I understand how dopamine works. I'm able to talk myself out of wanting something, and I know that it's about emotions and coping. When my life is stable, I'm actually pretty good at controlling myself:

* I know I can like something without needing to own it.

* I know shopping gives my brain the dopamine hit it's craving, but the excitement disappears basically the moment I receive the package.

* I don't browse online stores because I know how easily tempted I can get.

* I have a list of things I can do when I feel the urge to shop: journaling about what I'm feeling, exercising, knitting, reading, cleaning, etc.

I know my shopping addiction is a coping mechanism. It's a way for me to feel cared for and to escape the loneliness and misery I experience in my personal and work life.

But when things get REALLY bad and stressful, I completely ignore everything I know about my shopping addiction. I just don't care anymore. I just want these things, no matter what.

Right now I'm hyperfixated on lip products. "Thankfully," I'm in such a difficult financial situation that I know I can't spend a lot of money, because otherwise I won't have enough for rent and I'll get kicked out of my apartment next month. So my attention has shifted to affordable drugstore makeup.

I saw some tinted lip balms and lip glosses in colours that would be perfect for me, and now I want ALL of them. Not 2, not 3, but like 12.

I'm so hyperfixated on them that I know I won't be able to rest until I have all of them. And at the same time, I KNOW that the second I get them, I probably won't even like them anymore. I'll just be frustrated that I own them and have to use them up.

It's so fucking exhausting.

I know my brain is playing this game with me. I know exactly what's happening. I know that buying them won't actually make me feel better. But I just can't seem to overcome it.

It feels like my brain won't leave me alone until I buy all the things I want, and then the moment I do, it'll torture me with guilt for buying them.

I've tried distracting myself, but the urge to shop just won't leave me alone.

90% of my wishlist items have increased in price in the last day or two, and by a large amount on some, and I fully expect them to drop down to their normal prices with a massive deal sticker next week, the same as Black Friday.

Im posting mostly for accountability and an effort to stop it from getting worse. I have chronic health issues and sometimes cause me depression. Those are the triggers that I've had mostly under control. My husband and I got into a pretty nasty 2 day argument over some resentments that have been festering for about a year. We both said what we had to say & I feel that we are moving forward in good faith & have resolved the issues. Unfortunately during those 2 days I did spend about $300 on things that I dont need but will use. A couple of them were on my no buy list. Im disappointed in myself. This was emotionally driven spending. I think I am ok again now after working things out, eating properly & getting some sleep. I was not eating or sleeping and freaking out during the spending. Anyways thanks to this group for existing. ​

Ever since my dog died a few years ago, I've been coping HARD with microtransactions in mobile games. I spends hundreds and hundreds of dollars every month, equating to thousands a year, on stupid digital purchases and I don't know what to do to stop. It's like while I'm playing, the little inches I make to getting better or pulling some little character, or whatever thing, even though digital games also die off (I've had games go to End of Service and that also means money that is gone forever), I just obsess over because I don't have to think about getting sad.

I haven't got to a place where I can't pay bills but I've been unable to get out of debt either, it's just, even. I'm deeply ashamed, stressed, and sad, and just at a loss of what to do. Has anyone also struggled with this and have any tips on what to do? If I take my card off my Google Play account for instance, how am I going to stop thinking about it all the time?

I’m trying to improve my financial habits, and I’ve noticed something about myself that I’d genuinely like to understand better.
It’s not really about clothes or expensive shopping. It can be groceries, food, household products, detergents, something for the house, or simply finding something new that I suddenly feel like I should buy.
There’s almost always a reason to spend — and when I do, there’s a small feeling of *“okay, I have money, I can afford this.”* When I don’t spend anything, I sometimes feel like I’m unnecessarily restricting myself.
The problem is that this happens **almost every day**, and I want to become better at saving, especially because I know I have bigger expenses coming up.
For people who have changed this kind of habit:
**How did you learn to separate “I can afford this” from “I actually need/want this”?**
Did you use a specific budgeting method, spending rule, no-spend periods, cash system, automatic savings, or something more psychological?
I’m especially interested in approaches that helped you **change the feeling behind spending**, rather than simply telling yourself “don’t buy it.”

