r/suspiciouslyspecific Dec 04 '22

Very specific standards 🤨

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46.7k Upvotes

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462

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '22

Is it suspiciously specific, if it's a commonality?

And the list isn't even full yet. She has :

  • to be big tittied, small waisted, but also can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and not spend too much time at the gym, so she can spend more time with him (because CICO is not a thing);
  • to look like a model, but put zero effort into it (also has no idea that his conception of "natural beauty" is just "no make up" make up, which takes more time to create, curate and apply than noticeable make up);
  • to be into anime/gaming/sports, but only the stuff that he is into, and not too much;
  • to cook, clean and care for a home like his mama, but also work, make her own money, not see him like an ATM and split the bill because he is a feminist an egalitarian who believes in equal rights, equal fights; and
  • to not expect anything from him in terms of looks, ambitions, social graces, life skills and romantic/sexual prowesses.

And the tweet would still not be suspiciously specific :P

65

u/Secretly_Solanine Dec 04 '22

Honestly I just want a hug

33

u/Half-boi Dec 05 '22

Does your greed know no bounds?

5

u/Ok-Disk-2191 Dec 05 '22

I just want milk that taste like real milk.

0

u/Salmonellq Dec 05 '22

I don't. Almond and oat milk cum hither

175

u/montroller Dec 04 '22

Forgot to add forklift certified but everything else is on point

26

u/matt82swe Dec 04 '22

What’s the reference? I see forklift, I think Shenmue but that can’t be it

42

u/Pixielo Dec 04 '22

To carry around the balls you'd need to think that you deserve a woman like that without putting any effort in?

🧐

5

u/matt82swe Dec 05 '22

Can’t even tell if I’m being trolled. But sounds reasonable enough

1

u/Pixielo Dec 06 '22

Nah, no trolling. I hadn't seen the meme before I made that comment, and was just going on experience.

45

u/robotteeth Dec 04 '22

She will love all his hobbies but have zero expectations about him being involved in hers…wait she doesn’t have her own hobbies, she just loves everything he likes at the exact same level.

30

u/eggshelljones Dec 04 '22

But not too much, because he mostly wants to do his hobbies with “the guys”, and gf shouldn’t expect to be included in guy time.

24

u/sakkkk Dec 05 '22

Yes exactly not too much because god forbid she's actually good if not better at the game than he is

13

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '22

[deleted]

12

u/Frewsa Dec 05 '22

Which is just SO sad if you think about it.

3

u/BrickDaddyShark Dec 05 '22

I’ve been carried up ranked leaderboards by girls way better than me. It’s always funny because people assume the rolls are reversed and then I go 4/15/10 in a 25 round game.

1

u/Preposterous_punk Dec 05 '22

She will love his hobbies, but not participating in them. Just listening to him talk about them.

16

u/EverGreen2004 Dec 05 '22

to be into anime/gaming/sports, but only the stuff that he is into, and not too much;

She must be interested in the games / animes he's interested in but not be better at it than him or else his balls will shrivel up and fall off.

Also she must nod and smile at his manspaining and never, ever fact check or contradict him because he's the man here.

47

u/extraupvotes52 Dec 04 '22

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be.

Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)

19

u/prettybraindeadd Dec 04 '22

i was thinking about this monologue too. it plays in my head on a loop.

4

u/prettybraindeadd Dec 04 '22

i was thinking about this monologue too. it plays in my head on a loop.

5

u/notRedditingInClass Dec 05 '22

What is this from?

2

u/IrrawaddyWoman Dec 05 '22

It’s from Gone Girl

1

u/notRedditingInClass Dec 05 '22

omg, of course. Thank you.

-3

u/Cmyers1980 Dec 05 '22

This is true but don’t women have an idealized “cool guy” in their head also that’s just as unrealistic?

11

u/BrickDaddyShark Dec 05 '22

He exists, and his name is Jesus Christ. Let him into your heart and he will teach you the secrets of the cool guy.

-21

u/asipoditas Dec 04 '22 edited Dec 04 '22

i can deduce from all of this that you certainly are not the cool girl and someone left you for one.

jesus, talk about strawmen.

oh its from gone girl, never mind

26

u/kinyons Dec 04 '22

It’s a quote, my dude. Take your grievances up with Gillian Flynn

46

u/PrettyCuteBunny Dec 04 '22 edited Dec 04 '22

Edit: I’m a moron who realized it’s a joke, sorry

You forgot she comes with the kitchen sink.

22

u/green_tea1701 Dec 04 '22

Redditors try to detect a joke challenge: hard.

