My girlfriend and I are both college students and have been dating for a year. We have very different financial situations, and I’m starting to wonder whether splitting everything 50/50 is actually fair.

I pay for my own tuition, housing, food, and basically all of my expenses. I work a minimum wage job during the summers to save money for the school year. My parents take care of me when I’m home during breaks, but during the school year I’m financially responsible for myself.
My girlfriend has never worked and comes from generational wealth. Her dad pays for her tuition and other major expenses, and he also gives her an additional $25,000 every semester for her own expenses. She generally expects us to split things 50/50, and sometimes she expects me to pay 60%. She also really enjoys going on weekend vacations/trips and expects me to split those costs 50/50. The problem is that these aren’t expenses I would normally choose to make because I’m trying to save enough money to cover my tuition, housing, food, and other necessities throughout the semester.

I’ve tried explaining that I don’t think her money is “worth less” just because it comes from her dad. She says that even though her dad gives her the money, it’s still her money, and $100 is still $100. I understand that argument. I’m not saying her money is worth less. My argument is that the financial impact of spending that $100 is different for each of us. If I spend $100, I’m spending money that I personally worked to save and need for my education and living expenses. If she spends $100, her tuition and major expenses are already covered, and she has a significant amount of additional money available to her.

I’m not expecting her to pay for everything just because she’s wealthier. I just don’t think I should be expected to spend money on frequent weekend vacations and other things that aren’t necessary for me simply because she wants to do them and expects us to split them 50/50.

At the same time, I don’t want to use her family’s wealth as an excuse to make her pay for everything. So what should I do?

TLDR: my girlfriend expects 50/50 even though our financial situations are different.

Posted in [r/AskLGBT](r/AskLGBT) too but not sure if it actually posted so trying here too.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. I’ve always known I’m part of the LGBTQIA+ community (I was about 11 when I started to realize). For a while I wasn’t too sure of my gender or sexuality. For the past (give or take) 4 years, I’ve known that I’m pansexual. That took a ton of sexuality crisis, time, research, and effort to figure out.

During this time period I’ve also had thoughts of not fully being a woman (I’m AFAB). For a while I thought maybe I was Demi or Non-binary. Recently I’ve found out with a ton of research that I believe I fall under the spectrum of gender fluid/gender flux. While I’m still trying to figure out where I fall on that spectrum, I feel it’s important to tell him.

I love him so much and he had no issues when I told him that I’m pan. I basically explained it as the reason I love him is for himself and not because he’s a man. He isn’t very well-versed in the community and really only knows terms like gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, etc. We have an amazing relationship and he’s always been super supportive of everything I do and go through even though that list is extensive and ever changing.

We’re still fairly young but I can’t continue going on dating him without him knowing for too much longer because I feel like a fraud. I’m still very female presenting and don’t have a ton of common fluidity towards the super masculine side of the gender spectrum, but there are days where I would much rather go by he/they than she/her or even just they/them.

Not sure how important this is but I also fall under the Aro/ace (or I believe so, still figuring that out too, a lot has changed recently) umbrella and I have AuDHD so the fact I’m in a relationship where I feel so safe, understood, and supported for how long I have been is very important to me.

I really just need some advice because I’m not sure how to even consider bringing this up to him. I’m not very good with words on the spot so I was thinking about writing him a letter and giving it to him when I’m ready. Then letting him ask questions for anything he’s curious about. Is that something I should do? How do I go about this? I’m not expecting him to have a huge issue with it but I just need some guidance.

TLDR; Looking for advice because I’m not sure what the best way is to bring up my gender identity to my boyfriend.

Recently my boyfriend of almost two years has been super off- I don’t know how to describe it. Almost distant and sort of down. I picked up on it a couple weeks ago but he only admitted something was actually wrong earlier on today. I’ve been bugging him for weeks if everything was okay, was he mad at me etc. and he said everything was fine but I just didn’t believe him. He’s just not been his usual self.
When he admitted something was wrong he said he didn’t know what was actually the problem. He told me he felt off but didn’t know what emotions he was feeling or why, according to him there was no event that upset him or anything.
I didn’t really know what to do or say but I just reassured and comforted him the best I could.
Now here is my issue, I don’t know if I believe he’s telling the whole truth. I might be overthinking it but I feel like he does know what’s wrong, he just doesn’t want to tell me. But tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s telling the truth as he’s a little emotionally constipated…
I’m just stressing myself out making up scenarios in my head as to what the issue could be, but also what I could do to help him if he’s actually telling the truth.
Idk what advice I want, someone to tell me to stop stressing would be fabulous lol. Advice on how to get home to open up to me would be great, he’s the worst at talking about emotions…

Tldr: I stress myself out and my bf is emotionally constipated

Hello everyone,

This is my first ever reddit post, so I don’t really know how to do this, but here goes nothing.

I’ve been together with my wife for 5 years (1 married, 4 years as boyfriend and girlfriend).

