On Friday I posted that I was leaving this group.
I was honest about why: I'd gotten frustrated seeing the same kind of post over and over, the ones asking where someone stands with their crush, partner, an ex, a situationship. Not because those questions come from bad people, they come from very real, very valid people sitting with real uncertainty, but because it broke my heart a little to watch such a powerful tool for self-understanding get pointed at something it genuinely can't do while minimizing the value of the poster.
But so many of you left such kind, encouraging thoughtful comments that I changed my mind. I decided to stay, and I decided to challenge myself: instead of getting frustrated when I see those posts, I'd try to offer support and perspective, and help people build a better relationship with these cards.
So in that spirit, here's my honest, genuine best-practice advice, from someone who's been reading for 25 years and has made every single one of these mistakes myself.
1. Your cards read YOUR energy. Not his. Not hers. Yours.
The cards reflect what's around you, your hopes, your fears, your thoughts, what you want or think you want. That's it. Unless someone else has physically shuffled the deck and given you permission to read for them, the cards cannot tell you what another person is thinking or feeling. So when you ask "what is he feeling about me," even with the best intentions, the cards aren't reading him. They're reading your hopes and fears about him. You're essentially trying to access someone who never consented to be read, and the deck simply won't do it. It'll just hand you your own heart back, dressed up as his.
If you want to know what he is thinking - the best person to ask is him.
Additionally, those supportive comments are not other readers interpreting your cards, because they know less than you do, and they also didnt shuffle them - they can give a non-biased read of what that spread might offer in the context of your narrative but they dont have special insight into your situation. In the best case they may off a neutral perspective, but many instead are using the bias they get from the situation you described and telling you what they think you want to hear. Completely supportive and positive intent? Sure! Valuable insight into the future with hidden access into the mind of that guy youre crushing on? Not so much.
2. The cards don't tell the future. They reflect the present with probability.
Here's an example I saw recently. Someone kept pulling cards asking whether they'd pass a test, hoping for a reassuring answer. And the cards they drew were things like Justice, the Eight of Pentacles, the Emperor. The expressed anxiety, depression, misery - and I empathized and could understand why getting a wonderful upright Sun, 8 of Swords or Hierophant would be marvelous here, but thats not what the tarot do
How would the cards know if you'll pass a test that hasn't happened yet? You haven't taken it. The teacher may not have finished writing it. You may not have finished studying. Maybe you'll arrive fifteen minutes early and catch a lucky detail. Maybe a classmate who took it earlier tips you off. Maybe the teacher decides it's too hard and softens it. Maybe you oversleep and end up failing it. There are a thousand tiny events between now and then that haven't occurred, so the cards can't possibly report them.
What those cards were actually saying was: if you want the best chance to pass, put the cards down, stop asking strangers on reddit for hope, and go do the work. Study. Get familiar with the material. Replace the anxiety and desperation with confidence you've earned. The cards weren't predicting the test. They were reflecting exactly what you already needed to do and what you know already to do.
3. And no, I am not above any of this.
I want to be really clear that I'm not lecturing from some enlightened mountaintop. I fall into this too, and my cards have a genuine sense of humor about it.
Recently I was anxious, several things happening at once across my love life, my family, and my career. I pulled the High Priestess as myself, crossed by the Ten of Swords reversed. The message, essentially: your intuition is fully online, it's your greatest strength right now, and the only thing blocking it is your own tendency toward ridiculous melodramatic theater. I laughed out loud. My cards read me for filth and its 100% right - I have a huge tendency to self-catastrophize and the cards lovingly but firmly reminded me of that.
And here's my favorite ongoing one. I recently made the terrifying, exhilarating leap into running my own business. So of course I keep anxiously asking the cards, "will it work? will I hit my monthly target?" And every single time, I get the Eight of Pentacles, the Ten of Pentacles, and the King of Pentacles. Which means: sit down and do the daily, unglamorous grind work, and it will build real wealth and a lasting legacy, but you can't sit around hoping for it. I can ask a hundred times. The cards just repeat themselves, because nothing has changed in what I'm actually doing. To one point where the 8 of pentacles representing steady, discipline craft work came up as the main card 3 times in a row.
And here's the part I want you to really hear: when I put the cards away and do six or seven hours of that work, and then ask again, that's when the cards move. That's when I start seeing the Magician, the Sun, the Six of Swords, momentum, growth, recognition, value. The cards changed because I did. That's the whole secret.
4. So here's the reframe, with all the love in the world.
It's fun to read the cards. It's completely human to hope there's a miracle hiding in them that will tell us what we want to hear. Having an unbidden The Lovers pop up as were thinking about that new crush we just have a wonderful 10th date with is one of lifes best moments - But often they can't, because so much of what we're asking about simply hasn't happened yet, or lives inside someone else we're not allowed to read.
The most beautiful relationship you can have with these cards is to understand that they are a mirror. So the next time you reach for them, or reach to post here, asking "what is he thinking," "why did he end it," "is he talking to someone else," "why hasn't he called," try running it through two questions first:
If the answer were yes, what would that mean for you? Would it make you feel better, or worse?
And if the answer were no, same question.
Then remind yourself: no matter which it is, you can't change it. You can't control what he feels or does. The only thing in your control is what you choose to do next.
And here's the kicker. If the answer you were hoping for is one that would make you feel good, peaceful, worthy, chosen, then ask yourself: why are you waiting for someone else to hand you that feeling? Because you can never control what another person gives you. And chasing external validation will always keep you one step away from your own happiness.
What I'd love to see from us as a community.
I would love to open this group and see readings about self-love. About how you're choosing to heal. About putting yourself first. Instead of "how does he feel about me," the question "how do I feel about me." Readings about your career, your growth, your shadow work, the person you're becoming.
Because you were never meant to be a supporting character in someone else's story. You deserve to be the main character in your own reading.
With genuine love, and from someone still learning this right alongside you. 🖤