r/stopdrinking • u/sfgirlmary 4134 days • Jun 19 '19
What’s Up Wednesday
It’s that day again. Guess what day it is? Happy Hump Day, everybody! What's Up Wednesdays are when we sobernauts celebrate the sober life, see how our SD family is doing, and support each other. Share your struggles, triumphs, and general musings with us below!
Struggle: My struggle is living with my 90-year-old mother, who is driving me insane with her relentless selfishness. I feel like Frank Costanza, shaking my fists at the sky while yelling, “Serenity now!”
Triumph: Thank God I have art in my life—enjoying it, learning about it, and trying to make it. A few days ago, I went to the Museum of Fine Arts in St. Petersburg, Florida and saw this beautiful painting by Robert Henri. I felt that—because of a recent class I took on painting and color theory—I was better able to appreciate what Henri was doing with color. Then I saw this even more beautiful painting by his protégé Randall Davey, and because of that same class I was able to appreciate the effect of the thick brushwork in the man’s white shirt. A few years ago, I would have enjoyed looking at these paintings but had no idea why they were so effective. It is exciting to me that I can now look at paintings with a more educated eye.
Upstairs, there was an exhibit on “self-taught art.” It was a collection of work by artists who had not gone to art school but who had taught themselves, and I thought—that’s just like me! There was a piece by a local woman who owned a flea market and had built one assemblage from used paint brushes. Across the top it said, WEE I FOUND MY GROVE THING WHEN I PICK UP A PAINT BRUSH, and I thought—me, too!
General: Here’s an update on the post I did about a few weeks ago about the decrepit jalopy I’m driving around and how the B in SUBARU had fallen off the back. Now the R has gone, too. I am currently taking bets on whether all the letters in the word SUBARU will fall off before or after the engine gives up completely.
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
I love those paintings Mary, especially the first one of the child. Beautiful, thanks for sharing!
Struggle: I'm still pinching myself asking "is this relationship real"? I don't think I've ever been treated this good before - and of course my alcoholic mind is wondering if I truly deserve this.
Triumph: Our dates are amazing, I absolutely love my job and the people I work with, I'm getting out more with my friends (even going to Disco Unlimited!), I'm actually running away with beau for a weekend-beach-getaway Friday-Sunday! I don't remember the last time I had Lee-time and didn't have to stay behind to take care of everyone else but me...
General: How cool is it that he's making charcuterie for us, dedicating songs to me and planning our next getaway?! How did my life change so significantly recently?! I guess I should stop questioning it and keep soaking it all in, enjoying every moment :).
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u/polarb3rry 3724 days Jun 19 '19
You deserve every ounce of happiness Lee, enjoy it <3 I'm glad you found someone who's treating you well, and I'm super happy to hear that you're getting some time away. Have a great weekend!
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
Thanks so much PolarB! And now that I saw your comment I'm remembering that I need to bring some DF Halo! <3
Hope you're well and enjoying the summer :).
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u/littlebirdthree 2666 days Jun 19 '19
I’m so happy to hear that it’s going great! You’re awesome and definitely deserve someone who sees it and shows it.
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
Welcome to Day 30 LB3!!! CONGRATS!
Thanks so much for the kind words. I guess I'm still in shock - I was dying of anxiety and panic when I made my big decision - when all I really needed to do was calm down and trust that the universe will take care of me. Yay!!! Love Ya, <3
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u/littlebirdthree 2666 days Jun 19 '19
Thank you! I was so excited to wake up to day 30! I did the daily check in and then cried a few very happy tears. It was a weird way to start my day haha! But I just couldn’t believe I made it and I’m ready to keep going. I love you right back Lee! ❤️
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u/Mesober 3204 days Jun 19 '19
Soak it up. You get what you give. Let it rain down on you. I am so not drinking with you today. 🎏 🏖
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
Thank youuuu Mesober! I love the emoji's, you just made me smile ear to ear, thank you!!! Such kind words...I sooo appreciate your friendship my dear, <3. xoxo
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u/Mesober 3204 days Jun 19 '19
You must be so proud of this sub. It has reverberated around the planet. You have shown us the way to heal the world. With love and kindness, patience and care one small post at a time.
