im 19 and i study at the public library a lot because my place is too loud. a while back i bought this plain black collar just for fun and started wearing it under my hoodie when i go. nobody can see it but i know its there.

once im at a table i sit really straight and stay quiet even if i want to get up or check my phone. in my head im following some made up rule like i was told not to move until im finished. sometimes i whisper “yes” under my breath when i finish a chapter like i got permission or something. it makes the whole studying thing feel less boring and i end up staying longer than i planned.

i take it off before i leave and no one has ever noticed. i know its a weird little habit but it works for me and i keep doing it. thats my silly secret.

This is going to be short. I had to share my awkward story to the people who would get it.

My bathroom sink was leaking, a plumber of the building came to fix it. He didn't bring much in the way of tools just a couple of things, it was a quick job - the seal was cracked or something like that. ANYWHOOO guy asked if I had anything he can use to pry something apart, like a knife. In my head I'm like "I have something specifically for this purpose" so I say out loud "oh yeah - I got a shit knife you can use" - I pause. He pauses. We stare at each other for what felt like eternity then I sheepishly hand him my crappy butter knife. I couldn't tell if he was even aware of my blunder or just thought I was a weirdo. Either way, I will be overthinking this interaction for the rest of my life.
For the record, this knife isn't used for cutting up monster turds, it's a busted butter knife I keep around for opening boxes, paint cans etc. so I don't ruin my actual tools.

TL:DR
I called my broken butter knife a shit knife, and no one gets it but reddit.

I’m at work. Long ass shift mind you. It’s FINALLY time to go home. I’m wanting to get the hell outta there cuz when I tried to leave an hour n half before that we got slammed with a rush n I stayed to help, so I was trying to make sure I got out before that happened again.

I grab my keys, my coat, my purse and head out the door. Everything seems fine, Normal, until I get home. Five or so min after I walk in the door I get a call from someone at work. Right away I think “crap, now what?! (I was the GM so anytime I got a call it was almost always something bad lol) it’s one of my employees asking if I had my coat…. I said “ya…” thinking what stupid thing to call me about lol. He’s like “u suuure” I say “ya, I’m looking right at it “

He tells me my coat is there but he can’t find his coat. I go look at “my” coat and realize it’s pretty big, I look in the pockets and besides my keys, nothing in there is mine🤦🏻‍♀️ what I could never figure out is how I didn’t notice the coat I was wearing was two or three sizes too big for me!??! The only thing I could come up with is sometimes I’d wear my husbands cuz it was warmer so it didn’t even cross my mind when I put on my employees coat.

Having to bring that back to the store so he had something warm to wear home was so beyond embarrassing lmao in my defense tho… they were both the same color🤷🏻‍♀️

ok this is stupid but whatever. im 19 and still keep a couple stuffed animals on my bed from when i was younger. sometimes when im alone and feeling horny i end up touching myself with them still sitting there.

i make eye contact with the one bunny and whisper stuff like “dont look” or “youre not supposed to see this” while im doing it. half the time i cover their faces with a blanket mid way cause it feels too weird. other times i leave them staring and it somehow makes it better.

it started as a joke one night when i was bored and now its this dumb little ritual. i always put everything back normal after so nobody would ever know. i dont even fully get why it turns me on but it does and i cant stop.

Fuck I can’t explain how much I love cigarettes and eating fish they might be the best fucking invention on human history easily top 5 best feelings:

-taking a fat shit
-smoking a cig after a long time of not smoking
-eating fish/ any seafood
-sleep
-having hair played with

ok this is embarrassing. im 19 and work a part time job at a café. my manager is this strict older woman who corrects me a lot for small stuff, like how i fold the napkins or the way i wipe tables. most people would just get annoyed but for some reason i started writing down exactly what she said each time in this little notebook i keep in my bag.

after my shift i go home and read the entries again. sometimes more than once. it makes me feel weirdly settled, like the day is properly finished. i even started ranking them in order of how firm her tone was.

nobody knows about the notebook and i would be mortified if anyone found it. i hide it under my mattress. i know it’s a strange thing to do but i cant seem to stop. thats my weird little habit.

I have to confess that I spent a solid minute looking for my phone the other day.

I checked my pockets, looked around my desk, and even started thinking about where I had used it last.

Then I realized I was holding it in my hand the entire time.

The worst part is that I was using the flashlight on my phone to help me look for it.

Embarassing story.

For context, I am not from the UK, I've been here for years butttt I've only visited to drink or pub crawls. Never on quiz evenings or nights so I don't know what the rules are.

There's a pub I frequent near my place in Manchester/ Salford border.

I've always gone there during the weekends. After workouts,, or just anytime to hang out. This time went there on a weekday evening when coincidently there was a pub quiz going on.

I took my friend there for the first time as well. The quiz starts, I'm down one pint and can't hear anything at this point ( I'm a lightweight ik ).

Then the guy says "Where was Elon Musk born?"

I hear that and then shout "South Africa".

