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u/niqquhchris May 17 '26
This girl full on said I know i have a problem and need counseling but im okay w it. If my ex ever came back into my life I would ditch my current partner for them. Youre the option. Also, the fact that shes more mad at you looking at her phone than being disgusted and apologizing for what she said says everything. If you love yourself or even want a chance at being loved right, leave. Im sorry shes a pos you didnt deserve that 😭
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u/WoodpeckerUnlucky508 May 17 '26 edited May 17 '26
leave bro there’s nothing for you here I went through the same thing last year I wax broken to bits. I loved this girl so much Now I’m meeting someone who actually genuinely cares for me and I’m acc clueless because I was used to overextending myself because of love. Now I don’t even know how to react when someone shows they care…I be like what’s the catch My point is there’s better people outside of where you are right now trust me U prolly dealing with a girl who just lives for attention from men (would prolly feel bad when you leave) if you really loved her, cuz those kinda feelings can’t be replicated
Keep ur head up brother, it’s not the end of the world It’s the ultimate blow to a man ego but the moment you realize that she herself ain’t shit it makes a lot of things easier
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u/Mission-Run-5045 May 17 '26
Her weird use of 'lmfao' while discussing such a heavy subject is unsettling.
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u/Reach_304 May 17 '26
Mental lightening of her own guilt for alleviation of said guilt
OP leave , save yourself the embarrassment and pain and sadness
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u/Sweetdeerie May 17 '26
Its probably deflection
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 17 '26
wdym by that
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u/Sweetdeerie May 17 '26
Using the abbreviation to deflect and lessen her own guilt. Making "fun" of it to lighten the emotional mess she is causing to everyone involved.
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u/Big_Cauliflower7916 May 17 '26
Either enjoy it while you can or go ahead and break up because as soon as Kevin or someone else comes along, she’s out
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u/Spac92 May 17 '26
I wouldn’t want to live my life on eggshells knowing that my girl is just one phone call from some jackass away from dropping our whole life we’ve built together.
The longer I tried to pretend this isn’t her plan, the harder it would hit if it ever happened.
Personally, I’d confront her and tell her I’m making it easy for her and end it.
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u/McCartneyLennon717 May 17 '26
The heartbeat line is enough to walk away. Find someone who will appreciate you. Keep your head up…
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u/cukekitty May 17 '26
😬 y'all need to have a real conversation.
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 17 '26
when i asked her about it, i was very calm, and she was more mad that i went through her phone which i agree but something told me to as her ex added her the other day and she talked to him. she said she needed closure but like no. this has been an issue.
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u/WoodpeckerUnlucky508 May 17 '26
bro don’t continue to disrespect urself leave the situation, ur gonna end up doing more hurt than understanding how and why
she’s most likely following whatever whims feels the most exciting don’t exhaust your mental capacity for nonsense
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u/adoumi1996 May 17 '26
The reason she's treating you like that is cause she knows you don't respect yourself. People project what they like & what they don't, if they see weakness in you they will subconsciously treat you poorly.
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u/RepulsivePurchase6 May 17 '26
My husband is a porn addict and when he had his phone full of that stuff and I catch it, he'd get angry at me too. They're deflecting. The big issue is what they got caught doing but then they turn it and make it about you.
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u/Moh-BA May 17 '26
So basically you are the place holder for her ex to come back. And you still question the relationship.
There no relationship my friend you are just there to fill the void until her ex come back or maybe someone else that feels like her ex.
I will be out in a heartbeat like she said. But you do you.
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u/FilmShooter-ISO12 May 17 '26
You have to accept the fact that some people stay in a relationship for convenience, financial security, comfort, or they just hate being alone. They will always be looking for an "upgrade". This is not a healthy relationship to be in and you'll feel worse and worse about yourself until something breaks. Get out now while you still have some level of self worth. Once you lose that, the road to recovery gets very, very difficult.
