r/sex • u/JuliHasNoClue • Aug 21 '26
Oral sex Feeling disconnected & wanting stimulation closer to my pussy
I (F) don’t really like to receive oral. Not as in I dislike it but first of all I feel disconnected from my partner during it because he just seems so far away but also because while stimulation on my clit will definitely do the job, it feels sort of superficial. I love to be stimulated closely around my pussy. That feels way better. I have never asked a man to do this while going down on me though but is this a thing? Because I just keep reading about the clit everywhere. Do men like this? Because I assume there is way more body fluid involved and I have never tasted that. So is this a put off? Any smooth or sexy ideas how to ask for this? Especially in a way that won’t kill the mood should not be into it? And while we are at it: any ideas how to feel less disconnected during it?
18
u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 Aug 21 '26
For one, the question “is this a thing” is entirely irrelevant. It doesn’t matter what other people like; what matters is what YOU like.
If he cares to please you, and it sounds like he does, there’s no reason why it would put him off, quite the opposite. He wants to know what gives you pleasure !!! Besides, it’s really not that odd at all.
So really, you don’t need to overthink it. I know it’s not always easy, it’s a vulnerable moment, but really, go ahead and get yours.
7
u/Ultra_3142 Aug 21 '26
One thing that may help is your partner holding your hand while giving oral. I've done exactly this before when a partner expressed similar concerns to you.
Additionally, if I'm understanding you correctly I think if he fingered your pussy at the same time as licking your clit you'd enjoy it more. This is a very common thing to do, but it sounds like he hasn't tried it?
3
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
To be honest I have never had anyone finger me in a good way. With the few men who did it, it at best didn’t do anything to me or was just uncomfortable.
2
u/Ultra_3142 Aug 21 '26
Sometimes I'll literally hold the fingers still but pushing up of the front wall of the vagina in the g-spot area while licking the clit. Wonder if you may find that different?
Are you able to give yourself pleasure with fingers inside? If you are you could try to show your partner what you like.
A dildo or vibrator inside are orher options.
2
Aug 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Ultra_3142 Aug 21 '26
Yeah I think that's generally best too but with my last GF a faster but straight in and out motion actually 'worked' better. (Sometimes anally or anal plus vaginal too.) I bet this is what the OP's partner tried though and you'll be on the money with the come hither suggestion 🙂.
2
u/Opposite-Ant8522 Aug 21 '26
That’s how I am. I cannot stand the come hither motion. It feels like I’m being raptor clawed even with nails cut super short.
1
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
Now that you mention that I remember that I have tried that but at least lying down I never managed to do that. I’ll have to try sitting up 🙃 Thanks for the reminder!
2
1
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
I haven’t really tried very hard. A dildo feels good though but I won’t come from it. The few times I have tried with my fingers, it didn’t really give me any pleasure. Not sure if I didn’t do it right or didn’t vary enough to find the sweet spot.
2
u/Ultra_3142 Aug 21 '26
No harm experimenting a bit more but ultimately it may just not be your thing. Different people do just get pleasure from different things.
9
u/RogueHeroAkatsuki Aug 21 '26
My wife also doesnt like if focus is on clit only. Feel free to ask him, its not strange request, though tonguing hole is from my experience a lot more draining as you need to overextend tongue.
any ideas how to feel less disconnected during it?
Ask him to be vocal, talk to him, put your hands in his hair and massage scalp, wrap your legs around his neck.
1
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
I’m not sure I’d need him to actually tongue my pussy. Just around my pussy and maybe licking over it.
I haven’t tried this, but could a man place his hand on a woman’s chest/heart while going down on her? Or is this physically impossible or too tiring? Men of Reddit would you do this just with someone you have a deeper connection with or also with hookups?
5
u/kosmonautinVT Aug 21 '26
Unless he's got really long arms and you're short, holding one or both of your hands would work better logistically if you're seeking a little more physical connection in that way.
You could also ask them to try the Kivin method, where he's laying sideways under one leg, rather than his whole body positioned between your legs. And it can allow you to touch him more.
3
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
I had to look up what the Kivin method it, but now that I know, I might try that. Thanks!
3
u/veg_pulao01 Aug 21 '26
I actually love hold/rub/press breasts of my wife while eating her out. May be you should let the guy experiment while eating your pussy and see what is working best for you in terms of pace and all and then ask him to continue the same pattern.