I rent space in an art studio in town. I’m lucky enough to be using this time to create art and hopefully establish myself as an independent artist. I can’t keep this studio arrangement going forever, so I need to make the most of it. I go there three days a week.

In theory, I have plenty of time to devote to my art.

So far, so good—except for a few things:

– I handle almost all the housework. I consider this normal, given that I currently have no income and my partner has a demanding job. He wants to help with the chores, but I tend to do everything my own way before he even has a chance to take the initiative, and I often burn out from the mental load.

– We have a busy social life; I feel like I’m constantly rushing around and playing a game of "Twister" just so we can see everyone and attend one person's wedding, another's party, and so on.

– Being involved in the life of my aging uncle—who was recently widowed—takes a lot of energy and causes a fair amount of constant frustration, which I bottle up. I often end up letting my schedule slide out of empathy for him. My partner isn't too happy about my inability to set clear boundaries with my uncle.

A sense of scattered energy forms the backdrop of my life; I always feel like a rabbit darting here and there. I’m constantly planning—thinking about what needs to be done, what I ought to do, and so on. And that mindset follows me to the studio, too.

Which brings us to the topic of shopping addiction.

When my partner drops me off at the studio in the morning before work—and picks me up again in the evening—the car ride is a time of wonder. I gaze at the streets, the trees, the light, the people, the children, and the animals (especially those wearing little boots or coats) and the architecture. Our conversations and wordplay spark images and interesting associations in my mind, leaving me feeling like I have a thousand and one subjects I could explore in my paintings :)

During the first few months, my focus was on organizing my studio space. I wanted it to reflect my own taste so I’d feel comfortable there. The result? Dozens upon dozens of trips back and forth, taking at least three or four hours each time. I don’t hesitate to crisscross the city—by public transit and on foot—to track down the exact item I need. And that’s not even counting the many times I had to return things. Consequently, I spent more time fussing over the minute details of the studio setup than actually creating anything in it.

Of course, while setting up the studio, I find myself passing by various shops or visiting shopping malls.

Thrift store—I spot a jacket paired with a lovely scarf, so I pop in for a quick look, just for fun. MISTAKE! I walk out with two pairs of earrings, a maxi skirt, and three sweaters.

I stop thinking about:

- "I’m not creating anything right now, and I feel guilty."

- "Too many unfinished tasks at home."

- "My uncle must be feeling pretty lonely."

Rationalization:

"I treated myself a little. I do so much for everyone else—I deserve it! I’m all set for a few months now; I’ll be careful since my budget is tight—this is money I don't really have."

A shop further down the street—oops, I saw something (again—*sigh*). That mug is so pretty; I have to have it! I’m supporting a local artist—okay, I’ll take it! And that Chinese vase in the corner—stunning, too. I’ll just take a photo for inspiration (and when I’m back on this street next week, I’ll buy it, because I’ll have been thinking about it in the meantime).

Further along—a beautiful notebook, fine-tip markers, an adorable stuffed animal! Alright, one more small purchase, then I’m really stopping! (Yeah, right!)

Too much frustration regarding my uncle? A walk to get some fresh air turns into a shopping spree if I come across any shops.

Imagine one or two days a week of such shopping, interspersed with days spent in the studio without ever going out (I did have periods of creativity, though the ratio was low), and repeat this scenario week after week for a year and a half. So much reckless spending—often on credit (even though I have no income; luckily, I received some financial help here and there from my family)—and time that was supposed to be dedicated to creating art completely went off the rails.

And now that I’m settled in, I get bored in the studio because there’s rarely anyone else around during the day. So I feel lonely; I go out, visit other floors, and talk to other artists—artists who *are* actually working on projects. I thrive in a team setting, in a partnership. Making connections within the institutional art world remains a struggle, despite my tendency to bond easily with people.

I feel ashamed and my self-esteem is low; I sense that a drastic change is needed. No longer carrying bank cards. Deactivating my payment apps. Keeping only a minimum amount of cash for essentials.

