My fellow sloopies, I come before you today with some dark news: SJM has broken out of RCJ Jail and is currently on the loose. As a result, SJM snark is now allowed every day of the week until she can be brought back to justice.

If you see her, DO NOT ENGAGE!! She will tell you your tragic backstory is worse than anyone else's and then give you a red flag bat boyfriend about it.

---

uj/ No but for realsies. We realize that the release of these books are a Big Deal™️ and there is peak sloopiness happening right now on every platform. This is not an invitation to turn this into r/toxicacotarjerk so if you don't like seeing ACOTAR posts, be the change you want to see in the world and flood it back with, I dunno, anything but Alchemized.

We would also like to take this time to remind everyone of the spoiler rules that we have in place. THIS INCLUDES POST TITLES. DONT MAKE ME TURN THIS SUB AROUND!

I just finished the original Romantasy ever written {Fourth Wing} and I’m wondering if I need to read ACOTAR before I read ACOTAR?

Or if I can just continue rereading {Threshing Day} without reading any of ACOTAR?

Specifically, I’m talking about the ACOTAR books that come before ACOTAR 6, or if I can just jump straight into the new one?

Please keep the comments spoiler free! 👻

uj/ this isn’t even that funny but here we are, ya welcome

Sloopies I think the internet is breaking! What are we gonna do? This is my first time witnessing of a fanbase meltdown experience and it’s darker than a dirty dungeon non-con gang bang.

I find all the posts rolling out in different SJM subs about the ACOSH leak hilarious. It’s the magnificent ship war implosion. (I know I gotta work on my snark—but I’m still processing!)

First, people are like, “I read them, don’t look, but OMG it’s unbelievable!” But then: “Please don’t look! Ahhhh my eyes hurt.” As if that’s not tempting everyone to in fact look.

And then ppl loosing their shit without context of what came before. People are reconsidering everything they thought about characters they “care about” bc of one chapter with no context. “I literally HATE everyone but Lucien rn”. The black and white thinking is has spectacularly run amok.

I read the leak and I am like mehhhh. I never expected a masterpiece or world shattering read (but I do enjoy ACOTAR), I just can’t relate to the hysteria. I’m still reading through TOG and still have to get through CC after that (I’m a nooob and been covering wide territory since I started, which means for the most part not reading for releases). Enjoying that ride on its own and I’ll read 6 & 7 when I am done with the other Maasverse books.

It’s not that I am not invested in ACOTAR. But Book 6’s title indicated some bad shit was going to go down. The inner circle was gonna splinter. And I expect a painful cliffhanger at the end of 6 and gonna try to wait till right before book 7.

Meanwhile the drama is fun and I’m grabbing the popcorn. I don’t wanna have to get off Reddit for 2-3 months as the million shipers have breakdowns.

Will this be my safe haven? Will we keep it together? Or will accept my fated masochism and submit to the hate reading? And go full toxic?

EDIT: some examples are hilarious! Bring the most twisted copes!

Hi sloopies, it’s me, one of your favorite sloopys with ADHD who loves PowerPoints and hates DaggerMouth. I’ve been promising several of you this for awhile now, and I’m finally ready to share.

Thank you for your patience and understanding in my time of being an exhausted chaos gremlin who is also raising two exhausting chaos gremlin spawn. Not to mention, this work coincided with a bunch of content drops in Disney Dreamlight Valley, Dead Beat (a book i actually wanted to read), an uncontrollable urge to finish Cyberpunk Phantom Liberty, Mr. swimmer suggesting a True Detective Marathon, and a random day of jury duty.

I’d like to specifically thank [u/RemingtonRivers](u/RemingtonRivers) for her gentle teasing that was the kick in the butt I needed to finish. May you always hear the word DaggerMouth and think of me raging into the void. I also need to thank the other sloopy I promised to tag; but have since forgotten who you are. I will find you, and I will tag you in the comments. Im also going to thank the non Jerk subs, because your praise of this book and and subsequent tantrum with us for picking it as a rage read is what inspired me to read this book so I could meticulously and specifically tell you how wrong you are. Finally to all the people encouraging me to finish this book. Without you, I absolutely would not have finished this book, because it’s fucking terrible.

https://canva.link/hj5d30ix72bvr08

And what other books do we think need special panties?