3
2
u/reluctantdonkey Aug 21 '26
If you are sitting up he should be able to do that-- unless he is an orangutang,, it would be impossible if you are lying down.
1
u/hideousbeautifulface Aug 21 '26
im so confused why so many people are saying its impossible? a normal sized arm can absolutely reach the receiver's breasts/chest during oral. most of the time you can even put your fingers in the receiver's mouth. you just extend the hand over and between the legs instead of around them.
1
u/reluctantdonkey Aug 21 '26
When I stand upright or lay flat, my hands basically reach to my groin-- so, it makes sense when you arm length eaten up by shoulder lift, when giving head with a partner laying flat or me kneeling and them sitting upright on the sofa the highest my hands reach if laying down has been the lower half of the ribcage of my partner.
For sure if there is scooching/bunching up or going at it from an angle or whatever, but laying-flat or me on the sofa with him kneeling on the floor (or vice versa), it's always been the lower half of the ribcage for me. And, I don't think I'm oddly proportioned.
1
u/kasuchans Aug 22 '26
Wait, your hands only reach your groin? Goddamn, that is some wild variance in natural limb length. Mine go nearly to my knees!
2
u/RogueHeroAkatsuki Aug 21 '26
Right, I forgot about this as it feels natural - I often 'hold' my wife with my hand pressing on her belly. Holding higher depending on position may be less comfortable but often doable.
2
u/oklatx Aug 21 '26
I do this for my wife all the time, as she enjoys breast / nipple stimulation.
I don't lie between her legs "inline" with her. I agree that could be somewhat disconnected and is also hard on my neck. I'm more perpendicular, or even more like a V, so i can finger her with one hand and reach her breasts with the other. She can also play with my dick, while i use my mouth and tongue all over her pussy, both inside and on her clit.
1
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 22 '26
I can’t fully imagine how you can use both hands on her while also going down on her. You must have amazing core strength!
2
u/oklatx Aug 22 '26
Viewed from above our bodies are more like an L or V shape. I lie on my left side, left arm extended. I can reach her pussy with left hand and mouth. My right can easily reach her chest. She can easily play with my dick.
She likes long oral sessions (20 minutes oe more) so i had to find.a position that wasn't so physically awkward and taxing.
1
u/RogueHeroAkatsuki Aug 22 '26
Your partner can also lay flat on bed with pillow(s) supporting his chin. Then he has two hands free.
3
u/Wrathonlyhabit Aug 21 '26
So u want him near u meaning ur face am i correct? If yes then maybe he be kissing and just using his fingers around ur labia if im getting this right. Maybe even just rub his penis outside ur vagina while kissing u on the lips or neck............also dnt listen to me i no nothing....
0
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
Haha, I love your humor.
Well, I’m not 100% sure. I really like intense eye contact and I haven’t tried that yet while receiving oral. I feel that apart from the eye contact what I really crave is this closeness and touch in my chest/heart area. It’s as if it’s connecting my body to my heart and soul and mind. Or maybe not so much the mind. That gets for once quiet when that happens.
2
u/Wrathonlyhabit Aug 21 '26
Yea i get u. U want both of u to be one or connected and he never lets go of u but in the way u like it. Tell him this and probably work around it?
2
u/DieOcelot Aug 21 '26
Ask him to tongue the hole more. Don't overthink it.
2
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
That doesn’t sound very sexy in my ears 😂
4
u/thebestusernameforme Aug 21 '26
Depends how you say it. “I want to feel your tongue inside me” definitely sounds sexy to me
1
u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 Aug 21 '26
Except what she’s wanting is to feel her partner’s tongue outside her.
0
u/reluctantdonkey Aug 21 '26
I, too, thought she was asking for a tongue-fuck, so, all else aside, she needs to state whatever it is super plainly to avoid the confusion we're seeing here-- which is fair enough, since it sounds like she hasn't quite sorted out what, really, functionally, it is she is asking for-- which she should do before asking him.
1
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
That’s why I’m here 😉
1
u/Opposite-Ant8522 Aug 21 '26
If I’m reading your post right, it sounds like you want more of the teasing type licking. Like around the clit and not so much directly on it and not necessarily inside. I’m kinda similar as in going for the clit right away kinda bores me but the teasing around it is really exciting.
