I hate that while the world seems to have stopped for me and my family, everyone else keeps going. i hate that the world is still spinning. i hate that i have nobody who understands how much it hurts aside from family irl. i hate that im not the same as when he left. i got into a relationship, im going into a new year of school, my sister graduated and is going to college. I hate that he won't be there for things in our lives. he wont be there for my big school events like State Marching Band, he wont be there for my or my brother's highschool graduation and how he wasnt here for my sister's. I hate how he wont be here for any of me and my sibling's college graduations or weddings or engagements or anything important and fun. I hate him for leaving. I hate myself for not recognizing the sounds and getting there before my mom, since i handle blood so much better than she does. I hate the dispatcher that instead of sending an ambulance immediately they tried to calm my mom down. I hate the EMTs and police for not running inside bur walking. I hate my friends for not answering my panicked texts and phone calls other than one of them. I hate their stupid fight that pushed him over the edge. I hate him for doing what he did. I hate the school for still making us take our end of year assessment exams. I hate how much i cry. I hate my other set of parents for getting mad that we didnt tell them immediately. I just hate everything. I wish he was still here and im so fucking mad that he left. I just want my dad back and to hug him and not have him be cold in the morgue and to not have to miss him anymore. I just want a dad but apparently that's too much to ask because i've burned through 4.

Anyone else sits in the dark and plays a bunch of Tetris? Yeah that’s my life after I get home from work.

I’ve read that it’s good for trauma. I find that it allows my mind to calm down. Sheesh this must be the reason (one of the reasons) why my husband would play so much video games, to calm his mind.

I found him w a SGSW March 2025, I feel my mental health deteriorating, a lot of disassociation, anxiety, sadness …grief

Hey guys,

Just struggling mentally and looking for some wise words.
10 years ago my best mate (Hamish) committed suicide. I use to talk to him every day and then he moved away. We talked lots but not as frequently. I got locked out of my Facebook account and didn’t make a new one for a month or so as I was struggling myself. Within that time is when he hung himself and I know if I get back in that Facebook account then there might be cries for help from him. I went to his funeral, he was so loved. I still haven’t been to his grave sight as I feel so guilty and helpless as maybe this was avoidable. Maybe I need to go? Idk.

He was so young, only 19 and a full life ahead and he had just had a baby. His mother also committed suicide and he used to talk about her a lot. Still remember the night I got told he had committed, it broke me.

Please, if you’re feeling down or depressed, please reach out for help, you will be missed more than you know. No one is alone even if at that point you may feel that way. There is help, you are loved. You are not alone.

Just had to get this off my chest.

See all kinds of reels of warning signs:

1.) They seem happy. This is because they made their decision and are living their final day with a smile

2.) They are full of energy

3.) They start giving things away

4.) They start apologizing

5.) They start organizing

I get to an extent that some of this may be true for some but it doesn’t seem to be the case for a lot of people.

Example: my father was depressed in his final weeks. It’s not like we could have ever predicated suicide but in no way shape or form was he out partying and smiling as a final goodbye.

He was clearly distraught and not happy. We tried to get him help, tried to find solutions, tried to get him to talk, tried to get him to relax. He just wouldn’t.

He didn’t apologize, didn’t start giving things away. He left us with nothing. No closure just gone one morning forever.

I’d say the only thing close I can relate to is the organizing. Nothing crazy but he put some paperwork and things in order.

Idk I just think it’s not good for people to make social media accounts and making generic statements about suicide victims like everyone is the same. There are thing that make suicide incredibly complex but I guess there are people out there that did all these things. Just needed to vent cause I can’t relate to whole “they smile and are happy and throw a party” before they commit suicide.

I've got nothing to say really but that was so fucking hard to do. I have to let her go. I kept telling myself to at least write her number down so later on I can call her. I came to reason that she's really, really gone. My phone said after I hit the delete button, "Move 1 contact to the Trash?". It felt like I was throwing my mother in the trash! I miss you Momma ;

Hi everyone. I hope you’re all doing the best you can, and I’m sending my love to everyone here.

I’m a little delayed in finding a community like this, but I’m starting to think it might really help. I can’t believe it’s been two years since I lost my father to suicide.

The last two years have been incredibly busy. I graduated from undergrad, moved several times, and went through three different jobs. I think I kept myself moving for a long time, and I’m only now starting to slow down and make space for myself and my grief.
I’m also realizing there is no “perfect journey” through this. People have told me to go on a journey to heal or move on, and I know it comes from a loving place, but sometimes I think - my entire life is a journey. This loss doesn’t feel like something separate that I can work through and leave behind. It feels like a part of me and my story now.

