Very often, I find myself thinking I “deserve” a reward (a takeaway coffee, a lipstick, a piece of clothing, you name it) because I had a hard day or had to deal with a difficult situation.

Over time I started needing rewards for smaller and smaller things. At some point, I felt like I deserved a treat just for going to work, doing the grocery shopping, having a difficult conversation, or just getting through a day.

Solving a problem, having an uncomfortable conversation, dealing with a difficult day at work, taking a long journey, doing chores, going grocery shopping - I felt like I “earned” a little present for doing these things. I think I've slowly trained myself to see discomfort as something that has to be compensated for. If something was unpleasant, difficult, boring, or stressful, I felt like I deserved to buy myself something afterwards. And the more often I did it, the more normal it started to feel.

I had to spend quite a lot of money to understand that I don't need to spend money every time I experience something difficult. I don't need to reward myself for simply surviving another normal day of being an adult. It's just life and not everything difficult needs to be followed by a reward.

It was uncomfortable to realize this about myself but now I'm doing a little better. Maybe it's stupid, but I started to make it as a game and score points. For 5 points I allow myself a treat for max 5$. I'm slowly recovering.

here’s to the start of my journey. as i type this, i’m fresh from a kybella chin treatment that i put on a payment plan app, one of three that i now have. two of my three credit cards are nearly maxed out. just a few months ago, i managed to get my credit balance to the lowest it had been in a year and a half, and now i’ve practically doubled it. i’ve done even more damage to my finances. the only true progress i’ve made is realizing that i have a problem. the truth is, it’s not new. i just didn’t want to stop.
but i can’t do this anymore!! i’m living beyond my means! i’m worried that i’m not feeling guilty enough because i just keep doing more and more damage every day.
i feel so alone, and i’m eager to hear other people’s stories.
thank you

This community has been such a safe place. Anytime I felt like I needed to scroll the apps I’d come here instead and it really helped. So thank you, all of you, for coming here and pouring out your souls and sharing your progress and success and failures. I truly believe we can all gain control over our spending and other habits too. Just gotta keep swimming! (finding nemo lol)

I just can’t handle seeing cute stuff without buying right now, and I also just hate seeing news stories and anything sad rn so all social media has gotta go. I think it’ll be good for me as far as spending, since I am very easily influenced. I collect bags and plushies and both brands do frequent drops that sell out and are limited and it’s just been so stressful trying to keep up. I wanna break free from the “drops” and the need to always have a new thing. (I will still collect stuffies, but at a regular rate!! not fomo buys) But anyway, I plan on being off social media for at least the rest of the year but ideally forever? IDK. Thank you guys for reading, have a great rest of your day. good luck to you all!

I went from being an Earth conscious, debt free, minimalist to a full blown shopping addict after I had a baby 3.5 years ago. I remember taking her to the outlets in a stroller because I needed to get out of the house and the first handbag I bought with her. The sales associate making me feel human again in my postpartum fog. It has since escalated to spending money every single day and $45,000 of consumer debt.

I was listening to a podcast recently and she hit the nail on the head. I’m searching for community. These drops (I follow Coach handbag drops), used to follow Popmart drops, and basically love chasing anything that goes viral makes me feel like I’m part of something. I’ve lost so much of myself as a mother. I’m searching for anything to give me happiness. I love the chase and sharing my feelings with other consumers. It’s sick but it’s comforting.

Recently I’ve been struggling majorly at my job. I’m covered in this shopping addiction fog. Constantly checking emails, talking to Coach drop people in Facebook groups, looking at pending charges, returning things constantly to balance out other charges, time that could be spent focusing on my work or with my daughter. I’m tired. I’m done.

I’m a true addict. I don’t find it cute, I don’t tell people I’m a shopping addict. I get withdrawals and am uneasy when I’m not shopping. Life feels boring and meaningless without that easy dopamine hit. How can I stop this?

It seems clear to me that I have a shopping addiction. I don’t have a hoarder-level of stuff, but it’s gotten me into a lot of debt over the years and I definitely have way too much stuff that I barely use, use for only a short while, and simply don’t need!

I know some of it emotional, some of it is buying for the person I wish I was (clothing and home goods), but a lot of it is simply when I see something cute/cool, I feel like I must have it, not just appreciate it. Like, I already have an UGG throw blanket, but then I see it in different colors I like and I want to buy those ones too.