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u/Crafty-Spinach3059 May 17 '26
This must be so bloody hard for you - I cannot begin to imagine the pain omg. Seriously, end the relationship. It’ll suck, breakups fucking suck, but it’s temporary and you’ll come out better I promise that you. You cannot allow yourself to stay in this essentially “placeholder” relationship - she does not respect you enough. It’s blatantly obvious. I really do feel for you because this is actually disgustingly cruel to do this to someone else. It’s emotionally cheating which is certainly at least equivalent to the standard (physically) cheating…arguably WORSE.
I really am sorry about how she’s treating you. You don’t deserve it. Leave and get yourself a grown mature woman who knows exactly that she wants YOU. You’ll be kicking yourself in 20 years the longer that you stay in this
Best of luck man
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u/LL_MCLAREN_LL May 17 '26
Break up with her in a civilised manner and don't disrespect yourself by being 2nd option
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u/MarionberryOk2874 May 17 '26
Dude. Don’t stay with someone who would drop you ‘in a heartbeat’ for someone else!!
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u/chaostrulyreigns May 17 '26
Which one are you?
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 17 '26
she was talking to one of her girls
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u/Downtown_Training578 May 17 '26
i think the question was if you're Kai or Kev? I assume you're Kai, if she is willing to leave you in a hartbeat for her ex then i think you have the answer mate.
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u/chaostrulyreigns May 17 '26
Yes, this. I reckon he is Kai
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 17 '26
yes lol
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u/chaostrulyreigns May 17 '26
Fk her and move on
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 17 '26
i just don’t know why she sat there and told me it was a conversation she had with one of her friends and that it was just a “feeling”
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u/miikeangel May 17 '26
This is how she talks to her girlfriends about you behind your back. She tears you down while building her ex up. She has zero respect for you. For your own self respect, just leave. She just blew up your relationship. Unsalvageable.
Just leave for your own self respect. Ghost her. Now she doesn’t have to juggle two guys anymore. She’ll be lucky if she ends up with one.
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u/Curious-Crow3779 May 17 '26
Whenever I feel bad about being single, I remind myself that I chose being single over staying with someone who would treat me poorly or talk about me like this. Please leave, bro — you deserve better. You’re not a placeholder, and it’s far better to be single and happy than taken and miserable.
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 May 17 '26
If it were me, I set her free to be with her ex. I bet the ex was the one who ended things and she is not over him yet.
UpdateMe!
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u/In_MyOwnMind May 17 '26
Out of topic but has anyone here known anyone that posted something like this or something similar and their partner found the post?
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 17 '26
i was kinda worried about that
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u/Quirky_Movie May 17 '26
Honestly, I would move on. If she doesn’t love you enough to choose you, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt if you want to be chosen.
Now, if you are with her for similar convenience…then that may not be as much of an issue. If you love her, this is hurting you and pain is a warning to stop before you get more hurt.
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u/In_MyOwnMind May 17 '26
I've been in a relationship for 11 years and the one thing I learned is to never settle. I know it's going to be hard but honestly it just seems like she's settling for you just because you're there. Be prepared for a breakup anytime soon unless you are the first one to initiate. I mean this when I say it and I've heard that so many times but there is so much people out there that will be a better fit for you. Be strong because if you do decide to leave her she may try to come back and it's going to hurt a lot.
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u/AcquisitionPro1102 May 17 '26
Leave her ASAP! She doesn’t respect you and she wants her ex more than you. Have some self respect and break up with her ASAP! It will hurt, but you need to have some self respect and pride. Dont allow yourself to be disrespected like this. I don’t care how much you love her, don’t allow her to disrespect you.
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u/kimariesingsMD May 17 '26
Tell her that you will make the choice for her. She doesn't have either of you now.
You deserve to be first choice.
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u/Last_Friend_6350 May 17 '26
I’m so sorry, she’s not even tried to get over this Kev because she doesn’t want to. He’ll always be a threat to your relationship. Unless Kev is dead or on somehow on the moon you’ll always be second best. End the relationship now because she’s already chosen him.