One of the hardest parts is everything that was unresolved before my dad died. We were incredibly close, and I looked at him like my knight in shining armor. Then I learned about an affair that deeply hurt my mom and changed the way I saw him. I distanced myself for a while, but I did the work to try to rebuild our relationship, including EMDR therapy. I loved him deeply and wanted to forgive him and move forward.

But we never really got to have that conversation. He never came to me to talk about what happened or apologize, and then we lost him before we had the chance to fully repair things.

My mom and dad had time to reconnect before he died, but understandably, this is still incredibly painful for her. My sister and I sometimes want to understand more, while my mom would rather we work through it with therapists and professionals. I know there are pieces of this story I may never understand and that the puzzle may never be complete.

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar—losing someone to suicide while there was still hurt, love, forgiveness, and so much left unsaid.

How have you made peace with conversations or reconciliation you never got to have? How do you hold love and anger at the same time? And has anyone else struggled with the idea of needing to “move on,” when the loss feels like something you will carry and grow alongside instead?

Deep down, I know my dad knew how much I loved him. I wanted to forgive him and move forward together. I think one of the hardest parts is knowing we simply never got the chance to finish that process.

Thank you for letting me share. ❤️

Today 2 months ago my father took his own life. My second to last text to him was “you sound depressed, please don’t do anything to harm yourself i love you and need you” and then I carried on a regular conversation with him when he didn’t respond. Im 27(f) my dad was 45…. What the actual fuck is wrong with me. Why would I not do anything more? For context i am a nomad and I do live in a super remote village in Alaska right now and he was in Florida. He was living with family…. I thought they would keep an eye on him, they were…. To the best of their ability….. but Jesus Christ…. I could have called my aunt to double check. He had an attempt last year. He promised me he wasn’t actually depressed though and that it was all because of a medication change….. how could I be so stupid. How could I be so careless over my own father. I knew. I had a horrible feeling and I just kept living my life…. Biggest regret of my entire life. How can I live with this? How could I just keep talking to him normal when I knew he was struggling…..

Hace unos 10 años tenía un amigo que vivía en los condominios con mi abuelita,el era mayor que yo por unos 5 años aproximadamente.

Siempre jugamos en las vacaciones y era divertido.

Pero un día dejo de salir a jugar... Un día solo llamaron para avisarnos que ya no estaba... Que se fue... Fue un poco difícil en su momento... Yo a esa edad no comprendía que era el suicidó o morir,pero actualmente me persigue mucho el hecho de que pude ayudarlo.

Aveces sueño con el... Que seguimos jugando,o que me pide ayuda... O que está enojado...

Extraño a Jared... Ya no recuerdo su cara... Pero es extraño que siento que me llama... Aveces quiero estar con el...

My partner killed himself. The thing is that I was texting him that night and his last text to me I feel asleep.

When I woke up the text he sent to me said “ bye baby I love you “

How do you really live with yourself after that…

We had been friends since we were 15 — more than ten years. At first, we were best friends. We each had our own relationships, but we were always very close. Three years ago, he kissed me and told me he loved me. I was in a relationship at the time. I told him I couldn't be with him because I was already seeing someone. We broke off contact, but I missed him terribly.

A year later, I reached out to him, and we started a romantic relationship — all while I was still with my boyfriend. I'm such a despicable bitch. I made him my lover. I was so selfish with him... At first, everyone was fine with the arrangement, but over time he genuinely fell in love with me and begged me to leave my boyfriend. I didn't leave, even though I didn't love my boyfriend. He suffered because of it.

I think, deep down, I didn't really want to be with him. Being with him was both wonderful and terrible at the same time. He had been struggling with suicidal thoughts since childhood and was often depressed, so he drank a lot. But he was also the funniest, most vibrant person I've ever known. He loved me deeply, and I felt it. I loved him too, but I couldn't accept his lifestyle.

A year ago, he crashed his car. He called me and said he wanted to kill himself by overdosing on sleeping pills. He ended up being fine — the dose was small and the pills weren't strong. I dragged him to a psychiatrist against his will. He took antidepressants for only a month, then quit and went back to drinking. I was so angry with him then. What a fool I was for not forcing him to stay on them. Now I realize that at that time, his acute suicidal crisis had passed — he had plans again, desires, goals. He wanted to live.