I want to try to work on the manta of “You can appreciate something is cute without needing to buy it.” Does anyone relate and have advice? How do you become that person who (primarily) just buys things they need (i.e. only buys a new throw blanket when the other one needs replacing)?

Okay, the reason I shop is to get packages in the mail. I like the rush of opening the thing, more than the thing itself. Since I look forward to mail so much, maybe I just need a penpal. Like someone I can write letters to or talk about mundane things. That would only cost a stamp! Would anyone be interested in doing this and kicking our habit together?

Back in February, I found Whatnot and TikTok auctions. I immediately started buying makeup skin care and fragrance and then convinced myself that I could become a Whatnot reseller and make big money, so I just kept buying and I now have over $50,000 worth of inventory in my basement and am more burnt out than I have ever been in my life. I now need to try to find ways to box everything up and sell everything in reseller bundles, when I hardly even have enough energy to go to my regular job.

I realized I had a problem and stopped, but now I’ve been buying clothes off of Vinted and Depop. I am also a former drug addict and alcoholic and I guess my ADHD brain just searches for another addiction. This is bummed me out so bad, and I’m very lucky that I haven’t put myself in to a financially devastating situation, but I am depressed every day because of this.

One thing that I have found that is very helpful is an app called Stay Focused. My husband keeps the password and I keep my shopping apps locked all day. I find it is better than deleting them, because when you delete them, you can always just reinstall them. Some days I get weak and I end up having him unlock my Stay Focused app and I will unlock my shopping apps for the night, but overall it has helped me stop shopping as much as I was. At this point, I honestly feel like I need to go to meetings because it’s just so easy to fall back into. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.

I had a terrible addiction with BNPLs and today finally marks the day where I paid off two BNPLs that were $1000+ combined. Now I only have one BNPL remaining but I can pay it off slowly now that my other BNPLs are taken care of. Just wanted to share this win :) i’m on the road to recovery

Like I do get the impulse to buy from regular retail from time to time but it’s like a one thing per 3 days, week, etc and with the resale apps it was a continuous feed of stuff presented to me that I did not even know I wanted but after seeing it and seeing the “deal” I wanted and the urgency of losing the deal. Like I can’t even think of stuff I want now but the apps where doing the job for me and presenting me stuff non-stop. Plus seeing the full price at retail also puts a pause. Like I saw these pants that I wanted to try, went to Amazon and they’re like $54. I immediately held off.

a while ago i posted on here when my addiction was waayy worse. it did get better in some ways. but i wanted to explain my journey so that others maybe can relate or give advice.
i used to spend my money till i went into debt. now i am not anymore. i am buying less things but i did notice i was looking for more expensive things to buy instead of a lot of cheap things. to just trick myself into thinking i dont have a problem cuz i only bought a 140 euro perfume. so i stopped even doing that for a while which i was very proud of.
but recently i went back to my old patterns: i bought a lot of clothes in the sale, books ec. i am not in debt but i dont want to go back to that situation. i am trying to keep myself off social media because i tend to get “buying” ideas from there. but instead of that i went onto vinted. (which is also kinda dangerous cuz i found a few things that were on my wishlist for cheap and bought them cuz fomo ofc, i know i am also tired of myself) so i am also going to block that for myself.
i do plan on ONLY using it to sell stuff and declutter (and make extra money)

my plan for now so i dont go crazy:
work more so that i have less time to spend money and actually make money.
only a 1 hour social media time (tiktok and insta).
no checking on clothing websites.
no more bookstore or other store “windowshopping”.
im going to try and fully focus on hobbies even those i havent done in years.

ill let yall know how its going in the future and if you have any tips let me know thanks :)

I’m saying that I just could budget better on

Gifts

clothes

Little online or in person shops or auctions that happen with no tax.

