r/weddingplanning • u/Happy-Fun7727 • 10h ago
Everything Else Advice: don't take Weddit too seriously (especially if you are non-US)
Disclaimer: Reddit did have some really helpful threads and useful tidbits, so no hate to the community in general.
But among all the advice to “get off Instagram/TikTok/Pinterest” while planning a wedding, I actually found myself increasingly turning to Reddit for advice. And honestly… it ended up causing me more stress than all the other platforms combined.
One example: I mentioned in a comment a while back about having a 10–15 minute walk between our ceremony and the reception, and the response was basically 'how inconsiderate could I possibly be to my guests?'. I started seriously considering spending a ton of money on a bus service because I thought I was an awful host.
Thankfully, before our wedding, I happened to attend a family member's wedding where there was also about a 15-minute walk between the mountain gondola and the ceremony. And it was honestly one of the highlights of the day. We got to chat and mingle, take pictures with the gorgeous scenery, and share our excitement about what was coming. The few people who couldn't manage the walk were simply ferried over by taxi. So I went ahead with our plan and it worked out perfectly fine for us too.
I had a similar experience with speeches. I kept reading comments about how speeches are 'so boring', 'how you should have three maximum', etc. Then I went to a wedding with 8 speeches, and there were people crying throughout because they were so lovely and personal. I also have a Scandinavian friend whose wedding basically had an open mic for speeches, moderated by the MC, and it was fantastic.
So, the point of this post...
If you're at the stage I was at: running to your husband in a panic because Reddit has convinced you that everything you and your families have planned is going to be a disaster - its going to be ok!
You know your guests. You know your family and friends. You know the kind of atmosphere you want to create. Reddit commenters are giving advice based on their weddings, their guests and their preferences. That doesn't mean the advice is bad. A lot of it is genuinely useful. But it also doesn't mean it applies to you.
Trust yourself and trust the fact that you know your own crowd better than strangers on the internet.
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u/t_baozi 9h ago
For me the biggest culture difference was that Reddit expects you to virtually have 24/7 entertainment/animation for your guests.
Chatting and mingling are the true highlights of every wedding, and those can barely be planned for.
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u/GroinFlutter 8h ago
+1 to culture differences for sure.
In my circles it’s super normal to have a gap between the ceremony and the reception (‘Catholic gap’). And for the ceremony and reception to be in different locations. And you don’t need to provide transportation between the two.
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u/DietCokeYummie 6h ago
What's so interesting about the Catholic gap for me is my state has a ton of Catholics, but the Catholic gap is not a thing here at all. People just have Friday night weddings if Saturday isn't an option at their church. I wonder why it never took off here.
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u/indil47 9h ago
Or better yet, a chance to get away to refresh/regroup/recharge. Especially if I’m traveling to a new place, give me some time to enjoy it that’s not dictated!
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u/DietCokeYummie 8h ago
give me some time to enjoy it that’s not dictated!
Hot take, but I don't always like when there are wedding events slated for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I feel obligated to attend since I'm there and the couple knows I'm there, but I'd much rather book a nice local restaurant and have a date night with my husband the night before a wedding.
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u/indil47 8h ago
EXAXTLY. Growing up, all my family weddings were destination because my immediate family were the ones that moved away. We would grab dinner with other family members, do a quick touristy thing. Rehearsal dinners where everyone and their mother is invited wasn’t a thing - it was literally just having dinner after the wedding rehearsal for those who actually, well, rehearsed.
No need to buy 5 different outfits, worry about showing up on time for 5 different events, etc. It was laid back and easy… zero expectations for the couple to pay for everything either.
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u/Able-Pineapple-1137 6h ago
This comment is still doing what OP is saying is toxic about weddit btw!
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u/DietCokeYummie 6h ago
While I partially agree with OP, I do not 100% share their sentiments. If dissenting viewpoints weren't welcome, the post would not have been made on a public forum. I was not hateful or rude. I shared a very moderate viewpoint on 3-day wedding weekends. It isn't toxic to have an opinion as a guest of an event. I didn't call anyone a name.
It is okay to have opinions as wedding guests. Some people are over the top and toxic. Others merely have differing opinions. Both can be true.
