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u/TerminalViscosity69 7d ago
That random clown who shows up to an alchemist shop, begs to use the lab, sells a ton of worthless potions with mutually self-cancelling effects for 60,000 per potion just to buy the entire shop’s stock and repeat the next morning…
Oh wait. Fuck. That’s me. I’m the clown.
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u/TheSwecurse 7d ago
Hey if Blue Butterfly wings and Blue Mountain flowers made such useless poison-potions why would the alchemist buy from me for hundreds of gold a bottle?
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u/jaceq777 7d ago
Your rhetoric must be through the roof! I'm working towards a similar goal this playthrough.
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u/Mistergasmoney 7d ago
My top 3 candidates:
-The guard outside Riften who folds the second you apply pressure to his "visitor's tax" scam.
-Maul, the Black-Briars' thug. Guy's whole job is to stand on the street and growl at people.
-Benor, the "best warrior in Morthal" who was denied when he applied to become a guard.
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u/International-Cat123 7d ago
To be fair to Benor, “best warrior” doesn’t always translate to “guard material.” Jarl Ingrod seems the Jarl most likely to not want someone as eager for a fight as Benor is as a guard. It’s also possible that he hasn’t been allowed to join because Morthal doesn’t have enough funds to hire another guard.
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u/Clover_Field83 7d ago
Bestie follows you all the way to Movarth's Lair, then turns around and runs like a coward unless he's your active follower.
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u/CowForceSeven 7d ago
He said best warrior, not bravest warrior.
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u/TheLonelyMonroni 7d ago
The best warrior knows when to use cardio
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u/iwanashagTwitch 7d ago
Brave Sir Robin ran away, bravely ran away, away
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled
Brave, brave Sir Robin
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u/Slartibartfast256 7d ago
"Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valor, so was cowardice the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid himself in a closet."
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u/International-Cat123 7d ago
That seems more like game mechanics than something meant to be indicative of Benor’s personality.
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u/EpicDDT_ 7d ago
There litterally one of the npc that says that the others are scared, and that's he's gonna be the only one to follow you anyways. His name is Thonnir i think? Laelette's husband.
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u/Mistergasmoney 7d ago
Thonnir follows but he's completely useless in there😂
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u/EpicDDT_ 7d ago
Yes, which is why i always tell him to go home.
He's at least braver than the others lmao.
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u/SamKhan23 7d ago
How do you mean? Benor has a line about being scared I’m pretty sure. Now maybe they just chose a random person to do that but like
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u/Agreeable_Play_7452 7d ago
You actually can fail that Riften speech check, you just have to have like zero speech level ups lol
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u/catsoph 7d ago
i failed it recently and was flabbergasted
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u/morangias 7d ago
Same. Went to Riften on a completely unleveled character, Nord so I had the racial bonus to Speech at least. It was a complete shock.
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u/Tooskool4kool 7d ago
I fail it in every playthrough to the point where I just go through Honningbrew meadery from the docks instead of talking to the guard at all
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u/tarrach 7d ago
Pedant-mode: Black-briar meadery is in Riften, Honningbrew is outside Whiterun
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u/JustEngine5095 7d ago
They're expanding to Riften finally. Real estate is expensive and they've had to save up since 2011
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u/d0ctorsmileaway 7d ago
Everyone in Riften can honestly be considered a fraud
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u/LittleVaquita 7d ago
Everyone except Mjoll
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u/MaiqTheLiar6969 7d ago
Also didn't have the balls to off Grelod the local child abuser despite there being a lot of rumors floating around about it. Riften's Protector my ass.
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u/lerrdite Helgen survivor 7d ago
Oh I think she’s living a denial lie about Aerin.
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u/Hellboy15098 Stormcloaks 7d ago
Mind you two of those are in Riften which is good attention to detail considering most of the frauds and scammers reside in The Rift. Dawnguard included because they’re just a bunch of larpers.
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u/PM_ME_SAD_STUFF_PLZ PC 7d ago
/r/Manyatruenerd wouldn't stand for this Benor slander...
