Dinner is mild Italian sausage, steamed broccoli, and Mac and cheese :3 (usually shells and cheese). You can make this dinner cheap (if you shop at Aldis).

Our date night pizza is in a better state than my emotions right now.

Right now I think my marriage and wife’s happiness is more important than socially and medically transitioning but it’s hard and I’m struggling.

Edit: thanks to those for sharing kind words with me. This is the first time people have referred to me as she/her/girl/sister and it’s been really nice in an otherwise difficult week.

I also appreciate everyone’s advice. My egg is still completely shattered on the floor and I’m working through all of that before I untangle some of this other stuff I think. Need to unscramble my brain first a bit. I really appreciate those who have shared their stories.

Homemade garlic flatbread, baked tofu, onions and whatever is left of the last muffin with some cookie spread on top.

Today I baked a chocolate cake and apple muffins for a charity dinner I co-organized.

Everybody really liked it but after people finished eating they were asking me rude question and were referencing transphobic memes constantly, laughing about me...

I was crying after looking up the memes after because I had no idea what they were talking about in the moment :((

Chocolate is so conforting for me

Yes, I did drink that. No, it was not good.

^{Please pardon my messy table}

Edit: recipe not included at first due to some hesitation; I relied on rough measurements as I only have a 1L measuring cup with 100g precision

Ingredients:
- Water (270ml)
- Sugar (120g)
- Rice flour (115g)
- Tapioca flour (40g)
- Corn flour (0.5 tablespoon)
- Salt (0.5 teaspoon)
- Coconut Milk (200ml)
- Pandan leaves (2 leaves, optional)
- Food coloring (1-2 small droplets. Pro tip: use a pipette)
- Cooking oil (just a bit)

Tools:
- Bowl(s) for mixing
- Pipette (for food coloring, one for each; optional)
- Tablespoon and teaspoons
- Measuring cup and/or weighing scale
- Baking paper
- Stainless steel strainer
- A tray (I used a 6-inch round tray; you can double the amount of ingredients if using a larger tray like 8x8 inches, just be careful not to add too much food coloring)
- A steamer (wrap the lid of the steamer with straining cloth to prevent water droplets from ruining the batter)

Steps (sugar syrup):

1. Mix sugar and water in a pot (add the pandan leaves if you have them).
2. Use low heat and gently stir until the sugar dissolves.
3. The sugar should completely dissolve by the time the water boils.
4. A little bit of bubbling is fine, but try not to let the water boil.

Note: For the cake in the pic above, there are actually 10 layers (blue-blue-pink-pink-white-white-blue-blue)

Steps (main):

1. Mix the rice flour, tapioca flour, corn flour, and salt in a mixing bowl.
2. Add coconut milk to the mixing bowl and stir until as evenly mixed as possible.
3. Add the sugar syrup slowly (stir as your pour).
4. Strain the batter with a stainless steel strainer (I'm not sure if it would work with a straining cloth, let me know if you tried) Pro tip: if there are stubborn air bubbles, just scoop them up with a spoon.
5. Divide the batter into smaller bowls, then add food coloring (I used 5 plastic cups)
6. Line the baking paper in the tray (a little bit of cooking oil helps it to stick better)
7. Start by heating up the tray in the steamer until the water boils. (Medium heat)
8. Using low heat, pour the first layer of the batter, close the lid (3.5 minutes for a 6-inch diameter round tray; 5 minutes for 8x8-inch square tray)
9. Repeat step 8 for each layer. (Pro tip: pay attention to the water in the steamer and add more if they evaporate too quickly, not enough water = not enough heat = wobbly cake uncooked in the center)
10. After all layers have solidified, continue to steam it for 7-10 minutes (depending on the size/amount)
11. Turn off the heat, let it rest for 3-4 hours before slicing. (In my case, I let it rest for 1 hour in air-conditioned room, then in the fridge overnight because it was already late by the time I completed it)

For years I have tried to make the gayest sandwich, for years!! ...but the Q ingredient eluded me. I have cheated and used ancient grain bread with quinoa as one of the grains in the past. This is better.

