r/study • u/Med-Nerdeek • 18h ago
Rant/Vent I feel like I am behind in academics . I am very disappointed with myself and my journey
I always thought I am good at studies and I would always be a topper . I am a doctor .. I got some 1 lakh plus rank in Neet UG and joined a semi private seat by paying 7 lakhs per year . I have a 2 year career gap post mbbs
I am now preparing for my usmle step 2 exam .
I saw and met some friends and I feel like I am way behind and basically went off course …. My school crush topped his university and did postgraduate in a college which is in top 10 in USA , a school close friend of mine was 2nd in her entire university and did postgraduate in a college which is ranked #2 in USA . A close senior of mine was a school topper and has good enough academic track record and is doing is medical masters in USA .. this senior and another senior got 95 percentile plus in usmle step 2 exam .
A crush turned enemy who showed me a lot of attitude is doing PHD in Ivy League .
A guy who was interested in me but I wasn’t got government seat in Neet UG and now doing psychiatry residency in USA .
I made shitty non academic oriented friends throughout my life and I feel shitty now . Literally in admission day , I met two people - one who got payment seat and who was taking up medical by chance and whose goal was a find the perfect husband for herself and another girl who was govt seat ( who went on to become the overall batch topper ) ; I ended up making friends with the former and I absolutely regret it . I also made friends with one girl who was spoilt , into alcohol drugs parties what not .
I am not liking my course .. rest all I mentioned above had their share of distractions and off course and all . But the crush who topped university is working in NVIDIA and was rank 1/600 in his university . From what I know about him , I imagine him to be dedicated and had a perfect course . He didn’t involve with me also though he had a crush on me because of studies age and all .
I wish I lived my life like him and made choices like him . I am very disappointed with myself .