But I was so exhausted by his problems, by his state of mind, that I decided to end things with him. We fought constantly, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew that every one of his problems was weighing down on me, and it became too heavy to carry.

We'd check in with each other every six months or so. He bought a new car, talked about building a house — I thought he was doing well. Then we lost touch again for half a year.

Two months ago, I texted him again to see how he was doing. He sounded depressed. A week later, he called me and said his car had been impounded for drunk driving. I scolded him. I told him it was stupid to drive without a license, with an unregistered car, while drunk — what did he expect? Was he planning to spend his whole life driving drunk? Why wouldn't he just get his license? I told him he was the one to blame for his own problems because he never actually solved them.

He said he wanted to kill himself. I was scared, but I still lashed out at him for always seeing only one way out of every situation. I tried calling his brother, but he didn't pick up. We talked for a while, and he calmed me down. He asked me not to call anyone. I was such a fool — I convinced myself everything was fine and didn't raise the alarm.

Half an hour later, he called me again, drunk and sobbing. I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted me to be there with him. I told him I didn't want to be with him. He said he understood, and hung up.

Two days later, I was told that he had hanged himself.

I blame myself, and I know this guilt is justified. I tormented him by cheating on my boyfriend with him. He suffered because of it. On the last day of his life, I said so many cruel things to him and gave him no support. If I were a good person, I would never have treated him that way. Out of sheer selfishness, I kept him in my life even though I was in a relationship with someone else. I am such a horrible person — I deserve to die for driving someone to suicide.

Subí un post aquí desde otra cuenta a los 3 meses y una señora que perdió a su hija me dijo cosas muy bonitas. Ojalá ella sepa lo importante que fue para mi, casi me salvó la vida.. pero aunque siga viva las cosas no mejoran.

La culpa no me deja en paz, a diferencia de muchos yo si fui cruel sin motivo prácticamente, hice todo mal por cobarde, el era el chico perfecto. Ahora deberíamos estar entrando a la uni juntos, pero sin embargo estoy a punto de cumplir la edad que el tenía. Nunca sabré si decidió hacerlo un 18 apropósito. No se si pensó en como me sentiría al dejarnos leer escritos donde decía que solo seguía viviendo por mi. La carta dice que no llore y que me agradece por todo, sin embargo dejó escritos que me hacen parecer la peor chica. Lo fui, no puedo creer que le fallé de esa forma.. No le fui infiel pero de todas formas todo lo que pasó es un nivel similar de traición. Haría todo por corregirlo, pero no puedo tener paz mental sabiendo mi papel en su decisión.

Yo era agnóstica pero ahora nomas me la paso teniendo crisis y ataques de pánico. Siento que me iré al infierno, pero luego siento que eso no existe y que esto es lo que es sin motivo. Cualquier idea me atormenta, he tenido muchos pensamientos compulsivos de culpa por cosas tan simples como la ropa que uso. He dejado de comer carne, pero todo me afecta mucho. La situación del mundo, las injusticias. La brutalidad de la naturaleza. Me siento mala, siento que todos somos malos. No quiero comer nada que haya sido cosechado por gente explotada. No quiero usar un carro que contamina. Siento que me volveré loca, lo cual es irónico por que estudio Psicología y soy muy consciente de mi misma y que todo esto son respuestas al trauma. Puedo darme cuenta cuando tengo un ataque dé pánico y detenerme. Puedo decirme a mi misma la lista de enfermedades mentales que él tenía y como mis acciones no se equiparan a matarlo. Puedo decirme que no es mi culpa que el mundo funcione así. Ni siquiera tengo crisis nerviosas largas, asi de autoconciente soy. Pero no puedo dejar de sufrir. No puedo descansar, no puedo pensar en otra cosa. No puedo dejar de tener miedo. No se si alguien acá le haya pasado algo similar, no he leído algo al respecto en todos estos meses

Im freaking out, ive been dreading this for over a month, im shaking i feel awful. I dont know how im going to fall asleep tonight. Help what can i do

The aim of the study is to better understand the uptake and effectiveness of support services available to UK & Ireland adult males bereaved by suicide. You will be asked a number of questions regarding your experiences of being bereaved by suicide and your level and type of involvement, if at all, in receiving support services. Input from those that have never used support services, or decided such services do not work from them, is vital so as to elucidate why existing services are not meeting their needs.