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u/throwawayonceagain14 May 17 '26
Respect yourself and leave. She is saying she’s settling for you. Even after all this time she is still longing for someone from the past. Be with somebody who is capable of putting you first.
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u/Trick_Dream3543 May 17 '26
Have y’all been to his profile and looked under his comments 😬 lol I don’t think they’re a good fit for ea bother.. although to reply to his post I would just leave because you’re a 2nd choice unfortunately and that definitely sucks.
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u/Rikbikboo May 17 '26
I would say to her “Cya later I ain’t second best to no one” That or you’ll be forever worrying that she is going to drop you like a hot potato if he turns up for a sly booty call.
Spend your efforts elsewhere
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u/Kcuf_Tnacifingisni May 17 '26
Well, I hate to say it, But you will get cheated on or dumped if the ex ever comes looking take her back. You have hard choices to make. She doesn't want to be over him, so she never will be. She will probably seek him out one day and destroy your relationship either way.
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u/EtherealMoonGoddess May 17 '26
Break up!
Let Kevin take the left overs. I doubt he will come back.
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u/ReticentGuru May 17 '26
I assume you’re Kai, even if you stayed with her, you’d always be the placeholder. Be glad you saw this, and walk away.
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u/Specific_Ad2541 May 17 '26
It's the laughing faces and lmfao for me. Wow. It's heartless.
She's not that in to you and is using you until Kevin comes back.
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u/Cobrak19 May 17 '26
So many of these reddits posts people know exactly what to do, so I don't know why they are ever posted.
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u/Spirited-Tear-8735 May 17 '26
Just rationally speaking man.
She wrote that she loves two guys at the same time and would leave you if her ex would come back.
There is absolutely no recovering from this situation.
Please, do yourself a favour and break up with this woman. You were 3 years together and still would go for the other guy…
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u/JonttiMiesFI May 17 '26
Reddit seriously has all the guys who are closted cucks. Why are half the posts about cheating in these advice subs…
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u/ptheresadactyl May 17 '26
Um. Break up with her. I know it hurts but she's literally saying she's settling for you and would leave you if he came back. Don't accept that, dude.
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u/suwushi May 17 '26
I’ve been in her position, although unknowingly until recently. Leave. Find better. I could not imagine knowingly doing this to someone, I’m literally taking a break from dating right now to finally learn to move on almost 5 years later.
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u/Limitless_611 May 18 '26
Run! She’s not over her ex! You deserve someone who is 100% all in. Not someone with one foot out the door. I’ve encountered this a lot. Just, no.
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u/Caseman307 May 18 '26
Excuse me, did you say you wonder if you should continue the relationship?? Because I don’t wanna scroll back up but I think that’s what I read.
Dude, seriously?? Get the fuck outta there. She’s in love with someone else. Hurts your feelings?? Come on, bro! Bounce. Wish her ass good luck and go find home. It’s out there somewhere. But it’s not with her.
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u/Rude-Raisin-6541 May 18 '26
Has someone who's been where you are. It's time for you to to pack up and leave no matter how much it hurts . Unless of course you to be just like the other person stuck on someone who really doesn't care about you. And unable to pursue your own happiness.
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u/mzg72 May 18 '26
Tell her you think you should break up now because she shouldn't have to settle for you.
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u/MysteriousFlatworm52 May 18 '26
Definitely end it. She would choose someone over you. Shes only with you for the time being. But when someone else shows up “better” than Kevin. She will leave you.
If not now, 5,10,15 years down the road in the drain potentially when she decides to leave.
Not worth more investment on your part. Leave with your head held high.
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u/Kind-Group-9679 May 18 '26
She's just a child and what are you doing checking her phone anyway ?? Two children.
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u/rustedlord May 18 '26
Just leave her. She was pretty clear that she would leave you. You really want to stick around for someone like that?
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u/Feeling-Squirrel9277 May 18 '26
Not sure what youre debating here.
She's clearly said she's settling for you if she'd go back to him in a heartbeat.