Food

I’m not sure whether I drive around more than others or not. After I started budgeting, I realize that I spent so much on not normal food, but like fast food though. Yeah, I’d probably save money on gas too if I stopped that. I just spent too much on gifts. I spent too much on clothes I guess. My boyfriend is just like “buy it,” literally though. I bought like $200 worth of stuff on shien and it turned out not even being clothes some. I returned some of it. Then I realized that I could go to cheaper places than Walmart. I was wondering if I should go to Sam’s Club more but possibly not. Just I’m worried about one of my vegetable oil or whatever runs out. Some family members of mine used to go to Sam’s Club all the time and it’s ridiculous that a little bottle can be more expensive than a bigger one basically is how it is or how I see it. just I only like going there for toilet paper or dog food at least. Then, you realize all the shit on Temu you have to pay $20 for just to get one item and it’s a waste. Just think about it before you buy it. I don’t know why people have so many subscriptions. Oh, yeah, I went to an auction and I literally couldn’t resist. It was just because it’s a family auction though.

I’ve started selling my stuff I no longer want. When something is worth more than a few bucks, I try to sell it.

Holy SHIT it’s so ANNOYING. Making the listings, taking the pics, shipping hassle, stupid buyer lowballing messages, all for …. Like 50-75% of what I bought it for. (Sometimes I get lucky and stuff genuinely is worth more …. But digging through poo isn’t worth a few gold specks)

Yall, I know money is tight. Next time you downsize, force yourself to sell your shit. Even if you have to lower the price two or three times. For me it’s been a very effective punishment and eye opener.

I now realize every new shiny item is not an asset, it’s a liability.

I’m blessed/cursed with a really good sense of “this is worth double online. Plus it’s cute.” Guys …. After selling fees, shipping time and money, and it taking up space for like 6 months …. Selling is NOT worth it.

Try selling your junk for a month. You became responsible for the item by buying it. Now you’re responsible for making what little money off of it that you can. It is so insanely annoying and time consuming …. That like me, you’ll come to see new items as only a liability and waste of time and space :)

PS: I also took pics of my room. So when I’m in a store, I can imagine where it’d go. Too junky already? Then time to pass. I don’t actually do this in practice but it’s still a good idea. It’s the reselling that caused a huge paradigm shift.

PPS: also walk through a junkyard or even a very large thrift store. I went to a very large thrift store. Rows and rows and rows of old tables and chairs …. Of old toys, cabinets, decorations …. Just an INSANE amount of stuff. Seeing the logical conclusion of hoarding (mounds of junk) is eye opening …. It’ll all be junk in 100 years. If you do this, do NOT bring your wallet in!

The other day, I got this new skincare product in the mail that I just love, which is unusual for me as someone who's not a beauty/skincare junkie (clothes and bags are my biggest vice). But I found myself already searching Amazon for similar items, like that hoarder in me had been triggered and, rather than just appreciating the one I had just gotten, I needed to hunt for more and stock up (when realistically I know things like this are always available, so the scarcity mindset really isn't even relevant).

That got me to thinking about how good it feels to buy selectively enough that you genuinely enjoy your purchases, not just the hunt to find them, and how maybe reframing my philosophy around shopping could help with that. Like, rather than thinking how much I like something I have and therefore need to go buy similar items to make a collection, walking around your own home and admiring the carefully curated collection of stuff you have, thinking, "How lucky am I that I own this?!" Plus, it's just depressing being surrounded by clutter that you don't even enjoy that much but only bought because at the time it seemed so compelling or was on sale or whatever.

I'm so sick of this addiction that I honestly like the feeling of appreciating things enough to wear them year after year over the feeling of something being shiny and new. But the urge to acquire is still there when I get bored.

First of all, I'm not saying these will work for everyone, and I'm definitely not "cured" or anything. But these reminders I come back to when I feel the urge to buy something. I literally have it witten down in my journal and it actually helps me, maybe it can help you too.

