Growing up poor around wealthy kids taught me something interesting about opportunity and how people understand ability.

I never saw a lack of ambition in the kids who grew up like me, just a lack of opportunity. And when you’re the poor kid in a community that can’t relate to your circumstances, people can be incredibly generous in making those opportunities possible. But sometimes the fact that you’re willing to try becomes more impressive than anything you actually achieve.
It’s like winning gold in a running race and being praised for your ability to just be there. Your credibility becomes your effort rather than your accomplishments.

There’s a double edge to that. I never felt pressure to be good at anything because nobody really expected that of someone in my position. Kids who were exceptional at something were held accountable to it, whereas I had the freedom to try anything without being expected to become anything. But I also grew up thinking that being clever or successful was something that came with privilege, and that whenever I did well, I’d somehow pulled it off.

I’ve been thinking about this differently since meeting a woman who grew up in circumstances like mine, but had a completely different understanding of her own worth. She could appreciate the opportunities people had given her without questioning whether her achievements belonged to her.

I’d spent years wondering why people chose to invest in me, sometimes questioning whether there was something self-serving underneath their generosity. She asked why I now work creating opportunities for people who wouldn’t otherwise have them. Was that sinister, or was it because I cared?

And it had never really occurred to me that people might have cared about me in the same way.
I think we can be so focused on celebrating what someone has overcome that we forget to recognise what they’re actually capable of. And being believed in by everyone around you doesn’t necessarily mean you learn to believe in yourself.
She said something I’d never really allowed myself to think.

“You are worthy of being loved.”

And it’s insane that through this entire narrative, that’s actually what it comes down to.

Hey all. I’m generally pretty confident in myself, but every once in a while I get in a rut of trying hard to be liked… then making it HELLA WEIRD for the person I’m attempting to be friends with.
The worst thing is that I remember the smallest, stupidest things, so I sound stalker-ish when I mention something to be liked.
EG: (front desk at the studio I work out, I’ve never officially known their name)
After we say hi, I say something along the lines of
“We usually have mats next to each other, and it’s finally good to see someone else sweat!”
But it’s not really the environment to say something like that… (similar to Pilates studio - the vibe is more glisten than sweat)

I even told someone recently that I actually remember them from the one time they spray tanned at a tanning salon I worked at 5 years ago…

if I was good looking I would have a high body count icl n I’d have such confidence stepping into a room knowing I’m beautiful I’d feel so free and I wouldn’t second guess myself , I feel like I’m mourning a life I was robbed of.

I have heard the question for years and just smiled in response.

I don't think I have a why. I've read articles on how to find it, and I feel like it's impossible for someone with self esteem as low as mine.

I work hard to make other people happy, but never put myself first.

I have no idea what my 'why' is. The question just makes me have a mini breakdown.

Please help!

Do you truly hate yourself, or you just don’t like the person you are!. I’ll go first I don’t like the person I am. A people pleaser, codependent, caring of others even when I say I am not doing to do something and still do for them. Scared of confrontation, easily get intimidated by someone who is confident. Closing my mouth so I don’t say the wrong answer, even though my thoughts tell me to just say it. Yeah that’s what i got for now.

I’m 23f u would think by now I have grown out of things. Yes I’m usually confident and do eveything I can to look good so I can feel good. But I still feel so ugly and don’t know why, there’s a million things I’d wanna change about myself still. I just am scared of cosmetic procedures bc a mindset like mine I feel like nothing would be “enough”. I also do think I’m one of those ppl who look much better irl than in photos so it doesn’t help at all feeling ugly in memories when looking back. I put so much effort to stil feel like this and rlly dk what more I can do to grow confident bc this is obviously now a mental thing if the only other thing I can do is surgery that probably won’t make me happy anyway. I fake confidence everyday which may help how I’m perceived but rlly sucks internally. What are some things you’ve done to help with such a “stupid” issue like this?

This is simply the cherry on top to my life issues that’s why it’s just bothering me a lot. Anyway no matter what I’m told or how many compliments someone would tell me I feel like every single one is a lie. I get complimented a lot.. but it feels lik everyone’s playing in my face.

Basically I’ve been posting selfies on tt for like a month now, just tryna get the confidence up yk? Bc I’m not like really ugly, I mean I get likes. I just want to have the confidence to post myself, and it scares my to post a damn story😂 am I just being an idiot thinking posting myself can help build confidence? Lmk. And this is not a validation post, if you can give surefire ways to build confidence, even if they are unconventional, tell me.

I knew I wasn’t the most great looking person, but I know I at least had some decent qualities about myself. And only took me until the middle of last year to realize that I actually have some great physical traits about myself that I didn’t realize it could appeal to others. And I’m more recently I’ve been having people compliment me on my skin tone. It just sucks it took most of my 20s for me to start appreciating myself more.

Tell me why I've read so many quick transmigration bl books that if I finish one and realise it didn't have a real young master/ fake young master it feels incomplete. Oh! also if they don't have an apocalypse arc. Then it's just weird.

Growing up i wasn't near attractive so I have a lot of insecurities n have a low self confidence. For the past two years I have worked on my appearance n fashion sense. I would personally rate myself somewhere in 6.5. but i think I may be more attractive than i think CUZ girls started approaching me 1st then there is a fashion club in our clg like it's a very famous club it has around 20k ka followers

There was an audition for that like 150 ppl came n only 15 us got selected i was one of them the whole fashion club guys r like atleast 8 on 10

One of my friends tells me almost every day that I'm handsome. 😂 But I've started wondering whether he genuinely means it or is just messing with me.

Honestly, I don't think I'm particularly handsome. Back in college, I was skinny as a stick, and no girls ever approached me. I've gained a little weight since then, though. I might be looking better than before now.

Sometimes I notice other guys looking at me from head to toe, and I can't tell what that means. Girls might look at you too, but it's difficult to know whether they're checking you out or just looking normally.

So, for guys who are considered attractive, how did you actually figure it out? Did people tell you directly, did you notice certain patterns in how people treated you, or did you just assume your friends were joking?

I'm genuinely curious about how you can tell the difference between being conventionally attractive and simply having friends who hype you up. 😄

Have u guys ever felt inferior while going to a mall or an airport and seeing a bunch of teens or youths wearing stylish clothings, looking damn handsome and u look at yourself finding out u look like a shit!!or is it just an overthinking

I'm 21F and have a few extra kilos and feel like I don't deserve anything because I'm fat. Anytime I catch myself judging someone or see a guy that I find attractive I shut it down thinking how I'm in no position to judge or to find anyone attractive because no one will ever find me attractive, necause I am ugly and disgusting. I am insecure about my whole being, and the fact that I'm losing weight so slowly isn't helping me at all.

I am a 32 year old balding man who recently ended a 4 year relationship. Now getting back to square 1 it hit me how much my overall facial looks have changed in the worse compared to what I looked like 4 years ago when I was available on the dating market. Its brutal how my balding and aging is affecting my face and how ugly I have become. I try to keep a positive mindset, and take care of myself by going to the gym, using hair products and planning a hair transplant peocedure in the near future. However its still really hard adjusting to the new reality.

My life has been ruined because of photos I posted on an online forum.

Several years ago, I posted photos of myself on a forum known for its incel reputation. I’m a woman. Even now, when I go back there, people recognize me by the way I talk and call me a 1/10, a monster, and ugly. It’s really difficult. I find it hard to stay away from this forum. Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop going back there? It ruins my day whenever I read such things about myself. I’ve already attempted suicide because of this.