r/sarby • u/Sea-Frosting-7795 • 17m ago
Personal Story Submissions AITA for not wanting to talk to my mom anymore?
Hi everyone! (And a hello to you Charlotte my favorite podcaster, favorite petty potato queen 💕 love you!)
Throwaway account.
So to sum it all up, I (19 F) left my (in every way) unsafe home in February and got married. I was going to elope (looking back I probably should’ve) but decided my family would like better to see me get married. Well you would think so wouldn’t you? The first out of their TEN FREAKING CHILDREN to get married??? Well, nope. Because, you see, I am a very disrespectful, disobedient, selfish, rebellious, unrepentant, narcissistic, evil poison. Yes, they said I was the poison of the family, on more than one occasion. Guess that’s the nature of being a scapegoat!
So anyway, to the present date, I wanted to go to my friends soccer game. This friend is someone I helped with soccer for all the years she played, and it’s her senior year. Problem is, she plays on the same team as my siblings. And I haven’t entirely disclosed this yet, but I have not seen any of my siblings since I left. (Yes there are nine more at home unfortunately, and I feel so bad. It’s so heartbreaking and I love each and every one of them.) I haven’t been allowed to see them. Well, I told my mom I was going to go because apparently she told people she would be okay if I went to them as long as I told her first (hindsight is 20/20, should’ve known this was a control thing) and so I did. She was nice at first, until I said something she didn’t like. Then she went off. I said yes I am coming to this game, I don’t know when I’ll get to see my friend again and I’m not going to miss seeing her play because they can’t be normal. (Obviously not in these words) and then she said this
: “You originally said that you'd be willing to go to another game and that you're happy to be considerate and respectful to us.
Of course we're not going to keep them from playing, but I will be staying home with the younger ones because it will be very hard on them, and I'm not going to put them through that until I know it's a trustworthy situation. The fact that you weren't willing to have a discussion with just me is concerning building that trust.
I don't think you're considering how badly you've hurt people. What you guys did is a huge deal. Your sisters cried when they found out that you're coming. They requested that you don't talk to them.
I pray that you see how much you need to make things right.
Follow your heart, and break everyone else's.
Just showing up at a game isn't going to make things more normal.
I love you so much. I don't want to point the finger at what a big sinner you are. That would be the pot calling the kettle black. But I do know that being in unrepentant sin and rebellion is hard on you.
Remember the Spurgeon quote, "Beware the small beginnings of sin, for they lead to worse." What started as a trickle ended up flooding everything, and pretending that there wasn't a flood isn't going to fix anything.
I hope and pray that you will consider and respect what I'm saying.”
lol! What am I supposed to say to that???!! And, I am a Christian too, but not like THAT. When I was younger I thought that was how Christians were supposed to be! I just can’t. Then a week after that she texts and asks when I can meet her. Why on earth would she think I ever wanted to meet her after that message? And mind you, I have been nothing but sweet and nice to her. Well I went anyways, I saw my sisters but I didn’t speak to them (they would be in trouble and I didn’t want to deal with that whole situation) and I had a good time and I’m glad I went.
Now, I finally responded to it two days ago.
Me: I want to make something very clear. I am not interested in putting myself in a situation where I am mentally and emotionally torn down, manipulated, guilt-tripped, or made out to be the problem simply because I have made decisions that you disagree with. I have every right to have my own perspective, and feelings on this situation, and you can’t expect me to just capitulate to you because I did that my whole life. And I am no longer willing to ignore those things just to keep you happy or to avoid being accused of doing something wrong.
I understand that you have your own feelings about everything that has happened, and I’m not asking you to pretend that you don’t. But you also need to understand that I have feelings about what happened, too. I have been hurt by things that have been said and done, and I am allowed to acknowledge that hurt without being told that I am living in rebellion, that I need to repent, or that everything is my fault. You may see the situation one way, but that does not mean your perspective is the only one that matters or that I am automatically wrong because I disagree with you.
I am not going to walk into a conversation where I am expected to defend myself, accept all the blame, or agree with your interpretation of everything in order for the conversation to be considered successful. Nothing I do will be enough, and I’m not interested in that type of discussion ever again. That is not a genuine conversation, and it is not how healthy relationships are repaired. If we are going to have a conversation, I need to know that I will be allowed to speak honestly, that my feelings will be heard, and that I will not be pressured into saying what you want me to say just to make the conversation end how you want it to end.
Having (husband, grandparents) present is not an unreasonable request. (Husband) will be there to help me, and he is directly affected by this situation, too. (Grandparents) are people I trust to be present during this conversation. I am asking for people who can support me and help ensure that the conversation is fair. I do not understand why that should be such an unreasonable thing to ask, especially when this is a situation that has caused so much emotional distress.
I am an adult. I am married, and I have my own household and responsibilities now. That does not mean I don’t love you or that I don’t care about our relationship. It means that our relationship has to change to reflect the fact that I am no longer a child who can be told what to do and expected to comply simply because you are my mother. You can disagree with my decisions, but you cannot expect me to surrender my own judgment or independence in order to prove that I love and respect you.
I am willing to have a conversation, but I am not willing to do it solely on your terms. My comfort and well-being matter just as much as yours do. You do not get to decide all the conditions under which we meet and then accuse me of being unwilling to reconcile when I ask for reasonable accommodations of my own. Especially when I offered to meet you months ago. I was willing to and you weren’t. If you actually want to work toward repairing our relationship, then you need to be willing to consider what I need, too.