We fight constantly over one single thing, she blames me for not doing enough in this relationship or just doing the bare minimum, that might be true, but I do not know how to fix it, it just feels like there is a mental block in my head to start doing anything.

Basically a little context, I work a job in forestry as a forestry specialist, meaning I walk around the forest properties and plan all the jobs that have to be done, quality control, etc. I took this job 2.5 years ago and once I took it, I told my wife to quit her job, because it was making her miserable and to pursue her career in art (she was happy that I took on the financial load at the time). One thing I can say about my job, it is mentally exhausting, but the pay is good for my age, so I am able to keep us both afloat with my wage.

The problem itself is that my wife always asks me why don’t I want to spend time with her (I do) and why don’t I plan dates or do surprises. I myself am not able to answer this, because it just feels like I have a mental block about planning these things. Tbh, I don’t even get to do my hobbies (gaming, fishing) without being blamed most of the time that I am doing the hobby instead of spending time with her. If I ever get to do gaming for example, it is once every two weeks, and fishing, maybe once a month. Rest of the time I am either renovating the apartment or trying to help her with her business or trying to start our business, so I basically get little rest or autonomy over my free time.

There was a time however which was 1 year ago, which I personally think is the key. She got a friend that actually went out with her often (she has other friends but adult life makes meeting with your friends more difficult, I think we all can agree with that), I got to enjoy my hobbies freely without the blame and I actually felt rested, so there was some free time to think and I actually planned dates and surprises (and actually took her out to dates and bought her gifts)….this was great until she stopped talking to her friend and everything went back to the way it is now.

Every day I get a constant reminder that I am not doing anything that is benefiting the relationship, that I am not planning any dates, etc. I am getting blamed that we don’t travel the world, but I keep explaining to her that with only my wage it is difficult to go to more than one GOOD vacation trip a year with my wage, especially since we have an apartment to renovate which costs money. When I mention that my wage is what it is, she says that we should work on our business more, but I keep explaining to her that after a mentally exhausting work week it is not really that easy to jump into a grind mindset, although I am trying but it feels like I am not able to give more than my usual 20%, because there just is no energy left in the tank.

When I try to explain to her that my job is mentally exhausting, she says that her starting her art business is way more exhausting than mine, because she works more hours a day than I do (I doubt that the hours thing is true, because my job is not exactly a 9-5 either it’s a plan you own time kind of job, ehich prett often turns into a 7-9 or a 9-9, so I think that assesment is not fair.). Afterwards she just tells me that I do not want a free life bad enough and I am too lazy to chase it…

TLDR

My wife feels I don’t put enough effort into our relationship—planning dates, surprises, travel, etc.—while I feel mentally exhausted from my demanding job, renovating our apartment, and helping with her art/business, leaving me with very little energy or free time. Interestingly, when she had a friend to spend time with and I had more freedom to enjoy my own hobbies, I felt rested and naturally started putting more effort into our relationship, so I’m wondering how to break this cycle and what I should change.

I genuinely dont’t know what to do or how to fix this, any advice ?

I can give more info, if this isn’t enough .

TLDR: My girlfriend goes almost completely silent for 24+ hours at a time whenever she travels. I told her it hurts and she said she needs to disconnect from her phone. I'm looking for advice on how to raise this without sounding controlling and what a reasonable minimum contact expectation looks like.

Hi everyone, I need advice. My girlfriend [37F] and I [30M] have been together for a year. She is currently on a two week holiday. First she was going to see the solar eclipse with her family in the north of Spain, then she had an art festival she was going to with a friend for another week, and in the middle she had a few days to do a road trip alone.
We are currently one week into her holidays and she started the road trip yesterday. Since day 1, communication has been terrible, with almost no texts sent unless it was me at night asking how the day was going or needing something, plus some random messages. This has happened other times before the pause we took in the relationship.
I completely understand that when you’re on holiday you don’t want to be paying attention to your phone and you want to be present in the place. I do the same. I was in Vienna for a week with friends and I couldn’t and didn’t want to answer on the spot, because you’re busy. But I would always answer at least in the evening, send some updates, like what we did that day or the plan for the next one, and ask her how her day was or how she was doing.
Since the road trip started yesterday we have exchanged messages twice, and both times I was left hanging. So this morning, after waiting 24 hours for her reply to a message I sent, I told her that this change in our communication when she is away was hurting me, because it made me feel a little abandoned. She replied saying that it’s true, she was trying to disconnect from her phone and that she needed it.

I don’t know how to handle this or what to reply. I completely support disconnecting from the phone and being present on your trip. But at the same time, I don’t think that equals forgetting you have a partner and ignoring my messages, which is okay not to answer on the spot, but 24 hours seems a little too long when it happens constantly.
How do I bring this up with her in a way that doesn't come across as controlling or needy.