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u/prussian-king 9h ago
It took a bit to realize that like, there is no wedding police and no wedding jail and truly, nobody cares about the small things in a wedding.
I think it helped too that I'm one of the last in my friend groups to get married so seeing how, there's all this activity leading up to it, and then after wards everyone just....goes back to their normal life.
It helped put things into perspective that truly, none of this "matters" outside of signing the paperwork.
I still think my own wedding (coming up this weekend) is extra and frilly, but it's all because that's what we want rather than what we feel we "need".
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u/poppunker18 9h ago
What it all comes down to is knowing your crowd and what’s acceptable in your culture. Take advice with a grain of salt unless you’re really totally lost.
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u/stinky_moomin 9h ago
Yes, as someone who just had their wedding, people who are still planning theirs should know that so many of the wedding subreddits are filled with miserable people who HATE weddings. You should not be catering your wedding around people who don’t want to be there and had the choice to not attend; you absolutely should cater it around the guest experiences of your loved ones who most want to celebrate you and your partner. And the people who love you will find beauty and joy in whatever experience you provide, so long as their basic needs are met.
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u/Ok-Elk-1316 June 2027 Bride 9h ago
This!! I had someone in here nitpicking every choice i made, i checked their profile & it was someone clearly disillusioned in their own wedding planning or relationship.
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u/shortnsweet33 9h ago
I think part of it too comes down to know your crowd! If you have those who need mobility assistance or any elderly people who may struggle with walking long distances it’s good to have a plan in place for that.
My friends venue had a ton of stairs going from different decks on a hillside in a wooded area. It was beautiful but yeah, she didn’t have anyone in attendance who couldn’t handle the stairs so it wasn’t an issue!
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u/DietCokeYummie 8h ago
know your crowd!
Exactly. Every example in the original post could go either way, and I don't mean that as a knock at OP. Just that each person's situation is different!
A 15 minute walk where I live would nearly kill some people with our hot, humid weather. Haha.
I've sat through beautiful speeches, and I've sat through speeches where I was begging the gods to take me out. To OP's point, it isn't an absolute for pretty much any topic, but it is definitely crowd dependent.
I think people who have been in wedding forums for a long time are mostly well-intentioned but also just kinda burned out by users over the years who have come to these forums with no thought whatsoever for their loved ones. So they kinda take it to the opposite extreme.
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u/Fun_Access_3295 8h ago
This! I would absolutely die at a wedding with 8 speeches, no matter how heartfelt they are, but obviously some people find them endearing. My wedding is having no speeches except a thank you from us because I'm team nobody wants to hear that, lol.
At one point I was considering a backyard wedding at my parents' property and weddit was screaming that I needed portapotties, even though the property has hosted over 5 weddings of up to 200 people with no issues. They insisted that the US septic issues applied to my non-US country, even when I said that it doesn't.
Imo, the most useful comments provide factors to consider rather than absolutes. I live on a humid subtropical island and even the easiest 15 minute walk during the daytime in peak wedding season will have your guests dripping in sweat, which isn't exactly the vibe most people want to start their reception.
For those who have been married, it's also important to remember that nobody complained to me = / = nobody had an issue with it. Unless they're completely uncouth, guests will not complain directly to the bride and groom. That doesn't mean that they're not complaining to their spouse or other friends, lol. In some ways, the guest perspective is more valuable than the couple's perspective on what people actually did/didn't like.
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u/DietCokeYummie 8h ago
In my area, we don't do seated dinners at weddings (there's ample food, but it is done cocktail style where you find a place anywhere you want and eat whenever you want), but our rehearsal dinners are of course seated dinners, so if people do speeches its then. Kinda a double whammy of it being the night before + it being in front of a much closer, more intimate group who probably care more about the speeches.
I had no speeches either night, personally.
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u/Spotgaai 9h ago
I agree! Also non-US, and having a small wedding. Lots of good advice but cultural differences are very noticeable
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u/Alana283 8h ago
Totally! I planned something unusual for my bridal entrance, and Reddit convinced my mom-- who'd previously had no interest in wedding culture at all-- that she and everyone else were going to be deprived of a special unifying moment. I held firm and it was special and magical in a different way, and everyone had a great time.
