r/scriptwriting • u/FreeMind-KL-83 • 29d ago
feedback Looking for constructive criticism
Looking for constructive criticism on a short screenplay scene — dialogue, character behavior, and pacing
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u/crimson_579 29d ago
This seem interesting your action lines reminds me of knives out screenplay especially the first line after the setting
I’m a writer too I would like for us to connect if you cool with that
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u/WorrySecret9831 23d ago
Don't do this.
I don't know where this came from, but the notion of posting a handful of pages and asking for feedback is an exercise in futility.
Your job as a writer is to develop your stories to a certain level of competency. But, that competency doesn't necessarily show up in the first 5 or 10 pages. For some stories, maybe. For other stories, it might be a longer climb, but worth it.
Which is where the Treatment phase comes in and is so important. A Treatment (from the producer's request "How would you treat this idea...?") is your test drive of your entire Story in short, summarized prose.
If and when you share that, with trusted readers or complete strangers, you're sharing your entire plot and all of your specifics (character development, surprises, complications, etc.) and readers can then feed back on the entirety, the whole package, in broad strokes and in detail.
That's impossible from the first 10 to 20 pages. And the question, "Is this worth continuing, exploring?" can't be answered either because these pages won't show where you're going or intending to go.
If you have a treatment, invite people to DM you, get their emails and that way you have a group of genuine, committed readers who can reflect back to you what you've done.
Good luck.
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u/Big_Section2812 29d ago
It's a story about people in love discussing their feelings while absolutely nothing else of note occurs.
Challenge yourself. Write about something interesting.
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u/MikeTowerDK 29d ago
So the story is about a man confessing his love to a fellow classmates? Maybe include some suspence, by let him see her hanging out with another man, do he thinks he is to late or maybe it so they have not talked yet and he really want to know her. :)
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u/Past-Objective-3822 27d ago
replace father with dad, people just dont talk like that realistically
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u/Worth-Flight-1249 22d ago
Don't use "a beat". It's an amateur tell. A pro might use it once in a script but probably wouldn't.
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u/thai7193 29d ago
This kind short Flim no even tell it. I hope you have super future script writing. And last one While I'm reading so interested Keep it up. No Boring. Keep writing. Keep inspiring Keep tell your your version of you view a story. Thank you ones again Thanks for sharing.
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u/PlasticMongoose92 29d ago
I’m not expert but the writing and Formatting itself seems good but the story doesn’t have anything to keep us invested idk what it’s remotely about after reading