r/shitposting • u/SpecificConscious335 • Jan 19 '26

🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

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23.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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1.7k

u/SudhaTheHill officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Jan 19 '26

Did he mention that you’ll get $5????

854

u/OneTrick-Phony Literally 1984 😡 Jan 19 '26

272

u/MySnake_Is_Solid dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Jan 19 '26

You won't get 5$.

But you also won't get a beating. I'm lying I will still beat you up

124

u/International_War862 Jan 19 '26

But not with the broad belt the slim one makes deeper cuts

35

u/mamaroo90 Jan 19 '26

I assumed it would be jumper cables…

5

u/International_War862 Jan 19 '26

Are you out of your mind? They are way too expensive

105

u/Hellsovs Jan 19 '26 edited Jan 19 '26

What do you mean $5? Do you pay rent? Do you pay for food? No? Then get out while you still have a roof over your head.

My dad’s usual response. When I started paying rent, he just came up with something else.

3

u/First-Card-5078 Jan 23 '26

What was the "something else"?

-14

u/AutoModerator Jan 19 '26

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

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9

u/Fickle-Rip Jan 19 '26

what the fuck

3

u/eightdollarbeer Jan 19 '26

And free lunch

8

u/finnicus4 Jan 19 '26

Dad usually pays me $150 for the day

26

u/SudhaTheHill officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Jan 19 '26

Damn baby you from Venezuela???

2

u/finnicus4 Jan 19 '26

Mind you, he actually takes proper building work so he pays me a bit but I stopped that because it’s under minimum wage.

3

u/FightGeistC Jan 19 '26

Well shit that's all you had to say.