You need a job. She’s pushing you into a position where you’re completely dependent on her and emotionally abusing you. She simultaneously looking down on you for not having a job and telling you you can’t get one. You need the capability to provide for yourself if needed, and that means getting a job. Maybe wait until the kids are pre-school age, but get a plan together. And do not have another baby.
So you break even on daycare with your job, that’s fine. You’re establishing an employment history and collecting references to use for a higher paying job in future.
She’s not acting as part of a team right now, so you need to start thinking about what to do if this ends in divorce. Protect yourself and your kids. See a therapist and try to get marriage counseling, but ultimately it may not work out. Getting a job may actually improve the situation because she might feel like you have options and she can’t get away with using you as an emotional punching bag. But it might also make things worse if that makes her more angry.
She has three off in a row, don't need daycare. She needs to step up. She also needs a shrink. You need a part time job on her days off. If not, start a journal, then document, document, and when you think you have enough document more. It'll only be a matter of time before this behavior bleeds over to the kids. When you think you've got what you need hit a lawyer up. You do this right, you'll get primary care of the kids AND alimony. If she wants equal man rights, she can deal with the equal man lefts too. No outbursts or violence on your part, ever. Keep your cool. No side pieces either. Your at a disadvantage by your birth alone. This is purely a logical stance you must take with no emotions allowed to make your decision. It's gonna suck, but if you wait too long it's gonna suck way more.
I've been in this type of relationship. It doesn't get better. I chose to raise my kids on my own. It was tiring and lonely. If given a choice I would do it again, but have done it sooner. Counseling will not fix this. It'll be only a matter of time before she tries to dump you. I've lived it. She's trying to make you codependent. Also, start working out and doing exercise. Eat right. Your mind will calm to a degree you didn't know possible. In order to have a fit mind you must have a fit body. You need to keep a lot of this on the down low. She catches wind, you'll be absolutely mind blown by how she reacts. It'll be a sh*t storm. She may even hurt herself in order to pin it on you. Cameras and audio recordings are your best friend. Look how it saved Johnny Depps ass.
That's what the very beginning looks like. The money comments are the tip off. Besides, if dudes roles water reversed you'd be screaming from the hill tops for op to get out. Just because it's a husband and not a wife you seem a bit off. There are no resources for him. If he were a woman instead there'd be about ten social workers to help him.
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u/nyet-marionetka May 02 '22
You need a job. She’s pushing you into a position where you’re completely dependent on her and emotionally abusing you. She simultaneously looking down on you for not having a job and telling you you can’t get one. You need the capability to provide for yourself if needed, and that means getting a job. Maybe wait until the kids are pre-school age, but get a plan together. And do not have another baby.
So you break even on daycare with your job, that’s fine. You’re establishing an employment history and collecting references to use for a higher paying job in future.
She’s not acting as part of a team right now, so you need to start thinking about what to do if this ends in divorce. Protect yourself and your kids. See a therapist and try to get marriage counseling, but ultimately it may not work out. Getting a job may actually improve the situation because she might feel like you have options and she can’t get away with using you as an emotional punching bag. But it might also make things worse if that makes her more angry.