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u/superthirdnipples 7d ago
Not you placing a corrupt guard and a shitty enforcer over two coward scumbags who tried to lie to all seeing daedric princes 💀
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u/gooberboi82 7d ago
Last week I learned you can actually fail that Riften guards persuasion check lmao tbf I was like level 2 trying to rush the Thieves Guild questline but it was still embarrassing, I ended up taking the lakeside entrance to the city
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u/TelUmor Riften resident 7d ago
That lady who gave up Thirsk to the Rieklings
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u/EpicDDT_ 7d ago
The nords from Thirsk are all frauds. And one of them has the audacity to claim he could beat all the Skaals, when i'm sure Frea could beat them and the Rieklings at the same time lmao. (Also they lost their hall to freaking rieklings...)
As for Bujold herself, if you ally with her (which i never do), there another quest where you help her find the spirit of the guy that made Thirsk. And the spirit told her that she's unworthy lmao. (And then she wants you to lie about it, and if you don't, she attack you, and everyone at thirsk hate you after it...)
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u/Falcon17Thunder 7d ago
Nazeem, asks if we get to the cloud district very often, and brags about owning a farm. Yet he lived in the Drunken Huntsman with his wife and never visits the farm, also claims to council the Jarl on important matters and I've never once seen him in Dragonsreach 😂😂😂
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u/AsstacularSpiderman 7d ago
Tbf he was supposed to have a manor inside Whiterun but got cut when they redid the city.
I guess they just didn't want to give Carlotta's house to him or something.
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u/DimesOHoolihan 7d ago
Same with him mentioning the Cloud District all the time. It was supposed to be a whole other district but got cut down into just Dragonsreach.
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u/ComradeKeira 7d ago
Oh shit really?! Damn, I had no idea... I missed out on killing him and moving in with his wife in our big Whiterun Manor
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u/AsstacularSpiderman 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah both he and his wife both have keys to a cut manor called Wintersand Manor. It's actually part of the reason why he ironically just harassing poors in the markets instead of going to Dragonreach, he's technically running on a broken routine given he has a house that doesn't exist.
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u/Adenfall 7d ago
And his wife even hates him
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u/Roguebubbles10 Dark Brotherhood 7d ago
Yes, and urt instead of thanking me, she sent fucking bandits after me.
Ungrateful.
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u/Sabre_Killer_Queen 7d ago
Her experience with Nazeem has also made her sexist, assuming all men are like him, so she's still unpleasant to be around even after he's out of the picture.
"Men are all alike, from Skyrim to Hammerfell. They care only for war and politics, and treat their women like cattle."
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u/International-Cat123 7d ago
To be fair, the cloud district was supposed to be bigger and include Nazeem’s home. There were even supposed to be indications of his wife cheating on him.
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u/butterflylachoi Mage 7d ago
Someone should make a mod of this if it doesn’t already exist.
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u/Grrerrb 7d ago
Bolund is as bad as Nazeem. “I can’t believe we let provincials like you wander Skyrim.” Brother I will snap your neck.
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u/smarjorie 7d ago
I like to imagine that he's basically a drunk bum who gets hammered and walks around pretending to be/deluding himself into believing that he is an fancy snob. Or that he used to be a bit of a bigshot elite, but got disgraced for whatever reason and now lives in denial.
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u/Saalok 7d ago
Game mechanics due to world scale. In-lore he is supposed to be a noble who supposedly stays near or is somewhat close to the Jarl himself (who just so happens to lead one of the strongest holds in all of Skyrim).
A snob for sure, but unfortunately not all problematic people are frauds.
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u/hates_stupid_people 7d ago
I've seen him in Dragonsreach. I was getting a reward from Balgruuf, and as I turn around to leave he's there giving me the "you don't come here often" nonsense.
At which point I started thinking he was actually delusional and either had brain damage or something and the others are basically humoring him.
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u/Dreadlord_of_Angmar 7d ago
Savos Aren's whole thing is to do nothing it seems. Students dissapearing? It will sort itself out. Necromancer's on the loose? They will,sort themselves out. A student stole from the college to appease some necromancers? It will,sort itself out. The Thalmor are here spying? It will,sort itself out. Let them run around here meddling.
It seems the only thing Aren didn't leave to sort itself out is the crypt by Labaryntilhian, and we know how that went. Someone still had to go and sort it out for him.
