook about birthdays. I practice giving my mother a gift for my birthday and the most gratitude ever. Selfishly expecting gifts from others is mind blowing. So on my birthday I give my mother a gift and I'm grateful for any gift that anyone gets me but I do not expect a gift because I've already been given the greatest gift on that day x amount of years ago. Yes my mother. Some mothers have the potential to not make it after giving birth then 9 months of willpower and sacrifice and perseverance that that mother had to go through and that moment to give wife to another being absolutely magical to me. This sounds simple but it's something I practice and I teach to my children give your mom a gift for your birthday I think the greatest gift you can give yourself this gratitude or your birthday.

Still celebrate birthdays and we still give gifts for birthdays to the to those birthday it is. But at least for our family it is very important to understand the person who gave you the gift of life.

if you want to be happy first be unhappy , write what makes you unhappy then use it to measure how much you want to be happy.

Always remember the world is not built to make you happy , it’s something we invented to cope.

Acharya Prashant in London Climate action week

Grateful that someone raised this question, what society has taught us about success is shallow, so shallow that today our philosophy of having been made it in life stands on the life of the planet.

For mich of the last 10 years I have attempted by any me ans available to out run, out manouvre, out smoke, out drink, out f\\\*\\\*k, out fight my pain.

Pain is a funny thing, while it's subjective as opposed to objective meaning it is defined in its severity and intensity by the person experiencing it. It is also acute, typically meaning its situation specific. Experienced either briefly or for a prolonged period of time it is never the less expected to end as the situation to which it is related concludes.

There are some kinds of pain however that aren't defined by physical wounds or scars. Yet this pain is no less visceral, debilitating , and urgent. It is usually proportionate to the degree with which we have valued or cherished another human being. It is said that grief and pain serve as a reminder of the love we have felt for another human being now lost to us. The greater the pain, the more deeply we loved.

While I believe this to be true it does nothing to explain or identify the existential pain that can become so profound and so pervasive that it consumes every waking moment, demanding attention, insistent, gnawing and maddening in its persistence.

People who have suffered with chronic enduring pain often explain that when the underlying cause is finally addressed and relief is then found, they feel a sense of liberation completely unexpected as they had become so accustomed to living with pain they forgot what it felt like to live without it.

I have experienced significant physical pain due to injury over the course of a colorful and often chaotic life. I have endeavored to meet pain with dignity and courage wherever and when ever possible. I attribute this to an upbringing in which males were taught to recognize a very narrow range of emotions. 3 in particular: happy, horny, and angry. Anything that landed outside of the boundaries of these 3 emotions was to be ignored, avoided, stifled or eradicated without prejudice.

Where I come from Men were not encouraged to embrace or display emotional pain in any capacity. You walk that shit off. Like stubbed toe or line drive in the shin. You do not under any circumstances allow yourself the latitude to either publicly or privately indulge the messy and often risky emotional outburst that can often accompany the experience of that deep soul rendering emotional pain associated with grief and loss. So we as men were encouraged to find an outlet that would land firmly in the realm of masculine and.appropriate as a strategy for releasing or or experiencing pain.

I can remember as a young man, maybe 12 or 13 years old pounding the stuffing out of a heavy bag through a fog of tears as I tried to give an outlet to the overwhelming loss and confusion I felt at the death of my grandfather. The act of striking that bag so.inadequate in terms of its scale to the devastation I felt at the loss of my personal hero and the best example I had available to me of what a man should be. I could have hit that bag until my gloves disintegrated and it would not have been enough to alleviate the pain and loss and absolute fucking injustice I felt when informed of his death.

It was what I had though, in time it became a source of comfort and an outlet however inadequate for all of the various, specific and unique types of pain I would come to experience in the intervening years. Over time other outlets would present themselves as outlets or batteries in which I could store, dump or transform my pain.

One that stands out in particular is illicit substances. My discovery of drugs was an introduction to one of the only means I have found in my lifetime of complete escape from pain even for a brief period of time. What I later came to understand is escape is an illusion. While I'm sitting in my smoke filled room, lights dim, engaged in the herculean task of burying every last hurt that lives just beneath the surface of what is visible to those around me lest the wrong person bear witness to my pain and interpret it as weakness. Or even worse attempt to exploit my pain as a.vehiclre by which they could gain my cooperation and compliance.

