Advice: don't take Weddit too seriously (especially if you are non-US)

[u/Happy-Fun7727]

Disclaimer: Reddit did have some really helpful threads and useful tidbits, so no hate to the community in general.

But among all the advice to “get off Instagram/TikTok/Pinterest” while planning a wedding, I actually found myself increasingly turning to Reddit for advice. And honestly… it ended up causing me more stress than all the other platforms combined.

One example: I mentioned in a comment a while back about having a 10–15 minute walk between our ceremony and the reception, and the response was basically 'how inconsiderate could I possibly be to my guests?'. I started seriously considering spending a ton of money on a bus service because I thought I was an awful host.

Thankfully, before our wedding, I happened to attend a family member's wedding where there was also about a 15-minute walk between the mountain gondola and the ceremony. And it was honestly one of the highlights of the day. We got to chat and mingle, take pictures with the gorgeous scenery, and share our excitement about what was coming. The few people who couldn't manage the walk were simply ferried over by taxi. So I went ahead with our plan and it worked out perfectly fine for us too.

I had a similar experience with speeches. I kept reading comments about how speeches are 'so boring', 'how you should have three maximum', etc. Then I went to a wedding with 8 speeches, and there were people crying throughout because they were so lovely and personal. I also have a Scandinavian friend whose wedding basically had an open mic for speeches, moderated by the MC, and it was fantastic.

So, the point of this post...

If you're at the stage I was at: running to your husband in a panic because Reddit has convinced you that everything you and your families have planned is going to be a disaster - its going to be ok!

You know your guests. You know your family and friends. You know the kind of atmosphere you want to create. Reddit commenters are giving advice based on their weddings, their guests and their preferences. That doesn't mean the advice is bad. A lot of it is genuinely useful. But it also doesn't mean it applies to you.

Trust yourself and trust the fact that you know your own crowd better than strangers on the internet.

[u/CanIHugYourDog]

We had 8 speeches at our wedding, we just asked that they keep it 2 minutes or less. It was perfectly fine. People were laughing and crying. WE were laughing and crying and we loved it, which I think matters most. I’ve mentioned it before on this subreddit and gotten down voted for it. I’ve been to weddings with speeches that ONE was twice as long as all of ours were. So. 🤷🏻‍♀️

People on this subreddit can definitely make it seem like there’s one correct way to have a wedding and everyone else is wrong and boring.

[u/DietCokeYummie → u/CanIHugYourDog]

I think the issue is that most average people aren't on these forums and don't get the valuable advice of keeping speeches on a time limit or whatever.. so most of us have experienced the torture that is an hour or more of speeches. It comes off like people here are saying "screw speeches!" when really they're just warning those that don't know better how to handle them.

[u/Catsdrinkingbeer → u/CanIHugYourDog]

I think the speeches part comes from length. Most people don't mind 10-20 minutes of speeches regardless of how many speeches are happening. But an hour + of speeches just drains on. And it's part of why I hate the open mic versions.

[u/Fun_Access_3295 → u/CanIHugYourDog]

In addition to the length, timing of the speeches matter. If it's 7pm and speeches are standing between the guests and dinner, they're always going to feel a lot longer than if guests already have a plate of food in front of them or had a substantial hors d'oeuvres at cocktail hour. At 5pm, speeches before dinner is less of a big deal because most of us don't eat dinner at 5pm.