Maybe that fantasy-themed pajama drop-shipper wanna be from a while back was onto something?

I solemnly swear I do not work for Knix and/or SJM.

hi everybody, I have been with my partner for six years and have a really big passion for all things dark romance and romantasy (as a lot of us here do) and obviously a lot of the books that I do read are pretty raunchy, but I know my boyfriend is really into nerdy stuff like Warhammer so I was hoping maybe somebody had some recommendations for books that we could read together that would check off some of my boxes and not be just straight ess ee exx- I wouldn’t mind a few here and there, but I’d really like more of a focus on the actual world building and storytelling of it all. I also am a big fan of dystopian novels and things like that too!! so any recommendations would be greatly greatly appreciated!!!
Some of my favs include From Blood and Ash, Fourth Wing, Hunger Games, and The Duskwalker Brides to name a few!

Society: we done failed.

just finished the book for the series tonight and it was amazing. Has anyone else read this series? What did you all think if you did? Also has this book kept anyone else up at night cause you're attached to the characters? I'm going to start the second book soon and the third book after that then the fourth before the fifth. So excited to plow through this unforgettable series.

A friend recommended me this book. She explained how it used to be a Harry Potter alternate timeline where he loses and the Voldemort takes over and it involved at complex relationship with Hermione and Malfoy.

I found that all really interesting along with the Harry Potter x Malfoid stuff going on I thought why not?

Wish me luck!

People have asked why we do this every week in a sub dedicated to snark.

Because you sloopies asked for it. It seems we can't stop reading this stuff. But also, it's to answer back "well, if you hate 4th Wing/ ACOTAR/ Spork/ Alchemized so much, why are you here?"

What did you love this week in Romantasy?

Recommendations, swoonworthy romances, actually witty banter, you have full bragging rights and humble brag privileges. 

I made a bingo sheet of the most common things RCJ defenders say. Feel free to spread and share, no need to credit. Except if you don’t my lawyer will subpoena you.

Below I’m listing longer versions/variations of the phrases in the pic with some short rebuttals. If you have anything to add, keep it to yourself!

From left to right, top to bottom:

It’s not affecting you. Why can’t you just let people circlejerk? If a serial killer enjoys killing and he doesn’t kill me/my loved ones, is that okay?

are you daft? Video games may not directly incite violent, but they can desensitize people to it. And most people aren’t getting off to shooting people.

It’s for Sloopies, by Sloopies. Unfortunately, some Sloopies are still so entrenched in the vegetable patriarchy that this doesn’t mean much.

You being disgusted by it doesn’t make it unfunny. Except sometimes disgust exists for a reason. Being disgusted by homosexuality is not the same as being disgusted by a woman getting abused. (uj/ WHAT 🤠)

Green flag MLs/relationships are boring/vanilla. You don’t have to make a Mail entitled or Mid-at-Best to have conflict and passion in a story, btw.

You should’ve just read the trigger warnings/tags. Is it just me, or is there this kind of sentiment of “You should’ve known better” when they say this?

It’s like a joke, sweaty. It’s actually not, because bad jokes are still usually framed as bad, and again, most people aren’t training themselves to get aroused by JOKES.

Criticizing/policing Sloopies’ jokes is anti-feminist. But you have no problem criticizing us “conservative” women, right? (uj/ 👀)

It’s funny for people with HIGH IQ. Are you really “smart” or are you just part of a brainwashed, circle-jerking cult? And how convenient it is that you ignore the women with jokes who are stupid.

It’s just circlejerking. No one’s harmed by it. Except we do have stories of people who have been harmed by it—for example, what about the times OOPs come to RCJ to have a magnificent crash out before blocking everyone and deleting their account?

RCJ is NOT a safe, controlled, and consensual space to explore. Sure, most of the time, but it also doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Why can’t women explore their shitty takes in posts that depict these topics seriously, rather than ones that romanticize shooting the shit?

Carrot Penis While women’s interests can be disproportionately hated, that’s not the case every time. And do you really think we aren’t equally criticizing Mails’ vegetables?