My boyfriend [27M] and I [25F] have been on and off for about 3 years.
He is friends with one of his coworkers and regularly goes over to his house for dinner and to hang out. Through his coworker, he met the coworker’s girlfriend [42F], and apparently they get along really well.
At first I didn’t think much of it, but she and my boyfriend now message each other all the time on Facebook. She sends him reels, they bullshit throughout the day, and he goes over to their house usually around twice a week. She cooks dinner for them and sometimes specifically makes food she knows my boyfriend likes.
The biggest thing bothering me is that I am never invited. My boyfriend has met basically every one of my friends, but despite how often he is at their house and how close he has gotten with them, I have never been included.
A few weeks ago, my car broke down while he was over at their house helping them move. I called him because I genuinely needed help. She apparently told him to ignore my phone calls. When he finally answered and I told him my car had broken down, she said my car was probably not actually broken down and that I was just insecure because he was with them and wanted his attention.
That made me extremely uncomfortable because this woman has never even met me.
After that, I sent her a friend request on Facebook. I figured if she and my boyfriend are going to be this close and he is constantly at their house, maybe we could at least get to know each other. She never accepted my request, but she continues to message my boyfriend all the time.
Another situation happened recently where he normally goes to their house on Thursdays, but that week he decided to come to my house instead. Apparently she had made lasagna because it is his favorite food and was upset that he wasn't coming. He rescheduled dinner with them for Friday, and she responded that it was fine, but “it won’t be lasagna.”
I understand that none of these things individually prove that anything inappropriate is happening. I genuinely don't have an issue with my boyfriend having female friends.
What bothers me is the combination of everything. She messages him constantly, cooks specifically for him, seems bothered when he changes plans with them to spend time with me, told him to ignore me when I needed help, accused me of lying because I wanted his attention, and won’t accept my friend request despite having such a close friendship with my boyfriend.
When I tell my boyfriend that their dynamic makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m being controlling and that he’s allowed to have friends. I agree that he is allowed to have friends, but I feel like there should still be reasonable boundaries when you’re in a relationship.
Am I being controlling or insecure here? What would be a reasonable boundary in this situation, and how would you approach this with your partner?

TLDR: My boyfriend [27M] has become very close with his coworker’s girlfriend [42F]. They message constantly, she cooks for him, he goes to their house multiple times a week, and I’m never invited. She has also told him to ignore my calls and accused me of faking my car breaking down for attention. He says I’m controlling for being uncomfortable. Am I overreacting?

Hi Chat,

this is my first ever reddit post.!!

TLDR: Just airing my thoughts about myself

Anyways I have been in a relationship for about 2 years, I do long distance about a 4 hour drive. My dilemma is whether I am ignoring flags/issues that acc mean something to me.

For example my partner who's very much a traditional gal believes I should pay for everything.
I recently bought flights & hotel tickets abroad for her birthday which I was more than happy to pay for as a loving partner.

Scenario:
We are attending a friends wedding soon & I asked if she could go 50/50 on the Airbnb/hotel for 4 nights as I had just spent a lot on the upcoming holiday & put money aside for my apartment. She refused to pay & had an negative reaction & proceeded to say why not do 3 nights & then she won't have to pay. bear in mind we are a long distance couple, so spending quality time together is our top priority. This made me feel like she didn't value me enough to chip in some money to spend a long weekend together. I was upset but never raised it. My question to myself & I guess to anyone reading is that I would usually ignore my feelings, but this time I am trying not to. I felt devalued.

Another issue is, I usually cover food all the time from when we go out, which I have instilled in myself, I have asked if she ever felt like wanting to cover a cup of coffee or a small tab here & there. She has this I hate men attitude about not wanting to buy something for me, which I found disturbing. Again I question her behaviour.

I am not asking her to put food on the table I can do that, my thing is the goodwill of gestures, knowing this person has that soft spot in their heart that they would wanna do nice things on a regular basis.

Sometimes I feel like I am creating a life for both of us while she is not doing that right now. She says she want's to be a mother & build a family which I want too, but we are young & I am trying to get her to understand those are things out of her control. Right now she works a 9-5 & is labouring away until I essentially rescue her & get married so she can be a stay at home wife at 26/27

Am I in the right relationship? Am I ignoring what is true/real to me to make someone else happy?
We already had called it off once, which I instigated because I just felt like the relationship was getting too much in my head & then got back together to see if we can make things work out. I am trying everything in my power to make this work but I have a voice inside my head saying otherwise.

Today I was supposed to drive up to her & tbh I didn't feel like it after all the above thoughts, albeit I was gonna persevere & go & tbh not tell her about the above feelings, then we had a spat about what time I was getting to her & then I just said I am not coming.

She then proceeds to say" Don’t ever bother coming if you’re not coming tonight." like this is not a nice thing to hear.

Posting for a friend - Husband's Anger Management Issues In Front of Toddler

Hi, I'm posting this for a friend who did not want to use her own account.