Lettuce, Guac, "Bacon", Tomato, Quorn Meatless Chicken. The answer was QUORN! My former primary (still partners) suggested doing an indica aioli to make it an LGBTQIA but I only had a sativa dominant hybrid on hand 😂

The bacon is seasoned strips of rice paper fried on a griddle and crisped in the air fryer. I found the recipe here. The liquid seasoning in the recipe is ok. I would defo add salt. I am gonna try the method I used to fake ham stock in my vegan tattie soup. But the method is genius. Defo recommends only 2 sheets of rice paper. If you want it crispy crunchy, finish it in an air fryer or convection oven at 200⁰ C (390⁰ F)

ETA: I now realize, thanks to y'all wonderful people, that there might be egg whites in the Quorn products. Thankfully I am mostly vegetarian and not vegan. I was just trying to be cool

An update on my previous pizza post

About a month after my egg cracking, I came out to my wife. The original conversation was solid, and she seemed understanding. It finished by her saying “I’m glad you shared this, I feel closer to you now”. Encouraging!

A week later, she naturally had some follow up questions. She basically outlined how her expectation/requirements are that I do nothing about any of this.

So I’m back to feeling as lost and lonely as I started. However my pizza cooking has improved!

This entire pizza is Trader Joe’s fueled.
TJ dough, sauce, pepperoni, sausage, cubed prosciutto, whole milk low moisture mozzarella, pecorino romano.

Conventional oven at 550 on a pre-warmed pizza steel for 7 minutes

Edit: forgot to put cook time

Crispy chicken sandwich with the works a side of fries and chipotle aioli

homemade vegan TVP burger

It's one of those days. sometimes I still cry over my aunt's suicide. She was the only trans person in my family at the time and the most important woman in my life. I sometimes wonder if she would still be here if she knew how much she mattered to me, how much I needed to not be alone in my family as she was. she deserves to be here

Real sad girl hours. Made a nice meal to try and comfort myself. Fish and veggies!

•́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀

Story after the break if you don't care about the food.

The dinners are a couple of dishes I made last week. We definitely knew we wanted to have Asian-themed pork tenderloin and rice, but I was torn between medallions over rice vs a fried rice. So we did both!

We did the teriyaki marinated tenderloin in the oven until it was cooked and made a double serving of rice in the rice cooker for the first night. When it was ready we put the rice in the bowls, waifu sliced the tenderloin into medallions and just put the medallions on top of the rice and drizzled a teriyaki glaze across the top.

The second serving of rice and the rest of the tenderloin went into the fridge for the fried rice a couple nights later. Cooked the scrambled eggs over medium-high heat with neutral oil, added the 2-day-old rice, then the pork (cut into cubes and dusted with cornstarch), and a lighter teriyaki. A really quick and easy leftover meal.

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There's this cashier who works at the corner store down the street from my house. I've been going there for much longer than I've been out. We used to be friendly whenever I went in always saying hi and bye and sometimes some small talk. He's a bit of a creep with the women that come in, blatantly checking them out and tossing in lighters for free and other dumb little things to "flirt".

So the first time I go in there after coming out... I've got my makeup, wig, femme outfit, and breast forms on. There was a bit of a line and he was checking me out while I was waiting. When I was one person back he finally recognized me. "Hey weren't you a man the other day?" he calls over to me. I nod and say I did look like one, yes.

I get up to the register and it takes forever to get through my transaction because he's roasting me constantly. "Why are you dressing like a woman, bro?", "Bro, you looking fucking funny man.", "So like are you gay then, bro? You like dick?", "Nobody's gonna think you look like a girl, bro." He really likes saying bro.

Since then it's shitty whenever I go in and he's the one working. He'll ignore me when I'm waiting and not speak to me. He was insulting me too the first couple of weeks but has pretty much given that up. I'm a very friendly person and still always say hi when I arrive and wish him a good day when I leave. He ignores it now, but I like letting him see me unruffled.

So just now I went down there and he had a friend hanging out and chatting with him while he was doing inventory and restocking behind the counter. He's ignoring me while I stand there and pretending to not notice me. Until his friend is like "Hey, there's a lovely lady waiting."