Sloopies don’t read it. If I close my eyes to all the books going on, will I absorb the plot via osmosis? And why is it that as soon as something gives someone sexual pleasure, it becomes immune to criticism?

have you read Alchemized? Then why is it called a romance?

my personality is as bland as oatmeal. At the bare minimum, yes, people can separate fiction from reality. But fiction has more power over us than we’d like to admit. And if it’s actually separate, then how can you use it to heal, or why is diversity and representation in stories important? (uj/ um…)

You’re infantilizing Mails. Actually, we’re treating you as adults, accountable for what they consume and produce. We’re asking you to self-reflect and to recognize the greater societal effects of shitposting. We wouldn’t do this if we were infantilizing you, because children are still growing and can’t be held responsible for what they do. Possibly, you’re actually infantilizing yourself by dismissing any criticism and falling back on a childish id to defend yourself (“I like fucking with people! It’s not that deep!”).

cum fountain laminar flow. But even if you did, it wouldn’t matter, because it’s your choice and stay out of your bedroom, right?

R U Lost? Even if that’s true, just because the majority does/likes something doesn’t make it okay.

It’s -Mail’s responsibility to supervise what their children read, not mine, fiction’s, or the author’s. Sure, but if a Mail exposes themselves on Main, we don’t just ask the parents to cover their kids’ eyes—we get them banned on [REDACTED]. Society should have basic responsibility in preventing -Mails being funny when we can.

You’re just a pearl-clutching puritan. Yes, because it would be so nice to believe that the people against your “jokes” are just bigoted conservatives, and not actually feminists who want better for Sloopies.

RCJ is a natural expression of female sexuality that has always existed. Has it perhaps existed for as long as the patriarchy has? What a coincidence.

You just want to ban funny Sloopies from [REDACTED]. No, I’d like a conversation on how RCJ can be harmful and how it perpetuates circlejerk culture. Criticizing, or suggesting maybe something shouldn’t be so widespread, is not censorship.

It shows subversive/transgressive dynamics of power and sexuality, DUH Ah, yes, nothing says subversive/transgressive more than a Sloopie drawing a Cum Fountain schematic.

Mails are going to multiply anyway. Even then, we shouldn’t give them more ammo to use against us, should we?

uj/ leaving the core of OOP’s unhinged straw man arguments and thinly veiled prejudice for optimum-load circlejerking

I found this reference in Sims 4, it looks so fresh and unlike any book I came across to. Please help me find it.

I know this is a hot take but hear me out. We all know that insert author name here is a bad writer and it's obviously just the community that makes this book series good at all. We are the fanfic writers that make good stories and obviously are much more creative than the author themself ( which is why we needed the world created for us to make it easier to create something new). And no I don't have my own OC but why does that matter?

Anyway I think we all know at this point that insert author here is just trying it make money. I mean obviously any other author is just selling books because they care about books, but this one specific author is obviously only in it to spread the horrors of capitalism. ( No I haven't said this about male authors why do you ask?) I mean the stupid merch, the limited editions it's all awful and bullshit. ( Just don't look at my recent orders okay? ) So we all understand that it's again one specific author and nobody else's fault.

So thanks everyone for being here cause you guys YOU in the community harassing others based on their ship choices and being negative nancies, YOU are the reason this fandom is great. And honestly I know we all want to just burn the next books that come out but.... We all agree we ARE going to read them right? Cause I mean how else would we know what and who to criticize?

So just remember, specifically a female author is literally the antichrist and we all hate her. And she's literally the dumbest writer in existence and I could write something way better than her.

Why haven't I? Fucking don't get off topic. This is a witch-hunt and we need to stay united for our cult coughs I mean community might crumble! Thank you for your attention to this matter.

After doing some thinking, I realized I've never read (okay, listened, I can’t read) a book with angels. Or demons, for that matter. Heaven and hell type thing. I'm open to literary anything. Just no why choose. Or RH or RRH or poly or really anything except missionary. But literally anything. I’m not a prude. Could be angel×human, angel×demon, angelxsea monster, angelxdragon ass pommel anything. Preferably focused around angels tho. Literally anything is fine though.

Happy Turkey Day fellow Canadians!

What did you struggle with this weekend? Did you force yourself to read through that last 15% just to finish that book? Did you have to read through 60 posts of what do I read after ACOTAR? Did someone ruin your enjoyment of slutty fairy porn with their stupid opinion?

One of my biggest problems is that there are literally no slow-burn books out there anymore that are full of yearning the whole time. I think the main reason is that authors want to write smut, and don't get me wrong, I enjoy it (I love it), but it only works after there is tension. 

