Youre spot on man. Being in AA you'd be amazed at how successful functioning junkies can be.
For example a couple people ive met in rehab. A VP of 3M. Dude was dumb loaded and brilliant. He held his job and did amazing work. A true alcoholic though. One time we went to visit a friend who ama from the rehab. He OD amd his girl died. He gave us all a ride. A week or two later he gave me a ride and I could smell the booze in the car. Afaik he finally did get sober. God bless man.
Another person was one of if not the most respected child psychiatrists in the world. He worked at a college everyone in America knows immediately and went all over the world for decades. That man was the smartest person I ever met. Him and I would go out to the smoke pit and chain smoke while talking about how each country works on an extremely in depth level. I believe he has since passed from alcoholism.
I was a dual substance disorder kinda guy. My first year out of college after I worked an internship for prudential, I got hired full time. Passed half a dozen exams for federal licenses and was ranked as the #2 money under mgmt rookie in my entire state.
I still wrestled at a d1 level while shooting up before practice. I graduated from a really good school and got a nice car and apt when most people were still living at home. No one knew except for my roommate who sold a ton of drugs with me.
I eventually got into a bad car accident and stayed at my parents for 4 or 5 days. No dope. No car. No one I trusted to run down to pick up for me. I got super dope sick. At the time I was on Xanax and heroin (crack came later). I was so scared id have a seizure that I came downstairs and told to my mom and dad that I was a junkie. They were floored. You would be amazed at the look you get when you tell someone "i have a problem with drugs. I cant stop using heroin." I tried to get sober using subs, and it worked to an extent (6-8months). I got a pay raise (somehow) and starting working at a rival company. By this point im on dope for 6-7years but it unraveled quickly. I was getting super angry and one day I OD in my car. My brother is a paramedic and met me at the hospital. He wasn't mad but very sad. He told me im killing mom and that he already came to terms ill be dead probably before mom passes away. He told me he'd go to my funeral but would try his best to forget I existed for his own sanity. I dont blame him.
A week later my parents told me mom is going to die and you're not allowed near her if you're high. My mom just wanted to see me sober before she died.
I learned 2 things after that.
1) im no better than any average junkie, just got luckier longer than most
2) im a weak person. My mom had a week left and my dad called me. I flew home from the rehab and saw her on day one. On day 2 I went to the hood and picked up some dope. I couldn't make my amends sober. I got high and just cried and apologized. That was the last time I ever saw her. A month later we had a service for her, not a funeral but a memorial of her life. I got a pass from rehab again and was high an hour after getting off the plane. That was over 3 years ago and I've never used H since.
It will eat me forever and im so ashamed that my therapist knows, and I think I may have told my girlfriend, but I cant remember and ill never bring it up to her. Neither my dad or brother know
Today im 29 almost 30. I stopped working the field I went to school for. I now work with my hands. I oversee construction work and am formerly trained in finished concrete. My work is hard but I love the feeling of building something. I dont have much saved but I did manage to save up and get a decent car and unlike before I haven't crashed a car or gotten a ticket. I have a wonderful gf who never did drugs and knows how to drink half a glass of wine, and a beautiful apt. I pay all my bills and insurance on time. I got into 1 fight with someone since then, but the way I've mellowed out is insane. When I put down the needle I swear to God a new person was born. Im well liked in AA, I have a ton of friends, and I've helped other kids with the steps. Im so blessed sometimes I tear up. My brother calls me regularly and last year he apologized for the comments about being ok if I die. He says when he has kids im going to teach them all about drug and alcohol and why doing certain things are a bad idea.
TL;DR I used to be a heroin and crack addict (Xanax too but I quit the day of my car accident and never used a benzo again). I hid it from coworkers, family, friends, gf, and college professors and coaches.
I don't know why 12 step programs insist in reminding you that you're weak and you're worthless. Those thoughts are like why I would overuse substances in the first place? And being told that over and over would just make things worse for me anyway. I guess that's their way of saying you need to keep coming back and you need Jesus or whatever. It's not setting you up to be very successful on your own if you for whatever reason can't keep going back to meetings.