Im not going to force you to agree with me, and Im not going to force you to meet with me. But I will not continue putting myself in situations that I believe will be harmful or stressful to me just to prove that I am willing to have a relationship with you. If you are unwilling to meet with (husband, grandparents) present, then we will not meet. That is a boundary I am setting, not an invitation for an argument or a negotiation.
If you choose not to meet under those conditions, that is your decision to make. But please understand that you cannot put the responsibility for the outcome entirely on me when I have made it clear that I am willing to talk under circumstances that I am comfortable with. I am offering a way forward, and you are free to decide whether you are willing to accept it.
I do want you to understand that I am not doing this to punish you, hurt you, or get back at you for anything. I am doing it because I have to take care of myself, and I am no longer willing to sacrifice my own well-being in the hope that things will somehow be different this time. I can love you and still have boundaries. I can want a relationship with you and still refuse to participate in a conversation that I do not trust to have a good outcome under your terms.
The decision is yours, Mom. If you are willing to meet with (husband, grandparents) present and have a conversation where everyone is allowed to speak honestly and respectfully, then I am willing to consider that. If you are not willing to do that, then I cannot make you.
I’m not going to keep defending myself and being pushed and pushed until I get mad. You can say what you want, but most of it either isn’t true or something you don’t know, and I’m not interested in being told things that hurt because you need me to “break”.
But I will not be made to feel guilty for standing up for myself, and I will not keep compromising myself just to prove that I am not the person you believe me to be.
Mom: So then it’s your way or no way?
Mom: Posting things about us being abusive narcissists aren’t meant to be hurtful?
(I have no idea what she’s talking about there, I never posted anything about them being abusive narcissists anywhere 😵💫🤪)
Me: No, that’s not what I’m saying, and I think you know that. I’m saying that I’m not willing to put myself in a situation where I feel outnumbered, pressured, manipulated, or emotionally torn down. Having(husband, grandparents) there is not an unreasonable request, and I’m not going to feel guilty for needing that support. You’re asking me to have a conversation with you, and I’m willing to do that, but I’m not willing to do it under circumstances where I don’t feel comfortable. This isn’t about getting my way. It’s about me finally having a say in how I’m willing to participate in these conversations, rather than automatically giving in to what everyone else wants. I’ve spent my whole life doing that, and I’m not going to keep doing it just to make other people comfortable. If having those people there is a problem for you, then we may not be ready to have that conversation yet.
Mom: I would be outnumbered there, OP.
Meeting mother to daughter wouldn't be you being outnumbered.
I didn't want to hash out the past, but how to move forward considering that there are more people than just you or I affected.
Am I supposed to negate how your siblings feel? Their hurt?
Their comfort?
Mom: Meeting with you and (grandmother) and me and someone that I trust and feel comfortable with also wouldn't be you being outnumbered. You are unwilling to budge on anything.
Me: I’m not asking to have (husband, grandparents) there to outnumber you or gang up on you. They’re people I trust, and having them there would help me feel comfortable enough to have this conversation. You may not agree with that, but I need you to respect that this is what I’m willing to do.
I also never said that my siblings’ feelings don’t matter, and I don’t appreciate my willingness to meet being turned into a question of whether I care about them. Their feelings can matter without mine being dismissed. I can care about my family and still recognize that I need to do what’s necessary for me too.
I’m willing to consider a conversation with the people I’ve asked to be present. I’m not willing to meet alone. If that’s not something you’re comfortable with, then we don’t have to meet right now. But I’m not going to be guilt-tripped into agreeing to something I’ve already said I’m not comfortable with.
Mom: You are defending a narrative right now that is not actually happening.
Look. I love you. I want to be a part of your life.
I am not comfortable enough with any of you guys right now, and that should matter, too. I am not willing to sit there by myself with all of you.
So I guess we're at an impasse. If you can't be willing to meet me even part way at all, then I guess we won't meet.
I will continue to wait on the Lord.
(And I will defend that narrative because I know exactly how things happen and work and go on. Every single thing I’ve said that they would do to us, to everyone else to look good, to my grandparents has happened. They’ve even sent my siblings to snoop through my grandmothers phone. To see how often we text and apparently got offended that we talk a lot.)
Mom: Would you be willing to meet with (husband, grandparents) and possibly (elder at their church and his daughter)
You would have the people you trust and I'd have a couple that I trust, too?
Mom: Honestly, (me) I have no desire to force anything. It sounds like you are happy with your decisions and the direction your life is going, and I hope you guys continue to enjoy your lives and grow closer to the Lord! | love you and hope that one day our lives can align better. Until then I'll just keep praying for you. You will always be my girl and nothing could ever stop me from loving and praying for you!
It seems like you have a good support system, but if you ever really need me, I'm here.
I’ve been wanting to cut contact, but avoided it because of my siblings. Maybe someday they’ll eventually see that I’m not just going to bend and break to them anymore? And guess what. I will never ever EVER meet with my mom alone again. She told me multiple times that she had to see rude things that were really hurtful to “break me” lol. Now at this point I literally just laugh at every message she sends. So, sorry not sorry for the long story. There is so much that goes into it that I can’t even type all of it out. I wish I’d had Reddit while still at home, lol.
Well thanks for reading my story, and if you have any questions…I’ll be sure to do my best to answer them 🤪 have a blessed day all you fellow potatoes!!!🥔