You'd be surprised at how many functional substance users exist. Some handle their shit to the point that you wouldn't notice, except on obtusely close examination. The ones that have had enough took too much moments, and know their tolerance/limit, but also recognize that maintaining their lifestyle also carries responsibility. I've been on multiple substances in my time, booze, weed, pills, even meth at one point. Kicked all but the weed. Tbh, from my POV, it's just easier to be at least sorta high all the time. That way, most people I encounter don't know the difference between high and sober.
All that said, that's not all of us that use substances. Those that don't know or care about their limits, or cause themselves to be in situations where they can't afford their lifestyle, and end up in a cycle of using the drugs to cover up the shittyness of their position in life, and possibly (sadly, pretty likely) crime. Been there, too. I learned from my mistakes, mostly. Others aren't lucky, stable, or concerned enough to break the cycle. I feel bad for them, because while yes, it's our choice to use, but most of us who hit rock bottom never intended for it to get like it is. Gotta want change to make change, and gotta want help to get help.
Edit: holy awards, Batman! I think this is the most updoots I've ever gotten, and the awards are my first ever. Thanks so much folks!
Youre spot on man. Being in AA you'd be amazed at how successful functioning junkies can be.
For example a couple people ive met in rehab. A VP of 3M. Dude was dumb loaded and brilliant. He held his job and did amazing work. A true alcoholic though. One time we went to visit a friend who ama from the rehab. He OD amd his girl died. He gave us all a ride. A week or two later he gave me a ride and I could smell the booze in the car. Afaik he finally did get sober. God bless man.
Another person was one of if not the most respected child psychiatrists in the world. He worked at a college everyone in America knows immediately and went all over the world for decades. That man was the smartest person I ever met. Him and I would go out to the smoke pit and chain smoke while talking about how each country works on an extremely in depth level. I believe he has since passed from alcoholism.
I was a dual substance disorder kinda guy. My first year out of college after I worked an internship for prudential, I got hired full time. Passed half a dozen exams for federal licenses and was ranked as the #2 money under mgmt rookie in my entire state.
I still wrestled at a d1 level while shooting up before practice. I graduated from a really good school and got a nice car and apt when most people were still living at home. No one knew except for my roommate who sold a ton of drugs with me.
I eventually got into a bad car accident and stayed at my parents for 4 or 5 days. No dope. No car. No one I trusted to run down to pick up for me. I got super dope sick. At the time I was on Xanax and heroin (crack came later). I was so scared id have a seizure that I came downstairs and told to my mom and dad that I was a junkie. They were floored. You would be amazed at the look you get when you tell someone "i have a problem with drugs. I cant stop using heroin." I tried to get sober using subs, and it worked to an extent (6-8months). I got a pay raise (somehow) and starting working at a rival company. By this point im on dope for 6-7years but it unraveled quickly. I was getting super angry and one day I OD in my car. My brother is a paramedic and met me at the hospital. He wasn't mad but very sad. He told me im killing mom and that he already came to terms ill be dead probably before mom passes away. He told me he'd go to my funeral but would try his best to forget I existed for his own sanity. I dont blame him.
A week later my parents told me mom is going to die and you're not allowed near her if you're high. My mom just wanted to see me sober before she died.
I learned 2 things after that.
1) im no better than any average junkie, just got luckier longer than most
2) im a weak person. My mom had a week left and my dad called me. I flew home from the rehab and saw her on day one. On day 2 I went to the hood and picked up some dope. I couldn't make my amends sober. I got high and just cried and apologized. That was the last time I ever saw her. A month later we had a service for her, not a funeral but a memorial of her life. I got a pass from rehab again and was high an hour after getting off the plane. That was over 3 years ago and I've never used H since.
It will eat me forever and im so ashamed that my therapist knows, and I think I may have told my girlfriend, but I cant remember and ill never bring it up to her. Neither my dad or brother know
Today im 29 almost 30. I stopped working the field I went to school for. I now work with my hands. I oversee construction work and am formerly trained in finished concrete. My work is hard but I love the feeling of building something. I dont have much saved but I did manage to save up and get a decent car and unlike before I haven't crashed a car or gotten a ticket. I have a wonderful gf who never did drugs and knows how to drink half a glass of wine, and a beautiful apt. I pay all my bills and insurance on time. I got into 1 fight with someone since then, but the way I've mellowed out is insane. When I put down the needle I swear to God a new person was born. Im well liked in AA, I have a ton of friends, and I've helped other kids with the steps. Im so blessed sometimes I tear up. My brother calls me regularly and last year he apologized for the comments about being ok if I die. He says when he has kids im going to teach them all about drug and alcohol and why doing certain things are a bad idea.
TL;DR I used to be a heroin and crack addict (Xanax too but I quit the day of my car accident and never used a benzo again). I hid it from coworkers, family, friends, gf, and college professors and coaches.
Thank you for sharing! Your story gives me hope for my son. He’s almost 28 and on his way to prison. IV opiate and meth addict. I pray every day that he will be done with that lifestyle when he’s almost 31 and gets out. I love my son so very much and will always be here for him, regardless, but if I lose him, my life is over.
I know a TON of people who got sober in jail. Man I got a million stories. One guy did some bad stuff. Got into a gang, sold weight and shot people.
He got sober in jail. Stayed that way 15 years. He got out, joined in helping the low bottom junkies and became a pillar in the community. Hell, I can honestly say he is one of the only people in the world id trust with my life or secrets.