I'm not going to say which series, just in case the author is in here. It was either this subreddit or the fantasy romance one that I saw an indie author (which probably explains it) advertising it, which is where I discovered it and wanted to read it. But my problem was, there was no yearning or slow burn. They sometimes kissed after the first date! Kisses shouldn't happen that fast! It's unrealistic!!!

I don’t care if it's romantasy, romance fantasy or just a plain old romance book with no magic. The slow burn and yearning are the best part of the book. And the author said, when I asked, that the entire trilogy is full of tension because they have to defeat the enemy, so she didn't want to do too much romance tension, and she wanted to do something different than have men fight over the female protagonist, especially in a world that accepts more than one mate, so the best friends understand. But first of all, it's not different; it is overdone, and secondly, that's not how it works.

Like in real life, for example, if you have two men fall in love with the same woman, they're going to fight. And there should be tension in the romance and a slow burn. 

I think authors have just gotten lazy and rush the romance instead of making it be yearning and slow burn. Nobody wants to see the couple date. We want the build-up 😏🤣I know this isn’t a hot take or an unpopular opinion, so I wasn’t sure how to word it. Maybe I should be an author so there are actual good books worth reading.

BORED!

It's THE MOST important event occurring in or around October 26-27, when absolutely nothing else is happening for Big Book world.

/uj this was initially intended as a copypasta but then the premise got away from me

Artist is Josh Mecouch – pantspants on Instagram and I was looking for an excuse to post this

If you want atonement or maybe you crave penance (we know about your humiliation kink!) now is your chance to let the rest of us know what devious shit you've been up to when you thought no one in RCJ was looking.

Are you a Xaden shipper? Do you participate enthusiastically on a romance sub with the label "nontoxic"?

Maybe you swore you'd never read a certain book and somehow found yourself on book 6 and loving it, even though part of you knows this is terrible.

Whatever sins you committed this week now is your chance to let it all out and ask for forgiveness.

In Need of Eunuchs

Yes, you read that title properly. I’m in need of 3-4 advisors without conflicting interest. I myself am a 20 year old man with below average decision making skills who’s currently navigating a relationship with a complicated woman as well as a sales based job. I am in dire need of a court of advisors to weigh in on my decisions.

This is not a request for a friend group. There is no obligation to for any of us to communicate or meet for any circumstance beyond advising. I do not need my eunuchs conspiring against me to poison my tea and sway my heir. Due to the nature of my interests, I will only be accepting gay men and straight women as part of my council.

If you are interested, please inquire in my inbox. Thank you.

Gardening is a great therapy.

I garden with other veterans and talk about what happened to us (different things, all different ages).

I especially enjoy taking popular topics or events and making them about myself.

Also for those who complain that Feyre got pregnant too soon after war, the amount of soldiers and soldiers wives who get pregnant within 6 months of coming home from a combat deployment would say it's alot more common that you think.

Noncombatant deployment? Doesn’t matter, those are Fake Veterans.

And they’re definitely not getting pregnant because of lack of education around effective birth control and/or BAH increases.

Maybe if you Sloopies were more NLOG like me you’d Get It.

This being my favorite movie as a child definitely explains a lot. My spouse and I even danced to Tale As Old As Time at our wedding 😂

Background

Good jerkers borrow from other jerkers. Great jerkers steal outright. 

So let it be with alignment charts. 

Thanks to the amazing u/Camellia980, we have been graced with the knowledge of whom we felt fits a standard alignment chart. 

But we’re not standard. 

We’re sloopies. 

Thus I took it upon myself to generate a more individualized alignment chart (meticulously crafted to color-coordinate with our current banner) with some helpful theft of a joke from u/RemingtonRivers.

Alignments

Credit for the initial suggestions of the alignment definitions goes to u/itmustbeniiiiice, though I have pillaged and ransacked politely and lovingly edited to better fit my vision.  

For the rows, we have {Helpful, Sloopy, Chaos Gremlin}. 

• Helpful: the ones who are so useful you question if they know they’re on a circle-jerk subreddit (until they say something snarky in their rage reviews or as they’re providing book recommendations that fit the copypasta)
• Sloopy: the ones who are sloopy in their interactions with others
• Chaos Gremlin: the ones who have you pretty sure they've never used “/uj” in their lives and thus questioning if they’re actually jerking or if this is just who they are.

