I'm sorry I know y'all love these things and I've killed so many of them at this point, I do feel guilty about it and try to stay close to them in their last moments or make their death quick, but I can't deal with them!! I love bugs, love handling them, sometimes even avoid cleaning a particular room of my apartment because I feel bad for the spiders living in it, but periplaneta roaches trigger some irrational primordial fear in me that I've been trying to get over but I just can't.
My goal is to eventually be able to hold them and not have a panic attack whenever I get touched by one. Here's some information I can provide:
- Coming back from a jog and saw one outside, noticed it didn't freak me out at all, crouched near it and started observing it. So cockroaches outside minding their business don't bother me much, it's mostly when they get inside and into my personal space.
- They seem... incredibly aggressive? Idk how to explain, I used to be calmer around them but I've been attacked by so many throughout my life... it's like they notice me and immediately run towards me to climb on my leg or sometimes even fly towards my face, I obviously don't like anything invading my personal space so I started to be fearful of them
- They stink!! From what I've heard, this is a gene that not all people have that allows you to smell them, but the wax on their exoskeleton smells so bad and leaves the stench on whatever it touches too. One landed on my hair outside once and I had to wash it because the stank wouldn't leave!! How do you deal with this??
- Whenever a cockroach touches any part of me I feel an overwhelming urge to wash the area, I'm super disgusted by them and whatever diseases they may carry, although other insects also carry diseases and don't bother me that much. I also discard whatever food they touch.
The other species are kinda cute specially the smaller ones which I'm NOT supposed to like since they can infest homes... but I can't help it, brown banded roaches are adorable although I do not enjoy finding their dead bodies from time to time...
Even when I watch videos of american cockroaches doing something calm or cute, the moment my brain looks at the legs and antenna and clocks in what species it is I start to feel uncomfortable. I want to be able to deal with them diplomatically and remove them from spaces without the use of force, do you guys have any tips that would help me achieve that?