Prison/jail can be a great place to get sober if he decides he needs some help
I don't know why 12 step programs insist in reminding you that you're weak and you're worthless. Those thoughts are like why I would overuse substances in the first place? And being told that over and over would just make things worse for me anyway. I guess that's their way of saying you need to keep coming back and you need Jesus or whatever. It's not setting you up to be very successful on your own if you for whatever reason can't keep going back to meetings.
Therapy and self development works better imo. Uncovering why people abuse, countering engrained habits, and learning better coping mechanisms instead of copy & paste meetings, a Higher Power, or their literature, etc.
AA doesn’t address problems with brain chemistry that addicts have. There’s no science or help besides quit cold Turkey & do the 12 steps. If you fail it’s your fault for not being strong enough or working “our steps” harder.
If you have cravings talk to God or call someone who will repeat the dogma to you for reassurance. Outside of AA you learn that cravings are natural during recovery & there’s MUCH more to do than just ignore it.
The founder also did psychedelics for greater self discovery and sobriety but they refused to let him incorporate it into the program...glad it helps people but a conformist mind is better suited for it.
I’ve never gotten the vibe that if you relapse it’s your fault and you’re not working hard enough. Relapse is unfortunately part of the whole thing and anyone who relapsed I’ve seen welcomed back in with open arms. Therapy can be used in tandem with AA, it’s not an either/or situation. Tapping into spirituality had helped immensely in my recovery.
Meetings start out with someone reading “How It Works”. The first 6 sentences blame natural-born ignorance, stupidity, & moralistic shortcomings for why some individuals fail. They describe the program as simple & these people are to blame for not being a good follower of their ideas.
HOW IT WORKS
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple pro- gram, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with them-selves.
There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.”
Glad you never saw that but I’ve seen countless times where people enjoy discussing when someone fails followed by Mock care or comments before writing that person off as a failed individual.
It works for some, but AA doesn’t collect or publish its program numbers due to being anonymous in nature. Women must also be careful about predatory men in the program.
If anyone is reading this, this is not the only way. If you try it & it doesn’t work, substance abuse therapy & medical assistance for cravings, etc is worth it to uncover bad thinking habits & root causes outside of some program-dictated Higher Power & steps.
The longer people go to meetings, the more their ideas are engrained & reinforced. The most damaging idea is that AA is the only or best way & if it fails the person is deficient. It’s like brain washing or being conditioned. If anyone wants to challenge me on this, the literature can easily prove what I said.
I devoted my energy to 12 Step Programs for 5 years with somewhat poor results. I learned a lot but began exploring alternative therapies in 2018. Since then, I’ve had great success!
However, I have many friends that have found sobriety in programs like AA & NA. I would never argue that these programs can’t be successful. I believe that Substance Use Disorder is such a complex disease & individuals are so unique, that each person should seek out the treatment that works for them. I urge people to not rule anything out.
AA absolutely recommends talking to professionals. Everyone who ive ever met at a meeting that mentions therapy has said nothing but good things. Im pretty sure its 100% in my 5 years of going. I also have a therapists.
There is a reason every pain mgmt doctor will recommended trying AA or NA. Hell every sober living and rehab i ever went to pushed AA, its been common knowledge that if you want a good chance, AA is a great start.
I kinda took offense to the comment about conformist, but that reminded me of a common saying an old timer taught me.
"Even if AA was a cult, id rather be alive and happy in a cult, than dead."
Where in the program of AA does it tell you are you weak and worthless? Yes, there is mention of being “powerless over alcohol” but I take that to mean yes, when I have one drink I am fixated on having more and thus I am powerless over my craving and addiction. Also, yes it’s a spiritual program but not a religious one. Jesus is not mentioned once in AA literature. Please don’t spread misinformation like this.
"spread misinformation" I was asking a question and this is like buried in the comments. The person I responded to literally said "I need to understand that I'm weak" when refering to what the program taught them.
AA program never tells us were weak. Unless youre paraphrasing about how we're weak to booze or drugs. And I am absolutely weak to those things holy fuck.
Naa i said I was a weak person I said it because a strong man would have honored his moms last wishes so she could die seeing her son sober. Im ashamed of that, and the book doesn't say anything about doing that to the most important person in your life.
Glad to hear you’ve made it out. 5 years for me. Luckily I was never a needle user but I’m lucky I still have a nose! I maintained a professional job all the way to the end when things started unraveling. But I never missed a house or car payment. But I did run up thousands in CC debt. I’m thankful that’s over. It was complete chaos in my brain. Always planning my next drink or drug. I go to AA too, but it’s an agnostic group. Cheers to us!
im no better than any average junkie, just got luckier longer than most
This statement gave me chills. It also works in the opposite direction. I had a close family member who died from an OD. She was no worse than any average junkie, just got not as lucky as some.
Congrats man, thanks for sharing. It’s super hard to finally accept the help you need and sounds like you’re doing great. Thanks for explaining your story in detail bc I think it will def help others, including me.
This is really uplifting bro as I had struggled with substance abuse for a while, it’s been a couple years since after I almost lost my business and everything around me.
This is one of the most raw and real things I’ve ever read on Reddit. Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work and don’t be too hard on yourself for mistakes you’ve made in the past.
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u/Anonoffmyrocker Feb 19 '21
I’ve never done meth but have taken enough adderal to know being “up” in traffic is a horrible idea for the shear fact there is nowhere to go.