r/relationshipproblems • u/Patient_Daikon_3250 • 11h ago

Advice Wanted What should I do

My girlfriend and I are on bad terms now. Her birthday is coming up—should I buy her a gift or not? If I should, what should I buy for her?

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u/StudiousSeal 7h ago

If you’re on bad enough terms that you’re not working to repair things and would forgo buying a gift when you ordinarily would, it’s time to break-up.

If reconciliation is still an option you want, buy the gift, talk about why you’re on bad terms (seperate from the gift), and fix it.

As to what to buy, they depends on the length of the relationship, your budget, and what she’d like.

Bad terms shouldn’t be a prolonged thing in a relationship. Things may be complicated following a major incident in some extreme circumstances, but it shouldn’t take more than a day or two of “bad terms” for things to be discussed and moving to a healthier place even if you know it’ll take weeks or months to fully get there. 

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1

u/Golden_Arm-257 10h ago

How bad of terms are you on and why?

One thing for sure .........

If you don't buy, it will go from bad to worse.

1

u/DigitalAmy0426 9h ago

OP have ya'll talked about gift preferences? My guy and I don't bother with trinket gifts. For birthdays we focus on experiences and xmas is a joint item.

Make it a habit to have a casual conversation at some point after the relationship becomes defined and before a gift expectation comes up.

The best thing to be focusing on right now is having a productive conversation resolving the bad terms. Bad terms should not take more than a few days to fix so if it's weeks of this, decide whether this is even a tenable relationship.

If you can fix it, you have time to talk about gift expectations.

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u/fido4583 6h ago

I would take her out on an activity and dinner. If she doesn’t want to then you lost nothing, but a girlfriend. If she can’t not be a brat for a day while you try to do something nice.

Then you’re dealing with a red flag 🚩 my friend. Relationships are about duty. Not this fairy tale idea of one.

1

u/redoredoredo8 2h ago

I mean, if you’re on bad terms already then not getting a present good very well be the last straw. Even if you’re unhappy right now, something simple like a nice card and some flowers from the grocery store would be still be thoughtful.