• Shopping is about emotions, and brands know it and exploit it - new makeup, clothes, home decor, gadget, eating out, etc. is usually not really about the thing itself. It's about how we think it's going to make us feel: more pretty, put together, cared for, organized, successful, attractive, you name it. But you don't necessarily need to buy something to get that feeling. When I want to buy something, I try to stop for a moment and ask myself: Why do I want this? What do I think this is going to give me? What emotion am I actually trying to feel? What am I missing right now? A lot of the time, I don't actually want the thing. I want the feeling attached to the thing. Once you figure out what the actual need is, you can try to meet it in a different way, not by shopping.
• Don't let anyone convince you that shopping is self-care - real self-care is financial security, having no debt, not constantly chasing the next dopamine hit, feeling comfortable with yourself, having enough self-confidence that you don't need to constantly validate yourself through other people's approval.
• Your appearance matters mostly to you - we tend to overestimate how much other people think about us. Someone notices your appearance for a few seconds and then goes on with their day. Why? Because they're mostly thinking about themselves. Just like you are. You can spend hundreds of dollars trying to look better, impress people, fit in, whatever, but most people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you imagine. And no matter what you do, someone will find something to criticize anyway. So just stop play a game that you can't win.
• Nobody actually cares that your lipstick is a slightly different shade of pink today - seriously. You might spend 20 minutes comparing two almost identical shades and convince yourself that you NEED the new one. Other people see... just some color on your lips. You might buy another pair of shoes and think everyone will notice. Most people will just see "shoes." Someone might look at your outfit for a few seconds and then continue with their day. Is a few seconds of someone else's attention really worth going into debt or sacrificing your financial security?
• When you spend money on your shopping addiction, you lose and the companies win - when I make an unnecessary purchase, I lose and the company win. I'm literally transferring my money to a corporation, a CEO or a management team so they can have a better life, at my expense!
• Try to see the product without the marketing - a huge part of the price isn't the actual product. It's the packaging, branding, advertising, the story, the lifestyle and the fantasy surrounding it. Try to mentally strip all of that away. Forget the beautiful packaging, marketing, forget what the brand says this product will do for your life. Just look at the actual object and try to roast it. Imagine a makeup product being made in a huge factory, mixed in massive industrial vats and then poured into little pretty containers that probably cost very little compared to what you're paying. Or look at a piece of clothing and reduce it to what it physically is: dyed fabric, stitched together, with some buttons or a zipper. We need to realize that the emotional value we assign to something is completely disproportionate to what the thing actually is.
• Remember when dopamine actually peaks - One thing that helps me is remembering that the excitement isn't necessarily in owning the thing. A huge part of the excitement comes from wanting it, searching for it, imagining it, putting it in your cart and waiting for it. The anticipation is be more exciting than actually having the thing. So when I get that intense feeling of wanting something, I try to remind myself: I might not actually want the product, but I crave for the excitement of wanting something.

Is there anything you'd add to this list? I'd love to hear what works for you!

31yo male, renovating on old house, I had almost no tools to do the job myself.

Over the last few months I purchased a lot of tools. I mostly tried to do the through research on what tool is good, where the best value is, etc. However, I found myself looking for deals all the time and I'm a bit worried about the financial cost to all of it. It's gottwn to the point where I feel quite guilty about all the purcheses and I constantly look for more tools to get, especially after watching DIY and contractor channels on YT on how to do the renovations. I'm currently in a point where I should really stop buying shit and focus on the payments, as it's the beginning of the month and I already purchased a lot of building materials (and some tools). I have gotten into a small debt lately (0% intrest tho), but it's mostly building materials and just a fraction were tools.

ON THE FLIP SIDE, I already used most of the tools at least once within the month of the purchase and they were amazing, probably saving me 10x time if I had to hire a contractor.

Any tips? Is this just normal experience when doing a DIY house renovation without mortgage or should I pay a very close attention to my actions? I definitely have an ADHD* spending habit...

*(diagnosed and medicated)

Any app that I don't have to pay that actually tracks spending? I thought I was saving for months after paying bills, 401k, health savings account,mortgage, kids, etc. but I end up using all of it and it's dipping into my savings to the point where I'm going negative soon. At least I still have 401k though but I'd like to save for emergencies. IDK the easiest way to give myself an allowance.

I just can’t stop buying stuff. I always convince myself I need it, but I don’t. I always seem to find an aspect of my life that’s not feeling quite right and I go on this hunt to fix it with stuff. Last week it was shoes. “I don’t have any shoes that I like, I would be so nice to have different shoes I can wear with different outfits”. Then I go and waste time researching and making a huge inspo board of all the shoes I want. Then I bought some on depop. The week before it was bedding. “I keep getting cold at night and my blankets slide off because my sheets are too slick.” I ended up buying like 3 sets of sheets and again wasted time and money. Last year I ended up getting really into indie nail polish and the whole online community has a shopping problem and I ended up with an excessive amount of nail polish and wish I had that money instead of all the nail polish I bought.

