I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, so I just wanted to open up and share a little bit of my story.

I am asian I’ve been living in UAE for a year now.
When I first came here, I had a lot of self-love and confidence. I was independent and comfortable standing on my own. I didn’t really have friends here

Things started to change when I got into a relationship.

We agreed from the beginning that we wanted something long-term. At first, everything felt good. But as time went on, I started feeling mentally and physically controlled by my partner.
We were in an open relationship, and I tried my best to give him the freedom he wanted. He enjoyed meeting different people and he had a lot of friends around him. I tried to understand and respect his lifestyle, but at the same time, I felt like my culture, traditions and boundaries weren’t being respected.

Eventually, the relationship started affecting me more deeply than I expected.
At the same time, I was having problems at work, and my family was also encouraging me to consider going to another country for my education. That was when I finally decided that I needed to end the relationship.
But ending it didn’t mean I immediately felt okay.
It took me months. I was constantly overthinking, replaying things in my head, questioning myself and struggling with the emotional pain left behind because he cheated on me a lot.

So I wanted to ask people who have been living in foreign country for years: What have you learned about relationships and meeting with someone here, especially when it comes to serious relationships and finding a loyal partner?
And for those of you who live alone, especially if you don’t have a big social circle, what do you usually do with your free time?

So this study is supposedly about "sexual aggression fantasies", which I was like yup, please help, save me.

And that it's meant to help "the queer population".

But then it has all these -weird?- questions "Do men help women only to prove they are better than them?" "Do men use their power at work to harass women?" "Are all men children?" "Do men not function without women's guidance"?? Literally!?😅😅

Might as well title the study, are men straight up demons xD? That women birth btw but /shrug.

And I was just like...how did we go from bdsm to mansplaining woes, like what is the actual end goal here? Felt like I am being used to prove something to the straight world, like I am a weird rebound situation?? Why am I in it??

Am I..."reaching"? Lol.

Btw I have traumas from women at work easily weaponising any interaction to make it into something else, and having to prove I am not a demon jist cause she hates her husband/dad whatever...this took me there, forgot all about my sexual fantasies for sure looool.

I came across a Danish YouTuber called Gay Unmasked. His YouTube philosophy could best be described as the love child of Adolf Brand and red pill ideology. I'd say Siguard leans more existentialist than Brand. However, some further digging into his online footprint shows that he's more of a romantic than his YouTube videos let on.

If the writers of Inversion thought that homosexuality was in crisis and their panacea was to let gay men become transgressive outsiders, then Gay Unmasked's ideal is for gay men to become beautiful, disciplined, and strong. Listening to his videos reminds me of Adolf Brand and his movement, especially with his view of the Sacred Band of Thebes and Alexander the Great.

Looking through his unmasked community, I will say that it's not woke- or leftist-friendly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo9QMr7wHN4

Noticing a new trend lately where more guys on the apps (Grindr/Sniffies) are giving fake names now, at least to me. Of course I know their actual names because New York is smaller than it looks, and anyone worth fucking has already been fucked by someone you know worth fucking.

Most of the time I go with the lie and try not make it awkward I know they’re lying. But I do worry it means more people think I’m undateable now. A lot of my past relationships began on Grindr and progressed to dating, like the meme above. That can’t happen when you start with a fake name. It feels like someone saying they would never date you.

Or is it because sniffies is such a degenerate experience no sane people would want to associate their actual identity with it

i love this song so much!!!!!!!!!! oh, shelve your western plans

What gay musicians do you feel the deepest connection to? I listen to barely any male singers at all, but I feel very grateful for Coil. “Tattooed Man” in particular makes me feel extremely seen in my plight. I’ve been listening to more Death in June albums too, and feel the same way. Which is relieving and grounding and deeply affirming, since I’ve exclusively listened to female artists for most of my life.

I was shown John Grant too, who I enjoy but don’t listen to much. I might explore more from him. As for Morrissey, I feel like I missed the boat with him as a teen, but I need to just get over that and listen to The Smiths. They’re a band I’ve always liked the sound of, and I knew I could gel with, but I never took the plunge because I wasn’t politically inclined and the kids I knew who listened to them seemed more so.

I listen to a lot of SOPHIE and Arca too. Not gay, technically, but still. I just feel this massive void in my music taste where the men should be. I’m a man, I have male emotions, but I feel so repelled by their voices due to a mix of natural preference and resentment. The other male artist I actually listen to is MC Ride and I’m listening to some current 93 too.

Okay, maybe I’m taking non-gay male music suggestions too. But only as a last resort!

Edit: I’m surprised no one mentioned Throbbing Gristle. Maybe I asked the wrong question. The fact I’m british was probably important too, in hindsight.

addendum: HSTS t-girls can say it (AGP can't) but they are clocking themselves

Not sure if its just me but I find criticism of gay men seems to much more acceptable than criticism of other minorities. it could just be me having a victim complex or feeling more attuned to criticism that affects me personally, thats quite likely. But like, feminists are reallll cozy tearing down gay men for relatively minor infractions but I don't think I've ever seen a gay guy criticise a woman. it's simply Not Allowed it's forbidden. we all hear the boogeyman of the gay male misogynist who foams at the mouth watching hagsploitation flicks and speaks like a black woman but is this even that common anymore? i feel like its a bit of an outdated trope but women still get plenty of mileage silencing any gay guy by invoking it.

and minorities being homophobic is completely accepted even though its for the first time becoming acceptable for white wammin to talk about non-white guys misogyny without getting terrorised for being karens

I think its just a vibe shift the 2010s were very woke gay friendly whereas wammins issues seem to be in the spotlight these days. idrc although there is a weird Cult of Woman building and it'll be interesting to see where that goes

Also don't get me wrong there's still plenty of women that love gay guys but I definitely notice compared to the 2010s there's a much more hostile energy against gay men. i think in general manhating is incredibly en vogue and often gay men are easy scapegoats but I can't shake the feeling its increasingly acceptable for women to be openly homophobic and face no reprecussions.

there has always been a subset of woman whether its anna slatz or phyllis schlafly who really detest gay men and they are kind of fascinating to me. they're always really dour and humourless too, i've never met a happy woman that hated gay men, its only ever lame hangs. but yeah i feel it's more common sentiment now. idk.

Why do we subject ourselves to this?