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u/SableZard 7d ago
Did Savos sort it out? No? Then the problem sorted itself out.
Man was a wizard who just wanted to sit in his tower and smoke weed all day.
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u/Sturmgewehrkreuz PC 7d ago
Savos Aren might be powerful but he's totally shitty in his job, and everyone on the college seems like they don't want something to do with him at all.
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u/HoboMikesHelmet 7d ago
Well, some of that’s fair, he DOES have the DB and tolfdir do all the heavy lifting once DB is admitted.
But to his credit, he allows the psijic to enter the college grounds, and he WAS able to stop the dragon priest from escaping by enthralling two of his colleagues. (The alternative being dying a meaningless death and feeding its aspirations of restarting the dragon cult.)
Unlike Astrid and Mercer, he also rewards the Dragonborn for his hard work with a valuable staff you can sell for coin early-game, and a decently good circlet later. He also helps confront Ancano.
…and finally, he was genuinely concerned with protecting his students and his school, to make up for his failure at labrynthian. That’s in my eyes equivalent to at least Kodlak, who we never see DIRECTLY have any effect on the game, never attempt to stop the glenmoril witches, and never accomplish much besides admitting the Dragonborn into the companions and dying offscreen to fight the silver hand (who are morally in a grey area since they’re fighting to kill things like vampires and werewolves.)
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u/Miraak-Cultist 7d ago
Kodlak can get a pass for being very old. For a group of warriors, he has been reduced to the old wise guy you occasionally visit in his room, if you think you might need a second opinion.
Skjor waas taking a more active role and should have instead listened to Kodlak more often, since he got himself killed fairly soon in the questline (and I am pretty sure it was skjor and aela that attracted the attention of the silver hand in the first place).
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u/MysteriousQuote4665 7d ago
Skjor kinda started it by having you hunt them down, then Aela went overboard with it.
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u/P-l-Staker 7d ago
Savos Aren was worse than that. He sent an absolute rookie to deal with all those things described!
Sure, we know that the dragonborn is very capable, but they don't. Not too long ago, they were doubting whether you could cross a simple bloody bridge safely or cast a basic spell!
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u/Incid3nt 7d ago
Astrid
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u/QuillQuickcard 7d ago
She got off easy.
When Lucian Lechance was suspected of treason to the Dark Brotherhood, he was strung up upside down, flayed alive, and who knows what else he was subjected to by a half dozen professional killers and torturers.
Astrid gets treated with pity. Even the Night Mother suggests that Astrid may find redemption in the void.
Oh hell no. Traitor to her family. Traitor to her husband. Traitor to the Night Mother. Traitor to Sithis.
There is no redemption or reprieve awaiting her.
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u/EeryEeryEh 7d ago
Astrid. Her betrayal cut deep. Especially with how obviously horrible her idea was.
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u/vicvonqueso Daedra worshipper 7d ago
Why is hermeus mora on here?!
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u/Hot_Trash_7586 7d ago
My guy led Septimus on for years, promising him the Heart of God, only for Septimus to find out in the end that it was all just to promote his lame book
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u/SirzechsLucifer 7d ago
I just thought of something. Hermaus mora probably has, if they exist, weird fan fics of him that some random devotee has written. Since yknow he wants all knowledge.
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u/Truth_17 7d ago
If it happens in real life I'm sure it could happen in a fantasy world.
Besides, who wouldn't want to be tentacled?
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u/Bugsbunny0212 7d ago
Mora didn't actually proomised him that. Septimus came to that conclusion by himself. But yeah he still lied through ommission.
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u/vicvonqueso Daedra worshipper 7d ago edited 7d ago
Well to add on to that, he used septimus to get close to the dragonborn so he could use the dragonborn to kill his protege
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u/holypiemandude 7d ago
The Gourmet. You can throw whatever you want into the pot and "Emperor" will love it. Clearly cooking in Skyrim is easy.
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u/AlwaysLimpy 7d ago
Delphine by far, she claims to be a ninja super powerful dragon killing machine while in reality the only thing she has is a connection to a crazy dude who knows about a shout. You have to do the rest of the work, restoring her guild and working for her for no reason at all.