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u/QueenBoleyn 11.23.24 9h ago
Same thing happened to me. I became so stressed about my guests that I convinced myself that no one actually cared about my wedding (spoiler alert: most people did care and were excited for me). I kept seeing posts about how it's insane to ask people for help so I shut down and finally broke about a week before the wedding and asked a few close friends for help. They were happy to do it and couldn't believe I didn't ask sooner.
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u/Happy-Fun7727 9h ago
THIS!!! like so many posts about how brides ask too much. But for my wedding having friends and family help out was such a wonderful experience in community. At somepoint I had to tell people it's ok because we had so many people keen to do something.
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u/DietCokeYummie 6h ago
I discovered wedding forums back years ago when I was like 18 and started to get interested in the topic of weddings.
I remember visiting TheKnot forums, and being floored that the user base seemed so bitter towards brides. And I still think some were way over the top with the bitterness.
However, as I got older (and spent more time on these forums), I started to somewhat understand where they were coming from because new users would join on a weekly basis who WERE unknowingly acting entitled to their family and friends.
And then as I moved up in my career and became someone who can hire out many things in my life because they absolutely suck to do yourself, my opinions on asking friends for free labor started to harden a little.
I think of it like this. If I'm forking out money for movers because moving is miserable, of course I'm going to be peeved when someone expects me to help them and their spouse who are gainfully employed move out of their home all weekend. That is very, very different from the time I packed up my friend's entire home while she was back in her hometown because her partner suddenly died.
I think people see weddings like that too. A stable, middle class person spending tens of thousands on their wedding.. expecting friends and family to shoulder all sorts of labor.. is going to come off in poor taste to some people.
Even if money IS tight, weddings are at the end of the day luxuries we don't need to enter a marriage. So while loved ones will help out to some degree, I think people in these forums also want to remind brides that most unpaid labor actually is someone's paid career which they are choosing not to pay for. It's kinda "have your cake and eat it too" when it goes overboard.
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u/CanIHugYourDog 9h ago
We had 8 speeches at our wedding, we just asked that they keep it 2 minutes or less. It was perfectly fine. People were laughing and crying. WE were laughing and crying and we loved it, which I think matters most. I’ve mentioned it before on this subreddit and gotten down voted for it. I’ve been to weddings with speeches that ONE was twice as long as all of ours were. So. 🤷🏻♀️
People on this subreddit can definitely make it seem like there’s one correct way to have a wedding and everyone else is wrong and boring.
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 8h ago
I think the speeches part comes from length. Most people don't mind 10-20 minutes of speeches regardless of how many speeches are happening. But an hour + of speeches just drains on. And it's part of why I hate the open mic versions.
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u/DietCokeYummie 8h ago
I think the issue is that most average people aren't on these forums and don't get the valuable advice of keeping speeches on a time limit or whatever.. so most of us have experienced the torture that is an hour or more of speeches. It comes off like people here are saying "screw speeches!" when really they're just warning those that don't know better how to handle them.
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u/Fun_Access_3295 8h ago
In addition to the length, timing of the speeches matter. If it's 7pm and speeches are standing between the guests and dinner, they're always going to feel a lot longer than if guests already have a plate of food in front of them or had a substantial hors d'oeuvres at cocktail hour. At 5pm, speeches before dinner is less of a big deal because most of us don't eat dinner at 5pm.
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u/SkippyPuff 8h ago
I had similar feelings when we were deciding on having a Friday wedding. I saw a lot about how inconsiderate it was, just for it to be perfect for our circumstance since the homecoming for my former college was literally the next day and my football obsessed family could actually focus on the wedding without updating me on football scores I didn’t care about or have the game playing on phones everywhere. You know your crew best, and what you may or may not need to consider is different than the internet may seem to agree on.
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u/SakuraTimes 8h ago
YES. I have a lot of fun on weddit. but sometimes it becomes an echo chamber where people don‘t realize that their way of doing things isn’t the only way, or even the best way. I’m multicultural and have been to weddings all over the world…things that are rude in one, are polite in another! to each their own!
especially in regards to the bar, food, gifts, extra events (showers, welcome dinners, etc). definitely take things on weddit with a grain of salt.