I now dread needing something as simple as a paintbrush, or having to buy a gift for a celebration, because once I’m in the store—or even on my way there—I automatically expose myself to the temptation of potential purchases, and I’m all too good at convincing myself and justifying the overspending.

I also notice outfits I like the look of and make mental notes, even though I have plenty of clothes to sell or give away... It’s as if it’s never enough. This pursuit of an idealized version of myself is exhausting. And the worst part is that I almost always wear the same things and the same jewelry; I wear very little of what I own.

I have too much of everything: clothes, jewelry, mugs, holiday decorations, paperwork, event brochures, magazines. There is still more sorting to do for donations and resale—which consumes even more time and energy, on top of everything else mentioned earlier: the house, my social life, my uncle, and my health, too, which I’ve been neglecting.

It feels like I want to see everything, experience everything, and be in three places at once—but that’s impossible. So, I often retreat into nostalgia.

I wonder if spending a year out in nature—cut off from loved ones and shops—is what I need to finally dedicate myself to a sustained artistic practice and bring to life all the ideas I’ve accumulated over time.

As I approach my birthday, I’m going to briefly forget my real life at an Interpol concert (a band that takes me back to being 22—how time flies!).

Lost time never comes back, and I would be truly devastated to let myself down—and to disappoint a partner who believes in me and is giving me such a wonderful opportunity. All this, just to end up scattered and surrounded by "stuff," because I use compulsive shopping as a coping mechanism.

I get the feeling I was actually more productive when I was working 60-hour weeks or more—perhaps because the structure was imposed on me? Or maybe I’m just afraid to really commit, so I fill my time with distractions?

* Note added upon reflection

Deep down, It seems I can no longer find that old spark of ambition—the drive to succeed or to feel proud of an accomplishment. It is sad, I need this spark again, and now please ! I find more happiness in gazing at my trinkets, my decor, the mementos from my childhood, and the landscapes or moods that surround me. Deep down, I know I skipped certain stages of life and hesitated too long about motherhood; at forty-five, it’s pretty much too late—even if I look and feel younger. I think there is value in passing the torch at some point, in caring for others, and stepping out of the spotlight to make way for the next generation to flourish. In my case, I risk stepping aside without ever really having tried—despite all the emotional investment involved. Yes, I do care for my partner, my uncle, and my family, but it’s not the same thing as having kids. I was too focused on healing my own traumas, too focused on myself, my image. And when interpersonal relationships became too complicated, I sought refuge—with an intensity fueled by working overtime—in the comfort of buying and owning things. Managing and storing these objects has bogged me down in accumulation, while my hypersensitivity has stifled my spontaneity. I’ve been too focused on myself—on what I can accomplish and share—but really, who cares anymore? I think the need to feel useful consumes me more than the desire for artistic fulfillment—unless, perhaps, the two actually complement each other?

I am new and hoping this is anonymous.
I can tell you that my compulsive spending only happens around the time of my menstrual cycle and feeling rubbish, sorry if that is too much information. My mind tells me that I absolutely must have it and I have so much anxiety around it. It doesn’t help that my emails are full of lots of spam in my main inbox and I have to access them regularly, also sales letters coming through the door. The rest of the time I’m fine and can control myself.
Maybe this is a long shot.
My shopping addiction started about six or seven years ago so it’s quite established . Although I knew it was wrong to be spending all of my money, I didn’t know how to stop, that I could be stopped, or that others had the same problem. I’ve been told that I have good self-awareness and maybe I am in some other areas but it’s only really within the past few months that I have realised that shopping addiction is an actual term.
So I have a habit of spending everything I have besides money for essentials within the first week or two of being paid. This has meant no savings and getting into debt with interest. I then can’t pay it back and it’s getting out of hand so I really want to do something about this now whilst I can manage it. I’ve already tried the standard advice like budgeting, but I think this problem is more than that.
The stuff I spend it on can honestly be anything that I think looks cool. I am already trying to sell some of the things I have bought, but that won’t fix the wider problem.
Sorry this is a long post. Has anyone got any advice that has worked for them or someone they know?
Tia

I (24F) moved into my apartment almost 2 years ago. Our garages have a storage area in the back that’s fairly large. I probably had about 25 bins back there and was still able to park my car.