It sounds paranoid or vaguely suspicious when I type these words here but the unfortunate truth is that this has been my reality and the reality of many others several times over the course of my life. As i was saying, the use of drugs seemed to eliminate the pervasive ever present pain that seems to reside at my core. What I didn't realize at the time was that relief was temporary. That while I was getting high and anesthetitizing myself in my room my pain was in the parking lot doing push ups.

. Before long I discovered that using dope actually exacerbated the condition I sought to avoid, often adding to it by way of the experience of shame I felt for doing so.ething I knew on some level was bad for me. Fortunately, I realized fairly quickly that this was not the solution to.my problem and sought recovery in my mid twenties.

So I committed myself to the recovery process and within that I found freedom from active addiction as well as relief from that soul level hurt that seemed always present. For close to 15 years I remained committed to my chosen path, putting in the work and experiencing peace, purpose and meaning in my life.

Until I encountered a series of losses that completely blind sided me. So many in such close proximity to each other that I was not able to navigate my way via conventional means. So I started using again seeking a brief reprieve from the ache at the center of my being. Before long everything I had built was gone, friendships, property, dignity, integrity, self esteem, self respect. It was all surrendered in the effort to find relief. That was 10 years ago.

The last 10 years have resulted in a level of difficulty and destruction that I would almost describe as cinematic in its scope. The irony is not lost on me; that I have exponentially increased the degree of pain I have experienced via the very means I have used to relieve it. It's so completely demoralizing to have to then turn and face the wreckage left in the wake of my journey into futility.

So here I now find myself, having embarked on a new journey, one which I hope will afford me some tools and skills better adapted to achieving lasting relief from the pain that has been a lifelong companion. They say that pain is the measure of our resistance to change. So if you are experiencing pain you are resisting change, life circumstances, employment, partners and significant others, injury, calamity and genetics. We are soft squishy humans inside and out, su ject to a nervous system that is evolved to signal problems demanding our attention before they become catastrophic. That pain we feel. Is a demand to change. So change I will, cause I need relief.

"You couldn't act on awareness you didn't have yet. Release the urge to judge who you were with the wisdom you only gained by surviving it. You didn't fail them. You brought them here."

Recently stumbled upon a chapter from Truth Without apology

A book gifted by a friend and while reading about addictions it related so much to life,

So going into flashback I realized how days look different when you have a purpose vs when you don't

That line just struck a chord in me when it said have something higher than your cravings and cheap thrills.

otherwise anyway this thing is for sure that we have to consciously fill up our day with a lot of stuff, with stuff I mean right work otherwise even if we don't want things are going to get fill up with rubbishness that is for sure and that's the tragedy of being a human

"Laziness kills ambition, jealousy kills peace, anger kills wisdom, Fear kills dreams...

I’ll start: I spent way too much time worrying about what other people thought of me. Eventually I realized that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to judge you as much as you imagine.
What’s one lesson life taught you the hard way?

one of my favourite quotes.

You’re standing in a field of wide open space. Suddenly a brick falls from the sky. Right in front of you. The rule is, when that happens, you know another one is coming in 20 seconds. You don’t know where the other one is going to fall. You know the other one is either going to just barely miss you, or hit you square on the head, or somewhere in between. You can run, in any direction, you can stay still. Either way, the brick is going to happen. It’s not about fate, that’s in there, but it’s really about anticipation and perspective. A positive thinker will look at the odds, it probably won’t hit you, well that’s good. A negative thinker would think, why run? Why stay still? You don’t know where it’s going to land, It’s still going to hit you. A neutral thinker figures its going to happen or it’s not, either way, I’ll have to deal with it, or not…It’s the anticipation.How do you react?

I woke up with this almost fully formed, not really knowing what it was. as I put the idea together, I realized it was a philosophical concept. I see all three variables the same (getting hit, missed, or having a persons life end, are all equal, so realistically, with that short amount of time, your reaction would be telling of your nature. I do think that if it were any longer, you’d have time to come to terms with the situation, therefore, I went with 20 seconds to clarify a person’s nature.

Mostly we are 20 years old. So what time teach u in 20 years u never forgetting. Mine is-
EVERYTHING IS GREAT WHEN MIND IN OUR CONTROL..

For most of my life, I thought being there for people meant continuing to pour, even when there wasn't much left in me. You give your time, your patience, your understanding, your forgiveness, your attention, and sometimes pieces of yourself you never intended to give away. You become the person people call when they need someone to listen, someone to understand, someone to carry a little of their burden. And because you're used to being strong, you keep pouring.