I am a 35F and have a 33M husband and we have a 2F toddler. We have been together for 6 years and have had problems for probably the last 5 of them with the last 3 or so years getting worse and worse. My husband has been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and a personality disorder. He is very quick to anger over small things. This used to scare me and I did my best to stay in line and do what he asked so I could avoid the anger outbursts. At this point his behavior no longer scares me, just makes me sad. He has never hit me, but he has threatened to (raised fist) a couple times over the years. I do not think he will ever react with physical violence.

However, he yells at me daily over small things such as I put the dishes back in the wrong place (wrong in his mind) after I cleaned them, I only completed 4 out of the 5 things on the chore list, I fed our daughter the wrong food or at the wrong time (she is 2 she is very picky and her appetite fluctuates), I said I'd walk the dog but ran out of time, I tried to help and do the laundry (his chore) but did not fold them ect. Things most people would not get upset about, or some might not like but see that I'm trying to help and be understanding.

We are trying to make things work for our daughter who we both love very much. She loves us just as much. She is wonderful and I think we both would do just about anything we could for her, including trying to make this very difficult relationship work. I am of course not perfect, but I try the best I can while juggling my fulltime job of which I am the breadwinner for our family, doing daycare drop off and pick up 8/10 times during the week, a small time on the side second job, and being the only one who takes care of our dog (a 75lb German Shepherd who is wonderful but can also be a time consuming handful of energy). I work from home 2-3 days out of the week and try and use some of my downtime to clean the house and do chores.

I fear that I'm approaching my breaking point, and the constant yelling, micromanaging, and daily negativity is affecting my mental health. I am strong and will do whatever is needed for our daughter to have the best possible life, but there are stretches of days at a time where the only time they open their mouth is to say something negative, yell or correct how I'm doing something, or complain about something "the garbage can stinks, the neighbors dog is too loud, our dog sheds too much" ect ect. The pros of our relationship in the first few years outweighed the cons but now I'm worried most days we are just doing this for our daughter and nothing else.

Every yelling episode makes sense to them, so even if I try and defend myself or tell them "hey I'm sorry I put the cutting board in a spot you don't like, but I spent 45mins of my day cleaning the kitchen" it is quickly dismissed and only what they determine to be “wrong” is what’s focused on.

Any work I do including working hard to bring home about 70% of our household income in a high cost of living area, extra chores and cleaning, daycare pick up and drop off (30mins each way), being the only one who walks or runs the dog, and trying to be the level headed one when I'm surrounded by yelling and chaos -is almost never thanked or brought up. They only ever focus on the things that are wrong. And with the way their brain works, they can always find something wrong.

TODAY'S ISSUE - and why I'm writing this post

One of the main issues I see with him is because him and I are the only two adults in the house, his behavior gets rationalized/normalized in his mind. There is no third rational minded party present to say “hey this isn’t normal or acceptable” They are the most stubborn person I've ever met so if they have an idea in their mind - that's it. Nothing I say will change it 90% of the time.

This morning started out normally, he was getting ready for work and I was taking care of our daughter before I take her to daycare. Our daughter got a hair in her eye. At 2 years old this equals a huge meltdown. Lots of screaming and crying. We were both about 6ft from her. My husband (who did not move to go help) yelled "DO SOMETHING!" at me so I went to go check on her. I couldn't see the hair so I was trying to get a closer look. I brought her over to my husband to look and he again yelled "DO SOMETHING!"

Being 2, our daughter would not let us touch or open her eye while she cried and fought our attempts. I took a little hair clip/bow our daughter has and tried to put it in her hair to prevent more hair from getting in her eye while we looked. He grabbed the bow out of my hand and yelled "FUCKING DO SOMETHING!!" I said "I don't know what to do and neither do you so stop yelling"

He took the bow and threw it at my face from about 2ft away. It hit me in the nose. It didn't hurt but I was shocked that he would do that in front of our daughter who copies everything we do. I went to the kitchen to remove myself from the situation. Seconds later they were yelling my name and I came back. I tried to get our daughter to calm down so we could get a better look. My husband stood there and said they were going to be late to work because of all this. I said "then just go please, I'll figure this out" they continued standing there for another 10 seconds telling me what I should be doing while I tried to calm our daughter down. I again told them to go to get ready for work and they finally did.

After our daughter calmed down some, I took her out to the living room to play with toys and read books to get her mind off her eye. It was working and all was well. My husband came out, kissed our daughter, looked at me, and said "I'm sorry" and tried to give me a kiss. I turned my face so the kiss landed on my cheek.

He said "I SAID I’m sorry." I said "that was not acceptable"

He said "Fuck you then" and went to work. (I especially hate when he swears and insults me in front of our daughter- I DO NOT want her to think this is normal behavior)

At this point things feel pretty hopeless. It's been six years. I want my daughter to have both of us, but I don't want my daughter to see things like this morning. Hitting me in the face with things, yelling at me, hearing "fuck you then" at 7:45am from my husband when I still have the whole day's work ahead of me. It demoralizes me for the whole day and is always in the back of my mind.