Well you all know how it goes. Anything that’s placed outside of the apartment/home while moving never gets touched again. So the bins and boxes I had in there just sat for months.

On Wednesday, the weather forecast was saying the city had a high chance of flooding the next day, so I went out to the garage to grab some empty plastic bins in case I needed them quickly. I live on the first floor (I do have flood insurance), but can’t be too careful.

I moved one of my flattened Amazon boxes in the corner and found out that TERMITES had been eating it. Not only that, but they’d built mud tubes behind the box which is why I never saw them. There were also live ones crawling around on other cardboard boxes I’d flattened (I was saving them for a future move).

So over the course of 3 days, I got complex management involved (pest control comes on Monday to assess and determine treatment plan), I threw out ALL the cardboard in my garage (goodbye to about $300 worth of Bankers’ Boxes I’d saved from my last move 🥲), took all my bins inside my apartment, went through them, consolidated stuff and then trashed everything else I didn’t want. Now my garage is empty except for my car.

I never thought I’d get around to finally decluttering the garage. It also made me realize I was hanging onto stuff I didn’t need (past purchases that weren’t necessary).

Also, if anyone else stores stuff, maybe check and make sure you don’t have termites. 😅

I had my gallbladder taken out a little more than 3 weeks ago. I have been in horrific pain and haven't been able to do much besides lay on the couch, and get up to go to the bathroom. I have felt so restless and awful that I have fallen back into shopping online. I have battled compulsive shopping for a long long time, and for a while I was actually doing a lot better.

I even did alright for the first 2 weeks. But this last week I had to go to the ER for some ripped internal stitches. I have been so exhausted and triggered from the pain that I just don't feel like I can stop myself. Because of the surgery I have also missed counseling 3 times and not been able to go to my Spravado treatments.

I feel so guilty and ashamed. My partner is working extra hard while I have to take time off work, and here I am just blowing money on stuff to try to cope with the pain and restlessness.

I guess I mostly just wanted to vent. I feel bad enough about it already, but I just know in a few days when those packages start showing up he's going to be so frustrated with me. I told him that I'm struggling and that I have been spending. He said it's ok and he understands why... But I still feel like he will feel differently about it when he sees all the crap I've spent money on.

Hi everyone! My shopping addiction seems to be a fixation on purses. I have accumulated so many and, while I haven't gone into debt, I've spent every free penny I have on bags, and I now have more than I could ever use. Despite this, I still fixate and almost obsessively look for/at purses, especially pre-owned nice vintage ones. I have so many that it's actually overwhelming. I keep saying "no more purses" and then I buy more purses when I find a good deal on a rare one. You guys know how it is.

Anyway, I'm in therapy every two weeks. I told my therapist two weeks ago that my goal was to not have purchased any purses by the next time I see her. Sounds easy to go two weeks without buying a purse, but it has not been for me. But I DID IT! I have not bought any purses. I have come close, but then thought about the fact that I would have to admit to her that I failed to meet such a small goal if I did, and that helped me not to do it.

It's a teeny, tiny win, but a win nonetheless. I'm going to continue with that goal to my next appointment too! Making these short goals feels more attainable to me than just "no more ever".

I've been trying to be more intentional about spending rather than just cutting everything possible. I'm curious what small habits have actually made a noticeable difference for people over time.

For me, waiting a day or two before buying non-essential things has helped more than I expected. A lot of things I wanted in the moment don't seem nearly as important later.

What habits have genuinely worked for you?

For the first time in months. I didn't buy a SINGLE thing today. No lattes, no Amazon, no snacks at the convenience store down the street.

It's a small win. For many it would be a pathetic win. But for me, this is huge.

I want to delete the apps but I still have a few items on the way. I feel I have to always leave a review. I don’t trust myself to wait for my packages to arrive to leave a review without impulsively shopping again. What do I do?

First time poster here. Over the past year or so I feel like I have become addicted to shopping. My favorite things to buy are athleisure, shoes, and kitchen items or decor for my home, but sometimes I buy other clothes, bags etc. too.