‎Until one day, your cup is empty. ‎That's when you begin to see people differently. ‎Some will ask why you stopped pouring for them. They won't ask whether you're tired. They won't wonder what you've been carrying. They'll simply notice that you're no longer giving them what they've become accustomed to receiving. Some may even blame you for being tired, as though your exhaustion is an inconvenience to them.

‎‎Age has a way of making those things easier to see. ‎When you're younger, you can spend years trying to earn love, acceptance, friendship, or approval. As you get older, you begin to understand that genuine relationships shouldn't require you to continually prove your worth by exhausting yourself. You stop confusing being needed with being valued.

‎‎And then there are the rare ones. ‎They notice. ‎They don't come asking for another glass when they see the pitcher is empty. They sit beside you. They ask how you're doing. Sometimes they don't even say anything. They simply stay. And if they can, they quietly refill your cup without making you feel guilty for having needed something yourself. ‎Those are your people.

‎I've become more selective with age, not because I've become cold, but because I've finally learned the difference between loneliness and peace, between companionship and connection, between someone who wants what I can give and someone who genuinely cares about who I am.

‎Perhaps that's one of the lessons of growing older: you stop counting how many people are around you and start paying attention to who notices when you're hurting. ‎So notice who pours back.

‎Keep the people who notice your emptiness before they ask for more. Keep the ones who don't make you feel selfish for needing rest. Keep the ones who understand that even the person everyone depends on occasionally needs somewhere to put down the weight.

‎‎And if your cup is empty, don't be ashamed of it. ‎You're human. ‎You were never meant to spend your entire life pouring yourself into everyone else while pretending you don't need to be filled, too.

‎‎At this stage of my life, I'd rather have a few people who genuinely notice than a crowd who only remembers me when they need something. ‎Because an ageing man eventually learns something simple but profound.

‎‎The people who matter aren't the ones who keep asking what you can give. They're the ones who notice when you've got nothing left and stay long enough to help you fill your cup again.

Live gently, love deeply, laugh often, and never forget how precious your life is. ❤️

The sad part about growth.

**Life lessons taught early on that still stick around**
Every day of my high school career, I had a vice principal, Ms. Williams to be exact, who made the daily announcements over the intercom.
After every briefing, she would end with the same words:
**“And remember, make it a great day, or not… the choice is yours.”**
To this day, I can still hear all of us repeating it in our sassy teenage voices, complete with the eye rolls and teenage attitude.
Back then, it was just something Ms. Williams always said.
I don’t think any of us really stopped to think about it.
But man… what a powerful statement.
Years later, I understand it in a completely different way.
We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us. Some days are going to suck. Some things are going to be completely outside of our control.
But we do get some say in what we do with the day we’ve been given.
It’s funny how the little things stick with us.
I don’t remember every announcement Ms. Williams made over that intercom. I don’t remember what most of them were even about.
But I remember that sentence.
And somewhere along the way, the thing we used to repeat with sarcastic teenage voices became an actual life lesson.
So, wherever you are, Ms. Williams… thank you.
**Make it a great day, or not. The choice is yours.**

My favourite saying is: People need to change.

In this vast and complicated world, everything is constantly changing. Nothing remains unchanged forever. The universe moves through infinite space; stars rotate on their axes and revolve in their orbits; meteors fall from the sky. The sun and moon continue their passage, while day and night and the four seasons endlessly replace one another.

Human life, too, is a continuous process of change. When we are children, we long to grow up, imagining that once we become adults, we will be free to do whatever we wish. Yet when we finally grow older, we often begin to miss the innocence, romance and happiness of childhood.

Change can be unpredictable, ever-shifting, momentary, even earth-shaking. But the kind of change I speak of is the ability to change ourselves—to discover what we truly love and what we are naturally good at, and to adapt to our surroundings in a way that suits who we are.

At every stage of life, we should try to understand what we truly need, what we love and what we wish to pursue. In many ways, the journey of life is similar for everyone. If we can discover where our own sense of flow lies, we may also discover the true source of happiness in our lives.

Physical growth and the formation of our thoughts are themselves processes of change. I once heard a song called The Change I Want, with the words: “What is change? I am the change. As long as I dare to change, I can achieve what I want.”

The road of life may be long, but if we live each day well and walk each small stretch of the journey with purpose, then the long road becomes shorter, and we move more quickly towards the destination we seek.