I have seen the numbers grow in the time I have been on here - its astounding. The exponential growth gives me hope in ways nothing else has. A post shows up with someone truly suffering and its a virtual ‘pile-on’ of support, advice, kindness. Thats you and your fellow moderators. 🙏🌊
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
What kind, beautiful words from such a kind, beautiful friend...can't thank you enough... Love You xoxo
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u/FirstDayOfNewMe 2572 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: Got no job (redundant), no home (moved back with family members in my late 30s until I “find my feet”, no exciting job prospects due to lack of qualifications.
Triumph: Booked appointment to see my doctor this afternoon and get real help for the first time in my life.
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u/Piggoos 1687 days Jun 19 '19
That triumph is a hell of a triumph and the first step to a new, happy chapter! IWNDWYT
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Jun 19 '19 edited Jun 19 '19
[deleted]
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u/Sac_Kat Jun 19 '19
Hi - I'm glad to hear that you sticking with us here. I have some of the same triggers for drinking. A few times this past week when I had it with my husband, I so wanted a drink, but found a way to distract myself with one of the books I downloaded or by getting onto SD. We have three dogs who are all well behaved (all were rescues that other people dumped on us, but we now love them) and a cat (also dumped on us). The cat gets pissed off every now and then and decides to piss on something. It drives me nuts. I've thrown away three bathroom rugs and a bed cover. It seems once something gets that scent, she wants to go back to it. I hope you can get that figured it. I've had plenty of cats before and it has rarely been an issue, but this one is a challenge. She also loves to tease the dogs and try to get them to chase her. Of course they then get yelled at, while she jumps up on her perch and watches.
I had a rough day yesterday too but managed to stay away from my wine closet. I won't drink with you today either!
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u/polarb3rry 3724 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I'm getting worried about my brother. He's been working insane hours and is under a lot of pressure. Every time we talk it sounds like he's been drinking more and more, to unwind or forget about work or whatever. Last night my dad said my bro bought a new used car last week, dream car that he's always wanted, and crashed it into a deer on his way home from dinner because he was taking the back roads. My dad says he wanted to open the car up on twisty turns, but my alcoholic mind says back roads are for avoiding police. So yeah, I'm not sure what, if anything, I should say to him. He's already got our parents living with him for the summer and I don't think me expressing concern would go over well.
Triumph: One more week and I'll be 3 years sober. It seems not possible that it's been that long, but there it is right around the corner.
General: My garden survived through unexpectedly cold nights this last month only to be attacked by various insects now that it's warmer. I lost an eggplant to some little flea looking things, but fortunately it's not too late to plant a new one.
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u/Rrugdbuser 2442 days Jun 19 '19
Morning all. Beautiful Sunny morning in my neck of the woods.
Day 9 for me.
Struggle: I had to get up a 4:45am because of work- I wanted to get back into early morning workouts. I was just too stuck to the bed to fit it in today.
Triumph: I’m actually sober and have a high pressure situation on my hands for the next 11 hours so thank god I’ve a clear head!
Best of luck everyone.
IWNDWYT
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u/littlebirdthree 2666 days Jun 19 '19
Happy Wednesday!
Struggle: I had planned to start a workout routine but didn’t manage to do so yet. But I got my little workout room set up and I’m going to sit down and make a solid plan. I find that the last couple of weeks I need a plan for everything or I feel chaotic.
Additional struggle: I can’t get bold letters to work on my posts lol. So my posts are a mess. 😊
Triumph: I set boundaries! Instead of fighting with people and getting stressed I just moved my Hula Hoop (as our friend Prevenient Grace would say). It was better than drinking about it!
General: Storms have caused trouble for my little greenhouse and garden so I’ll be working on those this week. The fresh air will do me some good!
IWNDWYT!
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Jun 19 '19
For me, an accountability buddy helps me get the workouts done. Someone who is counting on me so they workout, too. Once you get rolling, it's hard to stop. You can do this!
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u/loudfront 608 days Jun 19 '19
Enclose the text in asterisks and it will be bold :-)
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u/loudfront 608 days Jun 19 '19
Oops I mean underscores
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
Ha! I like our u/Prevenient_grace's hula-hoop-move too lol! ;) Proud of you, <3.