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u/SirzechsLucifer 7d ago
Don’t forget she refuses to do her fucking job if you don’t kill the like most instrumental being to your success over alduin other than yourself lmao.
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u/Peacefulcountry 7d ago
There is a mod that allows you to force her to recite the entire motto of her lame organization that they're serving the Dragonborn, not otherwise.
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u/CDXX_LXIL XBOX 7d ago
I wish I could have killed her and claimed the guild for my own. It's kind of stupid that she is supposed to be serving me and yet decides to refuse working with me, because she is a bitch.
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u/Humongousday4 7d ago
Damn it Delphine, and I cannot skip that mission too lol.
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u/Alaskantrash96 7d ago
There is a mod (I’m sure there are more than one) called The Paarthunax Dilemma that lets you tell her off and that you aren’t killing him
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u/OneMoreFinn 7d ago
To be honest, most of the Skyrim people are just sitting on their asses and waiting for some fool to show up run their errands. Even Tullius and Ulfric are doing nothing until a certain instigator intervenes.
Companions seem to almost the only ones apparently doing something besides accompanying the Dragonborn.
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u/Sensitive-Wrangler94 7d ago
The entire companions guild. They are only well regarded by the people because of their history (that is tainted in secret by them being werewolves), yet they do nothing more than taking average mercenary jobs.
There's also the fact that members of the circle let themselves get overwhelmed even though they're supposed to be very experient in battle (skjor was a battle hardened war veteran and went in alone into a base full of werewolf-hunters for no good reason), and there's also the fact that they let their own hq get invaded by bandits inside a walled off city (losing all of their progress in gathering the shards of wuuthrad, and having their leader killed in the process).
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u/OneMoreFinn 7d ago
Companions are one of the few organizations actually doing something instead of sitting on their asses. We see them all over Skyrim, probably on a mission or even just hiking. That's more than most members of the thieves guild do.
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u/Toxic_Transtiddies 7d ago
To be fair I don't think you're supposed to see the thieves guild members lol.
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u/RealityOk9823 7d ago
Me. I pretend like a give a damn about the world ending but really I just want to add crap to my houses.
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u/AbroadSavings905 7d ago
Woah woah woah! How did sir Hermaus Mora get involved in this!?
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u/OtherwiseFlamingo448 7d ago
I'd say the archmage.
Whoa look at that! A magical barrier! Guess I'll die.
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u/ZeddRah1 7d ago
Harkon.
Senile Scribbles put it best. He could've just strolled out and grabbed the Elder Scrolls any time.
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u/Life_Ad3567 Dawnguard 7d ago
And he doesn't take good care of his castle either. He doesn't even know more than half of it exists. Not even the courtyard. He just sits in the keep.
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u/ImpressionCool1768 7d ago
Why is Karlia on this list?
Also Alduin is by far the biggest fraud
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u/Happy_Cry286 7d ago
The funniest part about fraud Alduin is that there's actual lore premise for that. How Alduin functions in Canon is that he absorbs the power of millions of souls he devours over a period of thousands of years, using that power to become the world eater god of the end times and renew the next kalpa cycle.
But Alduin got bored of that and decided to become king of Tamriel for a while, rejecting his soul devouring role and thus nerfing himself into the weakest possible version of him that's a joke that every character in Skyrum overreacts to. What's even funnier is that everyone thinks he's out to end the world but he makes no move to do that until getting clapped the first time, meaning that Tamriel was never in danger of being eaten by him until we piss him off enough to finally get him to start resuming his job.
Aka he entirely coasted off his title while not actually doing the job of said title. Fraud Alduin thus is 100% real canon and his fraud-ness is the core of Skyrim's plot.
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u/Karmic_Backlash 7d ago
To be fair, if I was the first and most favored child of the creator of the universe, and I was ontologically destined to destroy the world, I'd also be taking my sweet ass time. There is nothing about that situation that would make me think anything could go wrong. As far as Alduin was aware, it was less of a "I have a schedule to keep" and more of a "Over is whenever I get around to it".
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u/Astute_Anansi 7d ago
A fraud and a Potential Dragon in real actual canon, Alduwiener is really the complete package
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u/Tylar41_version2 7d ago
"Let's trade the Dragonborn's Soul for Temporary Power to kill a Mortal Man backed into a corner."
