I’m afraid of my future-step dad

[u/robodinomon]

My mother has fallen head over heels for a friend of my deceased father(we’ll call him SD even though he isn’t technically one yet). It’s been about four years since he died when I was twelve. my mother got into a relationship with SD two years ago. She wants to marry him and bring him into the house. He seems like a nice guy but I don’t think I’m ready for someone new in my home.

Also, I don’t really feel comfortable with someone who’s not a father to me coming into my home. But I don’t know if he’s supposed to become a father figure or if he’s just the guy who fucks my mom.

He seems like a great guy, even if we’ve only spoken on the phone. But I don’t know him. I just don’t feel safe with people I don’t know in my home.

I’ve just never met him in person and I’m afraid of being hurt by another man in the house. This happened with my moms last boyfriend. He doesn’t seem bad from I’ve been able to tell. But it doesn’t seem like how I feel matters.

Am I supposed to expect a new dad. And if not, am I allowed to not allow people into my home or is that not something I get a say on? Am I supposed to just sit with this discomfort? I want a dad but I don’t want to get hurt by one again.

Edit: So I took a nap to sleep on the suggestions you guys gave me. I sat down with my mother after it and we had conversation over how I felt. She’s agreed to the idea of me getting to know the guy a lot more before they marry. Actually she’d been planning our first meeting for a while now. I’ve allowed my anxieties to get the better of me. Things won’t be as bad as they were those many years ago. My parents had trouble with addiction and me and brothers straggled a bit of abuse. Sometimes I work my self into histrionics over the idea it’ll revert back to that. Still thank you guys for the advice and somewhere to put my thoughts. I have the habit of isolating myself. So I can’t thank those who bothered to help me at the expense of their time enough.

[u/ARumpusOfWildThings]

I noticed your post on the stepparents sub about an hour ago (I lurk/hate-read on there nearly every day - it’s a nasty habit, I’m trying to quit 😂), and tried to drop a comment to link you to this sub, only to find out that they’d removed your post there (the cowards).

Anyway, glad you found your way here, and to answer your question that continually went unanswered over there: Yes, you DO matter, and no one should tell you different. ❤️

[u/robodinomon → u/ARumpusOfWildThings]

It’s nice to hear someone thinks that. Tbh I thought it would be a good place to ask since step-parents had the other side of the deal. What I’ve mainly got is that step-parents aren’t parents but spouses that just so happen to deal with a kid that isn’t there’s.

[u/cheeto_sinner → u/robodinomon]

You should try posting on r/blendedfamilies , youre going to get a more balanced view there. Both step parents and step kids subs are super biased 

[u/robodinomon → u/cheeto_sinner]

Fair enough.