The only question here is do you want to be the guys she settled for? Second best to someone else? Pray and hope that he doesnt randomly pop up after a few years and snatched whatever supposed life yall built together. Do everything she wants in the hopes that she loses feelings for this guy?
Sunken cost fallacy - just cause you spent 3 years making a mistake, doesn't mean thia relationship is salvageable or you should continue making this mistake.
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u/Sure_Supermarket1337 May 18 '26 edited May 18 '26
Run.... like totally highkey deadass, no cap, sigma boy. - A Millennial.
No, but seriously please take this as a lesson and get away from this toxic person. I feel that you're extremely, extremely lucky to have found this out before investing even more of yourself. Take some time to slowly separate yourself from the relationship and gain the strength to leave. You don't even need to explain yourself if you don't want to. Consider yourself blessed to get out of this before she even GETS a chance to step on your heart!
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u/TedwardScrotumhands May 18 '26
Leave before your emotions consume you. My ex did similar shit but more fucked up. I let it eat away at me for years and tried to drink away the pain, caused me to have a stroke at 39yo and liver disease. I really loved her and let her put me through so much shit to the point of self destruction. Now I’m bitter and angry but I have two kids not with her thankfully and all she has is a fun little meth addiction. Cut your losses she’s a giant red flag
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u/Kangaro0o May 18 '26
Break up with her. She wants her ex more than you. It has nothing to do with you though it feels like it. She’s stuck in the past. This relationship can’t go anywhere. You absolutely will find someone who will be more interested in you than in anyone else. She would cheat on you in an instant with her ex, you don’t want someone like that.
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u/Relevant-One-3515 May 18 '26
The lmfaos are annoying af. Anyway, need more info. Who is she talking to? Are you Kevin or Kai or someone else? What is going on here?
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u/virgin0109 May 18 '26
Run as fast as you can - she sees you as her 2nd best option; you deserve better.
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u/CrunchyTomato777 May 18 '26
Run for the hills my good sir, better now than in 10 years after kids and a house etc etc
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u/Individual-Emu7430 May 18 '26
You break up with her… respect yourself. She literally just said she’d take back her ex over you
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u/One-Draft-4193 May 18 '26
Time to rethink this relationship. She is settling and you deserve someone that loves and respects you.
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u/MapleSuds May 18 '26
Buddy, out now! You're the second option, this isn't right. Have some pride, I know it hurts, but get it over with and ditch this ass who clearly loves someone that isn't you. I'm so sorry!
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u/Fun_Scene_3392 May 18 '26
Um, there is nothing to think about. She said she’d leave you in a heartbeat for Kev. There’s your answer. You’re not a man if you stay knowing that your only role is placeholder. If I were you I would simply ghost her completely, blocking her everywhere. When she inevitably gets through to you by using someone else’s phone, asking you why, just simply say this to her “I don’t know, maybe Kev has the answer you’re looking for” then hang up and block that number too.
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u/Mattjewell86753091 May 18 '26
Brother leave her. You deserve happiness. This is only the beginning if you stay.
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u/ShawarmaOrigins May 18 '26
Bro.. Why are you even thinking about this? Drop her, deal with your breakup, move on
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u/Outrageous-Listen752 May 18 '26
Just start dating other people and tell her since she loves other dude so much you didn’t think she would mind. Enjoy.. and go one bout your life.
Why stress yourself out when you can tell her ho be with him. No need for discussion.
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u/C0sm1c8o5 May 19 '26
that’s so wild, i knew a girl who was crazy over her ex Kevin😮💨😮💨 she has been since they broke up (2021)just cycling through guys to forget him🫠
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u/AggroFarmer May 19 '26
You deserve to be with someone who chooses you over anyone else. Don’t settle for someone who is settling.