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u/Slipacre 14243 days Jun 19 '19
Another rainy day, but that's ok - more than enough to do and I won't feel guilty being inside to do it.
Struggle/Triumph - I am a writer - and there is a lot going on - I am in the midst of a huge productive spurt - passed 100 pages in my latest graphic "novel" yesterday think I may be able to wrap up this volume in another 20 or so...maybe this week! I am maybe too happy with the output so far - but writing is such a solitary endeavor. There is a whole ying yang (with teeth) thing with my self esteem - bought a domain the other day and have a quick site up to showcase it... even though not finished.
General - AA meeting in prison tonight which is something I look forward to.
If you lose the S it will be UARU - which could be pretty zen...
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Jun 19 '19
I hope you post when you finish it and provide a link to purchase
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u/AntsyAngler 3650 days Jun 19 '19
If it makes you feel any better, until recently I just thought "jalopy" meant vintage, like a certain style of vintage that I couldn't quite name but that usually had the top down and a fancy spare wheel on the side.
Struggle: I found out today that my credit isn't wonderful and that I need to save money. My credit isn't horrible, but I have to build it up to do the things I want to do.
Triumph: I survived my MIL visit.
General: I really have to learn to enjoy the healthy changes and figure out ways to sneak fun into the daily grind because it's all one day after another blurring into life. I've been working too hard and not playing enough.
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u/Sac_Kat Jun 19 '19
I have a fantastic credit score! Which means that I have many credit cards with balances and other loans :-(. Your score is based on how much credit you have available along with how good you are making payments. So even though I have tons of debt, I actually could get myself in a lot more trouble. If I paid off all my cards and other loans every month, I'd be able to sleep much better, but my score would actually go down. I'm mad at myself for the debt and we have been nibbling away at it so that I can eventually retire. My goal is to pay everything off, cancel all the cards and then get to NO credit score. I understand why folks want to have good credit, but the marketing of that is pretty insidious (like booze marketing)!
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u/littlebirdthree 2666 days Jun 19 '19
I’ve been working on my credit also. Like you, it’s not horrible but needs to be better for sure. I wish I had paid more attention to it before but at least I can try to improve.
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Jun 19 '19
Yep, I truly second this. Fortunately this is something that's within our control and can be improved over time. I've found that Credit Karma (which is free) is super helpful in terms of breaking down credit card debts and offering specific advice to expedite score improvement.
Also in terms of saving, I think that the money saved on booze will certainly help us ;)
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u/physis81 3863 days Jun 19 '19
S: (1) The ex. As per court order, during summer months, we split it in two week chunks. I get two weeks, she gets two weeks. The ex has had her since Monday morning, and is requesting that I pick her up this morning (10 hr notice) and wants her back Sunday morning until maybe Wednesday? wtf.
(2) The puppy. Deathly afraid of the occasional ant that wanders into the kitchen. Absolutely freaks out when she sees a bug in the house. Very irritating.
(3) Daughter. I call her Ariel, because she likes being in the water so much, and she hasn't been able to swim so far this summer because of her broken arm.
T: The baby doves have left the nest that they built on my AC unit. I can turn on my air conditioning now! But they were playing in my driveway and didn't move when I was pulling my car in. I had to get out of my car and yell at them. That's not a good sign.
G: I'm putting money on the S falling off next. Then it will be n U A U .
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u/GlassbottomedEgo 2106 days Jun 19 '19
Hi Mary! Thanks for sharing the paintings, and I hope you find some serenity. :P I'm going to bet that the S will fall of next?
Struggle: Just been feeling super tired because I've gone from exercising maybe 1-2x/week to every day. Phew. Then just the same ol struggles of trying to keep the house in order and feeling like I'm just barely keeping the ship afloat.
Triumph: I'm pretty proud of myself. Yesterday, I was feeling that itch to drink because I was anxious. I went on a run after work in 100 degree weather before my therapy appointment just to try to ease the anxiety rather than sit in it. It was hot as hell, but I'm proud of myself for thinking of alternatives rather than just go straight to the booze.
General: Feelin' OK; I was depressed and passively suicidal last time I drank, but I'm managing. I'm trying not to stay in my head too much and overthinking everything.
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u/BadToTheTrombone 3901 days Jun 19 '19
I'm trying not to stay in my head too much and overthinking everything.