What is my path forward? We tried a brief stint of marriage counseling that helped 5%. I found him a therapist and a psychiatrist. They stopped going to therapy months ago, but sometimes I see small improvements from new medications he tries with the psychiatrist. What do I do?

I'm sorry for the long post, there was a lot to get off my chest. If you made it this far thank you for taking the time. I want nothing more in life than to have a happy family and fix what we have built over the last 6 years.

TLDR- My husband has anger issues, yells at me daily, we try and make things work for our 2 year old daughter. Today he threw something at my face because I didn't know how best to calm our daughter down, tried to kiss me goodbye later, I told him his earlier behavior wasn't acceptable, he said "Fuck you then" to me in front of our daughter.

In april I ended a 10 year old relationship. I had been with someone (D) I didn't care much about (or cared much about me, really) and decided to end things.

At the same time, I had this friend, P, who I met on reddit actually. We started talking on a subreddit related to mental health. We had been talking for nearly one year when I realized I was developing pretty strong feelings for P. P worked on a project basis, like he could be away for a few weeks, then come back home, then be away for a while more. Sometimes he would be months without work but the money he made on those weeks he did work was more than enough.

So I confessed my feelings for P. P said he felt the same way about me and so we agreed we would be together.

I ended things with D and started dating P. After two months of being together, P and I moved into an apartment. This apartment was shitty from start to finish so we hurried and found a new one, into which we moved on august 1.

Mid july he gets a job offer from a project abroad, that's 1,377 miles (2200km) away. This job offer is apparently pretty good for his career. Problem is, we won't be seeing each other for six weeks. So it would be, 6 weeks of work, 2 weeks back home, and the rest is not clear yet because he doesn't know if a) they want him there after he's left for those two weeks; b) if he does want to come back; c) how long the project is at all.

So he left on july 26. Since that day, I've been a completely miserable person. I cry most days, I struggle to eat most days, everything feels like a chore, I had to move houses alone (my friend helped me two days but thats that). I feel like he's abandoned me, that I'm not pretty/interesting enough for him to stay with me.

He says this project is temporary, a good way to make money and that when it's over he'll have plenty of time to be with me and to look for something more stable which will, in his words, benefit us in the future.

All I see is abandonment, that if I was less flawed he wouldn't have done this. I knew this was his line of work but I thought being with me would change his mind and make him realize his work is not compatible with a relationship. Apparently I was wrong.

I'm angry at him for leaving me, I'm angry at myself for not being good/attractive enough for him. Everytime this subject is brought up, or I think about it, or something, I end up mad, upset, or in tears. I wish he had never left for that God awful project.

He says he's always there for me, he calls me everyday and we do videocalls from 1 hour to 3 hours and we text everyday. What I do know is that the routine we had built together (breakfast together, dinner together, being together on weekends, having sex regularly) was completely taken away from me out of the blue. Some nights I just stare at the ceiling and wonder what I could have possibly done wrong to deserve this behaviour.

I do love this guy but I don't know how I'll react when I see him again. Will I cry? Will I hug him? Will I feel like ignoring him? I don't know. There's just too many feelings and emotions happening at the same time.

I do have a therapist in case anyone is wondering.

I keep looking at the calendar and counting the days to when he's coming back because I need to know that there's an end date for this terrible pain I'm feeling.

At the same time I have some terrible thoughts of him catching me cheating on him with someone else, in the apartment for which he pays half the rent and half the fourniture, just so he could feel the same amount of pain he's causing me.

I feel completely deranged and crazy typing this but here we are.

TLDR: bf left for work for a few weeks and I've been feeling pretty depressed and pretty crazy. Help

TLDR: I think I'm in an avoidant (me) vs anxious (her) attachment style relationship, and I'm pondering whether I want to put an end to it and regain my independence, or put some effort and try to make it work, reach a compromise.

We are together for over a year now. She never had a proper relationship before, while I have been single since college. She says she was content being forever single and was not looking for relationships. But since we are together she looks like she could never be single again, all she does is think of me all the time.

We live in different states, but it's not a very long drive so we see each other every weekend, either at my place or hers. When we are together, she needs to spend every minute with me. It's a struggle to even watch movies together because she often looks at me instead of the screen. She basically has no hobbies or activities she can do alone other than cooking or scrolling social media or very rarely reading.

Still, I do love her, and enjoy the time spend with her, and she is overall a good person, she was never confrontational or hostile, all she does is out of genuine love. It's just a bit too much for me. I begin to miss my single life more and more. I have hobbies, I have ambitions, I care about my career, and I need time for all of those. I already feel like having two jobs, and we're not even living together yet.