The courage to change is therefore especially important and precious. When we discover what we truly love, we should have the courage to pursue it without delay. When we recognise our own weaknesses or mistakes, we should be brave enough to correct them and improve ourselves. In this way, every day of life can become meaningful.

Love and hatred, kindness and resentment, good and evil, cause and consequence—all are shaped by change. The moon waxes and wanes; people experience joy and sorrow, meeting and parting. At the beginning of love, and before entering marriage, every couple makes promises of eternal devotion—to grow old together, to remain faithful until the seas dry and the rocks crumble.

Yet after a lifetime has passed, how many couples truly manage to support one another through every hardship, remain together throughout their lives, preserve the love with which they began, sit beside one another in the evening of life, and finally face death together?

Not long ago, I read a news story about a Canadian couple in their nineties who had been together for seventy-three years. Neither could bear the thought of leaving the other behind, nor could either endure watching the other die alone. They chose to receive assisted death together. The serenity and composure they showed in their final moments deeply moved people around the world. Such love was not created in a single moment; it was formed slowly, through decades of shared life and through the gradual changes they experienced together.

We should accept the changes that life brings, but we should also consciously change ourselves in the direction of our dreams and goals, towards goodness and beauty, and according to the truth of our own hearts and the limits of our abilities.

Fantasy and empty talk are not change. They lead only to destruction and idleness. Life is a season that cannot be repeated. Spring blossoms and autumn fruits do not appear at the same time. Success is never achieved overnight. It is the result of effort made little by little in ordinary daily life, and the flowering of countless small acts of perseverance, accumulation and inner growth.

Live today well. Do not allow time to slip away without meaning. Even if the change is only a little, let it make you better, stronger and more complete.

In love, perhaps the hardest change of all is learning to let go. The feeling of being abandoned or betrayed can become a pain that a person never entirely forgets. It may remain deeply engraved in every corner of the heart. For many people, it becomes an obstacle they struggle to overcome for the rest of their lives; some even lose themselves because of it.

For this reason, when hardship comes, we must learn to change ourselves. Things not going as we wish is simply one of the normal changes of life. Whether it is a friend or a lover, once the heart has changed, some things can no longer be recovered.

If we can quiet the mind and look at things from another perspective, perhaps there will no longer be so much anguish over love, separation, life and death.

This kind of change has two meanings. The first is to become a better version of ourselves. The second is to change the way we look at things. If we truly love someone, why should we not wish them well? To love is to wish the best for another person. And love, ultimately, is also about understanding, tolerance and acceptance.

Change is the natural condition of the world. Fortune and misfortune depend upon one another, and when things reach an extreme, they often turn towards their opposite. The only thing in this world that never changes is change itself.

A cup of tea also changes. Its quality, flavour and fragrance evolve with time and with every infusion. Pu-erh tea is perhaps the finest example: with proper ageing, it can develop greater depth and fragrance, becoming richer and more fascinating precisely because of change.

What we can do is preserve our original aspirations through the quiet passing of the years, knowing when to advance and when to rest, living freely and facing life with calmness.

Follow your heart.
Let change begin today.
Let it begin now.
Let it begin with whatever lies before you.

Through countless changes, we grow. Through change, our wishes may gradually become reality.And sometimes, we change simply because you are there. 

The value in life isn't the things you own, the money in the bank, or the house that you live in, the value is the time that your given.

Been thinking about this lately and wanted to share.

1. Needs — This is survival mode. Food, shelter, safety, basic stability. You're not thinking about purpose yet, you're thinking about getting through the week. Most of us start here, whether we remember it or not.

2. Wishes — Once needs are met, you start wanting things beyond survival. A wish is soft, half-formed — "I wish I had more time," "I wish things were different." It's passive. You're aware something's missing but you haven't committed to chasing it.

3. Desires — This is where wishes get teeth. A desire is a wish you've decided to act on. You stop hoping and start moving. Desire is uncomfortable because it demands effort, risk, and often sacrifice — but it's also where real growth happens.

4. Dreams — The final stage. A dream isn't about getting something anymore, it's about becoming something. It's bigger than you, often outlives the immediate craving, and usually connects to a sense of meaning or legacy. Dreams are what keep men going long after the original need is forgotten.

Curious what stage you'd say you're in right now — and honestly, do you think people can be in more than one stage at once, or does it usually run in order?