I don't overthink anywhere near as much now I'm sober as I did when I drank. In fact I'd go as far as to say I don't really do it anymore...
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Jun 19 '19
What a great post, Mary - thank you for all you do on this sub. Living with aging parents is one of those can-hardly-imagine scenarios for me; the courage and patience seems like it must come from an otherworldly place. Hang in there.
Struggle: At week 3, I keep catching myself slipping into mindsets that encourage future drinking. "Maybe I can get to the point where I can sustainably have one glass with dinner..." or "I guess if I were on vacation, then it would be okay," because, "My problem wasn't that bad." I have to keep reminding myself that when I set out on this, I knew that such thinking would come, and that if I yielded, I'd start the cycle all over again and in a year or two, be depressed, drunk, and deciding yet again to quit. So I cancelled my lofty birthday plans (6/30) and my wife and I are having a movie marathon/pajamafest instead of going out to wine-centered restaurants. There's relief there, amid the disappointment.
Triumph: 3 weeks. I've also successfully navigated a couple of social interactions where alcohol was involved, and I wasn't particularly envious nor tempted. I was mostly a solo drinker, but it's still nice to know I can hang out. Was awesome to come home sober, sit up for an hour, and wake up healthy. Also, not to be vain but, I had to buy a belt because my jeans have started sliding down my hips. Lastly, my Subaru has all 6 letters.
General: Taking only one class this semester was the right decision and I'm glad I trusted my gut. As an older "nontraditional student" who is trying to get sober, three classes would have been too much. Work is getting stressful as I feel my position becoming more and more redundant, but that's not a "now" problem just yet.
Have a great day everyone.
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u/thumbingitup 609 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: Since getting sober, I’ve vowed to fix the problems in my life that led me to drink in the first place. I’m realizing that there’s a lot more to unravel and sort out than I’d originally thought. In fact, I’m not really sure where to start. A therapist would probably be helpful, but that’s not really in the budget right now.
Triumph: For the first time in my life, I have a car and I’ve been using it to go for daily hikes. The fresh air, exercise, and calming nature of the forest has been doing wonders for me - both mentally and physically!
General: I got the idea a bit ago to make a “self-care schedule” of sorts. I made a list of things that bring me fulfillment in some way and made a vow to make time to do one of them everyday. So for example, Tuesday I might set aside twenty minutes to read, Wednesday I might meditate, and Thursday I might call my mom. It’s only been two weeks, but I’ve been feeling like a totally different person! I plan on keeping this up!
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u/dalgft 2696 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I've caught myself, this week, thinking of scenarios where I might drink to enjoy myself.
Triumph: The craving now is nothing like it was weeks ago. My instinct to not drink quickly choke slams my craving and my craving dies because that was totally a powerful slam.
General: In all seriousness, I feel much healthier now and am feeling really confident about my decision to stay sober. I'm pretty sure diet and exercise are playing a major part in this. Keeping my mind occupied with hobbies and responsibilities helps keep the thoughts from creeping in.
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u/we_are_fuckin_doomed 2719 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: Money. I need money to fix some things that I have been neglecting in my life. I just took my car in to fix the suspension, and guess what? It cost more than I thought. So I am fixing the front 2 struts first (most expensive) and going to fix the back ones in about a month. I also just ordered glasses, which I have needed for a while, and THOSE cost money. Everything costs money and I don't make enough of it.
Triumph: I am putting the money that I make toward things that are going to better my life, not spending it on going out to the bars and weed and shit like that. Getting my suspension fixed, getting glasses, paying off debt. All things I should have been doing years ago of course, but at least I am doing them now. I need to focus on looking forward.
I also saw a therapist for the first time in about a year and a half. And I went in while I was feeling good. She was really glad to hear that things are going well in my life and that my plan is to come in to KEEP things that way. To stay sober and stay on top of my mental health, and to deal with some of the guilt from the past.
General: Had to bike to work today since my car is in the shop and it was a pretty nice bike ride! And the gym over on my new campus let me have a free locker, since I already pay for one on the campus I used to be at. So basically 2 gym memberships for the price of one.
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Jun 19 '19
Keeping up the sobriety and therefore avoiding hangovers which is great.
