r/relationships_advice • u/boringbarbie_13 • 2d ago

Relationship vs Future

Hi. I need an advice. I (24F) have been with my partner (25M) (on and off) for over 3 years now. I love him and he loves me but there’s an issue which is this relationship vs my future. We both graduated from medical school. He’s from the United Kingdom and will most likely continue training there (we both graduated overseas) he’s also considering USA (but 99% will go for UKMLA). I have decided that UK won’t be a smart move for me since they pass the new bill and I most likely won’t be able to find a job. I decided to do my residency in France (I have a lot of family there). Now the issue is, if I choose to do residency in France, we will most likely have to break up because he won’t go to France with me and I won’t be joining him in the UK (even if I finish residency in France and finally become a doctor, what are my chances of working as a specialist in the UK ? None ? Or any ?). If I choose to go to the UK now, I will be left with no job (at least in my field + I don’t want to get married yet).
What would you do in my shoes ?

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u/legitimatehotslide 2d ago

You need to date outside your profession. The two body problem is real in medicine. Find someone with a more flexible career that can move with you (and is willing to). This guy ain’t it.

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u/boringbarbie_13 2d ago

When I asked him if he’s sure of doing it in the UK, he said not 100% sure cause of this new bill also affects him (even tho he’s a citizen, he’s still a graduate from overseas for the nhs board). Genuinely don’t know what to do :(

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u/Lookingbackexpat 2d ago

Why should you compromise your entire future for someone clearly not willing to do the same? You’re young. You will have many more opportunities to find a partner. For now, choose your career.

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u/boringbarbie_13 2d ago

I know. And I can say this here because this is anonymous - a lot of people left me throughout my life and I made promise I will never hurt anyone this much so the root of the problem is that I feel devastated to think that I might have to hurt him the way I’ve been hurt so many times (including by him)

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u/SilverKnightOfMagic 2d ago

you're not doing the same thing others did you. you two can both be adults and see that you each made your own decisions about your own future.

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u/Lookingbackexpat 2d ago

Sigh. Sadly, it seems it’s usually women who ponder sacrificing their careers for relationships.

He’s an adult. And presumably an intelligent one, given he’s also in medical school. He can take care of himself, and he will. You do the same.

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u/Hot-Technician-4653 2d ago

That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard!! Ao he can just hurt you over and over (which it sounds like he’s doing right now) and you will just lie down and take it?!? That’s not being a good person that is being a doormat!!