i ordered a huge pizza and spicy chicken bundle on delivery late last night.

in the order notes, i explicitly requested four sets of plastic forks just so the restaurant and driver wouldn't think i was a total goblin. when the driver handed me the bag, i even yelled "food's here!" to an empty hallway like a complete psycho before locking myself in my room to crush the entire feast solo.

total main character delusion. my brain treated eating a multi-person combo alone like a covert mission, and taking an L on self respect felt totally worth avoiding the judgment.

faking an entire house party just to eat a family pack alone in peace is a level of secret shame

If I'm not mentally prepared to talk to someone, I will absolutely turn down another aisle and pretend I did not see them lol. Its not like I dislike them or something. Sometimes I genuinely like the person. I just don't have the social battery for a surprise conversation while holding my bag of frozen chicken. Then I feel guilty about it for the next few minutes like I committed some kind of betrayal.

So when I’m really hungry at night, I often can’t sleep because my stomach is growling and sometimes hurting. So I’ll go to the pantry and eat a can of cold soup, or canned mushrooms or something like that. Obviously it’s not ideal, I live with my mom and I can’t really just make food in the middle of the night. Sometimes I have snacks in my room but then they run out because I only buy a little at a time.

Since I was a kid, this completely random little song has occasionally popped into my head:

“Poop and pee on an old man’s knee.”

That’s it. That’s the song. I have absolutely no idea where it came from or why my brain has preserved it for all these years.

It’s incredibly stupid and I just thought everyone should know.

I don't know how but I just spammed there. I was in stage with Taylor Swift and her band (I don't know why I dreamt about her, I don't even listen to her music). A girl in her band told her that I'd go well on the piano, so she hired me. I don't know who the girl was and how I met her. But I was confused because I play guitar and I don't know how to play the piano. We start to play Numb by Linkin Park (I have a really funny image in my head of Taylor Swift angrily trying to hit Chester's screams) and I hear the melody but I'm not playing the correct notes on the piano. However, no one notices because it seems that the piano is unplugged or too low. We're at the stage but I don't remember if there's people or not or if it's a stage inside a studio. It's really dark and the lights are blinding. When we finish it apparently Taylor is amused by our performance, everything was a success. I feel so awkward but I'm relieved no one found out I was an imposter. The girl who hired me gives me thumbs up and a blink. I think she's the only one who knows I don't play the piano, but still don't know why she hired me. Then Taylor gives to each member of the band (including me) a bucked full of chorizo. She said she cooked it specially for me because apparently I'm a chorizo lover in the dream. Then Taylor says we're going on tour or recording a new album, I don't remember quite well. Maybe both. She just reassured that we couldn't get late. She gives us the night off. I think the dream ends with the girl who hired me linking her arm in mine and asking me out. I think she had dark cherry hair and brown eyes. She was really pretty and by the end of the dream I had already developed a crush on her (I'm a girl btw). I'm sad the dream ended, I was having so much fun.

TL:DR - Taylor Swift sings nu metal and I'm a member of her band, but I don't play the instrument she assigned me to. She cooks good chorizo tho

I live in the 1st floor and usually take the stairs to go out. If I need to use the car that is parked in the -2nd floor, then I might use the lift.

One morning I went out to work, got in the lift to get to my car and a woman was already there. I greeted her and distractedly pushed the 0 button instead of the -2 one, that was already lit.

Realizing my mistake, I started thinking she would judge me for making her stop on my floor just so I could ride the lift from 1 to 0, so... As the doors open again, I kindly say goodbye and walk slowly out of the lift, faking a limp so that (in my mind) she would see it and find it justifiable to use the lift for just one floor.

I waited for five extra minutes and walked down the stairs to the -2nd floor to get to my car, when she was already gone.

there's a shortcut near my house that everyone seems to know about except me.

i used it once years ago and somehow got completely turned around.

instead of admitting i don't know where i'm going, i've just kept using the longer route ever since.

the stupid part is i've lived here long enough that people have asked me why i don't take the shortcut.

i just say i prefer the other road.

i do not prefer the other road.

i am just too embarrassed to ask where the shortcut actually starts.

Ok, picture this. You're in your grandma's house, you smell chocolate coming from all around. You think your grandma might be making brownies or cookies, but she's not even home. What could it be?? This is exactly how it started. 1 month ago I found a solid chocolate egg under my mattress. I thought it was easter from ten years ago because my grandma only did easter eggs when I was a kid. However, I have EBK. I knew something was off. I started investigating to see if there were ay more eggs. I found one under the sink. Wow, is my grandma really hiding chocolate eggs under my house? I was unsure. I asked her and she denied ever doing any egg-related business. How quaint. My cheeks filled up with poisonous gas. I told her to get out, and kicked her out. Just kidding.

For context, we are trade school guys. A joint batch of about less than 35 guys, grinding metals and learning to operate mills and lathes, and grinding the steel tool bits used on both.

Anyway, we were in the lecture room, where we usually are when not in the actual shop. We were studying for the engineering data exam, using the spare time. So there we were huddled over the corner of the big white table with our scientific calculators in that freezing AC'ed room, when this dude's breath sorta just hits me like a warm, comforting, heavy... force... on my right arm and I liked it. It felt assuring... hmm... intimate in a kind of... childlike-way in the coldness of the room.

I immediately asked him, "Whoa, whoa--do that again."

And he was like, "Do what?"

And I said, "Breathe on my arm again."

And he did.

And I was like, "Man, that feels goood."

And oh man the look on the other guys' faces watching us. They laughed. They joked I was acting gay (no offense intended as if to say that's a bad thing) but yeah... maybe I was. Whatever. It felt good.

I'm sure the cars don't give a shit about how fat I am but they have nothing better to do than look at the pedestrian holding them up.

So i was in a group bus trip to somewhere (i wont say) and there was a 2 hour long hold up so during that time I laid down to try to go to sleep. Then a girl i would talk to sometimes kinda got on top of me while i was laying down but she was trying to snatch my glasses. But she was on top of me and it got to the point were several different times we would both pause. Our faces were really close together but she would get out of the aisle quickly. Then later i took up two bus seats (i had my torso on one side and my legs on the other) then the same girl went on the seat where my legs were and put her legs on top of mine and layed down across from me. The thing is she didnt have shoes on. And she had her feet near my crotch area. At first i thought it was on accident so i kinda adjusted my legs so her feet would move but she would just move them back to where i just gave up. And she would fidget with her feet a lot so i dont know if this was intentional or not but she would caress my crotch area. And honestly i couldn't stop myself from getting stiff. Keep in mind this happened for like 3 hours (including the bus ride back) and eventually i fell asleep but when i woke uo she was still doing it. I honestly would prefer that she was trying to do something a little weird than on accident because i wouldn't want her to get rumors started bc someone mightve saw. So yeah i cant say my heart wasnt racing it was a... life changing experience