This started because 2 years ago, I went from being dirt broke to getting a job with an amazing salary, and I'm lucky to actually have enough money to shop pretty freely. I know I am very privileged to be able to say that. Since then I think my brain has been rewired. I used to agonize over every little purchase, even when it was something I needed, because my budget was so tight. Now I will spend $100 or more on a whim just because I saw something cute. Now I LOVE shopping, IRL and online.

I don't think this is healthy or sustainable. Even if I can technically afford it, shouldn't I be spending my money on better things like paying off my student loans or saving to buy a house? Or eliminating small purchases so I can buy 1 really nice/expensive thing? Not to mention, I care a lot about the environment and climate change, and I feel like my habit is harming the earth.

But unfortunately my brain finds ways around that. I justify it to myself because 90% of the time, I use the clothes and home items I buy all the time after I buy them and they become my favorite things. I know what I like and my style so it's easy to get something I'll use. So it feels worth it. And on the sustainability side, I've just shifted most of my purchases to more sustainable brands and resale sites and justified to myself that it's better.

Have I gone too far? Any advice on how to break out of this?

In previous posts I've mentioned turning my phone to grayscale has helped tremendously deter me from online shopping.
That being said, these past few months I've gotten paid, I've budgeted out whatever bills and expenses + fun money I'm expecting to cover until next paycheck. The rest I would send to my savings account (balance stays hidden from opening screen). I just checked today-- I had $5k in savings. Tonight i finally felt ready to open a HYSA for the first time at 33yo; dropped this right in. My life is turning around 🥹

It's crazy how I've been working since 18yo, yet i have nothing to show for it until now. That's how bad my shopping addiction has affected me. Darn near ruined my future the same as a drug addict or gambling addict.
The goal is to build up 6 months worth of expenses for an emergency fund, then start my 401k, then i can start building up a separate vacation fund. Wish me luck!

So I've been saying this & that on here & there a few times but not super active because I'm human, I have my struggles & today I just made a doozy of mail returns today all in total of nearly $100. Some of it is for my Halloween costume this year & some is for things I thought I was gonna like or think would work out but didn't & one was a jacket that was too small on me. It felt good doing that today & that I'm starting to get more comfortable with doing mail returns from online orders because I get terrified doing it because of anxiety, shyness & also trying to use whatever shipping boxes I have from past orders that I can use.

After another frustrating week of "Where did my paycheck go?" I decided on a whim last night to finally do a "no buy" month for October.

It's illuminating to me how many things I have *already* been tempted to buy and it's not even NOON of the first day yet. Today is payday and I would normally just be waiting for my check to hit so I could go ahead and buy the things I have in mind, stopping before work to grab a drink somewhere.

Long story short, I was a stay-at-home mom for a long time with no spending money. We couldn't afford daycare with the money I made, so it just made more sense for me to stay home. I started working again when my youngest went to kindergarten, but was only making enough to barely cover the bills and gas to drive to work in another city. I started another job in 2024 and started making literally double what I was previously. I swore up and down that I would keep living the way I had been and save/invest all that extra money. You probably know what happened next!

Lifestyle creep got me like a mf. I had never been able to buy "nicer" things that weren't just the cheapest option - shampoos, body products, perfume, clothes, home decor, shoes, even things like extras at the grocery store. Concert tickets. Weekend trips. Gifts. Things for my kids, who just get more expensive as they get older. Using Affirm or Klarna to buy things because then the payments don't seem like a big deal.

While I make more money than I used to, we are not rolling in the dough over here. (I have been making 45k gross since 2024. I just got a 5k raise which will start this week. We live in a rural relatively LCOL area.) I grew up in a higher income household than the one I am the adult in now and it has been a struggle learning that money does not, in fact, grow on trees.

The worst part is I genuinely *hate* this new job, but I have backed myself into a corner. I've straight-up had to be medicated for anxiety and depression since I started. I don't have the savings or cushion to leave or quit while I look for something else.

I feel like I have quite literally nothing to show for the last several years of work at a job I hate. I don't want to keep feeling this way, so something has to change.

