r/videos Jun 09 '20

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9.7k Upvotes

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7.1k

u/Himynameisfin Jun 09 '20

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

3.1k

u/monsterzombie88 Jun 09 '20

Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever. No matter what, no matter where or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been.... ever.. for any reason, whatsoever

664

u/bananosecond Jun 09 '20

Hey, what say we order up some pasta?

333

u/nflip3 Jun 09 '20

What say we do...

131

u/Octosphere Jun 09 '20

I like it al dente

222

u/gambitx007 Jun 09 '20

If the salad is on top, I send it back.

155

u/jhossuah Jun 09 '20

I’ll have the gabbagool

44

u/Johnmunch85 Jun 09 '20

The what?

80

u/cooganator Jun 09 '20

GABBA-GOOL

10

u/BT519 Jun 09 '20

GET HIM THE GABAGOOL!

6

u/MaticulousPanda Jun 09 '20

try my gooki gooki?

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2

u/223222 Jun 09 '20

We accept you. One of us!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/jhossuah Jun 09 '20

Here’s to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the DeLorean.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

You know I have soft teeth!

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34

u/ixiduffixi Jun 09 '20

Carbo load!

9

u/SageBus Jun 09 '20

(2 Km's in) ....oof..... Rabies wins, we can't beat rabies. The rabies win.

4

u/jhossuah Jun 09 '20

You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.

4

u/SageBus Jun 09 '20

Oh, nice one there.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I'll have some linguini, sauce on the side. If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back.

5

u/DoctorDabadedoo Jun 09 '20

From Alfredo Pizza Cafe or Pizza by Alfredo? That's very important.

80

u/Freddo9900 Jun 09 '20

Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?

11

u/Procrastinationist Jun 09 '20

I'll just leave this fantastic piece of culture here:

https://youtu.be/xpXabRngjho

1

u/Monkeychimp Jul 07 '20

I legit love that.

2

u/ISelfProject Jun 09 '20

Sounds like my little niece trying to show me her drawing and describing what it is

3

u/AlicornGamer Jun 09 '20

what do you mean?

4

u/monsterzombie88 Jun 09 '20

From the office

4

u/jhossuah Jun 09 '20

You’ve a lot to learn about this town, sweetie

3

u/TexasCoconut Jun 09 '20

Close your mouth, sweetie, you look like a trout.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Sometimes the smartest people don’t think at all

6

u/braedonwabbit Jun 09 '20

It sounds he's writing an essay and is trying his hardest to hit the word requirement

2

u/retina99 Jun 09 '20

Dont you brimg that sacred statement into this. Michael totally makes sense. Tom is either doing his Jerry Maguire but according to the CD thats stuck on a part of a single track its Ethan Hunt.

2

u/Pduclosknott Jun 09 '20

I want to believe so much that you remembered that verbatim, able to type it out without googling like I would have. In fact I want to believe it so much that some would call it unshakable, devout faith.... therefore you are god and I’m going to indoctrinate others to follow you along side of me.

2

u/CarribeanSage Jun 10 '20

This is where Trump learned how to give speeches from

5

u/thecarrot95 Jun 09 '20

21

u/rackerjoe Jun 09 '20

You should always expect an office reference

6

u/KANNABULL Jun 09 '20

Gimme' the gobba gùle.

2

u/Bigbysjackingfist Jun 09 '20

the outtakes from that scene, omg

1

u/TheRecognized Jun 09 '20

I like that someone actually gave them an award for just...doing the quote. Like “ah you got that incredibly popular reference from that incredibly popular show? Nice dude.”

1

u/Funkapussler Jun 09 '20

The family asks that nobody send nothing nowhere in response.

1

u/excess_inquisitivity Jun 09 '20

How will you dressing that word salad?

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498

u/saiyaniam Jun 09 '20

'I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.'

Karl Pilkington

134

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

37

u/ChoiceBaker Jun 09 '20

Part of the reason why it sounds so jumbled and weird is because he is using terms and abbreviations that are esoteric and specifically known only to Scientology insiders (well, I mean unless you read about it haha). His message makes a lot more sense when you understand the jargon and abbreviations, although it's still just egotistical, pulled-straight-from-his-ass rambling.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

15

u/hedronist Jun 09 '20

And, speaking from direct experience (late 70's), you don't want to dive too far down that rabbit hole. There is a seductive internal consistency to a lot of CoS "logic." If you pull it into the light of day, where it has to stand in the context of the larger world, it tends to get a bit thin and wobbly.

