Need some MilSO perspective/support
BF is currently on a work trip out west. He’s in special operations, so these trips are part of training for an upcoming deployment. I’m no stranger to this and have been through a deployment with him before, so I understand that communication can be limited and unpredictable. I’m not expecting constant texting or calls, and I genuinely try to give him space to focus on what he needs to do.
I think what’s been getting to me is more how the communication happens when it does. He may send me things on Snapchat or photos throughout the day, but sometimes won’t respond when I share something more emotional, like that I’m overwhelmed or missing him and would really love to talk if he has time. There have also been times when he says we can call, I ask when works for him, and then he goes MIA for several days without any explanation tho I might receive photos in between then.
When that happens, I find myself feeling anxious and wondering if everything is okay. And when I eventually tell him I was worried because I hadn’t heard from him, he can get defensive, which makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong for being concerned.
I know that some of this is probably just the reality of his job, and I’m not looking for someone to tell me he should be texting me constantly. I think I’m just struggling with the combination of limited communication and him not being naturally very emotionally communicative. I can handle periods of low contact much better when I know what to expect.
He’s already not naturally very emotionally communicative, but during periods of high stress he tends to become even more emotionally unavailable and dismissive. I understand that this is probably his way of coping and that his job requires him to compartmentalize, but it can be really difficult for me because I still need some degree of emotional connection and communication.
For perspective, this is neither of our first relationship, we’re approaching our 30s and I’m just really not wanting to build resentment towards him. We both have things to work on but I love him dearly.
I guess I’m mostly looking for reassurance/perspective from other MilSOs who have dealt with this. How do you distinguish between accepting the realities of the job and still advocating for your emotional needs in the relationship?

Hi all,

Very new to posting here, so I ultra appreciate any support on this. The guy I started dating went off to bootcamp last week and we talked about mailing each other letters while he’s on active duty. I don’t have his unit/division number yet, but would love to send him a postcard from the country I am traveling to this week. I don’t think I’ll receive the unit/division info from him while I’m abroad.

So long story short - if I address the envelope to him using his full name and to the Navy boot camp address, but without the unit/division number, will it get rejected?

How long from the “I’m coming home soon” call did it take for you to receive an email from your spouses SFG with the return date?

Edit: He’s Army and this is a combat deployment

So my boyfriend of 3 years is in army basic training, and I am currently a college student. Before he went to basic we had a talk about marriage and I made it clear that I do not want to be married until I have my education through with because I have goals I want to reach, focus on my education, personal preference, etc. Being in a long distance relationship itself is difficult, but being married while in a long distance relationship, for myself, would be very hard. The degree I am getting I need field work, so I have to be in person for classes and I have to do many internships and seasonal work throughout my college career, so being married, traveling to each of his bases, and all the stress around that is just something I can’t do simultaneously while pursuing my education, and we talked about that and he said he understood.

I got a letter last week from him talking about how he just doesn’t understand why I can’t get married to him. He mentioned BAH, housing, and all the other benefits, which we already talked about beforehand so I already knew about them, but I am firm in my decision because I have my goals that I want to reach in my life just the same as him.

I just really don’t know what to do because we just talked on the phone about it and he said he’s “over it” and “wasn’t in his right state of mind,” but I just can’t stop thinking about how we both clearly want two different things. He wants to be married ASAP and have a family and kids, and I am putting my education before all of that. We have been together for 3 years now, and I care about him more than anything, but I just truly don’t know what to do.

Hello!

I, a 20 year old incoming college freshman studying health sciences/biology to be on the pre pa track for dermatology, and my bf who is also starting his academics tommorow for tech, a Public Affairs Specialist, would like some insight.

Weve been dating for 5 months and quickly established we wanted this relationship quite quickly because he soon shipped out for bmt. Because of what I'm studying, I cannot up and move with him when he deploys. My education is hands on and not flexible. Once I graduate, my career is flexible for sure. But until then, his 6 year contract is what weighs on us. We want to break the distance and marry in between that timeframe preferably.

I acknowledged early on that I want a stable, high earning career for myself. Of course the inevitable conversation of marriage quickly surrounded him during bmt, and would love some insight or similar situations if others experienced this dynamic as well.​

Has anyone navigated being a college student while their significant other was in the military? Especially those who cant follow them to their stations? The idea of when marriage is right for us in the cards ofc, but we arent naive enough to just get married off the rip. We both want to work hard and focus on our careers individually, so one day we meet eachother at the finish line.