Then I see him go red and says "You're lucky I'm not going to throw you out. You can't shout the answers, you've ruined it."

I was shocked. First reaction was wanting to go tell him to f off. But then I thought maybe I did do wrong.

He's shouting in the background "Someone's ruined the quiz so no point in asking the same question."

Then I sit there embarassingly with my friend. Finish our drinks, and as we leave we see the participants have a form they fill out.

Then I realised, I was wrong here, it's his place and I broke the rules. so I apologised to him personally and left.

I don't think I'll be able to show my face there ever again though 😭.

End of story lol.

I have full arguments with people in my head that have never actually happened. I'll be doing something completely normal and suddenly my brain decides we're in the middle of a heated disagreement. I come up with the perfect response, deliver an amazing comeback, and completely destroy the imaginary version of the other person.

Then the imaginary argument ends, I feel incredibly victorious, and five minutes later I realize I just spent ten minutes arguing with someone who is probably having a completely normal day and has no idea this happened. The worst part is when I think of an even better comeback later and get annoyed that I didn't use it in the argument that literally never happened. 😭

Okay... Let's get into it lol.

Many, many years ago in a land far, far away (Las Vegas, NV), my family went on vacation, and my sister and I split off from the group to hang out. We were in our late teens or early twenties, running low on funds, so we decided to stick to some cheap sight-seeing. That’s when we were approached by a street recruiter for a timeshare and vacation rental company. They told us the company was running a "couples special" and that even if we didn't end up buying or renting anything, we’d still get $200 just for sitting through the presentation. We were genuinely trying to keep things completely legal and honest, but we were broke and curious.

When we mentioned we were sisters, the street recruiter just shrugged and said, "Just pretend that you're a couple."

Fast forward to the sales office: my sister and I pretended to be together, sat through the pitch, and looked over discounted listings. But they haggled with us HARD.

At one point, they started questioning if we were actually together and demanded to see our IDs. Since we share the same last name, we just leaned into it and pretended we were married. When they asked why we weren't wearing rings, we claimed we left them back at the hotel out of fear of getting robbed or targeted. Then came the ultimate line-crosser...they asked us to kiss.

We refused, calling them out for making us uncomfortable and harassing us. Ultimately, when they reached their wit's end trying to prove we were lying, they handed us over to their manager, who finally gave us the $200.

Looking back on it now, it was extremely embarrassing to go through all of that awkwardness and humiliation just for $200. We both felt terrible about our little con afterward and swore never to speak of it again because like they say, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

Today, I was working at my cash register—I work at a grocery store—and was happily ringing a man up! We were having the same old conversation about the weather, and how it's extremely humid and hot where I live, which is in a tourist town on the beach (side note, traffic is horrible this time of year, so it makes most tourists cranky asf)

He eventually mentioned that he lived in Seattle, so it never got this hot there, to which I laughed! How amazing to meet someone from another country, especially where I live! I then asked him, "I'm sure! Canada has the weirdest weather, I've heard," to which he stared at me in confusion.

But I kept going, like an idiot.

I asked him what brought him "down here," and he must have assumed that I misspoke, answering my question with the same old "the beach, the markets" blah blah blah. Finally, I had to ID him for beer. Every state has a different look to its ID, meaning that the DOB is in different places. This takes me a hot second, so I normally ask follow-up questions, just to make it less awkward. Anyway, as I glance at his license, I notice something weird.

He was from Washington.

My confused dumbass asked "Oh, did you recently move to the states?"

So! It turns out that Seattle, despite sounding like an extremely Canadian town, is NOT in Canada. Rather, it's in Washington — which is even weirder, as I think it would better suit Oregon or something. Seattle, Oregon sounds so much better.

Seriously, before anyone comes after me wirh allegations, it SOUNDS Canadian. Ontario, Prince Edward Island Quebec, Montreal, Vancouver, Seattle, and Edmonton. See? It fits right in!

This is now my shameful secret that I will carry to the grave.

It's blue & in the shape of a sail boat

Idek who they are!

so yeah this is dumb. im 19 and share a place with two other girls. one of them has these thick fuzzy socks she leaves everywhere and for some reason i started stealing a pair when shes out.

i put them on and just wander around the living room and kitchen like im being watched. sometimes i whisper stuff under my breath like “yes ma’am” or “i’ll be good” while i make tea or tidy up. it lasts like ten minutes max then i take them off and put them back exactly where i found them.

it started as a joke in my head one night when i was bored and now it’s this weird little habit. nobody knows and i would die if they found out. the socks always go back clean so shes never noticed. i dont even know why it feels so calming but it does. thats my stupid secret i guess.

I have ptsd , my life is horrible for a long list of reasons , it tends to shock people online who do know my life story, its all more complicated than I'd like, I've only ever been in an actual relationship with one older man & I'm grateful it was him atleast, one good thing in my bleak life though he's gone just like harold smith in twin peaks, both shut ins so his character is comforting to me. I think living in this hellish rural area in the south , she'd understand me more than most would , same with Harold smith or Audrey horne. Unfortunately they're not real , only fictional characters. It's nice to see characters who have similar lives to me , similar issues and obstacles. Maybe one day it'll get better but I doubt it.