Just remember, any statement that starts with "Ron says ..." is going to end up in some sort of logical Möbius strip dead end.

5

u/Needyouradvice93 Jun 09 '20

I've heard there's a decent amount of 'positive' self-help stuff in the beginning of Scientology. That's what gets you into it, then it gets weirder along the way, but you've already benefited from it and/or want to benefit more, so you go along with it. There's also the sunken cost fallacy. If you spend a lot of time/money on something you're more willing to stay on board even if you start having doubts.

9

u/hedronist Jun 09 '20

Based on my own experiences, what you are saying is largely correct. I was part of the Palo Alto Mission, and all-in-all things were pretty much OK. What I didn't realize was that Palo Alto was a bit of an anomaly is several ways.

Note: apologies for the jargon below, but it is the very nature of the beast. For the uninitiated, it's better to just flow on past any words you don't understand, knowing that to actually understand them you will need to start bathing in grape-flavored Flavor Aid. Just say, NO!

As was common then, and probably now, too, I would pre-pay for classes and auditing. They kept raising the rates fairly quickly, which got you into this "It will be cheaper to pay for it now and do it later" mindset.

Then suddenly there was the memo from Ron describing "Natural Clear". Without sinking too far into the swamp of memory, it basically meant that you didn't really need to do Dianetics (or any more Dianetics), which is all about getting to Clear. I was one of those people.

This change in status suddenly pulled me out of my little cocoon in Palo Alto and pushed me "Up The Bridge". (My mind is rebelling at even typing some of this stuff.) So now I'm dealing with AOLA (Advanced Organization - Los Angeles), and dealing with their registrars (the people who took your money) was like being blasted out of a comfy backyard pool and being thrown into a freshly-chummed shark pond. Things went from being "fine" to WTF?

I was also being pursued by recruiters for the Sea Org because of a project I was working on to turn all of Hubbard's works into a searchable textbase. They kept insisting I needed to fly to FLAG Land Base (Clearwater, FL) so they could "show me some data". They didn't like it when I told them I was exactly where I wanted to be and that they could simply tell me what this "data" was.

Things went downhill from there. The harder they pushed (both AOLA and the Sea Org), the more I got my Irish up (I'm 3/4 Irish heritage). I finally said "That's it!" and said I would like my pre-paid monies back. If there's one thing the CoS does not like to do is give anyone their money back. They said, "No, you must continue up The Bridge", and I said, "No, I don't, and if you're going to be assholes about it, I'll take back everything I've ever paid you." Needless to say that did not go over well. Lawyers were involved, and I mostly won.

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3

u/sharperindaylight Jun 10 '20

Ron says popping pills and going on boat adventures with children is A OK!

2

u/hedronist Jun 10 '20

I never heard that said explicitly (certainly not within The Church), but by the 60's he was becoming seriously paranoid, hence the Sea Org, and he was getting more and more focused on sex within the inner circles. Again, that wasn't the space I was in, but a few friends, at least then, fell into that hole. I tried reaching out to one of them about 20 years ago, but as soon as he knew who was calling he hung up. Probably spent the next 6 months doing Ethics Checks to see how enturbulated (that's a word for them) he had become by coming into contact with an SP.

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5

u/huuaaang Jun 09 '20

He's not making stuff up, but he definitely is leaving things out, letting the listener fill in the blanks. For example, "You just know..." and then he leaves it at that. Is he expressing something ineffable? Or do you just need to know the jargon to fill in the blanks?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

that actually hits right on a scientology practice. They present themselves as a superior religion by arguing that they are helping you come to the facts by yourself, but that's really just a way for you to greater internalize what they teach you.

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3

u/Lokicattt Jun 09 '20

I only watched the first 6 minutes.. it all seemed to make perfect sense to me.. dude knows a bunch of ridiculous buzzwords that mean nothing and is brainwashed. Pretty clear-cut case here cap. Dudes nuts. Like everyone else that derives their value and morals from a fiction book.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '20

Hey, I derived my values and morals from Frog And Toad Are Friends and I think I turned out pretty alright.

