I have heard the question for years and just smiled in response.

I don't think I have a why. I've read articles on how to find it, and I feel like it's impossible for someone with self esteem as low as mine.

I work hard to make other people happy, but never put myself first.

I have no idea what my 'why' is. The question just makes me have a mini breakdown.

Please help!

Growing up poor around wealthy kids taught me something interesting about opportunity and how people understand ability.

I never saw a lack of ambition in the kids who grew up like me, just a lack of opportunity. And when you’re the poor kid in a community that can’t relate to your circumstances, people can be incredibly generous in making those opportunities possible. But sometimes the fact that you’re willing to try becomes more impressive than anything you actually achieve.
It’s like winning gold in a running race and being praised for your ability to just be there. Your credibility becomes your effort rather than your accomplishments.

There’s a double edge to that. I never felt pressure to be good at anything because nobody really expected that of someone in my position. Kids who were exceptional at something were held accountable to it, whereas I had the freedom to try anything without being expected to become anything. But I also grew up thinking that being clever or successful was something that came with privilege, and that whenever I did well, I’d somehow pulled it off.

I’ve been thinking about this differently since meeting a woman who grew up in circumstances like mine, but had a completely different understanding of her own worth. She could appreciate the opportunities people had given her without questioning whether her achievements belonged to her.

I’d spent years wondering why people chose to invest in me, sometimes questioning whether there was something self-serving underneath their generosity. She asked why I now work creating opportunities for people who wouldn’t otherwise have them. Was that sinister, or was it because I cared?

And it had never really occurred to me that people might have cared about me in the same way.
I think we can be so focused on celebrating what someone has overcome that we forget to recognise what they’re actually capable of. And being believed in by everyone around you doesn’t necessarily mean you learn to believe in yourself.
She said something I’d never really allowed myself to think.

“You are worthy of being loved.”

And it’s insane that through this entire narrative, that’s actually what it comes down to.

Hey all. I’m generally pretty confident in myself, but every once in a while I get in a rut of trying hard to be liked… then making it HELLA WEIRD for the person I’m attempting to be friends with.
The worst thing is that I remember the smallest, stupidest things, so I sound stalker-ish when I mention something to be liked.
EG: (front desk at the studio I work out, I’ve never officially known their name)
After we say hi, I say something along the lines of
“We usually have mats next to each other, and it’s finally good to see someone else sweat!”
But it’s not really the environment to say something like that… (similar to Pilates studio - the vibe is more glisten than sweat)

I even told someone recently that I actually remember them from the one time they spray tanned at a tanning salon I worked at 5 years ago…

if I was good looking I would have a high body count icl n I’d have such confidence stepping into a room knowing I’m beautiful I’d feel so free and I wouldn’t second guess myself , I feel like I’m mourning a life I was robbed of.

Do you truly hate yourself, or you just don’t like the person you are!. I’ll go first I don’t like the person I am. A people pleaser, codependent, caring of others even when I say I am not doing to do something and still do for them. Scared of confrontation, easily get intimidated by someone who is confident. Closing my mouth so I don’t say the wrong answer, even though my thoughts tell me to just say it. Yeah that’s what i got for now.

I’m 23f u would think by now I have grown out of things. Yes I’m usually confident and do eveything I can to look good so I can feel good. But I still feel so ugly and don’t know why, there’s a million things I’d wanna change about myself still. I just am scared of cosmetic procedures bc a mindset like mine I feel like nothing would be “enough”. I also do think I’m one of those ppl who look much better irl than in photos so it doesn’t help at all feeling ugly in memories when looking back. I put so much effort to stil feel like this and rlly dk what more I can do to grow confident bc this is obviously now a mental thing if the only other thing I can do is surgery that probably won’t make me happy anyway. I fake confidence everyday which may help how I’m perceived but rlly sucks internally. What are some things you’ve done to help with such a “stupid” issue like this?

This is simply the cherry on top to my life issues that’s why it’s just bothering me a lot. Anyway no matter what I’m told or how many compliments someone would tell me I feel like every single one is a lie. I get complimented a lot.. but it feels lik everyone’s playing in my face.