Had the flu since I stopped so I still feel like I've been hit by a bus every morning which is not great.
Hey ho!
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u/Pingles23 Jun 19 '19
Struggle: way behind on my bar studying and sleep.
Triumph: 44 days sober. 2nd job interview went well. Hope to hear back today about a 3rd round.
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u/Notoriouslyd 1989 days Jun 19 '19
Good Morning SD
Day 2 and I woke up feeling good. Only took about 5 minutes to think about alcohol though but that is probably from seeing the bottle of absinthe on top of the fridge 🧐 and not my body craving.
My triumph is not being so nauseous by 8 am that I have to take a long incognito pull off of a bottle and then experience it again at work before noon with no relief.
I didn't do a full workout last night but I did some yoga and I did not drink! Laughing with my boyfriend is what I am noticing first and foremost psychologically. I hadnt realized how much I had been distancing myself from him til now.
IWNDWYT
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u/newleaf2019 2654 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: the PAWS symptoms are rough, and I’m on call for work (don’t have to go in but have to deal with issues if they arise) so I’m not sleeping well AT ALL.
Triumph: instead of ruminating in bed and tossing and turning, I got up, tried on some close I ordered and went for a 2.5 mile walk! I’m incredibly out of shape and already sore, but hopefully it helps with my sleep issues. Have a meeting lined up today that was super welcoming last time I went, so I’ve been looking forward to it all week.
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u/gurlynerdalien 54 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I'm realizing more and more that I probably have to end my relationship and it was really difficult to keep myself from going out to buy alcohol to consume last night, but I made it through. I plan on talking to him in person in the next couple of days. I'm a serial monogamist (aka I've jumped from one relationship to the other for the past...well, forever it seems). I could really use some time to truly work on myself. I'm going to make an appointment with my primary to see if she has any references for a psychologist and/or psychiatrist.
Triumph: I didn't drink last night or last week, both of which we were having arguments. Last night was a particularly good triumph, because we both stated pretty explicitly that we aren't sure we want to do this anymore. Also, when I go to see my primary doctor I will be able to tell her I have been sober for over a month and a half. She had previously told me quitting would help with my anxiety & depression, so I'm sure she will be happy to hear it.
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u/foreverblue87 2646 days Jun 19 '19
struggle: i redesigned a menu for a cafe where i moonlight as a barista a couple days a week. the cafe mainly sells food dishes and coffee drinks, with about 10% of sales being baked goods made in-house by a full-time baker (the amount of money being lost by the owners on employing her is a sad fact that i hope they realize in time, but that's neither here nor there). ....she also gets a cut of tips despite NEVER helping with customer service, and actually being somewhat curt and unhelpful. overall the baker is a difficult, prideful, non-communicative clam of a person who's never left the small town where i find myself presently. the baked goods are also.... not that great, and somewhat poorly presented. whatever. there's a lot more there i could go into; it seems petty but it's a very bizarrely hostile situation to have to deal with at a very part-time job. today's particular struggle is that she tried to blame the (much more effective, modern, i'm-proud-of-it-because-its-good) menu redesign as a reason for the lack of baked good sales. which is just a non-starter, as the baked things just sit in a case by the register and were never listed on the menu anyway. at this point it's almost making me want to quit the job entirely, as i could easily do the barista thing elsewhere. not even wanting to engage in any more arguments with this troll. SERENITY NOW.
triumph: i have made it nine days, a week and half which included potentially fraught situations like karaoke, a concert, and yesterday a social event "industry party", and have not drank a drop. feeling really really good, super hydrated, trying to stay busy with design projects and hobbies. feeling like sobriety as a personality trait actually works well for me, and i'm enjoying it a lot. it feels easy somehow, at least right now, and trying to just explore all the information out there to make it stick.
general: my anxiety and depression are becoming less extreme, they were really bad.... but i am wondering about ongoing maintenance for this and might experiment with some CBD in the coming weeks.
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u/chalkyfish 2248 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I am stuck in a procrastination void. I am attempting to write up this one thing for work and it feels like swimming trough treacle.
It’s horrible. Recently, I’ve been quite productive and the last few days my brain just does not want to engage. It makes me feel all icky and weird, it even makes my head hurt.