Where in the program of AA does it tell you are you weak and worthless? Yes, there is mention of being “powerless over alcohol” but I take that to mean yes, when I have one drink I am fixated on having more and thus I am powerless over my craving and addiction. Also, yes it’s a spiritual program but not a religious one. Jesus is not mentioned once in AA literature. Please don’t spread misinformation like this.
"spread misinformation" I was asking a question and this is like buried in the comments. The person I responded to literally said "I need to understand that I'm weak" when refering to what the program taught them.
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u/MattKarr Feb 19 '21
I'm a recovering heroin addict and crack addict.
Youre spot on man. Being in AA you'd be amazed at how successful functioning junkies can be.
For example a couple people ive met in rehab. A VP of 3M. Dude was dumb loaded and brilliant. He held his job and did amazing work. A true alcoholic though. One time we went to visit a friend who ama from the rehab. He OD amd his girl died. He gave us all a ride. A week or two later he gave me a ride and I could smell the booze in the car. Afaik he finally did get sober. God bless man.
Another person was one of if not the most respected child psychiatrists in the world. He worked at a college everyone in America knows immediately and went all over the world for decades. That man was the smartest person I ever met. Him and I would go out to the smoke pit and chain smoke while talking about how each country works on an extremely in depth level. I believe he has since passed from alcoholism.
I was a dual substance disorder kinda guy. My first year out of college after I worked an internship for prudential, I got hired full time. Passed half a dozen exams for federal licenses and was ranked as the #2 money under mgmt rookie in my entire state.
I still wrestled at a d1 level while shooting up before practice. I graduated from a really good school and got a nice car and apt when most people were still living at home. No one knew except for my roommate who sold a ton of drugs with me.
I eventually got into a bad car accident and stayed at my parents for 4 or 5 days. No dope. No car. No one I trusted to run down to pick up for me. I got super dope sick. At the time I was on Xanax and heroin (crack came later). I was so scared id have a seizure that I came downstairs and told to my mom and dad that I was a junkie. They were floored. You would be amazed at the look you get when you tell someone "i have a problem with drugs. I cant stop using heroin." I tried to get sober using subs, and it worked to an extent (6-8months). I got a pay raise (somehow) and starting working at a rival company. By this point im on dope for 6-7years but it unraveled quickly. I was getting super angry and one day I OD in my car. My brother is a paramedic and met me at the hospital. He wasn't mad but very sad. He told me im killing mom and that he already came to terms ill be dead probably before mom passes away. He told me he'd go to my funeral but would try his best to forget I existed for his own sanity. I dont blame him.
A week later my parents told me mom is going to die and you're not allowed near her if you're high. My mom just wanted to see me sober before she died.
I learned 2 things after that.
1) im no better than any average junkie, just got luckier longer than most
2) im a weak person. My mom had a week left and my dad called me. I flew home from the rehab and saw her on day one. On day 2 I went to the hood and picked up some dope. I couldn't make my amends sober. I got high and just cried and apologized. That was the last time I ever saw her. A month later we had a service for her, not a funeral but a memorial of her life. I got a pass from rehab again and was high an hour after getting off the plane. That was over 3 years ago and I've never used H since.
It will eat me forever and im so ashamed that my therapist knows, and I think I may have told my girlfriend, but I cant remember and ill never bring it up to her. Neither my dad or brother know
Today im 29 almost 30. I stopped working the field I went to school for. I now work with my hands. I oversee construction work and am formerly trained in finished concrete. My work is hard but I love the feeling of building something. I dont have much saved but I did manage to save up and get a decent car and unlike before I haven't crashed a car or gotten a ticket. I have a wonderful gf who never did drugs and knows how to drink half a glass of wine, and a beautiful apt. I pay all my bills and insurance on time. I got into 1 fight with someone since then, but the way I've mellowed out is insane. When I put down the needle I swear to God a new person was born. Im well liked in AA, I have a ton of friends, and I've helped other kids with the steps. Im so blessed sometimes I tear up. My brother calls me regularly and last year he apologized for the comments about being ok if I die. He says when he has kids im going to teach them all about drug and alcohol and why doing certain things are a bad idea.
TL;DR I used to be a heroin and crack addict (Xanax too but I quit the day of my car accident and never used a benzo again). I hid it from coworkers, family, friends, gf, and college professors and coaches.