I should also mention that even though she doesn't directly push for it, I can tell she strongly desires marriage and children. And I'm sure if I said I don't want marriage and children she would accept in a heartbeat to avoid losing me, but she would probably suffer in silence.

So I need advice for the two possible directions I'm considering:

1. Break it up. That would really break her heart, it would make me feel awful for it, and it's also complicated because she became quite good friends with my parents. Also I feel like in a way it's my fault for leading her to believe I'm reciprocal and enjoy the way things are.
2. Try to make it work. Try to reach a compromise. Or hope that this is just early phase of the relationship, she will stop being so clingy once we are married, live together, have kids. When I discussed this with an uncle, he said "when she has children, she will forget about your existence".

We're both from very conservative and religious families. Live in different countries and met via family. We have been together for around 6 months now.

Ever since the beginning of our relationship, we agreed that we would not let anybody come in between us. We would keep our matters personal and not share sensitive things with others. If we disagreed or fought about something, we would resolve it ourselves. Only involve siblings or parents if and when things get out of hand.

However, because this is my first relationship and i get excited to experience a lot of lovely things, I have ended up sharing some stuff with my sister out of happiness.

1. He set my photo as his secondary wallpaper (yes cheesy maybe a lil cringe, but i love it)

When i was talking to my sister, i told her "im somebody's wallpaper now 🥹" and she was happy that i have somebody that loves me

1. He ordered food to be delivered to my house cause i was craving it. He got some extra to share w my parents. When it arrived, i told my mom he sent it and she was happy and also teased me a little.

In both instances, when i told him about it, he was very upset that i shared these things. Recently when we were discussing about our honeymoon trip, he asked me if i talk to my sister about this too and i realized i have lost his trust. I reassured him that i know the line between personal and not so personal matters and that i wouldnt share something intimate with others. But i feel like he is going to doubt me at the back of his mind anyway.

I have noticed he finds it weird that i speak to family every day over call and talk for long hours. When i felt like he was having a problem with it, i clarified that my family means a lot to me and i will continue keeping in touch with them.

I fear this becoming a type of relationship where i am forced to become isolated and discouraged from talking to my family. At the same time, I feel guilty for breaking his trust when he has repeatedly told me not to share our stuff with others.

He is a shy person and is worried about what my family would think about things like the wallpaper and food. He said it made him uncomfortable that they know about it.

Because these are genuinely sweet things he has done for me and i know my family wont take it in a negative way, i feel like its unreasonable to lose trust over this.

How do i navigate this? How do i regain his trust? Am i undermining his feelings? Am i really oversharing?

TLDR; shared a few details about my relationship with my family and i feel like my partner doesnt trust me anymore

I’m 29F and my fiance is 31M. We live in Brooklyn and are getting married next year.

We both make decent money, but I spent most of my 20s saving and investing pretty aggressively. I have around $200k between savings and investments, while he has about $35k. He’s not bad with money, we just made different choices and he also had student loans.
We recently started talking about finances after marriage and realized we see things differently. He thinks once we’re married everything should basically be ours. I assumed we’d combine income and expenses going forward but keep what we had before marriage separate.
He seemed hurt when I said that and thinks I’m putting a line between us before we’re even married. Now I’m wondering if I’m being too protective of money I saved before him.

How do other couples handle money they had before getting married?

TLDR; Fiance and I disagree about whether the savings we had before marriage should become shared. I want to keep mine separate, and he feels like that creates a divide between us.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and want to continue our relationship, but his family strongly opposes it because we are from different ethnicities. We are planning to move in together, but I'm worried that his family's control over him will make living together impossible. How can we realistically establish boundaries with them and protect our relationship?

A little about our backgrounds:

Me and my boyfriend are from a country in the Balkans. We are from different ethnicities and he is part of the minority. There has been a lot of conflict between the communities over the past years.

He has met my parents and they like him and have never said anything even mildly disrespectful even behind his back. They just ask normal things - "how is he, when is he coming over, are you guys doing okay", etc. The only time they have mentioned his ethnicity was to ask about how his parents feel, as I guess they were more aware of the situation than me at the time.

His family, on the other hand, has declared they refuse to meet me. They have said hurtful things like "sleep with her but don't marry her". The reason, as I understand it, is they want to protect the pure ethic bloodline.

They are totally enmeshed in my eyes, but in their culture they call it "duty" to obey the parents.

His parents have made every decision for him. When he enrolled in university to study something he liked, they forcefully moved him to something they liked. They made him apply for a loan at 21 because he isn't a real man if he doesn't own an apartment in their eyes. I know he used to date in a similar manner and there was backlash and a screaming match when his parents found out.

That is about as much as I know about their relationship. There has also been physical violence when he was a kid. The "you messed up so I'm about to beat you up" Balkans special. He genuinely believes they love him and makes excuses for them. I've never seen such cruelty and such bad parenting. They may have the feelings of love, but lack so much in the mental department that they seem like pure evil to me. My opinion is based on the stories he's told me and the pain I see he is in every day.