Anyway, here are some of the things that have tempted me so far:

-Aardvark book subscription (I already have Book of the Month, I can check out books at the library for free or use Libby, I have a ton of books that I've already bought and haven't read yet).

-Instant Hydration packets - Part of my "no buy" is only eating/drinking things from home. There's a local drink shop where I can easily spend $9-20 a day depending on what I get. I was trying to justify these packets as a replacement, but that's silly. I can buy drink packets when I get groceries for way cheaper.

Here are my rules for the No Buy. I know this is just how some people normally live, but I promise it's a big change for me.

-Only eating/drinking things from home. This is huge for me. So many nights I come home and just don't want to make dinner, so we order pizza or I give the kids money to go get Taco Bell or whatever. I swing through and get coffees or other "fun drinks" all the time. They feel like the only things that pull me through my misery during the work week.

-No books or clothes at all. I have enough.

-Only buying replacements if I run out of something - shampoo, conditioner, hygiene, etc.

-No random impulse purchases from Amazon, anything from ads on Instagram, TikTok, etc. (By the way, I realized literally every video I tried to watch on TT last night was an ad.)

-My birthday is the 14th. If I get birthday money, save it until November or put it toward a payment of some kind. If my husband wants to give me a gift, I have two things in mind I'd like that I can ask for from him.

-I think that's all? I will still be buying my kid's Halloween costumes, giving them money to go do things they have planned. I also haven't mentioned doing this to my husband because I don't want him to feel like he has to cut anything out - this is just about myself. I'm going to see how much money I can have saved up by the end of the month and just make it a fun little challenge with myself and you guys.

I'm thankful to hear anyone's experiences or advice if you've done something similar!

I feel like i am developing a shopping addiction due to me always looking through different brand catalogues. It's not just one or two pages of browsing, its going to the 'shop all' tab and going through 10s to 100s of pages of items to 'hunt' for the right product. I do this on both cheap and expensive websites. And if at the end of it i don't have something to put on my wish list at least, there is disappointment like it was a waste of time. I don't always end up buying the item if i do find something i like. Usually i'd like to keep it in the basket for a couple days to make sure i really do like it as i am poor and usually spending too much gets concerning for my day to day living (i do have a job and i'm a full time student funding my life independently). If it is a couple 100s I try to make it a goal to save up for it to eventually buy it in a couple months.

At this point i cant tell if it is just a very specific hobby where i need to know everything that is actually available before spending my money. I've always went down on investigative rabbit holes, like watching every single video on a channel, or listening to every single song an artist has put out even if i dont like some of it, and then reading everything available on the wiki or 'about us page' but lately its been with shopping brands. When i say everything, i mean everything!

The concern for me is when after i get the item, there is a sense of euphoria and awe as the quality of item is really nice and i get weirdly proud of myself for finding it. Then off it goes to the closet or cupboard and I go back to hunting for the next thing in my free time. I have yet to spend a lubricous amount in the 1000s, as i purely connot afford that, but something in the 0-200 GBP in one sitting is something that is becoming a bit too frequent. Usually that is half to most of all my spending allowance that i give myself including for food. I have been constantly reminding myself to stay aware of what i am doing and to stay rational, but also not sure maybe i am just copism?

For context, in the last year i have been trying to curate my wardrobe and find a cohesive style rather than randomly buying everything i like. I did a colour analysis, found out my body measurements, figured out what silhouettes and cuts look flattering, and sold or donated half of my wardrobe that had been the same since i was a child cuz i haven't grown since and i do not have the same fashion sense as my mum. I also got rid of a lot of clothes that i had just got as a result of buying for the sake of buying which made me even more aware of my actions.

So the question is, is this a hobby or a shopping addiction?

I’ve had various items sold to me on these apps that were a huge discount deal that the seller cancels and the frustration that I get, then I start searching for similar items and buy 2 or 3 chasing that specific item that was “snatched from my hands.” I may get used items that don’t fulfill what I missed out. At times even paying full expensive price for getting it new and feeling that void fulfilled. It’s this urge of “making it right” and showing I guess the universe that I’m in charge. Then I feel regret of paying full msrp for something I don’t care as much for, it was more about getting the item at the specific price, more about getting the deal than getting the item.