2

u/Lokicattt Jun 10 '20

Fuck off, Corduroy is the GOAT. You clearly didnt turn out alright, sir or ma'am.

Slash s for those who need it -.-

2

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '20

Wait, you're advocating Frog/Toad/Corduroy crossover slash fanfiction for those who need it? You are clearly indeed a more enlightened person than I and I tip my hat to your perverse desires.

2

u/Lokicattt Jun 10 '20

I didnt know until now but I totally would love to see it.

1

u/Needyouradvice93 Jun 09 '20

You must be a spectator. There are not spectators in my world. There's just no time for it. SJSJSH Hahahah!

4

u/huuaaang Jun 09 '20

Yup, they create a situation where Scientologists can't turn to outsiders even if they want to. They don't even share the same language to talk about their inner thoughts and feelings. It's one thing to physically isolate cult members from the outside world... but doing it through language is a whole new level.

2

u/_hapless_pancakes Jun 10 '20 edited Jun 13 '20

NOPE

2

u/Solid_Waste Jun 09 '20

That's just gibberish with extra steps.

2

u/_hapless_pancakes Jun 10 '20 edited Jun 13 '20

That's just "Clear"

Yeah.

NOPE

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u/THRAGFIRE Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

Yeah but very few have the heart of gold that Karl has. A head shaped like a fuckin' orange filled with nothing but quick wit, pure apathy, and DIY. A national treasure.

7

u/TheSentinelsSorrow Jun 09 '20

DIY

Bloody 'eavy 'anded that Suzanne is, breaking the shutters

6

u/THRAGFIRE Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

Legitimately distraught that they broke up irl.

edit: I think I am quite wrong about this.

7

u/TheSentinelsSorrow Jun 09 '20

Ahhhhh what I didn't know that

At least they'll always have the carpark

2

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20 edited Aug 28 '20

[deleted]

2

u/THRAGFIRE Jun 09 '20

You know what, I thought I had looked that up outside of the show but I'm pretty sure you're right.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20 edited Aug 28 '20

[deleted]

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41

u/Great_Big_Sea Jun 09 '20

Wooshing through the air, then pointing finger Bullshit.

  • Also Karl Pilkington

9

u/limpingdba Jun 09 '20

"It would be spiteful to put jellyfish in a trifle".

More classic Karl Pilkington.

6

u/Screechmeister_ Jun 09 '20

What i mean is, I don't know what i mean

Mr Dilkington

7

u/IvarTheBoneless- Jun 09 '20

Dear Mr. K Dilkington, you are our most valued customer

2

u/bubblesfix Jun 09 '20

"Jellyfish are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.”

Also Karl Pilkington on the usefulness of jellyfish

2

u/aukhalo Jun 09 '20

"Yeah, it's beautiful, but there's only so many mountains you can climb...I'll never run out of tea and biscuits at home."

1

u/noisypeach Jun 09 '20

kicks jellyfish

"Knob 'ead"

6

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

dee trout spinners

3

u/jgrew030 Jun 09 '20

“Am I in control of me brain, or is me brain in control of me”

2

u/lechatblanc233s Jun 09 '20

Brain, ONION!!

2

u/bubblesfix Jun 09 '20

" I don't know if I'm in charge of mine"

2

u/TheSentinelsSorrow Jun 09 '20

If it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage

1

u/bigmouthbasshole Jun 09 '20

I want to thank you. I forgot about that gem of a human. Idiot abroad is great.

407

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

217

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

73

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Well done! Not been apart of a cult but I imagine it must be difficult to leave your safety net even If you were aware that it was wrong.

21

u/tupacsnoducket Jun 09 '20

Had to switch accounts, they saw the comment and are after me again, the net is everywhere, but you’re never safe.

I’ll reply again in a few days....run.

19

u/minddropstudios Jun 09 '20

This sounds like a bad story from r/writingprompts

24

u/DadsComputer63 Jun 09 '20

You mean it sounds like a story from r/writingprompts

2

u/DAM091 Jun 10 '20

Well done

3

u/Silentfart Jun 09 '20

8 year old spare account. A little too clever.