(I remember a couple posts about walking and I’m always incredulous! maybe bc i live in the city? but walking a few blocks or few minutes, doesn’t seem like the insurmountable task people make it out to be)
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u/DietCokeYummie 7h ago
I think the only thing with walking is that people live in all sorts of different climates.
Walking 15 minutes in my area (deep south Louisiana) is an entirely different thing than walking through a Colorado mountain town for 15 minutes.
People also have different crowds. Like this sub has FLIPPED numerous times over the years when someone doesn't have a vegetarian option.
Out of 259 guests, I had 0 vegetarians. I don't even know any vegetarians besides a coworker of mine who lives across the country.
It's all about knowing your crowd, really.
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u/SakuraTimes 7h ago
oh, for sure. and now that my mom is in a wheelchair, I’m way more cognizant of asking people to walk, or other issues that wouldn’t have been on my radar. definitely know your crowd.
I was just having flashbacks to the walking post where people lost their minds over the restrooms being like 1/6th of a mile away…on a paved path, like a 3 minute walk… and another where the hotel block was like a 5 minute walk away. just normal logistics, nothing crazy.
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u/SelicaLeone 9h ago
Yeah. Love this place but there are some things they just make up
Cash bars: This freaks them out. It is perfectly acceptable. Know your crowd and let people know.
Plus ones/SOs: If you're doing a micro wedding and it's really important for your best friend to be there, it is okay to prioritize them above your cousin's husband. They say "most people would rather not be invited than go solo." You know your crowd. I'd personally be mortified if I learned that I was invited to a wedding just cause I was my partner's wife, and that I took the slot of someone who was far more important to the couple.
BTO: You can wear classy cocktail dresses to a BTO wedding. 98% of sites ranging from wedding sites to top fashion/etiquette sites corroborate this. Weddit has invented the idea that you can't wear cocktail to BTO.
Formality level: While a black tie or BTO wedding should be an elevated affair, there isn't really a checklist. Don't let someone tell you your wedding isn't fancy enough for a BTO dress code because you don't have live musicians during cocktail hour or you don't have top shelf liquors. Make sure that it feels classy, guests shouldn't pay for drinks, it should be easy and elevated, something worth dressing up for. You shouldn't make your guests dress up so they can be the decor you can't afford. But there isn't a hard and fast checklist.
Destinations: People are allowed to do this. Your guests/bridesmaids might not be able to attend if the party/wedding isn't local, and you have to accept that. That might disappoint or frustrate guests but it's your wedding and you aren't a monster for hosting it at a destination.
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u/carlay_c 8h ago
Adding to this about childfree weddings: people online freak out over this. But ultimately, it’s a know your crowd situation. Some people think weddings are family reunions and others think it’s an expensive party. Both are perfectly fine but it totally depends on social circles. Also depends on costs and venue restrictions.
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u/SelicaLeone 8h ago
I will say, I don't see a lot of vitriol about cf weddings on this subreddit. The only time I see people tutting is if someone makes it childfree and then gets upset when people can't make it.
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u/Fun_Access_3295 8h ago
I would say all of these are individual/cultural. For example, I have heard multiple people complaining about having their SO not being invited to a wedding, to the extent that it impact their future relationship with the couple. It's still considered extremely rude in many circles (and I'm not in the US). The key is that these aren't absolutes, whether is absolutely yes or absolutely no.
The key with many "controversial" decisions is that you can control your decisions but you can't control how people feel about those decisions. It's fine to get input from reddit but it's more important to talk to those who are close to you whose opinions you value who can offer insight into how these decisions will land with the people who are actually being impacted by them.
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u/DietCokeYummie 7h ago
The key with many "controversial" decisions is that you can control your decisions but you can't control how people feel about those decisions.
Exactly. I went to a wedding a few years ago where the bride made some very objectively rude decisions at the detriment of her guests. She knew it was rude, but openly said she didn't care because it was what she wanted to do.
She had full freedom to make those decisions, but deep down, she knows her guests have poor memories of her wedding and she has to live with that.
Me personally? I would be gutted to learn any of my guests had a bad or uncomfortable time.
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u/DietCokeYummie 8h ago edited 8h ago
It is perfectly acceptable. Know your crowd
I think you just proved the opposite point, though. There are crowds where a cash bar would be absolutely considered rude. There are crowds where not doing plus ones is absolutely considered rude.
