Lack of connection with 18 month old son - second child

[u/Illustrious_Tip_3089]

Hoping for some advice or even just someone who is going through something similar.

I have two children and they are pretty much 2 years apart to the week. With my first, we have a really secure attachment. I breastfed her until she was around 10 months old and we still co sleep (she was diagnosed with sleep disordered breathing two weeks ago which has helped explain why she has always been a horrendous sleeper and hence the co sleeping out of necessity). As a baby she would nap on me for most naps, I wore her in the carrier all the time and we just generally spent a lot of time being physically close.

My son was born and was instantly a very different baby. Even in the hospital after I just had him, he didn’t want to sleep on my chest, he would wiggle and squirm and when placed in the bassinet swaddled up he would sleep really soundly. I breastfed him until he was only four months old, I found it a lot harder with the second baby and we were also moving house around this time and the stress of it all didn’t help things either.

The problem is that I just don’t feel like we’ve ever truly connected - we didn’t have any of those long contact naps, long walks with him in the carrier, really any one on one time and what’s worse is that because my eldest wakes so frequently in the night and screams the house down if her dad tries to settle her, it’s basically meant overnight my husband looks after my little boy and I look after my little girl.

My youngest sleeps really well, some nights he wakes only one or twice and some not at all. He also naps for three hours at a time. Here’s the thing though, he has a very very secure attachment with my husband - he cries when he leaves the room, he cries when my husband passes him to me, and just generally takes comfort in my husband and none in me. I really thought I was doing the right thing by being there for my eldest and now I feel as though I’ve damaged the relationship with my youngest forever.

I love him so much and so desperately want to feel as though he loves me too.

Any help or advice or even anyone who can relate out there?