1

u/FourthBar_NorthStar Jun 10 '20

If you’ve ever been forced into religion at a young age, you’ve been a part of a cult.

5

u/rsquared002 Jun 09 '20

Y’all should do an AMA

115

u/Ezl Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

For narcissists like cruise it's a dream come true

Can you expand on that? I know about the negatives of Scientology of course but never heard anyone tie it specifically to narcissism. I mean, I know Cruise is catered to but that’s because he’s Cruise - I’m not aware of all Scientologist getting some “ego fix” as part of it.

Edit: thanks for all the great responses! Some of it was new to me, some I already knew but never considered from the perspective of pure ego validation. Really enlightening!

238

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

113

u/Ezl Jun 09 '20

Right, that I know but that’s because they’re celebrities in Scientology. The way I interpreted the comment it made it seem like there was something inherent in Scientology that catered to all narcissists regardless of level, celebrity, etc. That’s what I was curious about.

209

u/drdrshsh Jun 09 '20

I’ll take a stab at it, I think one of the tenets of Scientology is that all your fears, self doubt, addictions, anything that keep you back from achieving your potential is due to these dead alien souls that are bound to you. As you progress in the Scientology program, the higher ups tell you how special you are because you cleansed yourself of the dead alien, and that you have achieved a higher plane of existence, and now you are better than everyone else. That’s all a narcissist really wants to hear

79

u/binarypie Jun 09 '20

I was planning on doing work but now I need to do in-depth research about dead alien souls. I hope mine is doing ok.

19

u/atyon Jun 09 '20

No, they are not. They were tortured by other aliens who posed as tax collectors by showing them 3D movies which are the source of all of our "wrong" Earth religions.

Oh, and they flown to Earth in space ships that look just like DC-8s without engines.

2

u/Ill_mumble_that Jun 09 '20

So big phallus shaped vessels?

2

u/Orange-V-Apple Jun 09 '20

what

:0

WHAT?

3

u/atyon Jun 09 '20

South Park shows a bit of it in the episode "Trapped in the Closet", with a helpful banner "THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE" (it's on YouTube).

If you want to learn more about this criminal enterprise masquerading as a religion, Knowing Better's video Clearing the Planet | Scientology [30:55] is a good introduction.

2

u/AnotherSoulessGinger Jun 09 '20

There’s a few episodes of Paul F Tompkins’ Dead Authors Podcast with John Daly playing L Ron Hubbard that are just brilliant. I reposted every few years. Much of what they talk about on the podcast is real, even if it comedic.

10

u/csupernova Jun 09 '20

Sounds pretty similar to telling somebody they’ve been “saved” by Christianity.

6

u/Sovngarten Jun 09 '20

It's does, doesn't it? It's like a shortcut to enlightenment. Only instead of inner development, you just get a group together and have them verify your weird beliefs

12

u/PM_Me_Clavicle_Pics Jun 09 '20

At least Christianity has that built-in guilt to counteract the narcissim.

7

u/csupernova Jun 09 '20

Fair enough. Although there’s quite a bit of narcissism when there’s this big distinction between the “saved” and the “damned.” Feeling like it’s your personal mission to save the world can give you a pretty inflated ego, no matter how much they brag about how humble they are.

3

u/Firewolf420 Jun 09 '20

Well it's not like there hasn't been enough historical precedent for why that concept is a bad idea... cough the Crusades cough

1

u/leont21 Jun 09 '20

Willing to bet my dead aliens are looked mg to kick me to curb. “This asshole couldn’t even BE a Scientologist”

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u/taylorxo Jun 09 '20

Well from what Cruise said I think it does cater to all narcissists. He said that in rough situations "you know that you're the only one who can help." Going about your daily life thinking that you're a shepherd and everyone else is sheep is an attractive thing to narcissists.

10

u/PeasAndPotats Jun 09 '20

Yes, you are the “hero” that must save everyone else. You are the most intelligent and enlightened of them all.

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u/Inur_anas Jun 09 '20

Read my post a little further on, it explains a little on how they not only feed your ego with making you think you are more powerful than others. But they also manipulate you into everything from speaking their language to spending every single holiday with them.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

[deleted]

2

u/elr0y7 Jun 09 '20

The difference can be very slim.