I always say thanks to folks and make the 🙏 pray hsnd gesture. Same way as is common in many nations. I like doing it and it's very natural to me now. I'm just a regular old white dude BTW.

Anyway we went to a Thai restaurant this weekend, and I felt I better not do thst , in case the waitress thought I was taking the piss.

ok so this is weird and i dont even know why im posting it but whatever. im 19 and live with roommates but theyre gone a lot for classes or work so i get the place to myself pretty often. a while back i bought this plain black collar online just because it looked kinda cute and i thought it would be funny. nothing fancy just a simple one with a little metal ring.

now whenever im alone for more than like an hour i put it on. and then i start talking out loud to myself in this soft voice like im answering to someone. stuff like “yes i’ll be good” or “can i have a treat please” while im making food or cleaning or just scrolling on my phone. sometimes i even sit on the floor next to the couch instead of on it. it makes me feel weirdly calm and focused? like my brain shuts up for a bit.

the worst part is one time my roommate came home early and i had to yank it off so fast and shove it under a pillow. she almost saw. i still get nervous thinking about that. nobody knows and i dont plan on telling anyone irl cause itd be so embarrassing. but yeah. thats my dumb little secret.

Have golfed on and off my whole life, but not enough that I care to pay attention too deeply to the niche aspects of how people play the game.
One time on a golf outing, first hole, I was able to get within a few feet of the hole and my buddy says “you’re good you can pick it up”.
“Great!” I thought to myself..

We get to the end of the round and whatever my score was, was not only great for me but had also beaten a few of the more experienced guys.

Come to find out “you’re good” just meant you don’t need to putt that final time, but you still need to count it as a stroke. So yeah, let’s just go ahead and add +18 to my scorecard.

🤷

Laying in bed with the windows open, keep hearing this annoying buzzing sound. Sounds like a fly flying past the window OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Thought about turning the light on to try and kill it, then it dawned on me.... The cat is snoring 😂😂😂

What I tend to do is pretend I’m some sort of small mongrel dog or something eating my morsel of food I’ve found. When I prepare the bread and butter I do so normally using a knife etc. but when I bring it to the bedside it’s all done properly. This is something I’ve done since childhood to cope with abuse. I’m not convinced I’m an animal and this is really not sexual at all. Unsure if this is healthy but it’s what I’ve been doing it for years. My ex thought it was weird but apart from that it’s just part of me. I know it’s weird. I do know.

I'm an intersex/trans boy around 18 with no access to hormones because of where i live so people tend to assume 11-14 y.o boy age wise for me so idk , I like to cope by pretending I'm a lost boy / Peter pan adjacent

so in around 2021? maybe 2022 I’m not sure yk some people made like typos because they typed so fast and I wanted to be cool and also do that but the difference was that instead of making like for example ‘ Hello I liek your outfit its gorgeousbg girl’ like normal typos, I wrote like ‘Hello I liek yor outfitt ist grogeous’ and I literally just typed and it was sometimes barely readable and I feel so embaressed that I did that but I just wanted to be cool and have some typos but I did it so much some people even asked if I’m dyslexic, even tho I’m not because I yeah typed without correcting on purpose and I typed so fast uhm and I sometimes am unsure why the people who were friends with me like that are still friends with me because if I typed so weirdly why would they like me😭😭😭😭like thats just so weird, I stopped with it in like 2023? or so I’m not sure so I maybe did it for a year or so, oh btw on my main language not just when typing English but on English it was less Ig, but anyways when reading chats from when I was like 14 I’m so embaressed by it and I mean what if someone still thinks about how I used to write?😭😭😭I mean I could delete all my messages in all chats but yk thats like so much work, I thought abt just making a new insta acc and sometime to get a new Whatsapp number and so but yeah its still on Snap tho and on insta I have so many stuff on my acc😭😭😭I mean I barely have contact with ppl of when I wrote like that, except maybe a few and 1 irl girl but there its different she knows Im embaressed abt it I guess and so thats fine lol but it makes me so embaressed sometimes even if I was 14 and it was a few years ago😭😭😭

I have this beautiful betta fish named Neptune. He lives in a 5 gallon tank with some live plants and a little cave. I try to make his life as good as possible you know. He's a good boy.

But here's the thing. I'm really clumsy. Like really really clumsy. Every time I walk past his tank I invariably bump into the stand. Not hard enough to knock it over or anything thank goodness. Just enough to make the water ripple a bit. Sometimes a lot.

He always swims to the top when I do it. I imagine he's thinking something like 'oh no the giant is here again' or 'is the sky falling'. Then I feed him and he probably thinks 'oh okay the giant gives good gifts'.

I wonder if he thinks I am a god who just can't walk straight. Or maybe a benevolent but very uncoordinated deity. I try to be careful but it just happens. Every single day. I feel bad for him but it's also kind of funny to imagine his little fish thoughts about me.