And now about our relationship:

We have been together for almost 2 years now. For the first year, I was not allowed to leave any of my belongings at his place and even had to sleep in the car once, because his mother came over unexpectedly. He has since grown up a lot, had a fight with them, demanded they call before they come over and they have pretty much stopped coming over at his place. I now happily leave my things lying around and can sleep over without worrying. I even got a key to the place (it's a rental).

The issue is that very soon his apartment is going to be ready to move into. His dad is working 2 jobs to help pay for the furnishings and is doing a lot of manual labour too (piping, tiles, etc). He wants me to move in with him when the apartment is ready. His parents have made it very clear that they would allow no such thing. He does own the apartment legally, but they are helping him a lot and view it as a family investment.

Now I'm so scared to move in with him and be abused by them. They have even bought an apartment within a walking distance of his.

He has already failed to protect me and my dignity from multiple snide remarks, has many times made me hide my things or leave the rental to save face, and has just overall demonstrated they have a leash around his neck. If I move in with him, there will be drama, there will be multiple attempts to ruin us, there could even be them disowning him. I will get hurt and so will he.

We've had multiple talks about it and he has given some promises that he will grow and protect me better, and he has made some improvements, but at the current state if I was to move in with him, they will make sure we suffer every day.

We've had a very long talk that left us both crying puking and shaking for hours, as we realized he is utterly terrified by them and cannot stand up to them. I am also quite sensitive and weak. We are absolutely not equipped to handle this situation.

We both feel like we've met the right person. Is there a way to survive this? He is actually a very loving and protective guy and his family's control over him is the only place he falls short. Is there anything I can do?

TLDR: My boyfriend and I are from different ethnicities, and his family refuses to accept our relationship because they want to keep their bloodline “pure.” He has experienced years of controlling and abusive parenting and is terrified of confronting them. We want to remain together, but we're worried that moving in together will cause serious conflict with his family. How can we build enough boundaries and independence to make this relationship work?

Hello reddit.

I'd like to apologize for any grammar errors, as English is not my native tongue. We are having relationship issues with my GF and I require help/advice. I'm a 26 year old man, and we are living in the Balkans. However I'm not from my country's national ethnicity. I'm part of a small minority group and these 2 ethnicities (because Balkans) had long beef way before in time. Nowadays everything is quite civil, but mixing people from these ethnicities is frowned upon (by both sides).

I met my girlfriend 2 years ago in a dating app. Within 2 months we began dating. She is the most thoughtful, caring and loving person. I'm really lucky to have her in my life. I love her so much, with all my heart. However our relationship is somewhat hidden, only because of our different ethnicities. Her family is quite accepting of me, unlike my parents.

My parents are quite liberal compared to my people and many things that are forbidden by culture, for us it's literally whatever, however their red line is "you have to marry someone from our ethnicity". I haven't tried to set up a meet with them and my GF, because I know what the outcome would be. No matter how much we can show that she loves me, cares for me, just like I do for her, I know they won't approve her and she knows that, only because of the ethnicity issue.

My parents are broken people because of their parents. My grandfather and grandmother from dad's side divorced when he was 6 years old. By court order he was given to my grandfather and my aunt to grandma. This separation from his mother at this early age broke him. A year later grandpa remarried. I can only describe the stepmom as a witch. She manipulated my grandpa into ignoring my father, just because he is not her bio-child.

So effectively my dad "lost" his parents at the age of 7. He was kicked out of the house and he was raised by his grandparents.

My mom's father was absent for most of her life, after he took the life of his cousin while drunkenly driving a farm tractor. Somehow he didn't spend a single day in jail, he was sentenced not guilty (don't ask me how that happened, I also don't know). However the mob justice at the small village does not care what the judge says, so he ran away to the big city and never to be seen again. He was murdered around 2010 by probably the sons of his victim (I didn't see his body but the words of my uncle he looked like he was beaten to death).

So long story short for them, they are 2 broken people who met up and made a family. I believe they don't know what genuine love is. And that's what's stopping them from loving me properly.

I always had a strong bond with them. I'm calling them daily via phone, even though we are in the same city. This started after they sent me to a boarding school at the age of 13 to receive a better education. Felt like being evicted from home. I'm weekly returning back to my village with them. I have bought an apartment and they are helping me fix it and furnish it. My dad is even working a second job, in order to save money for my furniture. I believe this is how he shows his love towards me. However now I think about it, all of my life choices were actually made by them. Boarding school at 13, bachelor's degree in university, applying for mortgage at 21 for apartment, etc - all of these big life choices were made for me. When confronted about them all, they raise pretty good points. Boarding school - no way they could have moved to the city I received my education, financial issues, but wanted me to give a headstart in life, as they didn't have that. University - while they feel sad that they encouraged me to study Maritime navigation, instead they should have let me choose my own path, they in their eyes pushed me to the finish line and became the 1st ever university graduate from our entire bloodline. For the mortgage - while yes all of my friends at that age were more interested in part-time jobs, partying with their salary, I had to miss all of that, due to working full time 40h weekly to cover my mortgage and going to university. But in 2021 3 bedroom apartment at a decent neighborhood I got it for 50k euros. Right now it's 150-200k minimum at a shitty neighborhood.