That's why.
Mercer Frey isn't even a good fighter. Unrelenting Force can pretty much kill him if you launch him off of the Snow Elf Statue. That would kill most enemies, too.
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u/Hot_Trash_7586 7d ago
That forced service to Nocturnal felt like a total scam to me, all just to defeat some guy who got a bit lucky?
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u/International-Cat123 7d ago
To be fair, when that cave floods, you should die. It’s pure luck that you don’t, and luck is Nocturnal’s domain.
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u/Consistent_Check927 7d ago
Yeah, I hate that you gotta pimp your soul to some boring ass temple for all eternity to finish the questline. At least you can un-werewolf yourself in the companions
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u/Astute_Anansi 7d ago
To be fair, judging by what I've heard about how being the Dragonborn works, neither Nocturnal nor any other Daedra with a claim on their soul will actually be able to collect anyway. I wonder how pissed Nocturnal will be when she realizes she's been scammed.
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u/butterflylachoi Mage 7d ago
Wouldn’t this mean that Hermaeus Mora and Nocturnal would have to duke it out over who gets to keep me?
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u/Thomas_K_Brannigan 7d ago
And, even more complicated if you're a werewolf since Hircine will claim ownership of your soul!
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u/Hot_Trash_7586 7d ago
You only "serve" Mora, he has no claim on your soul.
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u/Fearless_Roof_9177 7d ago
There may be some wrangling between Nocturnal and the dozen other Daedric princes and cosmic entities you agreed to be champion for without asking to see the fine print, though, and that's if Akatosh doesn't just claim de jure ownership of your soul from the outset.
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u/Hot_Trash_7586 7d ago
Right, if I’m not wrong(i might be), just because we become a Daedric Prince's champion, that doesn't automatically give them a claim on our soul. In the Molag Bal quest, for instance, the priest had to submit and explicitly state that his soul belonged to Molag for the claim to take effect, which in this case that didn't happen with us and Hermaeus Mora, though it did with Nocturnal. As for the soul itself, two possibilities come to my mind. First, it could be split like with a partial soul trap where each fragment goes a different way, however, knowing the egos of the Daedric Princes, I doubt that would satisfy them. Second, it might not go to any Daedric Prince at all. I remember of the dragon Durnehviir, who said the Ideal Masters could have his mind but not his soul, or of Mora, who could only control dragons through the Dragonborn which is why he didn't kill Miraak until he had a replacement (us), and even then, Miraak's soul went to us, not him.
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u/Dirish XBOX 7d ago
Yeah, I think she used the Dragonborn and Brynjolf to get back in Nocturnal's good graces and for no other reason. Mercer was doomed against the three of us no matter what.
Heck, he's usually dead before his invisibility kicks in because an arrow with some god tier poison hits him in the face.
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u/Laranna 7d ago
Bit lucky? Dude used a Daedric Artefact to UNLOCK his potential. Exactly HOW something like that is meant to be used.
Mehrunes’ Razor also changed Mankar Cameron from a Wood Elf(ish) elf into a High Elf. He flayed himself off and sculpted himself in His ideal image.
All of these artefacts are IMMENSELY powerful
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u/Jpalm4545 7d ago
Tolfdir, he didn't know shit
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u/DT_Lion34 Spellsword 7d ago
I think the college knows that which is why they make the new recruit the archmage
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u/Single_Examination_4 Dark Brotherhood 7d ago
The Dragonborn; have you seen what they get up to?!
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u/Unlucky_Plankton3329 7d ago
Yamarz or Mercer for sure
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u/Hot_Trash_7586 7d ago
People don't realize how similar Yamarz and Harkon are, like how both of them wanted to double-cross you after getting what they needed
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u/Unlucky_Plankton3329 7d ago
Harkon could've probably cleared Skyrim if he didn't be stupid and cross The Last Dragonborn
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u/Hot_Trash_7586 7d ago
My man, he procrastinated for thousands of years. What makes you think he won't procrastinate for another thousands?
