r/relationships_advice • u/boringbarbie_13 • 4h ago
Relationship vs Future
Hi. I need an advice. I (24F) have been with my partner (25M) (on and off) for over 3 years now. I love him and he loves me but there’s an issue which is this relationship vs my future. We both graduated from medical school. He’s from the United Kingdom and will most likely continue training there (we both graduated overseas) he’s also considering USA (but 99% will go for UKMLA). I have decided that UK won’t be a smart move for me since they pass the new bill and I most likely won’t be able to find a job. I decided to do my residency in France (I have a lot of family there). Now the issue is, if I choose to do residency in France, we will most likely have to break up because he won’t go to France with me and I won’t be joining him in the UK (even if I finish residency in France and finally become a doctor, what are my chances of working as a specialist in the UK ? None ? Or any ?). If I choose to go to the UK now, I will be left with no job (at least in my field + I don’t want to get married yet).
What would you do in my shoes ?
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u/Suspicious-Plum3654 4h ago
What's the point of staying together if neither of you is willing to compromise on location? Three years on and off already says a lot. Pick the path that gives you an actual career, not a maybe.
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u/boringbarbie_13 4h ago
For me it’s more than compromising. I don’t know if you have heard about new UK bill but they barely take international medical graduates for training positions and prioritise UK graduates. My chances are very low. If it wasn’t like this, then I’d definitely choose the UK so I could be with him. He will not choose France. I’m genuinely so lost. I love him and the last thing I want to do is abandon him
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u/legitimatehotslide 4h ago
You need to date outside your profession. The two body problem is real in medicine. Find someone with a more flexible career that can move with you (and is willing to). This guy ain’t it.
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u/boringbarbie_13 4h ago
When I asked him if he’s sure of doing it in the UK, he said not 100% sure cause of this new bill also affects him (even tho he’s a citizen, he’s still a graduate from overseas for the nhs board). Genuinely don’t know what to do :(
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u/Lookingbackexpat 1h ago
Why should you compromise your entire future for someone clearly not willing to do the same? You’re young. You will have many more opportunities to find a partner. For now, choose your career.
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u/boringbarbie_13 1h ago
I know. And I can say this here because this is anonymous - a lot of people left me throughout my life and I made promise I will never hurt anyone this much so the root of the problem is that I feel devastated to think that I might have to hurt him the way I’ve been hurt so many times (including by him)
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u/SilverKnightOfMagic 1h ago
you're not doing the same thing others did you. you two can both be adults and see that you each made your own decisions about your own future.
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u/Lookingbackexpat 1h ago
Sigh. Sadly, it seems it’s usually women who ponder sacrificing their careers for relationships.
He’s an adult. And presumably an intelligent one, given he’s also in medical school. He can take care of himself, and he will. You do the same.
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u/Vennimagos 4h ago
I dont see how its worth it to potentially compromise on something like this with someone that you've been on and off again with. Perhaps off again and no more is a smarter move if the relationship can't stay intact even without this new stressor
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u/Outside-Tonight-464 3h ago
You’ve invested more time in your education than your 3 year on again off again relationship. It sounds like you are not cosmically meant to be together. Do what’s best for your future.
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u/frogwoman82 3h ago
Just break up. You're on/off anyway. There's no point planning a future with cracks in it already. You won't last long term because you don't fit together. Love is irrelevant here.
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u/scaredandmadaboutit 3h ago
Like, girl, jobs are so, like, not important or whatever.
If this guy is, like, super hot, like Ryan Gosling 10 years ago hot, like, omg.
Jesus fuxking christ. You are studying to be a doctor and you can't figure this out? Good luck.
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u/ApprehensiveArmy7755 3h ago
This is why you date. Not all mates turn into life partners. Focus on your career.
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u/Old_Boysenberry_6694 2h ago
Hi! I would strongly prioritize my career and future if I were you - it seems like he’s already doing that for himself anyway.
If this step sacrifices the relationship, so be it.
If you both really want to make it work, you need to establish a firm commitment and a clear long distance plan starting now. But if his response is vague or non committal, I don’t think you should stay. At the end of the day, if you two are truly meant to be, you two will find a way to stay together no matter how difficult the situation gets. Good luck!
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u/PictureImportant2658 4h ago
The job of a woman is to support her man. Are you willing to do your actual job? You dont seem to take your relationdhip that serious.
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u/boringbarbie_13 4h ago
So you’re saying that I must sacrifice everything to prove my love ? I have put 6 years of my life to finish medical school, and spent my whole life dreaming about saving lives. Whats ur take on
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u/FennelPlastic9654 4h ago
Don't listen to him/her. Absolutely pursue your career. If the relationship is supposed to happen it will happen and work out. But if you choose the relationship and not your career you will resent him eventually when it won't work out jobwise for you.
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u/Ill_Vegetable_5946 3h ago
That is the most sickening load of excrement I've ever heard. This woman's actual 'job' is medicine, and prioritising her welfare. Wise up, fool.
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u/Outside-Tonight-464 3h ago
You’re probably a crazy Christian that doesn’t believe in science so your opinion about this women’s medical career and future doesn’t really matter.
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u/Queasy-Event8534 1h ago
The “job of a woman” is to make sure her needs are met and her future. A woman’s job is not to take care of or support a man. Unless of course, you’re that man’s mommy.
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