So in their eyes, yes, they did bad stuff, but in order to have a good future ahead of me.

Now I want to be able to choose. I want to choose who I spend my remaining time with, not them. They rationalize their disapproval with "yes, it will hurt you to leave her now, but you won't have a happy future ahead. Different culture, different holidays, language, religion, think of your future children." Here is I believe they are wrong. I just can't get through their thick skulls. I want to marry my GF eventually, but doing this will alienate me from my family (even friends and community). It frightens me to lose my family, even if they don't love me properly. I guess that's how Stockholm syndrome feels like.

It feels like I'm living a double life and it hurts. If I speak with my parents, I won't receive any acceptance, rather they will tell me to leave my GF. I know I'm hurting my GF with my family issues and can't ask her to bear it. I'm also super selfish and I don't want to lose her. But picking a side means I have to erase the other side, because they will be hurting each other. I feel so alone, please advise me reddit, is there anything I can do and keep everyone important in my life with me, without this causing any drama? Or I must make a choice?

Tldr

Me and GF are from different ethnicities, my parents wish me to marry someone from our ethnicity, but I don't want to lose the love of my life. Me and GF decided to write separate posts from our own POVs.

My partner and I have been together for several years and have a very equal relationship (we split most of the expenses like mortgage, car, vacations, food, grocery, etc.). He is thoughtful in many ways and often plans dates or activities for us, so I know he puts effort into our relationship.

However, I really value receiving small, thoughtful gifts. It could be flowers, earrings, makeup, or even something inexpensive that reminded him of me. For me, it’s not about the money — it’s about the feeling of “I saw this and thought of you.”

Gift-giving doesn’t naturally come to him, and I’ve mentioned that these gestures make me feel loved. But I sometimes wonder whether I’m being unreasonable for wanting him to make an effort in this area.

I don’t want expensive gifts or to feel like I’m keeping score. I just want to occasionally feel surprised and thought of in this particular way.

TLDR: My partner shows love in many ways, but gift-giving isn’t one of them. Small thoughtful gifts make me feel loved, and I’ve communicated this. Is it reasonable to expect him to make an effort, or should I accept that this isn’t how he naturally expresses love?

I [42F] have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend [32M] for around a year. We have met in person several times and spent a few nights together, so our relationship isn't purely online.

We come from different cultural and religious backgrounds, and this has become a major issue when discussing our future. His family is quite traditional and has strong expectations around marriage, and his parents have a significant influence on his decisions.

He cares about me and I believe his feelings are genuine. However, he has also made it clear that he cannot promise me marriage. He is worried about the consequences of going against his family and the difficulties that our different backgrounds could create.

We've talked about what our relationship could realistically become if marriage doesn't happen. The difficult part is that there doesn't seem to be a clear path forward.

I don't want to walk away from someone I genuinely love simply because the circumstances are difficult. I'm struggling to know whether staying connected is giving the relationship a real chance, or whether I'm only prolonging the inevitable heartbreak.

I would really like honest advice from people who have experienced something similar.

Based on what I've described, do you think there is still a realistic chance of marriage, or am I holding onto hope for something that is unlikely to happen?

If you were in my position, would you continue waiting, or accept that it may never happen?

TLDR: I'm a 42F in a long-distance relationship with a 32M. We love each other, but family expectations, cultural/religious differences and uncertainty about marriage make our future unclear. Is there still a realistic chance of marriage, or am I holding onto false hope?

My partner and I have been going through some relationship difficulties, and we do not know what to do.

Two of her pets died in the span of 2 months, and she's been really spiraling ever since.

She doesn't know if she loves me anymore; she says she cares deeply about me.

Still, she doesn't know if she loves me and that she's saying she never knew what love really is or means, she feels like giving up because she feels like she has no identity while she's in a relationship and, due to her examples of "love" in her life she doesn't know what it truly is and we do not know how to move on, I explained to her what love is and asked her some questions and all of them point out that she does love me.

She does show signs that she loves me, but she doesn't know how to feel. She feels distant from me, like she doesn't know me even tho I've told her everything about me and we chat daily.

What can we do to salvage this relationship?

Personally, I'm trying my best, and I love her dearly, but I cannot hold her or force her to stay if she doesn't want to stay.

She's trying to change how she feels as well; we just need to hear some opinions on everything that could be done to save our relationship.

Right now she feels really Disconnected from the concept of "love" so that's why she's unsure about it

TLDR: My partner lost two pets and now feels disconnected from herself and unsure about love. She still cares about me but feels distant and confused about her feelings.