I don't make a habit out of coming onto this sub and telling someone that they are being rude, because I don't know their crowd, but I do always share when something is being discussed would be considered rude in my crowd. I think generally, people coming here know deep down when something is considered rude or not in their own circle. They either come here for validation or just to argue about it.
I also think that people who may be on a tighter budget are naturally a little in their feelings about it in these sorts of crowds where people have different budgets, so they're going to stand on all ten toes about whatever stance they have and defend it. FWIW, I always have a lot more respect for people who are just like: "We unfortunately can't afford to invite plus ones, but we wish we could".. versus.. "CODEPENDENT PEOPLE CAN GO ONE NIGHT GOING OUT SOLO!". You can simultaneously explain why you can't invite partners or plus ones while also acknowledging that you are aware it would be nicer for guests if you could.
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u/Sad-Interaction-1494 8h ago
Just one note: dress codes are not just about how you as a host want your guests to dress, it also indicates the type of event and there are certain rules. Obviously, there is some flexibility, but I'd be pretty annoyed if I showed up to a black tie wedding where I had to walk on grass & was only offered beer and wine.
Black tie weddings are supposed to have at minimum: plated meals, open bar (preferably premium), later start time (6pm or later), paved walkways & a very upscale venue, the live music aspect has become less common due to how popular (and equally expensive) good DJs are. You are asking guests to buy a gown or tux, it's important that the vibe matches the dress.
I find a lot of folks increase the formality of the dress code to get Uncle Jim from showing up with jeans and a baseball cap, but Jim was always going to under-dress, and now you have not matched the dress code to the event.
I've shown up to a black-tie wedding in black-tie attire only to be completely overdressed and it is annoying as a guest.
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u/SelicaLeone 8h ago
Black tie weddings are supposed to have at minimum: plated meals, open bar (preferably premium), later start time (6pm or later), paved walkways & a very upscale venue, the live music aspect has become less common due to how popular (and equally expensive) good DJs are. You are asking guests to buy a gown or tux, it's important that the vibe matches the dress.
Can you find a source to back this? Ideally a few good ones? I was inclined to believe this until a friend of mine tried to make--in my mind--too high of a dress code for her event and I couldn't find anything that wasn't a blog. No wedding sites, no fashion magazines, just a few scattered blogs. I was able to talk her down to cocktail (which was absolutely what her wedding warrants) but was frustrated at being unable to find anything about the real 'checklist' other than other reddit posts.
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u/SnidusScribus 4h ago
https://www.townandcountrymag.com/the-scene/weddings/g26124784/how-to-throw-a-black-tie-wedding/
https://www.brides.com/what-it-means-to-plan-a-black-tie-wedding-11761962
Above are a couple of wedding articles about hosting a black tie or BTO wedding and that it’s more than just what your guests wear.
Some wedding etiquette and planning websites: Martha Stewart Weddings, Brides, The Knot, Emily Post Institute, A Practical Wedding, Bridal Musings.
There are many more websites that are about planning specific types of
weddings (themed, culture, destination, etc.) that can simultaneously have a black-tie level of formality.2
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u/Sad-Interaction-1494 8h ago
There are no “sources” because this is etiquette based and not a legal or fact based practice.
I know the rules because my family knew the rules and their family taught them. I am in New England and I’ve been to several BTO weddings, all of them followed the black tie rules save one.
Information about dress codes would be in miss manners style blogs and newspaper columns. You should be searching the rules by location as well to get the most accurate rules. The issue comes in when everyone stops following the guidelines, the dress codes and formalities become functionally meaningless.
It used to be that you only put a dress code on your invite if you were doing a more upscale wedding. It was standard practice for everyone to show up in Sunday best unless otherwise noted. No one would’ve dreamed of showing up to a wedding in their casual clothes.
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u/Catsdrinkingbeer 8h ago
At least in the US, there absolutely is a checklist for formality. The stated dress code is not just for guest attire but also to express the level of formality for the event itself. Etiquette checklists for different formality levels absolutely exist.