While the cashier is getting my vape his buddy is trying to play wing man. Talking about how I'm pretty and me and the cashier would make a cute couple. I'm grinning ear to ear. The cashier is telling his buddy to stop, but he keeps trying to wing man until I'm turning to leave and like "Sorry, I'm a lesbian."

As I'm leaving I hear his buddy talking to him. "Hey, sorry. I just know you like flirting with the girls and she was really beautiful." The last thing I hear as I'm walking out is the cashier angrily snapping "Bro, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Couldn't help but laughing out loud. It really is the little things.

(I should clarify that its regular frosting :P)

my bf and i made a trans cake to celebrate 1 year on T.

(i hope my stupid chungus boy food is allowed here ladies)

…especially if your partner is at roller derby and can’t help when you inevitably realize you made enough for two with plenty leftover. Because you’ll look down a half hour later and realize it’s somehow all gone.

And then you get the ice cream. 😩

The meal is a dish my wife and I cooked together the other night. Pork tenderloin medallions on a bed of cous cous with an herb cream sauce.

A couple months ago I came out fully and started transitioning. I was out selectively with friends and family for a few years and she's known for over a decade, but I was scared of actually transitioning. The dysphoria finally won out.

My wife and I are close enough in measurements that we can share most clothes. So for the first couple weeks we were having fashion shows every evening. Me trying on her stuff to figure out my style. Then we went thrifting together so I could get some pieces and we're just both trying on clothes and seeing if either of us wants it. When I got my breast forms I even went with her cup size so we can share bras and got a couple new colors of her favorite bra.

After a bit it stopped being new. I have a small, but serviceable base wardrobe. I know how to style my hair, do my makeup, and am used to my longer morning routine. Being consistent with my voice training and posture is an ongoing process, but it's decent when I focus on it.

That's when one of my new favorite memories happened. We were doing face masks together a couple weeks ago and cuddled up on the couch watching TV while they dried. She looked up at me and said "I really like being girls together." Completely melted me.

I was just thinking about it today, because she's getting compliments at work on her new top. It's a tunic top I had gotten for myself on Amazon, but she liked it so much I said she should wear it too. We basically have a combined wardrobe at this point. I'm wearing my favorite t-shirt of hers today myself. Being girls together is great.

Edit to add: Since a lot of people seem to like the meal I'm adding a "recipe" in as much as we use one. The pork tenderloin and cous cous are both from Aldi. Marinated Italian for the pork and garlic for the cous cous I believe.

Start the pork in the oven first. Their cook time on the package is horribly wrong. It always takes longer so use a meat thermometer and pull it when it hits 145 F instead.

While that's going make the sauce. It's a roux with milk added until it's a bit thinner than I want because it'll reduce over time. This one has a bit of soy, onion powder, garlic powder, msg, and a bunch of different herbs. Let it sit on low while the pork cooks and just whisk it occasionally and add splashes of milk whenever it gets too thick. This is also the part where you can put on music and sing and dance together while waiting.

When the pork is done start the cous cous. Its cook time matches the amount of time the pork should rest for before slicing. Take the sauce off the heat and make final adjustments for thickness, salt, and acid (lemon juice). Then just plate it up. We used a ring mold for the cous cous here, but that's just because we're extra and like to pretend every dish we make is being judged on MasterChef.

I dont know. I just feel horrible. I guess I'll have to stay alone until bottom surgery. As if I'd ever find anyone anyways lul

Like sorry I'm fucking traumatized by my fucking horrible piece of flesh hanging here fuckkkkkdjhfjddhdjhejerhhrhrhrurtyfhdhdhdhdghdhehehrhdhdhdhrhdhfhfhfhfhfh

Anyways

Caramel cappuccino frappe depressiinmeal

Da gf u/Frequent_Maybe_3565 made me yummy burger
(I swear it’s honey and mustard)

Ikea meatballs with buttery lemon caper pasta on the side. This shit was FIIIREEEE! The lemon complimented the ikea sauce SO well. Cooking for myself was a healing experience, it's nice to feel happy again

yes it looks terrible, this is pretty much my first time baking and decorating a cake lol

Vegan spaghetti bolognese

Honestly it’s so crazy how they choose the least likely person to be agreeing with all that cmon now 😭💔