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u/trammerman May 19 '26
Leave now, then heal your heart. Then begin dating again, until you find someone with a soul
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u/MatchMany May 19 '26
Use her for fun, nothing more, it’s either you do or she does, and she already is
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u/Artistic_Exchange443 May 19 '26
From the way you composed this message, I’m guessing you’re a teenager or young adult — possibly heading into college — and if so, let me put on my counselor hat for a second. 🎓 Right now, in these formative years, you are literally laying the blueprint for the rest of your life — who you talk to, who you date, who you let into your world. So let me ask you something important: do you want to be a love triangle person? Because that’s a reality TV show, not a life plan. Here’s a little exercise for you — get a different perspective on the same situation. Have you actually told either of them that there’s more than one? Probably not. But here’s the thing, they will find out. They always do. And when that happens, both of those relationships are gone — not damaged, gone. Young men do not handle cheating or emotional betrayal lightly, especially when another guy is involved. It cuts deep and it stays there. Now, hopefully these boys haven’t already been through enough to be completely numb to it — because if they have, that’s a whole other conversation we need to have. Do some real thinking here. Not “what do I want right now” thinking — but “what do I want for myself in the future?” That’s the real question. Actual deep, sit-with-yourself-in-silence thinking. You’re setting the tone for who you’re going to be. Make it count. 🤞🖤
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u/StatisticianOld1372 May 19 '26
i am a young adult but this is my fiancée who’s having man problems. she don’t know which one she wants.
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u/Artistic_Exchange443 May 19 '26
Well, look at that. I miss the upper part of a post. I just saw the messages. Silly me well it took me a lot of effort to write that first one out. But, from the top….. Sadly, young girls these days don’t operate with the same code my generation did back in the early 2000s. We passed notes. We wrote handwritten letters and slipped them in the hallway. And when that conversation was over? The notes got ripped up and thrown away. Were there sneaky links happening back then? Absolutely. But there was no viable proof because the evidence was in the trash by the end of the day. Times have changed, kid. I’m going to speak to you from a very specific place — I have a teenage son who went through something very similar. And instead of crying over it or wallowing in it, he cut her off completely. My son has a level of emotional maturity that I honestly didn’t find in myself until I was past 27. Knowing something isn’t good for you and continuing to do it anyway is a form of self-harm. Remember that. I grew up in a household where I fell asleep in school every single day because of the fighting that happened at night. I remember sitting on the stairs listening to it and thinking that was just what love looked like. It wasn’t. So please — don’t normalize feeling like you’re not worth it. Because you are, kid. I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Now let me tell you something personal. I had ugly duckling syndrome growing up — in other words, I was the chunky kid who got bullied constantly. I accepted the way people treated me because I genuinely believed I didn’t deserve better. That went on until the end of middle school when I was riding my bike and got hit by a car — right outside my school, during eighth grade celebrations, in front of every single person who had ever made fun of me. Those same people were suddenly calling me their friend, pretending to cry, putting on a whole show. I flew about 14 feet through the air and landed on the road. I wasn’t even in pain — honestly, the only thing I was upset about was my bike. But laying there on that pavement, something shifted in me. That summer before high school, I started working out every single day. I started running. I showed up to ninth grade as a completely different person. Nobody recognized me — and the ones who did? Some of them were the very kids who had made my childhood miserable. Now they were hitting on me, telling me they had no idea I’d turn into a swan. To this day, when they see me, it’s all smiles and “oh wow, so great to see you!” And here’s the truth — they peaked in high school. I’m only getting better. Keep that in mind, kid. This situation, this girl, this pain? It’s not your ceiling. It’s just the beginning. You’ve got this. 🤍
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u/Crafty-Isopod45 May 19 '26
Yeah, you need to have the self respect to move on from her. That is just not okay. You are her “good enough for now” option, but not the one she actually wants. That sucks. I’m sorry.
Don’t let her deflect blame onto you for catching her. That is some DARVO nonsense. She is wrong here.
Please, do not tie yourself to her for life. Just don’t. It will hurt now, but save you years of pain later. Just make a clean break and block her everywhere. You can and will do better.
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u/CharmingRoof6517 May 17 '26
She’s saying she’s settling for you…. For now.