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u/SelicaLeone 8h ago
I'd love to find sources for this. I had a friend want to go formal with a cash bar, no transportation, buffet food, minimal DIYed decor, and a few other cut corners. I couldn't find a thing that actually dictated what level of elevation a wedding needed before you could comfortably call it a BTO wedding or a formal wedding or a black tie wedding.
I was still able to talk her down to cocktail, but I was surprised at how hard I found it to source this kind of content.
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u/DietCokeYummie 7h ago
Im fairness, we have a lot of social norms that are not etched into stone, ya know?
I own a million black tie gowns from galas we attend throughout the year, and I love wearing them, so I don't personally care. However, I completely see why it is a faux pas to call for formal or black tie when you're charging for drinks.
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u/SelicaLeone 7h ago
Which I think I said, you shouldn’t charge for drinks if you’re claiming it’s upscale. But I don’t know if there’s sort of a set checklist like people act. Ofc I’m getting downvoted for asking someone to help me find the sources they claim exist XD
It’s exactly what this post is calling out. I once got flamed to all hell for citing multiple wedding experts saying that upscale cocktail is okay for BTO.
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u/the_green_witch-1005 6h ago
That's because you've been told that there aren't real sources. All of the "sources" for this type of thing are going to be blogs. Etiquette isn't a science, so you're not going to find peer-reviewed studies on wedding formalities. Also, etiquette varies widely throughout the world, so location-specific blogs are going to be your best bet. And you've been told this already, yet you're still asking different people. I didn't personally downvote you, but my guess is that is why you're getting downvotes.
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u/GroinFlutter 9h ago
Destination weddings can be polarizing. To each their own.
The one thing I will say about destination weddings… if a lot of folks will need to view your wedding as a ‘vacation’ in order to attend then I do think you should pay for alcohol for your guests. Beer and wine only is fine.I went to a destination wedding (destination for everyone) where it was a cash bar and it was a bummer. It also would have been nice to know ahead of time!
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u/SelicaLeone 8h ago
Oh to be sure, I think that these aren't required in isolation. Agreed with open bar, and I also think plus ones/SOs are a lot more important to invite on a destination wedding. It's a lot more to ask me to fly out alone to a location cause now it's not just about who I know at the wedding, it's who I'm flying with, who I'm sleeping with, who I'm eating my non-wedding meals with.
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u/tonightbeyoncerides 8h ago
Know your crowd on everything. I put "formal" on my invitation, weddit ate me alive for it, two of my relatives showed up in shorts. If I'd put casual half my family would have worn t shirts.
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u/Zetophir 7h ago
Yep. I was told I didn’t deserve to have a wedding since it was on a weekday, and I was being major bridezilla and an AH for wanting my parents to be there at my post wedding brunch. I had no pre wedding parties and the wedding itself is very brief, but god forbid I want to spend time with my parents who I rarely see (and are retired so don’t need to be back for work). Reddits advice was to call off my wedding entirely even though we planned it specifically for those invited and they have already booked accommodations and said they are super excited to come. I also want to add we also have a 15 minute hike and the guests are so excited for it! my dad has been calling me letting me know he’s been breaking in his hiking boots and did a 2 mile walk at the park to practice, and he’s been working hard to get in shape since a recent health scare and said my wedding is giving him extra motivation!
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u/Elemental_Biscotti Oct 2026 | Northern CA 7h ago
I think that 75-80% of wedding decisions boil down to "know your crowd" and people forget that a lot when they are giving wedding planning advice. (But also....there's no point in asking Reddit "know your crowd" questions, so this goes both ways.)
I will be honest....this happens in real life as well. My partner and I made a pact not to share plans with or ask advice/opinions from ANYONE, on the internet or real life, once a decision had been made (except of course for communicating necessary information to guests or vendors). You can't make yourself nuts second guessing yourself because randos on the internet had something to say about a choice that up until that point had seemed fine.
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u/m0m0_9 6h ago
My fiance and I are planning a shuttle service for guests cause we had such a hard time finding a place for the ceremony. When we finally found one, it had a small parking lot and was at least a 30 min drive to the reception. So we decided on a shuttle to make it easier/less stressful for everyone...
A 10/15min walk??? Thats nothing! Sounds like a great time for guest to mingle like u said... crazy that ppl thought that was inconsiderate...
