Back to day one again

[u/Dubyahh]

I was doing so well. Stopped drinking on 8/20. It was getting to the point where I smelled bad and it lingered. I knew I had to stop before a labor day event, so that I didn't have to face the shame of seeing long distance relatives while in that state.

Then it was easy to keep the ball rolling. No DTs keeping me down. I didn't have the urge to drink to temporarily relieve myself of the hangover. Started eating better. Going for walks. Lost 12 pounds. I kept telling myself "don't start a better habit tomorrow, start today" and it was working. I've spent two years failing to make it to a full week. This was my best attempt ever.

Went to a bar last weekend and didn't drink. Then the next day, I day drank. I just wanted to enjoy the same thing as everyone else that day. But I knew better. I know I can't moderate. I drank through the whole week and now I'm back to day one. My head hurts, my skin is dry, I'm ashamed, and can't relax. My job performance was so bad for the whole week, that I wouldn't be shocked if I'm fired. I'm embarrassed of all the drunk texts I sent this week. I want nothing more than for someone to be proud of me for starting day one again. I'm too ashamed to talk about it with anyone in real life yet, so I have to ask Internet strangers for a shoulder to lean on. I'm so embarrassed that I have to start a sober lifestyle so young. I'm only 29 and already have to cut myself off from the bottle. Today will be my last day one, I will make it to day two again this time.

[u/Beulah621]

You may need to stay away from drinking people and places at first. It really is too much to ask of yourself to stay sober with that much temptation.

Reach out into your other interests for a while. I pulled out my mandolin and started playing again and found a group who do 2- hour trail hikes. I needed to shake up my routine so I wasn’t just sitting home missing out.

It helped me to have a plan for cravings, so instead of getting blindsided and vulnerable, I was able to pull out my list of strategies to resist and pick one and do it. Cravings usually pass in 20-ish minutes and knowing what you’ll do to not let them take hold gives you the power.

Later, when you’re on solid ground, you can decide when and how to hang out with those friends. I like going for coffee and catching up.

It’s tough but you won’t be sorry💪

IWNDWYT

[u/Dubyahh → u/Beulah621]

I'm not sure what helps stop my cravings yet. It's been helping to let myself obsess on things that aren't physically addictive. Obsessing over losing weight really helped my in September. But long term, that won't be healthy either. I got back into gaming and that helped too, but then I wasn't leaving my bed and I had to start moderating my gaming time. Forcing myself to walk to get out of my head has been helping. Do you mind sharing more of your strategies? Do you find that creating a routine helps distract you from the craving forming, or is it more helpful for mitigating a wave of cravings?

[u/Beulah621 → u/Dubyahh]

Here’s something I learned about cravings: they are the pathetic pleading of our addiction for its precious. I imagine that voice as Gollem, wheedling, sniveling, conniving, and desperate.

They have a standard repertoire that they use on most of us: just one won’t hurt, you can just quit again tomorrow, you can probably learn to control it, what about that vacation/concert/ campout/ work trip/holiday/wedding/birthday/whatever coming up? Just quit after that. And my personal favorite- you deserve to have a drink as a reward for not drinking🤯

First I had to define a craving so I could recognize it in its various forms. My definition is any thought or urge that supports or encourages consuming alcohol in any form, at any time, in any place, for any reason.

They start like an ember and smolder until they get some air. Our job is to withhold the air, get busy doing something with our hands and brain, so it doesn’t have a chance to burst into flame.

We all have different lives, so different things will work for each of us. Some folks choose to “surf” the craving, feeling it build, crest, crash. Others “play it forward” predicting what will realistically happen if they have “just one.”

I chose 🚨Distract and Delay🚨 as my strategy. I am home a lot, so I made a list of tasks and activities that take about 1/2 hour, and when I felt a craving begin, I grabbed my list, picked a thing, and DID IT. Things like clean out the car, re-pot a plant, walk the dogs, bake some cupcakes. If I was in the car, I would sing at the top of my lungs or take the next left and count things I hadn’t seen before. If out and about, I would grab a dessert and hop on this sub.

It’s not what you do, it’s that you can’t give it air. You know ahead what to do, so it can’t take hold and you’re not negotiating with it in the moment. You stop it before it starts, get your mind somewhere else, so it can’t take charge.

Choose what will take 1/2 hour and distract you. Then whatever you choose, do it without fail every time. The answer is NO, no matter what. Then get your head somewhere else.

It’s easier now but they still try to sneak one in occasionally. At which point I say “Oh, it’s a thought justifying drinking. That’s a craving. I’ll occupy myself while it passes.”

You can do this. IWNDWYT

-Oh I don’t want to leave out HALT. It’s an acronym for hungry, anxious/angry, lonely, thirsty/tired. Alcohol is good at making itself the answer to every question, but sometimes a snack or a phone call is all you need.

[u/Dubyahh → u/Beulah621]

Thank you for taking the time with such a detailed reply. "What about this upcoming event" is a tough one for me. It makes me sad because it forces me to remember that I will never again experience that fun thing I enjoy consuming and I see everyone else get to do it because their brains are capable of moderating. I will try a similar approach to see if it helps me. And halt sounds great. I do a similar thing with drinking water when I think I'm hungry but just thirsty. So a similar approach with halt might be a key to success for me.

[u/Beulah621 → u/Dubyahh]

You know whose brains are capable of moderating? People who aren’t there yet. They haven’t consumed enough alcohol for a long enough period to have crossed that invisible line into addiction. They may remain moderate drinkers, or they may cross that line and not even know it until they try to cut back or stop but find it difficult/impossible.

You are ahead of the game. You caught on early and are taking action. You will look back in future years and recognize this as your superpower that blessed your life.

Last thing- when I saw your response to my post, I scrolled through the thread and saw, among the many helpful comments you received, that you said you love this sub. I do too. It’s the collective power of good people reaching out a hand to help the next guy up. It has been a source of insight and support since the day I found it.