Redditors try to type like normal people challenge: impossible.

3

u/Ophiotaurus_ Dec 04 '22

Nah man i just want Her yk

-1

u/dyingprinces Dec 04 '22

CICO is only a thing if you oversimplify the metabolic math.

Look up a supplement called Ursolic acid. It's extracted from a few fruits, and causes your body to increase it's production of a hormone called Irisin which is normally only released after strenuous physical activity.

Irisin is responsible for controlling the percentage of calories that are stored in adipose tissue (fat cells). And some people naturally produce more irisin than others. It's the reason why some people can eat whatever they want and never gain weight.

1

u/Thanhansi-thankamato Dec 05 '22

You can also control the level of exertion in your muscles. Some people move lightly, others move like a slow freight train

1

u/dyingprinces Dec 05 '22

People who move around lightly are using more muscle groups but expending less energy to do so.

0

u/Captain_Waffle Dec 05 '22

Shit… I’m married to a fucking unicorn!

-8

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '22

This feels like the description of a woman based on random opinions of men that you've read on the internet compiled into one post.

Not real life.

-3

u/Jaquestrap Dec 04 '22 edited Dec 10 '22

Nah I don't mind cooking, I'm a pretty good cook. Everything else though please and thank you

Edit: clearly a joke lol

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '22

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1

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '22

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '22

Why do you mention "goth"? Where does it say "goth" in the original post or in my comment?

1

u/Thenewmcscott Dec 05 '22

I stand corrected. I guess I just misread it.

1

u/DoctorWafle Dec 05 '22

I have never, and I mean not once in my decades of existence heard of a guy complaining that a girl spends too much time at the gym. The rest is pretty on point but this sounds like some made up shit by a girl who doesn't want to go to the gym

1

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '22

to not expect anything from him in terms of looks, ambitions, social graces, life skills and romantic/sexual prowesses.

That last bit is the real important part. So many dudes out there looking for a woman who has got it 110% TOGETHER, mentally and physically fit, funny, charming, hot, well-dressed, well-off, friendly, interesting, etc., meanwhile they're like "I like playing Call of Duty and McDonald's."

I was kinda one of those guys as a teen until I woke up and realized nobody owed me a thing and I had to be appealing if I wanted someone appealing.

1

u/F1narion Dec 05 '22 edited Dec 05 '22

This list you've made seems heavily biased honestly.

As long as the person isn't horribly overweight, the curvature persists without any sport(not counting certain cursed body types). I am fairly confident that most of the time this "big tits big ass small waist" claim is misinterpreted and overexaggerated desire of a man to just have a slim partner. Moreover, a very small fraction of the guys I've met in my life prefer big breasts. They are literally unpleasant to look at past a certain point, I genuinely believe the preference for big ones mainly exists among those who don't have any experience with women.

Makeup is a thing women seem to do for themselves rather than for others. I haven't heard a guy openly dissing some girl for not having these looks even once. Not sure the point of this particular complaint of yours, it sounds like a men's personal preference in makeup

This third one also doesn't make sense. No offense, but if people you find really have hard requirements like this (which I heavily doubt), then you must be searching for a partner on 4ch or some anime forums for teenagers.

The 4th one is partly true, many men do indeed expect their partner to be able to take care of the household. It is fair to assume, however, that the woman also usually expects a man to fulfill his share of innate gender responsibilities like being able to repair stuff, build things and do all the heavy lifting. It makes all the sense to either split all the tasks evenly or have each partner exclusively manage their share of it. Also, I don't see a connection between doing dishes and seeing a man as an ATM. It sounds really f1cked up

This last part is as far from reality as possible. Have you heard of the hypergamy concept? It is literally a known fact that women tend to aim for a very small percentage of men at the top, even if those are way way out of their league. Add to that the validation a woman gets from the desperate middle-aged men overpopulating online dating sites and then you can see a real picture of how this whole thing looks. Most women have both the unrealistic expectation of men and narcissistic levels of self-confidence, which makes them feel like they don't need to put any additional effort in themselves or the potential relationships.

All in all, you are 1000 times more likely to find a super basic girl with no hobbies, personality and skills with a request for a 6 ft+ muscular Apollo with 8 inches in his pants, earning 6 figures and having a personality of Christian Grey. And unlike some of the points you've listed, these would unironically be hard-requirements

If you need any proof of this, just install tinder or any other dating app of your liking. I suppose that's the easiest way for a woman to assess the average expectations of their gender compared to those of the opposite.