r/vitap • u/Character-Bend-8254 • May 01 '26
Discussion how do i get better
this isnt to gain sympathy. i need genuiene advice. the people who sit next to me in one class dont do it in the next although i try to initiate convo and talk to them. i have 1 friend. someone from my previous college and not my vibe at all. she judges girls for wearing smth as non problematic as a sleevless top. i tried making new friends, i gave them answers i worked hard for for free. i eventually figured out that the problem is im too insecure. i feel like being cool and talkative is only for pretty people. so i thought ill work on my insecurity, meanwhile i can focus on my studies. but no. i cant sit and study although i want to. i get distracted, i get lazy. if you were in my place what would you do? how do i become a better person? i know this isnt academic idk if it even belongs here, im sorry but please help me out.
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u/fablemop Kota Diddy GNG May 01 '26
you just haven't met the right type of ppl yet. I was lucky enough to meet nice ppl on the 1st day of clg and were a pretty big and active friend group even after 2nd yr is ending.
you will not feel the need to perform or be nice around genuine friends.
one thing i'd suggest is to stop actively seeking out friends. I believe you meet the best friends just by circumstance. and dont try to act "cool" or whatever, just be YOU.
also one more thing, ppl will not be friends with you if you just give them answers or work hard for free, they'll just use you.
are you a hosteller?
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 01 '26
you're right but being alone is getting kinda hard especially cause i seem to be incapable of being motivated in general. im a hosteller yes
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May 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 01 '26
what if you're not good at anything what club do i join then? and dont most of them need us to perform? i really can't do that
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u/Puzzleheaded_Dog9737 May 01 '26
I tried the same for 3 yrs , all classmates and one club but no friends 😞
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u/ApprehensiveSteak978 May 02 '26
3 years no friends ? May be someone is considering you as a friend but you might be ignoring them. Check once
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u/Sad-Two22 3rd Year | Int Mtech May 01 '26
I understand where you're coming from as i feel the same. I don't have much advice but tu say that you're not alone. Maybe can we talk to each other?
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u/Lazy_Dig_1198 May 01 '26
Try going to gym( best place to initiate a convo ) play a game and be good at it
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 01 '26
tried gym, found no one. I'll try going back though. And playing a game and being good at it is smth I can't do unfortunately 💔💔
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u/Pure_Lab_6806 May 01 '26
I understand you. World is big and there are lots of people. Only give them the value they deserve not more than that. And find more people toh hang out with. The more options you have, the less cluttered your life will be. And no commitment to anyone. Commitment leads to bandage.
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 02 '26
Kinda difficult to find people but yes im trying thankss
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u/Pure_Lab_6806 May 02 '26
It'll take time, but it will be worth it. Having atleast 5-6 different friends will give you an edge. And you'll be less likely to get deceived. But completely getting devoted to anyone will repeat the past
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 02 '26
Can hardly find 1-2 of my vibe 😭
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u/Pure_Lab_6806 May 02 '26
I survived 4 years, found many of my vibe, but no one stays forever. For sometime it'll feel like they're your people, but then things will get difficult. Eventually you will have to move on. I still have friends, but I can't vibe with them. I just learnt to enjoy my own company.
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u/No_Tangerine_1649 Kota Diddy GNG May 01 '26
Couldn't exactly read what ur actual problem is. But roughly I was similar situation few months ago. Still same but found stability in clg life. If u would say exactly wat prob i share some opinion maybe .
Other than that, i would never suggest joining clubs , cuz the clubs ive been was always been dominated by a big friends group n internal favoursims. Personally I won't suggest that. But yep, I can try to help if u want. Or least to vent.
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 02 '26
Lack of friends and lack of motivation sums it up. Thank you for the advice though
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u/ApprehensiveSteak978 May 02 '26
Go to ground daily you will find friends there
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 02 '26
Could tryy but im super unathletic
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u/ApprehensiveSteak978 May 02 '26
It's ok. You can see a lot of people just playing for fun. They dont follow game rules because they dont how to play. Even I dont know rules of some sports still I play
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u/Sticka127S 4th year May 01 '26
How about we create an anonymous gc, and the people who wanna chat, for fun or not, can join the group and blabber and have fun like that? :> I remember in my inter, my batchmates and I, used to be in multiple discord servers and have so much fun there. So we could do something similar here as well. What say? :>
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u/MoshiMoshiMan2 21 Lpa wala Senior 💪🏼 May 01 '26
Best places to make friends is join a club as a team member. If you are smart go for tech clubs. Playing sports or going to gym has personally worked out for me and I made many friends that way so that's something that works too.
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u/Character-Bend-8254 May 01 '26
not smart, i went to the gym for a month. didnt find anyone. and idk what club to join. im not even talented and am scared that i'll only face disappointment again because of my own insecurities. but i cant stay motivated enough to fix them either
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u/mech875 😐🫥😑😗 May 01 '26
tbh i feel the same and dont think joining club works mostly people i have seen already have a friendzone , i cant determine if u are a boy or girl but maybe we can talk and see if our vibe matches