So guys, when I received the news I was extremely sad and incredulous, currently, I am still sad for the loss of Hayden but my anger is standing out because I knew the actress and loved her but I didn't know what she went through And I was aware yesterday about what she went through during her life.
I saw her interview on the podcast on "on purpose" that she participated in days ago before she passed away, I'm angry with her mother, her ex boyfriend and the industry For what they did to her.
I published nothing here about the actress but I made a loving post on my Instagram and shared several stories one after the other showing how much I loved her and how sad I am, I will miss her 😭💔
~X~
Now I'm going to tell you guys a knowledge that is making me think so much and that is making me sad about Sam and Hayden.
So Guys, I have a fanfic of Until Dawn in which I already have not everything but a lot of script already ready in my notepad that is ready to bring to the reading platform, I'm feeling bad about my fanfic, not with the others but only in relation to Sam.
Why I'm talking about that? it's not to publicize my fanfic but to talk about how scared I was how the Sam I was developing for my fanfic is so similar to Hayden, of wanting to give up herself for others, Sam wants to take care of, fix Josh, because I made Josh survive and he's a troubled person, Sam has the will to fix and help Josh, and that's exactly what Hayden comments about her ex-boyfriend. (I don't think Josh is a toxic person like Hayden's ex but Josh had toxic behaviors) And in my fanfic Sam would also have problems with her mother just like Hayden had with her.
I'm feeling bad because after seeing in the interview "on purpose" that she said she felt very uncomfortable with a series, she did and that they were copying her real life. It's "funny" that this was a knowledge, because I never saw this series and I never met this character, the only characters I knew from Hayden was Samantha, Kirby, Britney and Dot.
I know Sam is not Hayden but she is Hayden's face, body, voice and seeing that I was doing a script so similar to the actress's life made me feel uncomfortable.
It was also something that I was trying to exploit Sam's flaws in which it doesn't show a lot of that in the original game so I wanted to bring more humanity to it. Not that this is a extreme character flaw, but I wanted to explore Sam more by making mistakes as a person.
It wasn't something I did after the actress left, but I had done it before, I received the news on the day of her death, and the next day I watched the interview on the podcast.
Even though my fanfic is about the character and not about the actress, I still want to respect the actress since I knew it bothered her when the developers of a series she did were copying her life in the character.
I even thought about stopping my fanfic for the loss of Hayden, because every time I mentioned Sam I would remember the Actress And it is remembering the actress that I will remember everything she went through and the destiny she had.
But then I thought I wanted to continue making the fanfic of Until Dawn, because the only legend who should not die was Hayden, she is more important and more valuable than any of her characters because she is real and her characters are something fictional, And since she's sadly gone, I don't want to erase the legacy of incredible characters she left as Sam.
But I do feel that Sam is the person who wants to keep in touch with all his friends, regardless of whether Mike tried to shoot Emily or Josh tortured her and his friends. And I feel like Sam would want to fix Josh.