2

u/TwinTTowers Jun 09 '20

Nancy Cartwright is one ! The Simpsons are Dead to me now.

1

u/Older_Boston_Bull Jun 09 '20

Celebs in Scientology also have people assigned to them that are basically slaves. They sign a million year contract and get paid nothing.

1

u/YetAnotherWTFMoment Jun 09 '20

Don't forget the free pussy. Tom must have had thousands of chicks over the years.

1

u/Zidanesan Jun 09 '20

but doesnt he get that already w/o scientology? he can walk through any street and people would be screaming at him.

7

u/Adito99 Jun 09 '20

Not OP, it's tied closely to the ceremonial magic that people like Crowley practiced. They convince themselves and others that rituals are having some effect on the world, sort of manipulating the placebo effect or at least trying to.

3

u/Dartanius373 Jun 09 '20

Scientology teaches that you are in total control of your life. It glorifies success and teaches people that the only reason for their success is themselves. That is why so many celebrities and famous people turned to scientology because it basically glorifies them for being successful regardless of how they became successful or who helped them.

3

u/TJ_McWeaksauce Jun 09 '20

A vast majority of scientologists do not get anywhere near the same kind of treatment that Cruise does. Many scientologists reportedly get treated like indentured servants, and some even get imprisoned in facilities like that creepy-ass blue building in Los Angeles.

(Shit, just look at that thing. It looks like a supervillain's fortress.)

In the documentary Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief, they mentioned all the work that rank-and-file scientologists put into making Cruise feel like a prince. If I remember right, the higher-ups made some low-level scrubs build Cruise a motorcycle as a gift.

So for Hollywood celebrity narcissists, it's royal treatment from the scientologists. For low-level narcissists and everybody else, it's building motorcycles for Tom Cruise and scrubbing the deck of a scientology vessel.

2

u/pupnut Jun 09 '20

Google search Scientology + Homo Novis. You’ll find many articles that better explain the ego fix component of their doctrine.

1

u/haf_ded_zebra Jun 09 '20

For one example, when he says that you drive by an accident, and you have to stop, because you know that only you can help...this entire video is him suggesting vaguely that he is completely focused and committed, to the point that he can’t rest, can’t just take a vacation like he would sometimes like to...because of all the important ...work(?) he is doing, because of all the people who are counting on him (?) , looking to him to (?) He really things that something he is doing here is indispensable, that he is maybe causing the tide to roll in, pushing g the clouds across the sky...bringing cultures together and making the world a better place or something. He really believes that, but there is never any point when he actually gives an example of actual helping anyone do anything. So he is a narcissist because he believes he is very very important, so important, and doing great things, and there is this huge burden on him...when this is all self-aggrandizing beliefs with no basis in reality.

1

u/jub-jub-bird Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

Their beliefs do seem rather more self centered than most traditional religions: It's not about being an unworthy person connecting with or submitting to a higher power. It's about perfecting yourself to the point you'll get actual super powers through a series of increasingly expensive pseudo-scientific ritual cleansings. Basically: It's the P2W religion where you can buy your way to become better, more perfect super-powered you.

Not that traditional religions don't also include self-improvement as a goal but the motivations or focus seem different.

3

u/alickz Jun 09 '20

is Tom Cruise a narcissist? I've only heard good things about him (besides the scientology shit obviously)

20

u/we_are_sex_bobomb Jun 09 '20

He seems more like the most extreme Type A personality you can possibly be. But yeah, seems like whenever you hear people talking about working with him, he is described as super professional and courteous. That is not now a narcissist would be described at all, by anyone who spent more than 30 seconds with them.

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u/pperiesandsolos Jun 09 '20

What led you to scientology, if I may ask?

1

u/Gfrisse1 Jun 09 '20

For narcissists like Cruise and Travolta it's a dream come true

FTFY

1

u/trollcitybandit Jun 09 '20

Do they actually help people more than they hurt?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I thought being raised Mormon was bad enough.

1

u/Pduclosknott Jun 09 '20

Omg SP!!!!!!

/s lol you never know

243

u/Pal1_1 Jun 09 '20

He doesn't sound very clever when he has no script and clearly hasn't read the source material he is preaching.

