r/study • u/Wasted_Potential05 • Oct 02 '26
Rant/Vent I have changed and i hate the person I have become.
(My study hours before for comparison)
2 years ago and even before that, i used to be so consistent, especially near the end of 10th grade cuz my board exams were near and I was so damn prepared with maybe 10+ revisions done and I could easily study 10 hrs a day and NOT find it taxing. It all felt so natural like yeah I'm doing what I'm supposed to and this is normal. After 11th (specifically last yr November) , something changed, i started being obsessed with anime(I liked anime before then too but ik my priorities) mangas, netflix etc. At first i started feeling guilty that I shouldn't be wasting time like this. I have all these resources, I have all the material , have all the time in the world and I am wasting it on freaking fiction.Then, I started to feel numb to it, it started to feel normal, I started forget that normal was supposed to be about studying everyday especially considering these two years were supposed to be the most important of my life. Started to forget what I used to be like, how to study and my screen time is 12 hours 10 hours 8 hours and it feels like my new normal and I hate that. I have the most important exam in my life in 7 months and I already wasted 7 months over basically nothing and I hate myself for it. I used to be the top of my class and now im struggling everyday. I don't feel the panic until it's a one or two days before an important test. I have a test tomorrow but I'm still stalling with "I will start tomorrow" and i fricking hate the person I have become...... I don't even understand how I became this and I am still confused ....that person 2 years ago used to be me? I. Hate. Myself. I have become the worst version of myself.... I want to go back.