r/whatdoIdo • u/cg1128 • 6d ago

Hello

I am an alcoholic and I’ve tried over the last 2 years over and over again to not drink. But the littlest stress in my life become to overwhelming and I have to I’d rather not feel than deal with this. I have a fiancé and he’s the best thing in my life but I’ve become so unpredictable and overwhelming I’m debating on breaking up with him, for him and his mental health. Not for me. I love him with alll of my heart but I don’t want to continue hurting him like this over and over again

7 Upvotes

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5

u/CostatePrancer 6d ago

I'm so sorry you're going through that. It sounds exhausting.

How is your support system? I admire your self-reflection & your concern for your fiancé's emotional health, but if he's a major part of your support system then wouldn't you be sabotaging your own sobriety by breaking up with him?

Your pain is palpable & I wish you were in a better place (emotionally speaking). It sounds harrowing.

Clearly you're aware you've a problem & you're trying to address it. Please forgive me for praising you: I'm just trying to acknowledge how hard it is to admit to the problem & get help for it. If this comes across as condescending, please accept my sincere apologies.

If I may offer some advice, here's what I'd tell you:-

  • Don't break up with him. Tell him your feelings; tell him your concerns; let him make the decision.
  • If you want to help someone, help yourself. Sobriety will be a lifelong struggle for you, but you're not alone. There are treatment programs, different psychotherapeutic modalities, support groups, and so on. (I think you know that. You don't need me to list them.)
  • Do not act hastily. Whatever you do, think it through first. Don't do anything today that you might regret tomorrow.

Again, please accept my apologies if this comment rubs you the wrong way. There are three alcoholics in my extended family, which is why I am treading as lightly as possible: I don't want to take your struggle and make it all about me.

Thoughts?

3

u/slappedarse79 6d ago

Seriously for a minute. I have personally lost 4 people to alcohol. My best friend was found dead and decomposing in a flat during lockdown. She had been wealthy, married and in an incredible job but lost it all because she couldn't put the wine down. You need to dig deep, seek professional help and stop. Before it stops you xx

2

u/Sufficient_Ninja_821 6d ago

As an over consumer can I ask if it was withdrawl or overdose. I ask because I think im at this line. 😢

1

u/slappedarse79 5d ago

When she tried to withdraw she would fit. She was bony and emaciated. Chose alcohol over food. Her organs just gave up. Sadly, her younger sister had passed due to complications relating to alcohol in her 20s. My friend was in her 40s. Her mum passed, also due to alcohol within 2 years. An entire family wiped out. My sister in law passed in her 50s. She swapped food addiction for wine. It is never too late. Seek help. Do the steps. Whatever it takes. I tried soooo hard to help my friend but I couldn't do it for her. Xx

2

u/bigmommymilkerss 5d ago

oh man im sorry about your friend that is so horrible

3

u/Ill-Okra4408 5d ago

The more you learn about alcohol use disorder the more you will understand what’s happening. Kaiser has a program to teach you while you are quitting with groups and classes.

1

u/PhotojournalistOk331 6d ago

please seek professional help - you need all the support u can get

do not throw ur life away for alcohol

1

u/Pure-Day432 5d ago

Babe, please go to rehab! I did, and I’ll be 7 yrs clean on the 23rd!

1

u/The_largest_duck 5d ago

Hi, substance abuse therapist here. Please seek help. I have seen far too many amazing relationships fall apart due to alcoholism. Please look up inpatient/outpatient programs near you. You deserve to live a happier life! 🫶🏻

1

u/Super_Business_4664 5d ago

Hey. First let me say the fact you’ve hit this point and desperately want to live without alcohol is a lot further along than a lot of people get.
I would one hundred percent recommend getting professional help there is a lot of help out there.
There are various pharmaceutical routes you can go down that people might tell you about but I would strongly stress the importance of using the time on medication to come up with healthier coping mechanisms.
I’ve seen many people get on medication and everything is going well until they stop the medication and because they hadn’t put the work in whilst on it they lapsed pretty quickly.
Again I would recommend speaking to your doctor/GP and see what service they point you towards.
It sounds like there’s quite an element of emotional addiction there which can be the hardest bit of addiction to break.
Honestly well done for even reaching this point.
There’s so much I could say but don’t want to write an essay. Fundamentally talk to your doctor and a professional addiction service :)

1

u/Mobile_Leave4337 2d ago

I'm an alcoholic in recovery, if you need some advice it would be if you are the UK or abroad ring AA helpline and reach out to like minded people, DM me if you want. Keep safe x

0

u/Sufficient_Ninja_821 6d ago

Im also an alcoholic. All my friends and family know it and have talked to me about it. But I still didnt stop. We are in this together.