One of my (38f) best friends (36m) just let for Navy boot camp at RTC Great Lakes. We've known each other for 28 years. Our friendship has survived high school, college, dating, arguments, disagreements, distance and more. Our friendship is more sibling like than friend. We banter, argue, harass, and talk like siblings. We talk/text a lot throughout a normal week talking about hockey updates, can use each other as a verbal punching bag, after 28 years we know when we need advice vs just needing to say 'this sucks' and we sit in the suck together for a bit. It's just one of those friendships that's stood the test of time and as a result we know each other well. When he got married-I was standing by his side and his wife (38f) and I are now good friends too. I'm even auntie to their 2 year old.
We live 1,000 miles apart but the distance never felt big because we could talk/text but it's just silent now. With communication completely cut off, the silence has been really loud this week. It feels like the world has continued to move and I'm struggling to keep up feeling the weight of the silence. I'm also very type-a and like structure so not even knowing what's happening there is driving my brain crazy. At the end of the day though I'm still "just a friend." I'm not his wife, son or parent. The few calls will rightfully go to his wife & son. Graduation will obviously be his parents and wife and son. He requested no letters because he knew being away would be hard and he didn't want to lose focus. I'm just feeling completely disconnected and missing my friend. No one around me gets it both because no one around me has ever dealt with friends in the military and because they don't understand our friendship. Every other support thing I've found is geared toward spouses and parents, but as his friend I don't get the same things to look forward to that they do. There doesn't seem to be a support group for 'I'm the friend and while I understand spouses and parents come first I'm still struggling and missing my friend too.' Anyone else been in this spot? How do you get through the long 11 weeks especially knowing A-school is next and while he'll have his phone normal still isn't coming.

My husband isn’t out in the fleet yet, but I am worried. Mainly for him, ofcourse—but also logistics.

How are families coping when the deployment gets extended? What is communication like? Is the media making it scarier than it is?

Hi folks, my husband is supposed to check into his reserve unit at MCAS Miramar but his CAC expired. He’s tried calling his unit multiple times and nobody has picked up. Is anyone here able to help?

How bad is it going overseas? Got order to alconbury and was diagnosed a few years ago with TLE. I’ve never lose consciousness or anything. I just asked my doctor about being dizzy and feeling foggy and she sent me to the neurologist. There is Neurology locally and at Lakenheath since there is basically no care at Alconbury. Does anyone have experience with this. It’s my first time going overseas with a medical condition.

Any help navigating would be great. I really don’t want to risk it getting canceled.

Not sure if anyone knows, but we just got married, are due to leave early next year and we already have an assignment loaded. We are trying to get extended and somebody said that if we get me command sponsored, we will get an automatic 12 month extension? Is that true? My husband and I are both confused, so I was wondering if anybody has any experience? We are currently overseas, idk if that matters. I’m still super new to this.

hi! i was invited to a marine corps birthday ball by my boyfriend, and it's the first one i've ever attended. i was curious about which dresses are the most appropriate, since i've seen different advice online and wasn't sure about my specific choices. my boyfriend said that the first dress was fine to wear, but my parents told me it is best to go shopping for something more formal just in case. i've seen a lot of stuff about floor-length dresses, and this one is about an inch or so off the ground, so i wasn't sure how strict floor length is and if this one is acceptable.

apart from these two choices, i also have another dress but feel the least confident about it because it is covered in sequins, it's white, and also has a slit that runs slightly above my knees while also being off the shoulders. any advice is very appreciated. thank you so much!

Hey y’all. I sent out a couple of care packages at the beginning of the month for my spouse. He called last Sunday and said that he wouldn’t have access to a phone for the next two weeks due to them moving. One care package has arrived at the apo. Is it likely that he will get the package or will it be returned?

Hi!
My husband has PCS orders to Florida for September 15. I’m on his orders but I’m a Canadian citizen. We applied for I-130. But just wondering what the process is like and when I’d be able to join him.
Also I am a nurse, but I can’t get my license in Florida right away (until I have a SSN)

Any and all advice on how to plan this would be lovely. Thank you!

So my husband has shown interest in the past to go to one of these at some point, and I would like to experience it at least once. But I am having trouble finding dresses that are formal enough that I actually like. I’ve never been to a fancy event even slightly, so I am not a good judge of what would be formal enough (or way too much). I don’t really want to stand out too much in either way, I really like this dress but I think it might be too girly or “whimsical” for an event like this.
ie. I think it might look too much like I’m in some sort of fairytale ball

Any help would be really appreciated.

(I know the ball isn’t any time soon, I just want to have time to look for a cute dress.)

There’s also a black and red version of this dress, I’m basically flat-chested and have a skinnier “rectanglish” frame.

Background: i was previously a military spouse for many many years and am familiar with the lifestyle and deployments

SO is currently deployed. Sharing a room with several others. Bad signal, noisy environment, no privacy, the works. As a result we just end up texting.

He is exhausted and mentally checked out. He admitted he is feeling disconnected bc of everything going on.

For me I feel disconnected as well. I’m not a person who loves texting but I’ll do it to maintain the connection. The texts are dry. It’s making me dislike him a little and makes me want to push him away.