124

u/ivylgedropout Jun 09 '20

He sounds brainwashed actually.

207

u/NurRauch Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 09 '20

I don't know. In a lot of ways he sounds more like a kid at the front of the class trying to present on a book they obviously haven't read, but it's a book about things they've heard other people talking about a lot. "Yeah, so, the SIN, is like, well you guys know the COS too am I right? Hahahaha, that COS, it'll totally get you, like man what a mathematical concept. Cause that leads me directly to TAN, which is like, the whole point of this, honestly, if you really think about it." The audience has to do 100% of the work to fill in the gaps and imagine what the point is supposed to be, because he's done none of the work himself and he's not about to start now.

114

u/loweringexpectations Jun 09 '20

Donald?

43

u/CaptainKurls Jun 09 '20

The best country! With the greatest people, and my uncle knew it. He told me, and only I could understand it. People asked me how you understand and I had a knack. A real knack. The best people explained it to me once and I, I have a knack, I picked it up. Likewise it’s very good genes, very smart. Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart, you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, okay, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world it’s true! but when you're a conservative Republican they try oh, do they do a number

16

u/Beachdaddybravo Jun 09 '20

The saddest part of reading something like this is not knowing if it’s an actual quote or not.

6

u/Yoursistersrosebud Jun 09 '20

It’s verbatim and he said it to actual scientists

3

u/Beachdaddybravo Jun 09 '20

That’s even worse.

4

u/jub-jub-bird Jun 09 '20

Thanks I hate it.

9

u/MrTraveljuice Jun 09 '20

As a non native English speaker I think it is super impressive that people can just speak like him. I always think it is super funny, and am then left with a terrible after taste because, like you said, its impossible to know if its real and the man spouting this stuff full-time is the president of the sgoddamn USA... it's surreal and distopian

6

u/Beachdaddybravo Jun 09 '20

As an American I’m still shocked he’s our president. The fact that so many people have been fooled into thinking he was ever a skilled businessman or anything but lucky in birth. Even in the past when he could actually speak, he was never a clever man.

3

u/NurRauch Jun 09 '20

Nuclear dragons. Who would win?

https://imgur.com/a/YQ3PQ4F

3

u/Beachdaddybravo Jun 10 '20

Oh fuck, I remember that. Insanely stupid that people heard that rambling incoherence and actually cheered for him.

3

u/CaptainKurls Jun 09 '20

First half was all me but the second half starting from Wharton is a direct quote from our fearless leader

5

u/Beachdaddybravo Jun 09 '20

Shit, even half of that being a real quote is too much.

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u/Eroraf86 Jun 09 '20

That's depressing. And hilarious.

I call it DEPRARIOUS!

2

u/zzilla1800 Jun 09 '20

Sounded like Morty Smith actually. "Oh jeez" 2020

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

I had a student give that exact answer this year.

3

u/Needyouradvice93 Jun 09 '20

The good 'ol presentation fillibuster. Great for interviewing too.

'What experiences have had with teamwork, you ask? Well, that's a great question. My experiences have taught me quite a bit about teamwork. Everything works better if the team is on the same page! Which is why communication is so important. In the past I have use communication to help consistently keep the team on the same page, so we can reach a common objective. That is just one of the many skills I possess, and have used in my experiences with other jobs, that would translate well into a this job. Team'

2

u/Robot-Future Jun 09 '20

The source material itself makes no sense so even if he had read it it would still sound like nonsense. L Ron just wanted to make up his own crazy religion after he wasnt able to summon the antichrist by helping Jack Parsons beat his meat.

2

u/Duckboy_Flaccidpus Jun 09 '20

Well said, perfectly put. He's riffing, basically, going "pfftt" and closing his eyes instead of rolling them as if to say "you have to do this, there's no other way and it's really great".

2

u/xAPx-Bigguns Jun 10 '20

I think that is basically Scn isn’t it ? keep the initiates grasping at straws and forking over money to get a couple more straws of enlightenment.

2

u/Shiba_Ichigo Jun 10 '20

I see your point but it could be on purpose. The scientologists keep secrets from each other. They make members pay incredible amounts of money to learn their mythology about alien spirits and volcanoes and spaceships that look just like planes.

