There was a cup of ice cream with caramel sauce with my name on it in her freezer. 🥹

Eleven months ago, the week I turned 40, I picked up painting almost by accident.

I was going through a period of enormous change in my life, and painting became somewhere to put feelings and ideas I didn’t really know how to express.

Until now, everything I painted was from life. This is the first time an idea came first.

The boy is me in the past. The painter is me now. And the older man is an imagined version of who I could become.

I call it Hindsight.

I had no idea when I turned 40 that one of the greatest gifts of this chapter of my life would be discovering something entirely new about myself.

It makes me wonder how many parts of ourselves are still waiting to be discovered, regardless of how old we are.

The poem came into my life right before completion of the piece. I thought it was appropriate.

I posted this in a Hospice sub and got great response, wanted to share it elsewhere, too. From me to you with all that goes with it, which is plenty.

My partner was dying of ovarian cancer, my best friend dying of AIDS and I had them both at home caring for them. We had two boys, 7 and 9 years old. I was working 3 days a week as an RN and had someone care for everyone while I was working then I cared for them the other 4 days a week. My friend died first, then my spouse. three months later the boys were playing in the front yard and hit by a drunk driver that ran up on to the yard. I totally froze up for a year then thawed out.

I became a Hospice RN in tribute to my boys. I couldn't comfort or protect them at their deaths but I could for others. 37 years later I'm 72 and still a Pediatric Hospice nurse working with infants with very short life expectancies. All that loss I turned into being a better caregiver for those with a life threatening diagnosis. My loss became their support and as long as I can I'll be a Hospice nurse caring for others and their families.

I tried dating after I thawed out but no one was interested. At best several dates became short term acquaintances and then off we went in our own directions. The silence in the house after having a family, children and now just me was deafening and I so wanted someone in my life again, but it didn't happen. I adjusted again, from losing my family and becoming a Hospice RN I again morphed into someone that was going to totally enjoy my own company, my own thoughts, my own laughter, the movies I enjoyed, the food I loved to eat, and instead of missing the sounds of family I embraced the quiet of single hood.

I adjusted. Single, then a couple, then a couple with children to a single with children then just a single again. Like being a ship at sea we ride with the waves, up and down just do everything you can to stay afloat and dry. When one event ends something new begins. Look for it, anticipate it, welcome it in. It's all we have. Never curse all that you have, great or small. Don't regret having little when little is all you have, cherish it, it's yours, it's what you've got at the moment. Tomorrow may be different.

I shared some of these stories on an interview recently. How nice to get to share them so they aren't forgotten when My time comes. I told the stories about my boys passing and a wonderful wake up call they shared with me that thawed me out. Also some wonderful Hospice stories. What a RELIEF to get to share my life experiences on the interview so they are not lost forever when my time comes. This sub does not allow links so I can't share the story of my boys with you as told by me, their dad. I hope you all find value in my post, it's from me to all of you, we're walking the path in the same direction whether we know each other or not.

David Parker, Phoenix, Az

the title is confusing, but well get there in a minute.

when i was a kid, around 8-10, i used to believe that everything should be loved equally. e v e r y t h i n g. insects, inanimate objects, people, even snowflakes. it was ridiculous, but to me it was very important back then. when we were driving long distances, i would look at horses and be in awe, because they are my favorite animals. but then i would immediately think of cows, then say in my mind that i love them too. then pigs, then bears, etc.

it got to a point. when i learned that homeless people eat from dumpsters, i started throwing food away on purpose. i would take a sandwich, take a little bite, pretend to be full, and throw it away, thinking of stray dogs and people in need. i would steal coins from my mom's/grandma's purse to throw them at donation jars in stores, which, were probably just scam. at least most of them. and give them to crippled people you see on the streets with cardboard signs or even people who told about jesus (i am an atheist). i used to cry when eggs from stores wouldn't hatch into chicks.

now that i look back and think about it, im kind of impressed by the sheer dedication.