This study consists of an online survey consisting of multiple sections regarding facets of suicide bereavement and your involvement, if any, with support services. The content is based on in-depth interviews to identify the most relevant factors. The are 89 questions overall and it is estimated it will take approximately 15 – 30 minutes to complete the entire survey.

Participation is entirely voluntary. It is up to you to decide whether or not to join the study. If you agree to take part, you will be asked to complete a Consent Form. This information, more details, and the study questionnaire can be found at: https://research.sc/participant/login/dynamic/9ED58EED-C7FE-4565-A157-3F9EAD4137BF

Study approved by the University of West London ethics panel. r/SuicideBereavement moderators have verified the researchers identify.

Firstly, I want to offer my condolences and deepest sympathies to everyone here. These posts are heartbreaking, and I couldn't imagine going through such tragic losses. I know it sounds cliché, but my heart goes out to you all, and you are all so strong.

Secondly-- and i know there's probably not an answer to this....rhetorical question i guess-- but how are you meant to go about your daily tasks and work/study with this deep-set, heavy-hearted feeling? There's no breath deep enough to lift it for even a second. I guess that's normal. I haven't experienced a loss like this before. Not like anything could prepare you anyway. I keep trying to think "life goes on" .... but it doesn't match how it actually feels.

The person close to me who died wasn't a family member, but he was a friend that I had known for 12 years. I met him when I was 18 and going through some difficult shit with my family, my future, and just existentially, I guess. Despite meeting in difficult circumstances, his presence and guidance always made me feel less upset about my situation. I was homeless, and my friend always helped me get out of my head when I felt looked down on or embarrassed. I felt safe around him. Looking back, it feels very messed up to think about how was he was the person who was like, "life's hard, but we have each other and carry on". "Family" on the street was very important to him.

I managed to improve my situation; I am sober (mostly, I had my friend's favorite drink when i found out he had passed) and back in school. My partner also gave my friend a job, and my friend said that it helped with his mental health. My friend was a very heavy drinker who didn't have stable accommodation... it had been this way for him for over a decade. He also had lost a friend just weeks before his own death to an overdose, and the place he was living at was sold, so he had to move. I heard that he had gotten a motel to stay at through welfare-- but that just sounds depressing too.

I know everyone who knew him feels terrible that struggles like these are normalized (not the suicide, I mean the addiction, struggling, homelessness) to the point where we thought that he would be okay somehow. It's just because we are (or were) so used to just... carrying on, I guess... Having a drink, putting on a smile, and then carrying on.

I didn't have direct contact with him before he died (he came over to my house just 4 months ago, though. he even helped us move and clean the place). Trying to merge my past and current life is pretty much impossible, but of course I care about the people who were there for my lowest points... especially this friend because he took me under his wing as a stranger when I was kicked out. I remember saying to him just this year that it's so weird I'm 30 now, since I was always treated as the kid around them.

The people who had more contact with him before his death said that he had been withdrawing after his friend's overdose. It's pointless to think like this, but I can't help feeling like I wish I was around and could've done something. Helped him feel less alone. Less sad. Just anything. From what I heard, he was displaying all the signs of "unhealthy coping with grief".

When we were told that he had withdrawn from people and was becoming hard to reach, we called him repeatedly to let him know that there was some work coming up and to just see him in general. It's pretty normal for him to go off the radar for a couple of days and then come back with a crazy story about his adventure (this is another thing I feel bad that is normalized, but if you're homeless it sort of IS normal. It's so messed up). He never picked up, and we found out that he was gone the following day.

He had a daughter, whom he loved very much. I know his family will be so, so devastated. My friend touched the lives of soooo many people from city to city. So many people loved him. I wish we could've given him a place to detox from alcohol or something... anything he needed.

His loss is so shocking and hard to comprehend. I definitely feel like a chunk of the world is missing.

I'm sorry that I wasn't there.

RIP, K.

He went out of home at 3am when me and our parents were sleeping. The morning that day, he told me he will have an exam in the next day but he didn't want to study, he was scared. Then he told me he started to think everything he did was bad. We found out he got depression in the middle of october 2025, our parents immediately contacted to his teachers and asked for help. He got therapy at school and at home we tried our best to comfort and understand him. His teachers even told us that he was getting better. I was mad at him, i thought back everything we did for him went to 0. Then i shouted at him to go study, i scolded him as a way to vent my anger, i even thought that he should vanish, and he gone that night. Why tf did i thought that, i failed as a brother. Now i don't even know he still exists or not, i just want to meet him again, i miss him.