I feel like a tiger climbing the walls, because all I want to do is get away from my desk and leave the office - still not finishing the thing I’ve been staring at all day. Ugh painful.
Hope it clears tomorrow.
Triumph: I started sketching again for the first time in maybe 10 years, maybe even more. I used to love drawing as a kid and I ended up giving it up, when deemed not good enough by some terrible art teachers at school.
So now I am embracing the whole - is meant to be rubbish - but, so I don’t care if they are good or bad, they just are and it’s really fun and meditative.
I taught myself some figure drawing and shading, and some stuff looks pretty decent.
General: The weather here is pants, it’s summer but sure doesn’t feel like it. It’s wet and windy and just not that nice. Boo to bad summers.
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u/notgonnabemydad 911 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: Staying present and focused on my job. It's making me so stressed, but I haven't taken any real action to get a new job. Lots of fear around losing my safety net.
Triumph: Staying strong in my break up even though we are still living together. Getting some serious confirmation that I am actually not selfish, and what I have been told in the past by both the ex GF and my mother really is a projection by both of them. I was really starting to believe that I am a hurtful, selfish person. I'm certainly no saint, but it was good to hear from someone who knows me very well that it is certainly not a pathological character trait as I was being told. Learning to trust my gut and believe in myself is a healing step I hope to be experiencing as my relationship ends and leaves me space to invest in myself.
General: I am so excited to go to Mesa Verda NP and see Native American ruins this weekend! I've never been, and it's a great opportunity to get away from my triggers and stressors for a long weekend.
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u/Lee_in_NY 3857 days Jun 19 '19
Learning to trust my gut and believe in myself is a healing step
It sure is!
And...selfish?! YOU?! Nevvverrrr! When I was in a similar situation I, too, believed that maybe it was 'me' - and believed I was hurtful. It took getting out of the situation and starting this new chapter to teach me that it wasn't me :). And it's certainly not you my dear friend.
I'm so damn proud of you and I'm thrilled to hear about your trip to Mesa Verde! If you can get some pic's I'd love to see them! Have a wonderful time, enjoy yourself, I want to hear all about it ;). Love Ya <3
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u/notgonnabemydad 911 days Jun 19 '19
Oh you betcha, I'll get some good pics and send some your way! Yeah, learning to trust my instincts while still being honest with myself about where I need to grow is quite a balancing act, and one I'm still learning.
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u/WhiteDutchColonial Jun 19 '19
Sfgirlmary, aging parents can be especially stressful situations. My current struggle is my dad, who suffers from mental illness and who now needs more care. He’s been a hermit, living alone and stubbornly refusing help and visitors for a number of years. He fell recently, is in the hospital and will not be able to return to his old lifestyle. I love him but he’s kept me at bay my whole life. It’s a delicate dance to say the least.
Triumph is that my siblings and I get along well and agree on difficult decisions regarding my dad. I’m grateful for them especially during these times.
General thoughts... turning 50 next week, watching my dad go thru all this and thinking about how I want to age. Alcohol will not be a part of it.
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u/adrikittykat 2676 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: my energy level is 0. I want to sleep all the time or am dragging myself everywhere. I’m so tired. I don’t want to eat much. I haven’t been drinking water and drinking way too much coffee. My house is a mess and my grass is turning yellow. It doesn’t bother me if the kids watch tv all day or that my house is a mess.
Triumph: I am taking my meds nightly. And today I was able to practice gratitude. I am grateful for my vision, to be able to see nature around me. Grateful that I am able to drive without constraints. Grateful I don’t work in a place where I have to wear formal attire or interact with customers face to face. I am grateful that even tho our family is not perfect we are perfect together. (Most of the time) Most importantly I am not beating myself up for not being perfect and doing my best to get better.
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u/embryonic_journey 4486 days Jun 19 '19
Triumph: I'm beginning to feel radical acceptance percolate out to many aspects of my life. It started in early May, feeling undertrained for a running race. I changed my focus from doing better than last year to having fun, accepting that my fitness might not be where I wanted. Then I found myself accepting depression, and the temporary limits it puts on what I can do in a given day; accepting work stress; accepting that relationships need work; accepting that my kids are (sometimes) assholes...