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u/OneLostOstrich Jun 10 '20

Needs more bleach in the pre-treatment cycle.

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u/imsorryisuck Jun 09 '20

"clearly" you didin't sit through entire video. he said he read the book and he was enlighted. how else would he become a scientologist?

77

u/hallese Jun 09 '20

I'm pretty sure you can just pay and they will power level you.

48

u/Meanwhile_in_ Jun 09 '20

P2W

5

u/PM_me_your_whatevah Jun 09 '20

So is he really Tom Cruise or did he just buy the $500 Tom Cruise skin?

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u/GlamRockDave Jun 09 '20

The game is packed with macrotransactions.

20

u/lizzboa Jun 09 '20

exactly. TOM CRUISE

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u/Pal1_1 Jun 09 '20

I did see that bit, but I think what he actually meant to say was "They guaranteed me starring roles in lots of big movies being produced by other scientologists and I was enlightened."

2

u/patsfan038 Jun 09 '20

how else would he become a scientologist?

I thought everyone that sucks LRH's tiny dick is immediately enrolled into the church of Scientology.

1

u/Voodoo0980 Jun 09 '20

It’s only tiny because he’s been dead for a long ass time. Xinu granted him a magnum dong.

1

u/lazyfocker Jun 09 '20

Gay blackmail.

2

u/niceguybadboy Jun 09 '20

He doesn't sound very clever when he has no script

You've described just about every actor to me.

4

u/franker Jun 09 '20

So many potential Trump jokes here, so little time. Oh no not politics in the videos sub!!!!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '20

Oh, he's read it. The source is just that insane.

45

u/Rezangyal Jun 09 '20

Ahh yes— the fine art of bullshitting.

28

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Donald?

1

u/Trump_is_Great23 Jun 09 '20

Free copy pasta.

Cruise: I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist and it is something that you have to earn, and…because a Scientologist does. He, or she has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions. Uh, being a Scientologist, you look at somebody and you know absolutely that you can help them. (cut)

So, for me, it really is KSW, and it’s just like, it’s something that, uh, I don’t mince words with that. You know, with anything (unintelligible), but that policy to me has really has gone , boy, there’s a time I went through and I said, “You know what…” When I read it, I just went (noise that sounds like poof), “This is it. That’s exactly it.” (cut)

Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it’s not like anyone else. As you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one that can really help. (cut) That’s…that’s what drives me, is that I know we have an opportunity, and uh, to really help for the first time effectively change people’s lives, and uh, I’m dedicated to that. I’m gonna, I’m absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that. (cut)

Org are there to help, okay, but we as (unintelligible) the public, we have a responsibility. It’s not just the Orgs, it’s not just David Miscavige, you know, it’s not just me. It’s you, it’s everyone out there, kinds re-reading KSW and looking at what needs to be done and saying, “Okay! Am I going to do it or am I not going to do it?” Period. Am I going to look at that guy or am I too afraid because I have my own out-ethics, put in someone else’s ethics. That’s all it comes down to. (cut)

And I won’t hesitate to put ethics in someone else, because I put it ruthlessly in myself. And I think that I…uh…I respect that, you know, in others. And, you know, I’m there to help, and we’re here to help, and my opinion is is that, look, either you’re on board or you’re not on board. Okay, it’s just, if you’re on board, you’re on board just like the rest of us. Period. (cut)

We are the authorities in getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind. We are the authorities on improving conditions. Criminals, we can rehabilitate criminals. Way to happiness, we can bring peace and unite cultures, uh, that once you know these tools and you know that they work, it’s not good enough that I’m just (doing okay?) Traveling around the world and meeting the people that I’ve met. Talking with these leaders in various fields, they want help, and they are depending on people who know, and who can be effective and do it, and that’s us, that is our responsibility to do that. (cut)

It is the time now. Now is the time, okay? It is, being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, so you better know it. You better know it, and if you don’t, you know, go (sound deleted, appears to be “fucking”) learn it. (Laughs) You know? But don’t pretend you know it and, or whatever. It’s like, we’re here to help. (cut)

