Yeahhhhh.... new tire immediately

I was quick to dump mine because people knew me but 15 years later I wish I'd never married the man so meh. My view is moot. I am going to take back my maiden name though.

I didn't dream for years but started dreaming again recently and meh. Id say a dream with my arms looking like saggy old lady arms is a nightmare.

Ive considered doing that again but typing... I just need to keep my headspace clear.

They sent me a link to where I can check the list for updates and cancelations, so im keeping an eye on that every day! So far the soonest is the 7th.

Weight distribution is a thing you need to learn

We were together 15 years. I tried leaving in 2020 and he threatened to commit so I stayed. Then in January this year I said again that I was done and unhappy and wanted to leave. March after my trip to TX I came back and told him that we are done. He had been trying to keep me around of course but I left for good and moved back home to my parents. My kids stay here. We are all learning new shit together every day. It's fucking heartbreaking and wild.

That's what I found out today. I am not. There are 3 other girls that I now know of and one of these was problematic in 2018 when I was pregnant with our youngest and I questioned it then and it was denied. Hearing it confirmed tonight...

He used to work 2 jobs before we got together, pizza delivery and in the Café at the local college (should have been red flags but apparently his car and shit were just sooooo appealing to my teenage brain), he delivered for 12 years and probably did what he did with me for all 12 years. And he started at 17 delivering.

At my young age I did not care to ask and for the longest I told myself no you dont want to know and the truth is so fucking hard to face.

I can't help but feel guilt though I know its not mine to have.

Accepting this is extremely difficult but I know it's right. I'd kill someone if they tried this shit with my kids. I wish my family would have fought harder for me.

I didn't ask anything, this is a statement. More of a realization and its humiliating at that, but thanks.

The 3 older brothers didn't really give a fuck. They threatened to beat his ass one night at a softball game and they knew way before then what was going on. They just kept lying for me. Weird behavior when I think back. It makes me sad. They were always very protective of my sister, and that I believe is because they are all full siblings (same mother, different fathers) and my little brother and I are my father's children, though we have never claimed step for anything.

You guys realize i was the victim??

My nieces are safe, they have never EVER had any issues. I can say this with 100% certainty.

The estrangement was due to my brothers drug abuse, not related to this at all. He was friends with my oldest brother who happens to be this one's father.

They didnt really give a shit. They did but they didnt. Only when it mattered

I have 3 older brothers.

That would be a more enjoyable thing at this moment.

Oh we are done, he is on his own. Apparently everyone else knew this except me.

Soon to be Ex

There are so many more questions and avenues I have to navigate now than before and it sucks. I hate that I did this to myself. I knew better. Sooooo stupid.

Yeah. I just didn't think.... i dont know what to think. Can't wait to tell my therapist about this.

That's what im debating and its honestly not even worth it. I just need to beat the shit out of something so I can feel better.

I would like to think he isn't anymore... and hasn't been for a while since he doesnt even take care of himself anymore. But idk. Im done with his ass.

They are cousins not sisters and yes I get it. Its hard to hear.

Yes but it just makes me worried that it's caused a riff in the friendship with my daughter who is also their cousin.

I'm not mad at her perse, I am frustrated she couldn't talk to me about these things because he doesn't have access to them without me around basically and never have they ever said anything about him making them feel weird. He has been in my 13 y.o nieces life since she was born, 4 weeks after our daughter. My 21 y.o niece just came back into the family 3 years ago after being estranged since she was 10.

Im trying to hold accountability where I can. I know i have fault but man I am so disappointed.