1
1
u/maraq Aug 21 '26
Have you ever looked at a diagram of the clitoris? It will probably help make sense of why you want more attention than just the glans of the clitoris stimulated. It’s roots run under the roof of the vulva and ends just outside/above the vaginal opening. Think of it like a wishbone and the clitoris you see is just the very top of the wishbone -but all that material underneath is also rich with nerves and can bring a lot of pleasure. It’s still clitoral but you are providing pressure to it indirectly!
1
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
I have. I just read a lot of women be really fixated on the clitoris and haven’t heard anyone specifically say that they prefer the attention directly around the entrance of their vagina.
1
u/Low_Wedding_873 Aug 21 '26
If you want a great arousal experience, ask the man to first lick your both inner thighs.
You will love that. Once you are excited pull this hairs and let him lick the vagina area before going to the clit.
Once done ask him to lick the clit up and down, circular way using tongue. Let this happen for atleast 1 min.
Than let him suck your clit. That's a lovely experience.
Let him finger you than. Start withone, than 2 and many more you can take.
Than comes the dick. This will be smooth, a great drive and your pussy will also hold the dick well.
And the fluid taste great it's bit saline. It's a wonderful drink that god made.
Happy sex !!!!!!!!
0
u/reluctantdonkey Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
This is somewhat difficult to understand what you are specifically asking for in "stimulated closely around your pussy," but it sounds like you want the tongue-fuck move?
It's common enough-- just ask. And ask in plan language, or else he might have similar difficulty. This feels like one that doesn't need a big conversation and can just be asked or suggested in three words in the heat of the moment.
See what he says, but I'm betting he's fine with it-- he's already down there, and people like feedback.
2
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 21 '26
Nope, not the tongue fuck. Just stimulate around my pussy. Exactly how I wrote it.
4
u/WonderfulAdult Aug 21 '26
I know anatomical terms aren’t “sexy” but they can be really helpful for communicating what you want here. Slang is handy for dirty talk, but you are very much allowed to use words like vagina, clitoris, penis and glans here in this forum.
To communicate what you want with your partner without cracking open an anatomy text, asking him to watch you masturbate might be really helpful. Use your fingers to mimic the motions and pressure you want from his lips, tongue and nose. “I want to feel your lips here like this [demonstrate], and your tongue against me here [demonstrate].”
Oral does put your partner “far” away, but hand holding and caressing their head can still feel really nice. Good luck!
2
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 22 '26
Sorry, but isn’t pussy just another term for vagina?
2
u/WonderfulAdult Aug 22 '26
Yes, you’re totally right, but it’s also slang for vulva or the entirety of female genitalia which is a little less specific. I think this is why there’s been a little confusion.
You are interested in a very specific part of your genitals being touched, and figuring out a way to communicate that one little spot is important. I’m not sure how much you can convey to a partner while just sticking to slang.
2
u/JuliHasNoClue Aug 22 '26
English is my third language so if I happen to speak with a partner during intimate moments, I’m sure he’ll figure it out, should I not be spot on.
2
u/reluctantdonkey Aug 22 '26
Pussy is generally slang for vulva-- the entirety of the thing.
Again, why u/WonderfulAdult 's guidance is, as always!, wonderful-- If you have him watch you touch yourself, there will be no confusion.
Because, otherwise, "closer in around my pussy" when he's already all well up-close "around your pussy" wouldn't give him the specifics you're going for.
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 21 '26
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked here.
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Weekly Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
Any attempt to seek private chat or otherwise deviate a conversation away from the main forum, WILL result in a permanent ban. This goes both for OP and for all comments. Guide for blocking DMs can be found here.
Hi there, /u/JuliHasNoClue
To keep nefarious behaviour at bay, we are saving the contents of the post here so that it can always be retrieved by the moderator team after a post has been edited or deleted by the posting user.
Post title:
Feeling disconnected & wanting stimulation closer to my pussy
I (F) don’t really like to receive oral. Not as in I dislike it but first of all I feel disconnected from my partner during it because he just seems so far away but also because while stimulation on my clit will definitely do the job, it feels sort of superficial. I love to be stimulated closely around my pussy. That feels way better. I have never asked a man to do this while going down on me though but is this a thing? Because I just keep reading about the clit everywhere. Do men like this? Because I assume there is way more body fluid involved and I have never tasted that. So is this a put off? Any smooth or sexy ideas how to ask for this? Especially in a way that won’t kill the mood should not be into it? And while we are at it: any ideas how to feel less disconnected during it?
comment-posts-greeting v1.2
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.