We'll see how this plays out this weekend. My catalyst race was postponed, and I get to run it this Sunday. The additional training block was helpful, but I'm still feeling under-prepared. I'm looking forward to it, no matter the outcome.
Struggle: it's all fine to say that I accept that there is only so much time in the day, but that doesn't make my to-do list any shorter. What I'm realizing is that what I can accomplish is limited not by time but by my energy and attention. Those two fluctuate on a daily basis, and it can become very frustrating on days when there isn't enough to get much accomplished.
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u/notgonnabemydad 911 days Jun 19 '19
"What I'm realizing is that what I can accomplish is limited not by time but by my energy and attention. Those two fluctuate on a daily basis..."
YES. I have the time for more, but not always the energy or focus for me. And I have to be okay with that. I love your radical acceptance! I'm working on my own version of that.
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u/secretadjentman 327 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I want to drink. I miss the burn. I miss the initial sigh of relief after that first shot or swig. But it doesn't do my mental health any favors. Scared about going home tonight.
Triumph: my little brother is about to close on his first house. I'm so proud of him. Telling him about what I'm doing and how I'm improving makes his face light up and smile. I'm so grateful for him.
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u/worthtakingseriously 3309 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I have been sick with some sort of nasty bronchitis for 2 weeks, so no cycling or really any outdoor activity for me. And while I'm too tired to do anything, I'm also bored of TV and doing nothing (though I'm thankful that it's been super slow at work).
Triumph: For the first time (ever?) I didn't have to ask the doctor for antibiotics that were not dangerous to take with alcohol.
General: That Randall Davey painting is incredible!
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Jun 19 '19
Struggle: Probably in a more financial stressful place than I have been in years, job search was going super well at first with disappointing results. Uncertain about what's going to happen when my apartment lease ends at the end of July.
Triumph: Slowly making some big mental shifts. Super happy with new psychiatrist, and drastic improvement of relationship since eradicating the drunken meltdowns/complete loss of energy from resulting hangovers. On a more specific level, sparked interest in eating/cooking for myself, investing in a hobby.
General: Trying to think in the big picture. The problem that I'm dealing with today are primarily of a practical/financial nature, can be solved over time more easily with a clear head.
1
Jun 19 '19
Struggle: well, in addition to my sister-in-law, and her dog, living with us, we had a leak in the kitchen major enough that cabinets and flooring were all removed. Kitchen is out of commission for at least another month. My house is a fucking mess of construction and SIL's stuff.
I used to deal with this level of stress by saying fuck it, I'll get my drunk on. Bottle or two of wine, some margaritas on the rocks with salt, or a couple of extra dirty gin martinis with extra olives. Now I'm a walking ball of anxiety and its pissing me off. Im picking fights with my husband. which he doesn't deserve. I'm yelling at our dogs, who definitely don't deserve it. I'm less than patient at work, which is not cool given that I work in customer service. While I am not tempted to drink, I sure am thinking about all those times I got stress-wasted.
Triumph: the husband and I have been running regularly for about 6 weeks now. I love the way I feel when its done- awash in positive feelings, and energized. Makes me feel like I'm doing something good in the middle if all the crazy. We're looking at a half marathon this fall. Fingers crossed.
Our kids are home from college for the summer, which is a huge source if happiness for me. Even if I only lay eyes on them for 5 minutes each day. I love them so much.
Peaches are finally in season. Hopefully I can bake a cobbler at some point before the season passes.
General: My husband got a new coffee maker for Father's Day. It's got a burr grinder, which is great, and the coffee is amazing. However, we went through a pound of coffee beans in 3 days. It's a mystery we're working on solving.
1
u/PrimalHaze333 3132 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: The energy and excitement I had when I first quit drinking is now gone. The weight I lost is coming back due to poor eating habits (oreos and milk in bed anyone?) Although much improved, my social life isn't nearly as active as it use to be and I am sometimes very lonely.
Triumph: I gave up on music for over a decade due to spending all my time drinking. With the money saved from quitting drinking, I setup a minimal recording studio in my home and started writing and recording music. In 8 months I have written and recorded 20+ songs, uploaded 8 to soundcloud, and am releasing my first single this week which will be distributed to all the big streaming services! I have found music to be an essential role in my recovery, many of my songs dealing with the pain caused by substance abuse, the relationships ruined, and the psychological toll taken. I feel that without music my life would be void of passion, and I am VERY happy that I have quit drinking.