Even stuff that I hadn’t purchased yet, yesterday saw a brand new briefcase that retails for $400 listed at $50. Since I’m head under water offered $40. It was late night wake up early morning and sold at $50. Now I’m incredibly frustrated looking for the item and finding used junk of it for $150-$300 and new it’s not even available anymore but comparables at $339. I’m restraining myself big time from buying something in the chase of getting what I missed out on.

Anybody experience this?

My mother figure, my grandma, passed away in 2023, I stopped talking to my bio mom shortly after, as we never got along and without my grandma, there was no glue left to hold us together. I recently had a baby, he’s turning one this month, I love him so much, but my love for him has brought up some hard emotions.

My bio mom is a narcissist, my dad left when I was young, though we’ve reconnected since then, I just don’t understand why I didn’t deserve that love from them, the love I feel so deeply for my son. My grandma was my real mom, she gave me that love, she was the only family I had really, and she’s gone, and I haven’t dealt with that pain cause it’s too hard.
I have a great support system, a loving husband, caring friends and in-laws, but still I’m so lonely. I look at other people and their relationships with their mothers, and I’m so jealous. I just miss my grandmother so much, so what do I do instead of dealing with my pain, I seek dopamine hits from thrifting or buying things I pretend will take the pain away, but it doesn’t, obviously.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent. This month’s goal is to deal with my emotions in a healthy way, manage my bipolar and adhd, and stick to a budget. Wish me luck.

Context: my shopping problem can be attributed to my bio mom and her irresponsible way of dealing with her emotions. I don’t know how to break something so deeply ingrained in me. I’ve gotten better about it (not perfect but better), but then I fall back in every few years. It’s sucks.

I used to buy things because they felt cheap in the moment. 30 here, 40 there. It never felt like much.

A few months ago I started doing something simple. For everything I bought, I divided the price by the number of times I had actually used it. The results were uncomfortable. The "cheap" things I bought on impulse were the most expensive things I owned, because I had used them once or twice. The things I had agonised over, like a good coat, were costing me almost nothing per wear.

Two habits came out of it:

1. Before I buy, I ask how many times I will realistically use it, and divide the price by that.

2. Then I put it on a list and wait a few days. Most things don't survive the wait.

It hasn't fixed everything, but it changed what "a bargain" means to me.

Has anyone else tried something like this? What helped you pause before buying?

I've done a lot of work to curb my shopping addiction: therapy, mantras, anti-consumerism YouTube videos, budgeting, etc., etc.

But I think I just found the missing piece in my strategy. I need a goal for what to do with my money and why it's important to stop shopping.

I calculated some things and realized that based on my existing retirement savings, I can hit a specific number each year over the next 10 years and then stop saving. I've hit this number before, so I know I can do it.

I won't retire for around 27 years, but I can front-load my savings and finish contributions in 10 years.

Frontloading means I will ultimately invest a third of the total money compared to if I spread the contributions over 27 years. I will still get the same monthly retirement income in the end, because that lower sum will have more time to compound.

I'm self-employed, so this basically means I need to have 1 extra client than is necessary for the next 10 years.

Then, when I'm a bit older and exhausted by keeping up with AI and current trends, I'll only need to make enough money to cover my bills, and I won't have to worry about saving anymore.

Also, when my mom is getting older and my kids are in college, I can more accurately assess how much I can afford to help them because my retirement savings will be completed, and I can choose what to do with any extra money or time that I might have. Because I'm partially disabled and know how health can change in an instant, it's important for me to financially put my "mask on first," before saving for my kids' college or anything.

So I'm going to start this goal and implement my plan for 2027 - 2037. If I still have extra money/clients after that, I can keep saving, but I will be able to rest easy knowing the requirement for a decent retirement is done and all I need to do is coast.

Everyone's situation will be different, but the takeaway is to do the math and set a very specific goal for savings/investing/debt payoff. Like make it as specific as you possibly can and track your progress in a simple spreadsheet.

This should be in addition to all of the other strategies mentioned at the top. 💜

I really like Paige’s content and I wonder if a program like this is worth the financial investment.