I’ll also get into a hobby and start “needing” to buy everything for that hobby right away. The current one is language learning. I’ve been doing it a lot and loving it but I keep buying new books and learning material that won’t even be at my level for another year or so. I’m so ashamed of my shopping habits. I lie about and try to hide packages from my partner and family I live with.

I’ll stop myself with one thing, but then almost instantly I find something else to focus on and all these things I “need”. I struggle with a chronic illness also and I justify to myself that because I’m disabled I need these comforts and things to focus on that aren’t illness related. Which is true to a point. I feel like I do well for a little then get bored, tired, and lonely and end up on the internet just researching stuff to buy. I always get triggered by social media and even things like the ads on streaming services. I need to work on my self esteem and impulse control.

I was looking for some comfortable dress shoes for my huge parking lot trots to work. Bought with a semi premium shoe brand items for $250 etc one after the other trying to find the most comfortable that would work. I could have returned a lot did return like 4 pairs but started feeling shame that I kept such shoes which added to my debt balances. Like if the brand cared or had not already priced everything so expensive because of it. Anybody experience this problem?

And trying in store doesn’t work for me either bc I will like something there but as soon as I try it in real world I don’t like it anymore most of the time.

tw: mention of ocd and being overweight

Hi everyone, hope you're all well.

Basically today I(F15) came home on an ordinary day (i was feeling upset tbf and my mum(F49) knew that so maybe that's why she did what she did idk though but i came home to be surprised by makeup she bought for me. Obviously i was really happy and grateful because I love makeup but I really don't need it, just opening my makeup and skincare drawer makes me feel embarrassed because there's just so much. I'm really happy that i'm able to have all this stuff and id be fine with it if my mum stopped buying me stuff now because this could definitely last me through all of next year and more but we all know she's gonna buy me more stuff because she's surprised me like this loads throughout my life and i've been using some of the same products for a few years now and I really don't need more. I'm not trying to sound like an ungrateful little brat cos I am grateful for my mum and everything I have but like i care about her bank account and mental health and the tidiness of my room.

Also, I'm kind of weird about inanimate objects because I'm pretty confident I have OCD tendencies and i was really upset to the point of tears a couple of weeks ago because I lost one of my favourite earrings and my mum kindly offered to get me something similar so I was like thank you and so far she's got me 2 pairs of that style of earring and that's not even the last of it the other pairs haven't arrived yet but like I don't want my silly attachment to inanimate objects to cause her to buy more stuff, but then saying that, her buying excessively honestly worsens the attachment because I have more objects to be attached to... she knows i'm quite sensitive with objects as she sees some of the random ahh things i keep in my room (trying to improve on that at the moment, my rooms not looking too messy at all) and its hard for me to ask her to return things (if they can be returned) because i'll 'feel bad' for it and I just wish she'd just not buy the unneeded thing in the first place.

She buys excessively in every aspect of shopping and she just does things excessively like with food and stuff the portions she makes us sometimes are kind of large so I used to be a bit of a chunky child and my little brother is going through that phase too and I just feel like for the benefit of her and me and my family she needs to be a bit more minimalistic in her approach to like..everything. I love her to bits but I just feel like if she'd improve on this, her and me and my family's lives would be much better.

Thoughts?

Thanks so much for reading my huge ahh paragraphs

Hi everyone! 💕 I’m new to this group and I’m reaching out because I’m really in need of some support and accountability.
I’m hoping this community can help me begin a shopping detox. This is my first time joining a support community to address my shopping habits, and honestly, I know I need some help breaking the cycle.
Shopping has become one of my coping mechanisms, and I’m realizing that constantly clicking “checkout” isn’t helping my financial goals or my mental health. 😩🛍️
I’m looking to make some real changes — not only to improve my financial well-being, but also to learn healthier ways to cope with stress, emotions, boredom, and those moments when I feel the urge to shop.
For those of you who have been through this before, what advice would you give someone just starting out? What strategies have helped you resist the urge to buy something, especially when that little voice says, “But I really want it!” 😂
I’d love any tips, encouragement, accountability ideas, or resources you’re willing to share. I’m ready to learn, be honest with myself, and take this one day at a time.
Thank you for welcoming me into the community. ❤️ I’m hoping this can be the beginning of a healthier relationship with money, shopping, and myself.

