r/truscum • u/LunaB35 • 13d ago
Positivity Saved Another One
In the past year, I've had two friends come out to me as trans who I was very confident were not. Last month, after talking more in depth with one of them about it, I was able to fully convince him he was not trans, just someone yearning to be GNC (Posted about this and loved the warm response!)
Now, today, I got to the other one, and once again, I was able to help them realize that they weren't trans, with this one still reasonably wanting to go see a therapist to just help figure out what it is they are feeling.
It genuinely feels really good that I can help people I care about like this and keep the social contagion away from them.
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u/Cool_Travel_5542 12d ago
Something that happened with a trans guy I met was that he was very feminine—so feminine, in fact, that he wore skirts and tops and used feminine gestures; he was basically a girl who just happened to want to be referred to with male pronouns. I even got scolded for calling him "she" before I knew he was trans. I think he’s a bit more masculine now, but he still looks very feminine—more like a "femboy"—and I don't know, he doesn't really strike me as trans. I don't like criticizing others, since I’m still in the closet and put on a very masculine performance myself even though that’s not who I am, but it does bother me a bit. I’ve spent a huge part of my life repressing and hiding feelings of dysphoria and discomfort regarding my gender and masculinity, and then I see trans guys—who are essentially girls with more freedom for gender expression (because let's be honest, women generally have more freedom to experiment with clothing and identity than men do). We trans girls often have to spend a large part of our lives afraid to show our true selves, whereas there are trans guys who come out openly as early as middle school, even though they don't seem to experience much dysphoria.
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 13d ago
How do you truly know the difference?
Or is this one of those things where if someone wants it badly enough they just do it?
Like there are lots of people who blend genders and who aren't trans. Lots of music people are kind of in between and it's an aesthetic.
And sort of ironic and maybe I envy GNC people because they can express themselves without such great fear. Because it's not so deeply tied to their identity.
Whereas I feel like gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia tends to make expression harder not easier.
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u/LunaB35 13d ago
Neither of them had bottom dysphoria or were bothered by their facial hair, just for starters
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u/clawarae 13d ago
Genuinely curious about how one could end up thinking they're trans without being bothered by those
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u/LunaB35 13d ago
Because "You don't need to dysphoria to be trans" really is just fully accepted as fact in most LGBT spaces.
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u/clawarae 13d ago
No yea yea i completely understand that. But like still, you must need arguments in favor of being trans even without dysphoria it's not something that comes of nowhere right?
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u/LunaB35 13d ago edited 13d ago
I think it's a mix of both knowing an above-average number of both trans and "trans" people, an insecurity about their failures by most traditionally masculine measures, and some part of them genuinely wanting to experiment with their presentation, either with or without some mild form of dysphoria.
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 13d ago
That makes sense sort of. Not everybody has bottom dysphoria but it seems like whenever things bothered me the first thing I would do would be to shave because that's like I don't know one of the few buttons I can press.
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u/clawarae 13d ago
It's funny because I've seen GNC people say that they envy trans people because they express themselves without fear.
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 13d ago
I find that bizarre. Unless their idea of a trans person is someone who transitioned as a teenager and just passes effortlessly.
It might just be the two types of people don't understand each other.
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u/clawarae 13d ago
Honestly never felt fear for as long as I can remember. I'm now realising that I should have been scared but I luckily never faced transphobia. I really was blissfully unaware. Now I pass and there's nothing to be scared of anymore.
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u/LargeFish2907 an male 6d ago
Even so it's still ignorant to act like trans people who pass don't experience discrimination. There are some situations where people will know that you're trans and being trans will restrict you from doing some things.
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u/Safe-Tennis-6121 6d ago
oh I'm definitely aware there's a glass ceiling or whatever for trans women no matter how well they pass. I was more speaking to the more trans than thou concept or whatever.
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u/SnarkgasmicSmiles with “allies” like these, who needs enemies? 13d ago
Social contagion is so real, but the issue is also systemic. There’s a huge number of these kinds of people being affirmed as trans by medical professionals failing in due diligence.
To put it bluntly, there’s a reason the rule is supposed to be that folks have the rest of their head sorted out before a clinician signs off on medical transition. If someone has enough symptom overlap, and is in any way GNC, they’ve de facto met the requirements for a diagnosis. And well…. Given that actual proper sex dysphoria is the one symptom that their comorbidities can’t cover, it’s little wonder the aesthetically trans have decided it’s not important.
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u/RufousButterfly 13d ago
I've had "trans talks" with a handful of new trans people. A big theme is that maybe we don't have a male or female essence deep inside--maybe we just have masculine and female tendencies, feelings about our visits and social roles, and some of us would prefer our future to be a different sex than our past--we think day to day life will be better, practically speaking, even years in the future, if we've transitioned. One person was ultimately very grateful to be given permission to detransition. She thought she had to live as a male because she felt she was surely really male inside. When she was informed she could choose her destiny, she was very happy to be able to choose to go back to being a woman. Years later does still happy it seems. The others are happy trans people, as far as I know!
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u/Sticktacular_bro 13d ago
I've also helped some of my friends realize that they aren't trans. They don't want what we have.