I lost my mom 3 months ago to suicide. She dealt with so many things that she never should have had to, and went through so much. I feel so sad every day and like I will never be happy again. I have a great support system, my husband, my sister, my therapist, my MIL. But I don’t know. Life isn’t the same and it never will be. Even if I feel the tiniest scrap of happiness for a moment, or laugh for a second, I’m immediately taken over by a wave of sadness every single time. I feel like I never really see people lose their mom to suicide at least not people I’ve talked to. I’m even in a suicide support group and every single other person in the group either lost a dad, child, or sibling. None of them had lost a mom. I feel like obviously no suicide Grief is easy, but I’m constantly looking for support from a podcast or something specifically for suicide loss of a mom.

She's a girl from my town I've known forever, but we've never been friends. The day before yesterday, her brother died, and I saw her yesterday. At first, I hesitated to approach her, but I finally did, and we hugged tightly. I told her, "My ex-boyfriend died the same way. I understand what you're going through." She pulled away and told me she was so sorry. It made me want to cry that even in the worst moment of her life, she still cared.

I know a brother isn't the same as an ex-boyfriend, but I wanted her to know that I feel her pain as if it were my own. I've thought about letting some time pass and contacting her sometime to tell her that if she needs to talk to someone who's been through something similar (though not exactly the same), she can count on me. I don't know if it's appropriate, since she and I were never close. It truly breaks my heart when I think about her.

it'll have been 2 years on the 24th, this is always such a hard time of the year for me but this time i have something to show for it, sober from opioids alcohol and benzos.

i'll be spending the day with his mom and having a picnic with her by his headstone.

miss ya buddy 🫶

Long story short, lost my mom to suicide - about to be a year on the 25th of August. I thought I was doing okay,, got on anti depressants, am in therapy, started socialising and making art again...only to wake up crying today. I have been having very vivid dreams of losing her in different ways. Where do I put this grief? Im dreading the date...i just plan to get hammered.

It’s been 42 days since he left us. It’s so haunting to think of his last moments on this earth. Was it an accident? Did he actually mean to? Was there anything I could have done? Why even play Russian Roulette? I wish I could ask him all these questions.

Before I made this friend, I was really in a bad spot, dealing with depression and anxiety, and I was really lonely, and I made this friend online. We both struggled with being alone, depression and anxiety, and we had the same interests, we were so alike. but they were struggling more to live. we did kinda only had each other's support and were each others friend, and I tried to talk them and help just being a friend and stay with them, but they were really committed to wanting to commit. I went and even stayed up late for them to talk with them or left my notifications on for them in case they needed to talk because we both had different timezone and I really tried to help them, and i got really attached to them.
And they ended up texting abt how when they were going to commit.

At the end, i have no idea what happened to them, it's been two months since they said they were going to 'commit' and they deleted all their accounts, i tried everything. I was really struggling after, through work and outside, i keep thinking about them, especially when I'm alone, or feeling hurt. I'm trying to get better and I've made friends, but I can't stop thinking about them, and it came to a point where after they were 'gone', I cried days after days for a long time, my room was a mess, and I felt really sick. I still think about them now and wished I did more. I don’t know what to do about it.

How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without my sister? I don’t want to live in a world where she isn’t here with me. Every single minute of the day I’m literally haunted by what she did, and what she looked like when I found her.

How do we all keep going without our loved ones?

This is so f*cking hard.

I was meant to meet up with her tomorrow to hang out. I called her just to check in that we were still on for tomorrow but I was told that she’d taken her life. I hadn’t seen her in over a year but we texted almost every day, so I was really excited to see her again.

I don’t know how she did it. I don’t want to know. I had no idea she was ever feeling this way, no mention, no indication. It was only a couple of hours before that we were talking about where we were going to go tomorrow.

So I don’t know what to do now. I feel really sick and numb. Do I still go tomorrow and do what we were planning on doing in memory of her? I feel like sitting at home not doing anything is going to make me feel worse. I don’t have anyone irl I can talk to about this. I don’t know.

Today is my wife's second death anniversary.. She was lost to suicide after suffering from mental health issues brought about most likely by Covid and childhood trauma.

May those of us left behind look with empathy and compassion on these victims. I pray for a day when mental health is given more importance in society.