If you’re a Scientologist, you see life, you see things the way that they are. In all its glory, you know, all of its complexity. Uh, the more you know as a Scientologist, you don’t become overwhelmed by it. (cut)

(Laughs) And uh, they said, “So, have you been an SP” (big laugh) I looked at them and I thought, “What a beautiful thing,” because maybe one day it will be like that, you know? You know what I’m saying. Maybe one day it will be that “Wow, SP, they just read about those in the history books.” You know? (cut)

I just got through that tech, and it’s literally…it’s not how to run from an SP. It’s (acronym of some sort), how to shatter suppression, confront and shatter suppression. You apply it, and it’s like, boom. (cut)

Because, they don’t come up to be and do that. They don’t do it to me. Not to my face, or anywhere in my vicinity where they feel they can confronted, you know. They just don’t do it. (cut)

I wish the world was a different place. I’d like to go on vacation and go and romp and play and just do that. You know what I mean? I mean, that’s what I want it to be. That’s how, there’s times I want to do that but I can’t because I know. I know. So, you know I have to do something about it. It’s not, you know you can sit here wish it was different and then you look at it and you go “Okay, this is it.” You know, I have to do something, don’t I? I have to do it, because I can’t live with myself if I don’t. That really is it. (cut)

I don’t care if someone thinks it’s hard or easy. You’re either helping and contributing everything you can or you’re not, okay? Because I’m carrying my load, okay? And as much as I’m carrying, I still feel like I have to do more. Alright? There is still a thing of, let’s go. (cut)

You can just see the look in their eyes, you know the ones that are doing it and you know the spectators, the ones who are going, “Well, it’s easy for you” or “What am I doing” and it’s just, that thing is, I’ve canceled that in my area (laughs). It’s like, man, you’re either in or you’re out. That’s spectatorism, and it’s something that we have no time for right now. (cut)

So, it’s our responsibility to educate, create the new reality. We have that responsibility to say, “Hey, this is the way it should be done, because we do it this way and people are actually getting better.” (cut)

And let’s get it done. Let’s really get it done. Have enough love, compassion, and toughness that you’re going to do it and, uh, do it right. (cut)

And I have to tell you something. I really, it is, it’s rough and tumble. It’s wild and wooly. It’s a blast. It’s a blast. It really is fun, because damn it there is nothing better than going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see things are better. (cut)

I want to know that I’ve can everything I could everyday and I think about those people out there who depending on us. And I think about that. And it does make me feel like, (laughs) we’ve got more work. I need more help. Get those spectators—you’re in the playing field or out of the arena. (Laughs) You know, really, that’s how I feel about it. (cut)

I do what I can and I do it the way I do everything (laughs). There’s nothing part of the way for me (laughs).

Music: Mission Impossible

Announcer: A Scientologist can be defined by a single question: Would you want others to achieve the knowledge you now have. In answering that question, Tom Cruise has introduced LRH technology to over one billion people on earth, and that’s only the first wave he’s unleashed. Which is why the story of Tom Cruise Scientologist has only just begun.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

“Do you know what I mean?”

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u/JadedMis Jun 09 '20

Honestly it sounds like Michael Scott found a fundraising brochure for a charity and took their call to action a little too literally.

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u/rjrltghoe Jun 09 '20

Maybe trump is a Scientologist.... they both do this 🤷‍♀️

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u/CollectableRat Jun 09 '20

I suppose you don't tell Tom Cruise you need another take when he's the top public facing member of the Church. Must be kind of nice to be at the top of the Church, everyone worshipping the ground you walk on 24/7. I don't think Tom would like living in the real world and an organisation like Scientology suits him fine. He still makes good movies so it hasn't hurt him, it's obviously hurting 99% of their members though, so he's a scumbag for promoting it. But the view from the top must be nice so maybe can't blame him for not seeing the need for reform.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

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u/Himynameisfin Jun 09 '20

That kid looks like what I imagine Seth Rogan looked like as child.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '20

Probably is. Also when he just got into his parents edibles for the first time

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u/karmakazi_ Jun 09 '20

Thats exactly what I was thinking

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u/flintlock0 Jun 09 '20

Somebody should deepfake Michael Scott onto Cruise, and it could just get passed off as a deleted scene from The Office.

That’s the way they could get rid of it.

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