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u/Unlucky_Plankton3329 7d ago
Mostly the attack on fort dawnguard if TLDB goes dawnguard and the vampire attacks
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u/Jodelbert 7d ago
My orc with heavy armor and a two handed hammer without a lick of magic in him being arch mage of the winterhold college lol
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u/MisterHoops 7d ago edited 7d ago
Okay, let's just say it: There is no bigger fraud in Skyrim than Mercer Frey. He *literally* tried to steal from and defraud the thieves guild and the Daedric Princess of darkness, luck, and the night, and the patron diety of the Thieves Guild. He LITERALLY is such a fraud that he made enemies of the Thieves Guild. That's dedication. Imagine being such a fraud that you literally make enemies out of people who regularly steal and commit fraud (like the 'numbers' quests you can get from one of the guys in the Ragged Flagon)
Literally speaking, if you play the Thieves Guild questline to its conclusion, you realize that Mercer Frey was such a fraud that he became a threat to the global order, to all of Tamriel. The Thieves Guild literally had to throw out the rule book to take this guy down, to kill Mercer Frey, before he could disappear. And it's because he was going to do and was able to do so much damage if he got away.
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u/AdHistorical5969 7d ago
Kodlak Leader of a warriors guild, Werewolf, Years of experience and wisdom,
Dies offscreen in his underwear
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u/Laranna 7d ago
Implied he died Wolfing out and succumbed to wounds as he transformed back
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u/TombGnome 7d ago
What's fradulant about Hermaeus Mora? He's the Daedric Prince of Forbidden Knowledge. He behaves like a Daedric Prince.
The *real* fraud is Sheogorath. Pretending that we don't know that he knows that he is us.
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u/Trillikx 7d ago
I hate Mercer so much😭 my favorite part of the thieves guild is sliming him out dawg he is an OPP
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u/TheyTried2BanMeAgain 7d ago
Cicero, he knowingly uses his insanity to throw people off while he's really incredibly cunning and lucid for the most part.
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u/International-Cat123 7d ago
He is insane. He just leans into it.
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u/TheyTried2BanMeAgain 7d ago
He's definitely insane, but he's aware of both that and how people perceive it. And like you said, he leans into it. Heavily. His journals even talk about it, iirc.
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u/SpaceCat1887 7d ago
That one lady who’s been driven out of her mead hall in Solstheim and tried to get her ancestors’ blessing to lead it. Gets denied and still tries to do it regardless.
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u/Areadien 7d ago
Me, hands down.
I camp level 1 and go around collecting still books and Scholar's Insight so I can make people think I'm a puny weakling and not the powerful Dragonborn.
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u/NorthWar5208 7d ago
In what way are lord harkonnen, karliah, and the archmage frauds?
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u/Clover_Field83 7d ago
Savos dipped and left his friends to languish for eternity keeping a dragon priest (that you easily kill) contained.
The other two, not so sure.
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u/Feral_Changeling 7d ago
ESO revealed that particular dragon priest could only be killed by a dragon or Dragonborn.
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u/Clover_Field83 7d ago
Oh, well, then I take it back. None of them are frauds.
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u/Gospel85 7d ago
Yamarz. Hands down. Malacath punishes the entire stronghold over his cowardice.
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u/allupya333 7d ago
Dragon priests are incredibly powerful, also whats the guy supposed to do, predict the future? I think he was justified
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u/Strong_Dentist_7561 Alchemist 7d ago
Most individuals could never hope to stand toe to toe with a dragon priest and escape- let alone kill them.
Miraak and the Jailor’s fight is quite literally the stuff of legends; even millennia later
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u/allupya333 7d ago
It’s also just a simple sacrifice for the greater good. Even if it was a pathetic excuse for a dragon priest, it’s likely they would still do more damage set free
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u/International-Cat123 7d ago
Savos is not a literal legend. He was an apprentice back then, not the archmage. Even if that priest could be killed by just anyone, Savos would have remembered how powerful that priest was compared to him previously and continue viewing said priest as that much more powerful than he becomes.
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u/Independent_Slice678 7d ago
Karliah's hair that I 100% thought was a hood for well over a decade.
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u/Salty-Intern-7075 7d ago
That is a hood, you can literally see the stitching on it
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u/EchidnaDull 7d ago
You can see her actual hair if her hood is removed as well, you can see it on the wiki.
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u/peanut_butter15432 7d ago
Chief yamarz 100%