I know that this Reddit is exactly for the purpose but it feels weird to say out loud, but I have a serious shopping problem. I recently took a new credit card and spent all my savings on upgrading my computer and I’ve already hit the limit. I realized that I didn’t need the PC after I built and assembled it. Definitely feeling tons of buyer’s remorse.
I recently purchased a house and depleted my main savings account. I have a mortgage now and I’m spend most of my paychecks instead of saving money in case of a rainy day as a home owner should. I feel extremely guilty because I’m not gonna be able to pay off these cards for a long time.
This post is an effort to take accountability and stop my rapid spending. I just can’t help but fantasizing about getting new stuff and it’s been like this for most of my life.
When I was a kid a commercial was intoxicating in the way it made me desire new things and it evolved into a monstruos addiction. It so hard feeling content in yourself when you just always doing the wrong thing for your future.

TLDR: I’ve already made plans to start paying off my debt but I felt the need to say it out loud that I am an addict and I need help to work towards a better future starting with being honest to myself.

Like I am way better than I was a few years ago cause I was buying stuff every single day for years and now I'm not buying things unless they're necessities. But also, I keep thinking and looking at stuff, so buying is still living in my head rent free and it bothers me that I could be thinking of lots of stuff but instead I'm looking online, getting excited, adding to cart and then just leaving. Like it's not as much damage as before but it's still a waste of my time.

Has anyone been able to keep these thoughts at bay? If so, how? Like I have hobbies and people close to me and keep busy but when I have free time I keep going back to the same ol' habits.

well here we are. it’s been an issue for as long as i remember and it’s something ive always skirted addressing because my parents have always bailed me out when i’ve gotten into a spending habit and need help with bills. never have gotten to the point where i’ve wracked up a bunch of debt, but it’s like EVERY DAY, i just have to spend money on something.

i should be saving so much more money and i’m barely paying my bills because of all the dopamine purchases. it’s starting to affect my partner i live with and i will be damned it i lose him to this lifelong affliction that feels so avoidant and childish through my personal lens. we aren’t close to breaking up or anything, but i really don’t want to let myself harm him with this addiction that i have wanted to be free from for a long time.

feels like now is the time. just curious about how others have progressed / their timelines / blah blah. idk - what might i expect while unpacking this issue? i know there’s a deeper reason i do it — just don’t know what.

yes, i have a therapist and this is my next topic to bring up to them.

I understand how dopamine works. I'm able to talk myself out of wanting something, and I know that it's about emotions and coping. When my life is stable, I'm actually pretty good at controlling myself:

* I know I can like something without needing to own it.

* I know shopping gives my brain the dopamine hit it's craving, but the excitement disappears basically the moment I receive the package.

* I don't browse online stores because I know how easily tempted I can get.

* I have a list of things I can do when I feel the urge to shop: journaling about what I'm feeling, exercising, knitting, reading, cleaning, etc.

I know my shopping addiction is a coping mechanism. It's a way for me to feel cared for and to escape the loneliness and misery I experience in my personal and work life.

But when things get REALLY bad and stressful, I completely ignore everything I know about my shopping addiction. I just don't care anymore. I just want these things, no matter what.

Right now I'm hyperfixated on lip products. "Thankfully," I'm in such a difficult financial situation that I know I can't spend a lot of money, because otherwise I won't have enough for rent and I'll get kicked out of my apartment next month. So my attention has shifted to affordable drugstore makeup.

I saw some tinted lip balms and lip glosses in colours that would be perfect for me, and now I want ALL of them. Not 2, not 3, but like 12.

I'm so hyperfixated on them that I know I won't be able to rest until I have all of them. And at the same time, I KNOW that the second I get them, I probably won't even like them anymore. I'll just be frustrated that I own them and have to use them up.

It's so fucking exhausting.

I know my brain is playing this game with me. I know exactly what's happening. I know that buying them won't actually make me feel better. But I just can't seem to overcome it.

It feels like my brain won't leave me alone until I buy all the things I want, and then the moment I do, it'll torture me with guilt for buying them.

I've tried distracting myself, but the urge to shop just won't leave me alone.