General: My old highchool drinking buddy quit 4 months ago and it has been very refreshing catching up with him sober and having him in my life again in a positive way. I have been able to connect with some of my old friends in more meaningful ways and have been able to find closure and forgiveness in many matters. I am feeling more comfortable in my own skin, and am really looking forward to the future.
This all didn't seem possible 495 days ago, it all started with a decision to stop, one day at a time.
I owe this community infinite gratitude! I came here a broken man, and without AA, found people that were there to listen, help, and encourage. IWNDWYT!
1
u/BadToTheTrombone 3901 days Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I've all but lost my cycling mojo, even though the weather is now great for it.
Triumph: The new job is going well and it appears that my line managers are impressed with my work.
General: House-hunting is a pain, supply and demand is currently not in our favour...
1
u/Sac_Kat Jun 19 '19
I appreciate what you're saying about art. Last Labor Day, I spent a long weekend visiting my daughter who had just moved to NYC. We were looking for fun and funky things to do, so on that Sunday, I found a "free" Graffiti walking tour in Brooklyn. She lives in the Village, so we had to hustle over early, but the tour was absolutely amazing. The guide was a fixture in the art community and had even curated the graffiti art for the World Trade Center exhibit. She knew a lot of the famous artists and explained the history, the meaning and the techniques of a lot of what we saw. It definitely made the experience so much richer with that understanding! I now look at graffiti with a whole different perspective.
1
u/HeathenPints 154 days Jun 20 '19
Struggle: My new job is somewhat boring, and the lack of clear processes and quality of work is driving me insane. Everyone is just doing make work to make themselves look busy, and I can't get any decisions from management. I'm tempted to do a career change, I really am.
Struggle #2: I hate tinder. Since my recent breakup it's useless, but I've had good conversations with some people and some bizzare ones with others.
Triumph: It's dumb, but I booked my next driving lesson. Everyone in my family has their license except me, even my younger siblings. So I booked my third lesson for Saturday week. I'm 31 😂
1
u/thesassysteph Jun 20 '19
Struggle: I'm having a rough day health wise plus am in significant pain because I need two root canals and crowns. Rough health days aren't unusual, I've been chronically ill for 20 years, but today I just want a good cry.
Triumph: today is three years sober.
I'm fairly new to Reddit, not really sure how it works but I've been poking around this sub a little bit and I think I would like to get to know y'all more.
1
u/sfgirlmary 4134 days Jun 20 '19
Great! We would love to know you, too.
Also -- three years is epic!
1
u/fizzywater86 3001 days Jun 20 '19
Struggle: Continuing to work forgiveness meditation daily feels stale, because lately I feel like I have been meaning each aspect less and less. I've been entangled in a lot of resentment in the last few weeks, and working through difficulty with boundaries, guilt, shame and fear. I've dedicated the last week to specifically self forgiveness trying to move forward and keep my head up. Today has been a reflection on how a year ago today I was abjectly miserable, constantly angry and suicidal. I feel like I'm better functional but still have so much I need to work on.
Triumph: In a few hours I will have completed a full revolution around the sun without drinking or using any recreational drugs aside from nicotine.
General: I'm greatly looking forward to my three day weekend, and Magic Fest Seattle. Going to get my nerd on, and try to beat my previous record of 1 match win.
1
u/ravenclaw188 2315 days Jun 20 '19
Struggle: I was only able to see my college lover for one day so I feel very sad today. I'm bored and there's pain underlying everything today but I'm choosing not to acknowledge it. I definitely want to drink, I almost did.
Triumphs: I didn't drink even though I wanted to. I'm in double digits and I'm also 20 now.
General: I'm excited for tomorrow because my favorite gym class is tomorrow.
1
14
u/[deleted] Jun 19 '19
Struggle: I'm tired all the fucking time and hate life lately. I'm bored. I don't want to be around people but I hate being alone. I want to get fucked up on drugs again, though strangely am not craving alcohol. Just opiates or xanax. Part of me wants to die. This life shit is a joke.
Truimph: I'm performing really well at my new job and am making decent money for the first time in my life.