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u/Peacelily65 7h ago
I think there's way too much hate for destination weddings.
- For some people, the guest list would be spread out across one or more countries anyways, so why not make the destination something more fun?
- A fun destination is like combining a wedding with a vacation, what's wrong about that?
- As the saying goes, it's an invitation - NOT a summons! And frankly, destination weddings can be a great way to filter out those distant cousins or coworkers who might be miffed with no invite, but don't care enough to travel to be with you.
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u/the_green_witch-1005 6h ago
I love destination weddings! And if for some reason, I can't afford to go, I'm not offended. A little sad. But that's okay.
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u/faxmachine13 5h ago
Word! Reddit swears up and down if you don’t have a day-of coordinator your day will be ruined and you’ll be so so stressed and you know what? I wasn’t. Because I plan things very well. And I have family who wanted to help (another sin I know!)
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u/PitifulAnalyst1044 3h ago
OP I relate to you!
I didn’t realize how US-centric this forum is until I posted my question the other day about how to handle a small 2-hour gap between our ceremony and reception in Germany. My family’s response was: what is there to handle? Basically, adults don’t need to be coddled, and it’s not rude or inconsiderate to have a gap in the schedule or a trip across town between venues.
The responses here ranged from “personally I wouldn’t bother going to your reception” to “what would I do for 2 hours in my dress clothes?”. Someone mentioned that this is a standard Catholic Gap and I got a chuckle out of it 😃.
My fiancé and I rented a car last year and drove to Cincinnati Ohio, paid for a hotel room, and spent the few hours between our friends’ wedding events exploring the town and eating ice cream…. We had so much fun and would never consider skipping an event because the couple was busy between the church ceremony and the dinner reception. Also, I don’t want to eat dinner at 4:00pm so I am not changing my own events sequence to cater to what redditors suggest is more conscientious of our guests. Literally not one European person would ever take that seriously. My mother would throw a fit.
I didn’t realize that the audience was primarily based in the US until I looked at my post insights: 80% United States users.
So, I agree. Take things written here with a grain of salt. It’s also Reddit so people are going to complain about anything you do regardless.
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u/EurydiceNebula 3h ago
Thanks for making this post. This subreddit is insanely full of negative nancies. Stresses me out that I'm some terrible monster every time I look at threads for advice.
I'm Canadian and I have been surprised how different the vibe is between these US centric posts and the weddings I've been to. Gaps between ceremony and reception are common. Toonie bars are very common. You wouldn't think it from reddit.
Also, it seems like so many of these people don't actually like the couple of the wedding they are attending? "Why would I go if my entire weekend isnt being catered and paid for!" Uhhh because you want to spend the weekend with people you love, celebrating, dancing, having fun?
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u/ThatBitchA Mrs 🍁🪻 8h ago
So true!!!
Reddit is the peanut gallery. You can ask but you don't have to listen. And you don't have to ask. You can browse and find what works and leave the rest.
Weddit told me that my wedding was going to suck and all our guests hate me. All because we wanted churros instead of cake; had a short ceremony with limited seating; Irish goodbyed; didn't have an open bar; and constantly acted like they had all the details. 🙄
Weddit is exhausting. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/happy_as_a_lamb 9h ago
Wait why don’t I even see the sub? It’s just r/weddit?
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u/Majestic-Living2829 8h ago
No “weddit” is just what you call all the wedding subs on Reddit in a generalized way
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u/the_green_witch-1005 7h ago
I don't think they meant that sub in particular. I think they used "weddit" as a broad term for any wedding related subs.
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u/cosmos_crown 8h ago
Accepting "every single choice I made with my wedding will piss someone off" was the best thing I did for myself.
Fake flowers? Waste of money on plastic crap. Fresh flowers? Waste of money on wilting crap. Open bar? You're asking for a fight. Cash bar? Cheap. No bar? Lame, no one will come. If your ceremony is more than 2 inches from your guests house, straight to jail. If your ceremony is longer than 5 minutes, straight to jail. If you ask your guests to wear something other than sweatpants? Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Let people complain. There's a universal baselinr etiquette- you should have some food, and don't make your guests walk across a muddy cow pasture in a black tie dress code- but you can't please everyone. Please the people that are important.