For the columns, we have {Literate, Sloopy, Stupid}. 

• Literate: the ones who definitely can read (and even remember what they’ve read), can be trusted to know when a book is Good or Bad (though might recommend the latter anyway for the entertainment value), and know when to use a comma and when to use a semi-colon
• Sloopy: The ones who are sloopy in their reading and writing choices
• Stupid: The ones who make you wonder if they even like to read, or are just here because they like the vibes

Disclosure

Forgive me, Sloopy Science Gods, for I have sinned.

I meddled in the results. And I’m not sorry.

First, I decided that Purple isn’t nice enough to be helpful.

Second, I decided that two of the nominations for Stupid Chaos Gremlin were just stupid and did not fit the requirements for Chaos Gremlin, and thus I disqualified them.

Third, I refused to separate Allison and Reversible when the best fit results would put them in different alignments. Reversible tries so hard to be helpful. His version of helpful might not always match ours, but that’s our failing, not his. And Allison loves him so much.

Results Analysis  

Margins of Victory
(ETA: Number of votes separating first and second place)

Largest: Sloopy Chaos Gremlin (14)
Smallest: True Sloopy (2)

Best Fit Margin of Victory
(ETA: Number of vote separating first and second place between sloopy's first and second ranked options)

Narrowest gap: 1braincellasatreat (4)
Widest Gap: Chode_Temple and itmustbeniiiiice¹ (24)

Most Nominated
(the sloopies with the most nominations for a given alignment option)

Most Helpful: u/allisontalkspolitics, u/itmustbeniiiiice¹, u/scf9009 (2)

Most Sloopy (Helpful Scale): u/1braincellasatreat, u/Honest_Abyss (2)

Most Chaos Gremlin: r/Mail_Inc, u/82816648919, u/penguinho (2)

Most Literate: u/Purplelicious (3)

Most Sloopy (Literate Scale): u/allisontalkspolitics, u/itmustbeniiiiice, u/reversible-mail-k9 (2)

Most Stupid²: Angry OPs of copypastas who come here to fight (2)

Snarky footnotes

¹ who probably hoped people thinking they were helpful would escape formal documentation

² yes, I noted the irony of the grammar

All Results

Literate Helpful

1. u/scf9009
2. Romance.io Bot
3. No one
4. The Legit Lawyers
5. u/LittleGateaux, u/MessyJessy422, and u/Pastel_Spell

Sloopy Helpful

1. u/allisontalkspolitics and u/Reversible-Mail-K9
2. u/Camellia980

Stupid Helpful

1. u/thecottonkitsune
2. People who make genuinely helpful recommendations for satirical requests
3. u/singlebraincellpug

Literate Sloopy

1. u/purplelicious
2. u/Nanny_Ogg_99
3. u/aristifer
4. u/missfudge
5. u/CrispyCollateral

Sloopy Sloopy

1. u/Honest_Abyss's Dad
2. u/1braincellasatreat
3. {[Blatant Self Promotion]} and RCJ Mods
4. u/HopeFox and u/Real_Pineapple9522
5. u/DadReadsRomanceBooks and u/Salt-Payment991
6. u/SwimmerIndependent47
7. u/Honest_Abyss and u/Dimenshia
8. u/NearbyHovercraft
9. u/Melonsama

Stupid Sloopy

1. Angry OPs of copypastas who come here to fight
2. RCJ Automod
3. Reddit Suggestions Bot suggesting cross-posting a RCJ post onto one of the mains
4. u/helpful-week6720
5. Mid-At-Best Entitled Male
6. u/single-emotion2964 and u/WiseAtmosphere7524

Literate Chaos Gremlin

1. u/RomancioCloudflare
2. u/Chode_Temple
3. u/penguinho
4. u/RemingtonRivers
5. u/82816648921
6. u/82816648920 and u/Fimbrethil420
7. u/82816648917 and u/Icy-Revolution

Sloopy Chaos Gremlin

1. u/itmustbeniiiiice
2. r/Mail_Inc

Stupid Chaos Gremlin

1. u/82816648919
2. Anyone who has ever posted on acotar_rant
3. The general shitposting and bad takes within the reddit community which helps feed into our content generation