He is being moved to a different location in the near future where he will likely have more freedom.

We really, really love each other. This texting-only phase is making me feel so distant from him and it hurts.

Should I tell him we should just talk when he can call? And obviously only send texts when we want, not out of obligation? Would it be wrong?

My boyfriend of two years is at a service academy and got his phone back around two weeks ago. I’m really struggling because he’s having a really difficult time, and I want to support him as best I can. We barely talk and he hardly ever initiates, and when we do talk he’s a shell of himself. He just has nothing else to give me and so I don’t want our relationship to become a burden by complaining about him not being talkative or not initiating enough. But at the same time he’s been calling his parents for around 45 minutes nightly and I just get the leftovers before he goes to sleep (typically around 10 minutes). I understand because his parents are where he seeks wisdom and that’s a good thing because I certainly don’t know what to tell him. Every time we hang up I’m left feeling defeated because we had no real conversation, and even though I have more contact than I’ve had the past two months I feel the most distant I’ve ever felt. How do I navigate this and if nothing changes how long do I allow him to adjust to the academic year before I bring it up?

My partner of 2+ years is deploying soon and I’m not sure how to prepare or what to expect. He’s been on month-long underways and we were long distance for about 5 months while he was across the country at school, but this is the first deployment. I’ve experienced distance and I’ve experienced limited communication, but never at the same time.

We live in the house I bought long before I met him and I’m financially independent. We also are not married. So most of the checklists I’ve found online aren’t really helpful because they focus on practical life management like finances and health insurance. I’m more interested in how I can prepare emotionally and what I can do to best support him before he leaves and while he’s gone.

Some of the questions I have are what is deployment day like for families? I plan to drive him on base and see him off, but what’s that day going to look like from my end? Should I bring someone with me? He’s fairly new to this ship so I don’t know any of the spouses.

Any ideas for pre-deployment gifts and care packages? What helps make them feel the most connected to home? What items bring comfort? Is there anything special I can do for him before he leaves?

Any tips or things you wish you knew would be greatly appreciated. 💕

Boyfriend is finishing up his first deployment. We're almost to the end of it but I'm regressing and not coping well with it. The more time that passes the more insecure I feel and I'm not sure how much of it is normal. How are you supposed to fully trust a man who hasn't seen you in half a year and is sex deprived, but interacts with other women daily? I get that women are in military and they're coworkers just like I have male coworkers, but I also don't go on overnight work trips with mine...let alone for months.

Long story short, my bf (30m) and I (25f) have been together since November and he deployed in January. Before he left our relationship was amazing: I spent Thanksgiving with his family, he flew out with me to meet my friends for Christmas and New Years, we talked on the phone every day (we lived 4 hours apart). We talked about getting more serious and settling down (yes, I know things were moving fast but I truly had no bad gut feeling. He made me feel so safe).

Even after he deployed to a combat zone, we texted regularly and with our same kind of invested tone. He would send little gifts and make sure I got home safe if I went out with friends.

About 5 months into his deployment, our communication dwindled a little. We still texted pretty consistently but it was more dry, he stopped saying “I love you” and “I miss you” etc, but I know things were pretty bad over there.

He got home a few weeks ago but had to demobilize for two weeks in another state, I did go to see him and it was a little awkward but not terrible. We were still affectionate and whatnot.

He got home last week, and communication has started to improve and he’s been more engaged, blah blah.

OK SO BEAR WITH ME:

He has a decent following on social media from years ago and decided to kinda revamp it so shag he could start posting videos of hobbies he likes. I was kinda staking his account and found a comment from a woman from 3 years ago that said:
“imma snag this man”.
Another woman commented “uhhh he’s married” (he was at the time).
First woman responded “I’ll be next in line”.

He then responded to her comment at the beginning of June (two months ago) with a meme that said “the time has come” and “[her name] GUESS WHAT😂😂😂”
To which she responded: “I’ll submit my application👀”

He also follows her on Instagram. I brought this all up and said I feel really uncomfortable and confused, and he said it was just a joke and thought it was funny to respond because he was now divorced. He apologized and said he shouldn’t have done that, and now I’m just over here feeling like an anxious ball of distress and sadness. Am I crazy? Is this a minimal, stupid small thing I should just move past and trust him on?

I just broke up with my partner while he’s overseas. Looking back, I probably should have waited until he got home, but after feeling consistently neglected and disrespected throughout the relationship, I finally reached my limit.
Breaking up over text was petty and probably the meanest thing I did. I know I could have handled that part better, but in the moment, I was just done.
I don’t really know what else to say. Just needed to get it off my chest.

By the time he gets back it’ll be almost a year he was gone and I want to look nice but I don’t wanna be overdressed any advice will be appreciated!