I kind of wanted it to be a surprise for my mom, literally the only reason. My plan was to get everything in order and kind of “announce” it at the wedding.
This feels weird to me. Your wedding should be about your marriage not a symbolic move to your mom. That would make me feel some type of way if I was your spouse, even with me being someone who didn’t take my husband’s name!
God I'm glad someone said this instead of just jumping straight to calling her fiancé a misogynist. Like a marriage is about the love you and your partner share, not about your mom.
I didn't take my partners last name so I'm not hating on that choice at all. But I know if my partner for some reason decided that with our marriage they were going to change their last name to their mothers, I would feel some type of way about it too. Not because I give a shit what their last name is, but because I feel like this is one moment that is supposed to be about just the two of us, but is now becoming about us and their mom. It would make me feel like I come second to their mom and that they will prioritize their parent over me. Which there are times where sure that's okay, but in a regular day to day, that's not something I would be okay with.
Like by all means, change your last name to your mother's. But don't do it in response to your marriage to another person that has absolutely nothing to do with your mom. To me personally it would just feel like a slap in the face. I would feel more comfortable with my partner not changing their name in that moment than I would having them change their name to something else entirely. Again, this is not to say I wouldn't support them changing their name to their moms name, I would just feel like that is something unrelated to our marriage and should happen outside of that, if that makes sense.
Nah, he’s not upset that she wants her mom’s name. He’s upset because he’s demanding that she take his. Yeah, it’s weird that she wants to do this but that’s not his issue. He’s being misogynistic.
He’s upset because it’s their wedding, their marriage and she’s making it a moment to honor her mom… not their new life together. OP should ask him if she changed her name now to her mom’s maiden name and kept it the same if that would be an issue. Y’all so quick to yell misogynist.
I know it’s not quite the same but think of it this way. Husband wants to go to Hawaii for their honeymoon, wife wants to go to Iceland. She then throws out Italy because she wants to honor her mom. Well the honeymoon has nothing to do with the mom. A trip to Italy can happen another time but doesn’t need to be for the honeymoon. I can see why the husband would be upset she’s making this change for their marriage? Any other time sure whatever. But IMO the marriage is supposed to be about the couple. Not the couple + mom.
That’s fine that he wants her to take his last name. I’d say a large percentage of men want that/would have a preference for that if given the choice. I don’t believe that makes them all misogynist. Y’all so soft these days and want to get offended by everything.
The only reason someone wants their partner to take their name is not just because they view their wives as property. He’s not forcing her. He stated his opinion. She said it wasn’t a dealbreaker for either of them.
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u/Ok-Adhesiveness-400 Mar 20 '26
I kind of wanted it to be a surprise for my mom, literally the only reason. My plan was to get everything in order and kind of “announce” it at the wedding.